trying2breathe

arneal First of all, so very sorry to hear of your son's illness and hospitalization. Sounds like he's in good hands and I hope well on the way to a full recovery. Prayers and big big hugs to you. About your NG - maybe POF app is still on his phone as he's not yet deleted it? It's reassuring that he's open with you to discussing personal issues and trying to work through them. Emotional week here too - although there's not been much going on there's been plenty of tears here too. Maybe a perfect mis-alignment of the stars or something ..... ?

I do feel generally safer meeting dates from the matchmaker, haven't had a situation yet with any of the guys where I've felt uncomfortable. I still meet them out the first few dates, if things progress eventually the circle expands. It's worked out well so far. The vetted process that a matchmaker provides is well worth the cost of the service, IMO. Glad that you found a great lady, sounds like she has a great sense of humor!

Quote from Love2fish "From what I can tell, the matchmaking services are no better than chance at matching you up with the right one." Somewhat agree with this - I joined a matchmaking service last November, have been paired with several on-line matches of which NONE have worked out. I attended some of their speed-dating type parties, met several nice guys there that I've been out with, one that I continue to see now. The organic way of meeting somebody in person works much better for me. Advantage of a matchmaker service is that clients have been vetted and deemed for the most part, available and ready to date. It's taken some of the craziness away, although there is certainly still some drama that goes with it. But on-line matching - not effective, in my opinion. Too easy to hide behind a profile and not make the effort. Wow, love2fish - 141! Sounds like you got a good result from the effort?

klim I'm also one to not readily accept help, and am pretty adamant that I can manage almost anything on my own. I'm beginning to realize that my reluctance in accepting help from NG, is that I'm not sure what I want our relationship to be. I think that there's an intimacy in accepting help and sharing responsibilities, which may lead further to a deeper relationship. There is a part to my grill that is broken, NG has repeatedly offered to fix it and I've so far refused. Seems ridiculous, but should he repair my grill I feel like I will then have him over more and cook more often for him! Something that I just don't feel ready for yet.

Sorry to hear of the struggles Julester & Virgo - I've had my share of weirdos. There ARE good guys out there, it's a process to weed out and find them, unfortunately.

arneal Sounds like a relaxing way to spend Memorial Day. So you're his lady! ;D I'd be grinning too! He does seem like one that is low-key about celebrations, not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not one to acknowledge some of the milestone dates, so I get it. Update on NG. We've had some good conversations on his backing off from my widow stuff and he said that he was giving me space because he thought that's what I wanted. What I hear from him is that he's concerned and cares, and wants to do what's good for me. So we continue on. He is very different in personality, profession and energy than LH was. I continue to be surprised at the connection with him. So ..... feeling somewhat queasy, last night I did a background check on him. My heart was pounding and I was sweating thinking of what I might find. The results came out clean - no surprises thank goodness. I now feel foolish that I did this, but it eases my mind to know that he's not misrepresenting himself.

I'm cheering too, Rob - how great that you've found somebody special! Your post brings a big smile. arneal It's a special weekend, even if your NG doesn't recognize it. Happy One Year to you and your NG! Hope that you're able to have a celebratory dinner/toast/event to mark the occasion. I was always one to insist on celebrating an occasion on THE day, regardless of circumstances. My LH didn't care one way or the other when something was celebrated, oftentimes it was planned for a time that was convenient. It took some adjusting on my part, and I eventually came to terms with being more lenient with when occasions were celebrated. One year is probably important to your NG, just on different terms.

