Sugarbell

Very Happy for you all!!!! Such exciting news!!!

At what point do you start holding hands??? For me it's when you are really into them and think they could be "it". I have never held a guys hand publicly until I started seeing NG. And we held hands really quick..in public..it felt right and natural. The guy before him I dated for over 2 years and we never held hands..it just felt weird/wrong. It's an intimate thing for me to do (oddly the other real sexual stuff I never freaked out about). So no you're not a prude...I think it's just whatever our comfort level is.

Kids, families, previous lives, crazy exs make this stuff hard. Loving NG isn't hard...it's easy... It's meshing all the other stuff that's hard. I'm a WV girl...but growing up loved the outdoors but wasn't country. He's country...real country...his family is very country...almost klan like country. We get along..but damn I don't know if I could handle all of it. This is why I believe in dating (and we are exclusive)...Like a long time! Lol..I've been on back roads in my county that I never knew existed since dating him. And I grew up here. This is a different world to me...You guys are right... "Love" alone isn't enough it's the compromising on all the other junk that makes it work. Verdict is still out on how much either one of us is willing to compromise.

Well NGs 22 year old son is leaving for ReHab tomorrow (we hope..But who knows he may change his mind in the next 24 hours) And his Ex Wife is still crazy. (She is sending him out of state for Rehab..wish she would go too). Sigh.

Yes it is. This is Fair week...NG has his camper all week at fairgrounds with daughter and her pig. 🙄..The folks they camp in the area with I'm friends with..my kids and I chipped in money and we all do dinner together cooking. NG wants us out there all the time..we only spent on night and we come home every evening (his train wreck son shows up every evening high with his girlfriend cause the fair is a social event here-they crash at all hours in the camper). Son did and does nothing to help his Dad with all the work involved (my 14 year old helps him). I told NG to back me up with my oldest when he oversteps me. My son said he doesn't mind (he really likes him) but doesn't understand why he's not that way with his kids. Then my son said "Well you dont intervene with his kids..and they are both irresponsible".. I explained he never asked me to and that they have a living Mom and it's not my place. NG has busted his ass over this pig all week: Feeding, bathing...daughter is only worried about her hair and make up before a show: She was worried no one would but it (it placed low).. Anyway..NG sister bought the damn thing for 1,100. So last night daughter is on cloud 9 calling her Mom "I have 800 now to spend for school clothes..Dad only takes 300 for his cost..blah blah blah". My oldest work horse highly intelligent 14 year old looked at her (I think he was at the end of his rope) and said "Are you kidding me? Your Dad has about 700 in that Pig..the feed alone is expensive...He should get the 800..300 for you is plenty for school clothes.."-i publicly scolded him and got out of there... My son said what I wanted to but can't...I've raised responsible kids...not sure I can say the same for his two kids. I love this guy...But I think we are going to be keeping things separate for a long time:

When I was newly widowed...Friday night outing was lugging a preschooler, toddler and baby to McDonalds so my boys could run in circles at the indoor playland and I could get out of the house. I'd sit for hours people watching. Think that was the only restaurant we went to for 3 years. The other places were too exhausting with 3 little kids by myself. 😣

Ugh! Put you and your son first!! That's pretty shitty of him (I know I know his kids). Think I would focus on making a life for myself and son in New place and put a few walls up to NG. If its meant to be..he will work hard to also be there for you and your future. If not...-a move is still a good thing and make be what you need.

Hey Barn! It's not September yet!! In September I'll get drunk with you (we can skype.. Lol).

And yea he has told me when she's called -and shows me her nasty texts. He never responds. He ignores unless the kids are involved.

For what it's worth..here's my thought on it (and this is new for me too) Usually after a divorce (the man typically but can be the women too or maybe both)..Have paid handsomely, divided up possessions, sold or paid one party off for the family home..usually are left somewhat financially strapped and exhausted after the divorce...They went through all of this...to be removed from the other person and move on with their lives. And yes..with minor (or even adult) children they still have to coparent together from separate residences while attempting to start a new life. I will say my NG keeps it business and to the point...drop offs are in neutral places and neither one goes inside. He never bad mouths his ex to his kids or anyone really...just never talks to her or about her. This makes her even crazier...but really I admire the way he's handled a potential nightmare of a situation. So Ick to the "love shit" stuff...Exs should be professional and civil (lack a workplace relationship) for the kids...But my opinion that should be all.

