Virgo

Needytoo- I think until we're truly ready to be close with someone we will have some doubts. Maybe not with just them, but ourselves. I like how I feel with my guy too. I just need to stop over thinking and let things grow. I know I shouldn't compare, but it wasn't love at first sight with my LH. I had similar doubts with him. Love grows, at least it does for me.

I agree Arneal. I still wonder if it's me. It's hard for me to imagine giving myself completely to another man again, blending families. My LH and I were high school sweethearts and were together 22 years. He's the only man I've ever said I love you to.

We saw each other and I didn't really have to say anything. He addressed what I was feeling somewhat while we were together. I must be easy to read. I think it's just perspective. He said he feels like we see each other a lot during our conversation. We see each other Tuesdays and Saturdays. I'm going to keep trying to include him and making myself available on other days and see if he makes an effort too. I do think it's partly me, feeling guarded. We'll see. I do like him a lot. Actually the first time we hugged tonight I started to tear up at the idea of walking away, so I know that's not the answer.

I'm debating ending things with my NG, taking a break, or is it just me? I like him a lot, but I feel like something is missing. We're seeing each other less when we should be seeing each other more. We normally see each other Tuesdays, so I'm almost hoping he doesn't call to get together tonight.

I am 4 years out, started dating 2 years out, and my daughters are now 18, 16, and 10. I have done all of the above. It's definitely situational, and depends on the child. All three of my daughters have reacted to me dating differently. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think the older they are the more difficult dating is. Just my experience. I date less than friends with younger children. It's a lot of juggling around schedules, driving, and activities. Plus older children are more aware and more likely to express their opinions. It's definitely more challenging than a divorced parent. I'm thankful that my in-laws help me so I can get out some.

See...oblivious sometimes! I'm glad he realized that it was Valentine's day and spent the evening with you.

Needy, I don't think you're being selfish either. One way for us to show someone affection, or that we're thinking of them, is gift giving. It's not the value of the gift, but the thought behind it. Maybe surprise him with small gestures and see if he reciprocate. I think my little surprise for my NG tonight just proves how oblivious some guys can be sometimes. Poor guy was on a business call when I walked in. Then he couldn't figure out why I had not taken my coat off. It was a fun evening. No gifts were exchanged, but he surprised me last night and I surprised him tonight

Needytoo, I wouldn't be to concerned about the holidays yet. Holidays are hard for a lot of people for different reasons. I've had this conversation with my NG. We started officially dating at the end of October. I let him know he was more than welcome to join us. He didn't, and that's fine. I had a feeling he felt a little awkward spending more than short amounts of time at my house. Anytime he mentions spending time in with me or my girls it's at his house. I actually confronted him about it Sunday, and he said he does feel a little awkward. It's not so much the house, but the feeling of intruding or stepping on toes. I get that. This was our home with my LH. I think it's just one of those things that's going to take time. Definitely suggest going with him to the range. Not because it's Valentine's day, but because you want to spend time with him.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I was snowed in Friday. Then Saturday I would normally sleep over with my NG, but my youngest daughter was sick. My NG and I spent all Sunday together. We're planning on seeing each other tomorrow too. We haven't really mentioned Valentine's day. It's not a big deal to me. I have a little something I bought to surprise him with sometime this week. I was hoping tomorrow, but it sounds like he wants to go out. My surprise is more a private thing. 😁

My LH and I didn't celebrate Valentine's day. We celebrated dates special to us. Our first date, day we got engaged, and our wedding anniversary. We spoiled our daughters for Valentine's day. I hope all of you have a nice day with your guys. 💗

Thank you! NG and I were together again tonight. We're hoping to get together for lunch tomorrow.

My NG took the day off today so we spent it together. Fun, lazy day. We normally spend Tuesday evenings together, so including tomorrow that would be four days in a row. It's nice seeing him every day.

No, none of this is easy.

4 years today for me. I also have a lot of big changes coming up this year for me and my daughters. Sometimes it feels like forever and other times it feels like yesterday. I think it will always hurt. Hugs to you! Good luck with your upcoming changes! You've got this!

Congratulations Arneal! That is a big step. Best wishes to you both!

