trying2breathe

Needytoo Geez, what's he thinking?? Block him! Matchmaker set me up with a new guy - we've texted the past 2 days, mostly dog pics. Seems sweet, maybe we'll see each other this weekend. Not really feeling it, but we'll see.

It's bittersweet to experience those milestones without him - son graduated high school and is now an honor student in college, daughter graduates high school this spring. The kids are driving, dating, excited about future plans, thriving - he should be here. sigh ........ I so relate, always cry when thinking of the milestones.

Warm thoughts to you and your R. I can relate as I deal with anxiety and depression issues with one of my children, and after trial of different medications and therapies he is in a very good place. As sojourner describes, it's a dynamic process that is ever changing. Your R certainly knows that you are there for you, I imagine that one day very soon she will respond in kind to your morning "I love you". The compassion and love that you have for your girls is an inspiration. Big big hugs ~

I don't think it's wrong, it's necessary in today's world to have a sense of caution with dating. I'm a glass half-full kind of person - although I know it's important, for me it's difficult to get into this mindset. Not to mention that it's disappointing when things don't go well. I'm trying to learn to be careful, have no expectations, and be pleasantly surprised when something goes right. Easy to say, not so easy to do.

klim Maybe proceed with a little bit of caution with your new guy? Hope for the best but prepare in case something goes awry. I like the adage "there's a lid for every pot" - believe in the possibility that you may be a great fit for him, and enjoy!

Thank you, klim. Right now I'm happily wearing my wedding band, and taking some time off from trying to date. I'm so cranky, nothing seems right. Not a good state of mind to try to meet a guy. I'll hopefully hop back on this horse soon : , and then enjoy the ride.

Also a big fan, most episodes I end up in tears! DD and I usually watch it together - there aren't many shows that an 18 y/o wants to watch with her Mom, happy that we share this one together.

Good dates, bad dates or otherwise, the start of this year has been not a good scene for me. Even my matchmaking service has come up with ..... nothing. I was so discouraged this morning that I got out my wedding ring and I've been wearing it all day as a reminder that I was once loved. To hell with it all ...... :-[

Best wishes to you on getting the new position and moving forward!

klim I feel the same, have no clue what I want. As long as there's nothing that's a dealbreaker for me, I'm giving it a chance to get to know several guys better. And I'm finding that what's on the surface isn't always what's under the hood!

arneal Yup, the sex thing - this is all so new to me that I'm not really sure what I want to do. I think that I'll try to wait for a committed relationship, whatever it's labeled and as I'm in my 50's won't expect to call him boyfriend! I appreciate the heads up on this - it does seem juvenile at my age. My daughter leaves for her first year of college in the fall - I feel like now's the time for me to get out there and get something going. Whole new world out there - I'm hopeful.

arneal Where is that like button? The closest physical contact that I've had since DH died 3 years ago, is slow dancing with paddle board dude. We were at a bar with live music when a slow song came on. I can't even say how much I LOVED holding him close and moving in rhythm. I'm not one to get into a sexual relationship until there's a commitment, at least I don't think I am - but that night I woke up to feeling sexual again. I pretty much had turned everything off for 3 years. I'm not sure that there's a future relationship with paddle board dude, but whew!! I need to find a boyfriend! :

No experience with this but I just want to wish you and your son well, SB

As others have said, it's different for everybody. For me, at about the 2 year mark I started to feel good about making plans, celebrating holidays and making strides to move forward. At a little over 3 years, I'm starting to date and feeling comfortable about it. I understand about the excitement/devastation feeling, at times I still can't believe that this is my new normal.

Happy New Year to you, momtokam! You're right, not always easy for us wids to move forward, especially this time of year. Hoping for a peaceful, and happy year for all of us.

Quiet evening at home with my son. I'm not really one for New Year's Eve parties, so I'm content to stay home, cook a nice dinner, pop the champagne and watch the ball drop. Wishing all here a good New Year ~

Rebecca So very sorry that you're here, but glad that you found this group. This group been an incredible help to me these past few years, filled with people that have a good idea of what you're going through. I too suddenly and unexpectedly lost my husband over 3 years ago. Day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute if you have to - breathe, drink water, eat when you can. Find comfort with your children. We're here for you. Big hugs ~

I've had very few comments that I consider insensitive, as wecouldbeheros suggests usually give people an A for effort for communicating. One comment does stand out though. Two months after DH died, I attended a family dinner with the in-laws, wore my wedding ring as I had not yet taken it off. Sister-in-law asked why I was still wearing it, as I was no longer married. Well duh ...... I told her that I'd take it off when I felt ready, that I still felt married. She began reasons why I needed to move on. Ugh, just ugh.

Maureen Thank you for sharing your 2017 plans, it's an inspiration to know that good things can happen after loss. You've worked hard and should be so very proud of your accomplishments! My thoughts of what I'll do in 2017 include starting to teach rehab exercise again, completing a certification course that I started in 2016, continuing to compete in ballroom dance, and trying to find love again. Maybe I should take out the love thing, it's seems completely out of my control. Feels good to write these things down. All the best for the New Year!

SF Oh wow, so sorry that you're dealing with an a** like this! Glad that you now know what he's about, are staying strong and moving on. Good riddance! Agree about blocking - if that doesn't work right away, ignore his attempts to contact you. Sounds like he's trying hard to win you back.

Trying The holidays really took it out of me too. Like you, it wasn't a grief thing but instead a feeling of exhaustion from the organization and preparations. I was happy this time to go through the motions of decorating, even put up outside lights and went all out on the Christmas tree. I'm happy now that it's over, and I get my house back. I slept in on the 26th - felt so good to have some alone time and not have to accommodate anybody. The decorations will be slowly put away, the leftovers finished off, a little bit of a break before hosting a small New Year's party at home. Three years ago I felt that we would never celebrate a holiday again. It's good to have some semblance of a Christmas holiday back for the family.

Guy I've seen twice asked me for dinner at his place - not ready yet for that. He has yet to ask me out for dinner - I'd be happy to share the check. Whatever ...... :-\

Sunshine Glad to hear that you followed through with an injunction and protective order. Thank you for sharing your experience with what must have been a frightening time! To better times ahead with good, kind, and respectful people!

Happy Holidays - good holidays here with family, cooking, board games, a bit of friendly political banter and plenty of wine. Yes I miss him but this has been the first Christmas where I felt good about decorating and celebrating.

momtokam This sounds a lot like my experience with speed dating too. In October I became a member of a dating service/matchmaker, and they hosted a speed date event just before Halloween. I went in costume to a bar - like you, was nervous as I had never gone to a bar by myself, consider myself an extrovert but still - was pretty anxious at first. I sat at table 5 of a group of 12 tables, and the guys rotated around the women. I met several much younger guys, no connection but had some nice conversations. Met several age appropriate men too, and have since had dates with two guys. This event for me was a good way to move out of my comfort zone and get into dating again. And yes, it was tough to drop the w-bomb, both dates were speechless when I told them that I wasn't divorced but instead widowed. I would also recommend trying this type of event, once it got started it was casual and easy-going, and a good way to meet people. Hope that you connect with your Mr. Number 15! Let us know how it goes!