I have learned that some "year dates" are smoother than others. 10 years in a few months for me..and something about a "decade" takes me back. It's amazing how much our lives have changed-but sometimes that "day" takes me back years..even for a brief moment. (((Hugs)))

Agree with Portside... My son was almost 5 when he lost his Dad...He did the same thing!

Why no phone contact with He's vacationing with his kids?? To me..that's a little over the top on his part..just my opinion. Looking at this just from what I've read-it sounds like he's keeping everything compartmentalized..I recognize it because I did it in the past ALOT. Keeps things from getting messy...I also think maybe it's why you feel 2nd priority. I get his time alone vacationing with his kids...but what's a 10 minute phone call going to hurt??? I know relationships are give and take...compromise...It seems you do a lot of compromising..is he?

Yes this. Somedays I feel like it's "mean girls" high school. Trying-crazy ex..when we got a puppy...she told her daughter she was getting a puppy pit bull...Luckily her landlord told her "No".

You're right Rob. My smart ass 14 year old is NOT helping the situation. Him and NG get along great but he has no tolerance for it. He also doesn't always have a filter so I have warned him to keep his big mouth shut..He did make a comment to NG and his daughter about the Taco Bell thing saying "What kind of camp has parents bring fast food when you don't like camp food?? That makes no sense." He also got the pissiest on vacation because we ALL were cleaning up the condo while she stayed in bed sleeping...He kept looking at me mumbling "What the hell Mom?".. I think I just need 48 hours with him kid free...Trying to get their dynamics figured out is a major headache.

I hear ya!! And it's early on for me...Why I don't see us living together until his daughter and my oldest are out of school-and maybe not even then. The blended vacation we took while fun..wore me out!

Not harsh at all..I need to hear it. I've said nothing..he only sees his daughter 60-70 percent of time. You're right it's his job. And yeah..I'm not that fond of his parenting style. But they aren't my kids. -and his daughter is 15..it's not like she's 5.. He has admitted that him and ex used to take lots of trips and kids were always at grandparents. Basically grandparents raised them in the early years. He had a much better paying job and worked 65-70 hours a week (which he quit and took a pay cut to spend more time at home..which made things actually worse when they were married). The daughter thinks I'm the "fun girlfriend" and actually that's probably best I stay in that role. I think our blended vacation and my sons (both of them) resentment toward the lack of responsibility made it more apparent to me. Ugh...all this stuff is just complicated.

New territory again for me...I've dated men with kids (teens) but until now it was a "Not my problem not my kid..I'll just smile and agree with everything then go on my merry way".. I didn't love the guy...I kept everything separate (all the nitty gritty stuff like kids, homes, finances) separate. Just enjoyed my time with them and when it ended it ended. But I'm in love with this guy. He works his ass off between a full time job, 100 acre farm, taking care of extended family, etc. My oldest son likes outdoor work and volunteers to help on his farm... Boyfriends kids do nothing. No responsibility..never have. 22 year old son well is a train wreck but never comes around (doesn't want to do any work).. Just parties and stays with his mothers parents who enable him. Daughter is sweet and no a trouble maker at all. But her Dad waits on her left and right. She has animals she takes to the fair every year. Her Dad does all the work. Feeding, cleaning..twice a day. She does nothing. When she was at 4-h camp she called her Dad to bring her Taco Bellcsuse she hates the cafeteria food. He didn't do it but would've if he was in town. He packs her lunch, cleans up after her...My boys especially think it's over the top (especially when their 9 year old sister does some of the housework and has packed her lunch since she was 7). I have good kids...I busted my ass for 10 years (even though I made mistakes in my personal life..I raised responsible kids). Boyfriend has noticed the difference and does back me in my parenting style with MY kids. He asked if it was ok..and it works well with teenage boys especially. I hate seeing him worked to the bone..and would like to see his kids start having more responsibility but it's really not my place is it??-Suggestions on how to approach this so it's HIS idea not mine (and throw the crazy cocaine head ex with absolutely no parenting skills and it's a hot mess). I don't see us living together/married for several years..but we are at each other homes 5 or 6 days a week. Guess we can't pick who we fall in love with huh?? Should I step back or help him subtlety address this? (I have never said a word to him about this..just observation after 6 months of being together)