I just mentioned something similar in the other relationship thread. I think it's a defense mechanism because we're still guarded.

I need to catch up here. I think I'm the only one in the other relationship thread.

My weekend is going good, but I've been over thinking a lot.I'm not sure if it's the significant dates or my relationship though. Yesterday I was asked out by two guys I dated before. Obviously they didn't step up before, so why am I even thinking about them? It just goes back to self sabotage I think. I can feel myself getting closer to my NG and it's scary. I think holding on to other guys is my way of guarding myself from getting hurt. Then I think a break up wouldn't even compare to losing my husband, so take the leap. I did tell those guys I was dating someone. Anyway, sorry for my rambling. Today is the 4 year sadiversary. The weekend has been working out as planned. My NG is very understanding and supportive.

Arneal, I've had a few people say "you can find a new husband." I understand what they're saying, as far as the relationship to him goes, but that doesn't lessen my/our grief for our spouses. I will try heating up the pineapple juice. Thanks!

Arneal- it is very interesting how differently we all grieve. I can understand where you're coming from too. My mom had ALS. I mourned for 7 years as the disease progresses. My LH was diagnosed and was gone 4 months later. Something else I've noticed over the years is that people feel widows and widowers grief is somehow less because our relationship is the only one "replaceable. " It's not though. They can't be replaced. Trying, that's nice that they wanted to place a wreath at his grave. My daughters and I haven't been to his grave since the funeral. I've been waiting for them to ask to go. My girls grief is always heightened around holidays and other significant dates. Thanks for the well wishes. I actually drink pineapple juice daily and I took an antihistamine last night. That usually helps me.

Arneal...no it's not. Since my NG doesn't have kids I sometimes hesitate to share some of the conversations I have with my girls. Especially since some of the conversations are about him and I dating. We're planning on being together Saturday and Sunday. Hopefully I'm not getting sick. My middle daughter isn't feeling well. Sunday is also my LH's death date. I've already talked with my girls about their plans and my plans.

Klim, we did talk more about it today. I'll definitely do things differently this coming weekend since a Sunday is my LH's death date. I guess we just viewed the situation differently. It is hard to balance it all out. Especially since we all grieve differently. I took my 10yo to my LH's favorite restaurant for dinner tonight. Her sisters were working. Afterwards we stopped by my NG's house to drop off something I picked up in the store for him. He invited us in to play pinball. We had a great time. I texted him when I got home. Then said goodnight. He called because he wanted to say he had a great time and we should do that more often. He also told me he likes hearing my voice right before he falls asleep. Aw... ☺

Thank you! My weekend was ok until my 18yo and 16yo got home from work. They were past my curfew for them, so that set the tone. Then it just progressed from there. I had my 16yo go to bed, but my 18yo and I continued on. She basically said that she was hurt that I ended up staying the night with my NG on her dad's birthday. We'll talk more about it today.

Thanks Klim! Friday I stayed home. I didn't want to be alone, but I really only wanted to be with my NG. Saturday my friend had to cancel. She had a unexpected family conflict. I ended up going out with my NG and staying the night with him. He was so sweet and understanding. I really think we're starting to "get" each other. Today my girls and I had lunch at my in-laws house. It was nice too. I was avoiding going and my NG picked up on that too as I started cleaning around his house. 🤣

So, I've been having a rough time lately. Not really with my NG, but self sabotage. This Sunday is my LHs birthday and the following Sunday is his death date. He died one week after his birthday. I don't usually let it bother me, but it's always subconsciously there. I'm sure you all know what I mean. This year though I've been thinking about him a lot. Dreaming about him too. I really wanted to see my NG tonight because honestly I'm weepy and needy. Of course he didn't want to get together tonight. Three other men contacted me about going out. I'm tempted, not going to lie. I just don't want to be alone tonight. I want to talk with someone, a distraction. So here I sit debating. Anyway, NG didn't mention getting together tomorrow so I planned a 3 hour road trip to see my girlfriend. I need it!! I'll spend the day and evening with her. Then come home Sunday. My 18yo and 16yo are working both Saturday and Sunday. My 10yo will be with her grandparents. Normally we celebrate my LH's birthday, but my girls wanted to work.