My oldest son (14) of all people brought it to my attention the differences in our parenting styles. I've always stressed independence/responsibility..at times can be drill sergeant like. I'm loving and supportive of my kids..but never wanted DHs suicide to be an excuse to be entitled and bratty. Some may say I'm too hard core..but it's worked for us. NG babies his daughter (15) She's a sweet kid, but very immature. He makes her breakfast every morning she's there, packs her lunch..she gets whatever she wants from him. (She has a farm animal for the county fair has one every year..he does all the work..everything she does nothing. My kids are street wise she's naive. That shit would never fly in my house. She has no chores. But she's kind..and I think he babies her due to her crazy mother I dunno. He has backed me up with my oldest..-and has been teaching him respect of women. (My kids are so used to me being half dude/independence..NG steps in and says "Carry that chair for your Mom" or "Your Mom told you No that's what she means"--He's asked me if that's ok to do..and I actually appreciate and need his support with my strong willed bossy oldest. We pretty much have agreed that we wouldn't live together or be married until his daughter is out of school (3 more years). His son is also hell on wheels as is his ex. I don't want to take that on nor does he expect me to. Actually we are taking things gradual and slow...we both have so much to learn about all the extended stuff that comes at this stage in life. So it's one day at a time for me.

Bitch is crazy... (although I think her cocaine addiction over the years certainly made her normally crazy worse) She's at the beach with her relatives and kids (he has a 22 year old son too).. Parties first night with son..son fell off a wall?.?...anyway she had her daughter call NG then she got on the phone saying he broke his back. His back isn't broken..but he did need stitches over his eye. Then yesterday...she must have been posting some jealous nasty things and dogging him and what a bad parent he was. Then puts as her cover photo a pic of all of them drunk on the beach and their son "mooning" the camera. I am closed lipped about it...she's just a piece of work. I've handled running into her a public events with class (dance recitals) I spoke and went on. Keep my distance. Publicly I say nothing...she's making an ass of herself. I'm just venting on here. I've honestly never seen anything like it out of a 46 year old woman. Bat shit crazy.

This is me...except Methodist. The community of my old church and new church kept me grounded and helped my kids. Our church does great work in the community...and I try to help/volunteer. However, spiritually I try..I really try..but feel very little in church. I believe in an afterlife, a higher power..but I don't believe one religion is right and one is wrong. I think it's much bigger than man made creates religion. I find myself incorporating Christianity, Buddhism and Wiccan into my life. I wish I could see things black and white like I used to. Actually it would simplify things. I try..but can't. I live in a heavily Bible Belt area...I never disclose those beliefs publicly..my kids as being raised Christian..but they know I'm on the fridges of it.

My hometown is supposedly the largest small town 4th celebration in America. (Not sure if that's still true but the signs still say it) Non stop from 8am till midnight...parade, cookouts..spent half day with my family, watched parade with NG family. Hung with friends..then fireworks. This is only my 3rd 4th of July here since I graduated high school. Forgot what a big deal it was. It was a super fun day!

One of my first post widow relationships was with a widower who was 2 months out (I was 9 months out)..He wanted a wife...I bolted. He was married within 9 months of me bolting. I lost my best friend from high school in 2015....she actually joked with me on her death bed to marry her husband and help raise her kids. She said he couldn't be alone....He ended up moving in with her former babysitter from years ago and she helps with the kids. I'm "in love" now (finally at almost 10 years) and can see a future with NG. (But no hurry to marry but will eventually when all the technicalities of merging lives gets worked out).. But before him...nope. (And I did have a brief 5 month marriage back about 6 years ago that got annulled)-Scared the crap outta me. But personalities are different/situations....I had 3 tiny kids early on...and just had nothing left to give a man (or his kids/ex) ...just seemed like too much work. If my kids would've been the age my kids are now (10, 13 and 14) I may have recoupled successfully sooner. Who knows?

Reasons men tend to remarry quicker (just ny opinion only) Mother figure for kids Someone to help with kids/chauffeur/house Don't like being alone Men tend to have less "guy friends/buddies" as they age than women. Women usually are better at maintaining friendships (people to lean on, hang out with).: Outside of work men feel more isolation. Why women are slower to remarry Many women no longer need a man for financial independence/survival If women have young kids...taking on a new husband and his kids is like too much. Don't want to take care of another person More social (look on here-few men.:always more women than men at bagos) Women tend to get social fulfillment outside of marriage easier than men Just my observations over the past 10 years...But remember each situation is unique-this certainly isn't true for all.

My guy friend would get crazy texts from psycho ex when we first started going out. He never responded..unless it was kid drop off/schedule stuff he ignored her. Some were just ridiculous. After a while she stopped....because she never got a response. He's in the drivers seat as far as handling his ex.