Jen Three years and then some, I can relate. You're not an outsider. Big big hugs to you, I'm listening too

momof2obs Sorry to hear :-\ Better to know his character now, rather than later

When things are good with NG : we're affectionate. One of things that we've enjoyed together is dancing at a local pub with live music. He's not really a dancer, but we've had some dirty dancing moments late into the night after having a few beers ;D So this has definitely pushed our comfort level with PDA to a different place. That being said, when we're not dancing I can be kind of prudish. walking holding hands 1 walking arm around shoulder or waist 1 we haven't done this peck on the cheek or lips 1 staring into each others eyes 4 I'd be uncomfortable really kissing 5 nope, get a room sitting on their lap or vice versa 5

Poignant and sad, thank you for sharing. This reminds me of a young teacher at my kids' school who died suddenly right after having a baby. It was shocking, almost too much to imagine. I always wondered what happened to the father, left to manage on his own. So very sad -

Start of a new week, both my kids are home for the summer. Several milestone dates have come and gone, I'm ready for the start of summer. arneal The wolf preserve sounds fantastic, so glad that you went anyway despite NG not being with you. How great to have this experience! Love your attitude. I bet that he won't want to miss out on the next adventure! What you say about NG makes sense. It's surprising to me that he doesn't want to acknowledge and give some kind of support during these occasional tough days. I'm usually a positive and happy person, he's only seen this side of me. I'll have a conversation with him this week, we'll see how it goes. Thank you for your input.

Julester What is it about non-committal guys these days? I'm a member of a matchmaking service, have had some success with it but there are guys there also that say they're interested and then don't commit to getting together. In 5 months of sharing profiles, not one has followed through in a date with me. Thinking that I had a lousy profile, I asked other women members and they have had the same experience with guys not following through. When meeting these same guys in person at a dating event - yes, the very same ones, that's when I get asked out. I think that it's easy to hide behind a profile, look at photos, read the description, and then not act on it. Social media and dating sites have screwed up the dating process, in my opinion. The options seem endless, in reality it's a very different story.

tybec Sorry to hear about your mom, and hope that you have some peaceful moments in the days & weeks ahead. Good to know that NG is stepping up to help you out, a great thing that he is there for you at this time. I too keep dates in my head, have never kept a "dating" journal although have to admit the idea of it is intriguing. Knowing that NG writes things down makes me feel a bit skittish, he has an uncanny ability to remember things that I tell him, and I suspect that he goes back and checks his notes. I've not seen my NG much this week, it's been a busy and emotional week with visiting family and DD's HS graduation. I met him for dinner on Monday evening which happened to be the date of what would have been my 24th wedding anniversary. As I was feeling a bit melancholy, I mentioned the anniversary to him and he immediately said "Oh no!" and then changed the subject. It's a big disappointment that he didn't acknowledge what I'm going through. I pretty much backed away from him this week, haven't texted or been in touch much with him. I realize that my expectations are pretty high to ask somebody to take on the emotional rollercoaster of a widow. But for him to completely gloss over my sadness, what a disappointment. Supposed to meet him tomorrow for a movie date, we'll see. Meh ~

As I read through almost four years of my grief journal, it's evolved into mostly updates to him on our kids. I guess this is a good thing, there's no longer the questions and anguish about his death. When he was alive, there was definitely some oversharing going on, and he wasn't always comfortable with it. I realize that I miss mostly being a couple with him. Now that I'm dating, the desire to be a couple is now being met. I now share most of my thoughts with NG, and it feels right. Conversations with his family makes me realize that their grief is lessened, but I believe is essentially the same emotion. My grief has evolved, I think dating has evolved it even more. Conversations with my brother-in-law in the early days were comforting, but now they're just weird. Now that I'm dating I feel that the couple relationship is now being satisfied by NG. My brother-in-law will never replace his brother. I've not shared with his family that I'm dating, fearing hurt feelings and added grief. I fear that one day soon I'll be caught with NG :-[ That will be a junior high moment!

I understand the need to limit the number of family members attending ceremonies. The school does this for graduation, and allots 6 tickets per family. Baccalaureate is separate, it's a different ceremony that gives each graduate an opportunity to thank teachers, family and friends. It would have been really difficult for me to sit through this ceremony alone. Wouldn't it be easy for the school to also allot tickets for the baccalaureate ceremony, rather than getting into specifics? I've emailed the school about this, I know I'm being nitpicky but I'm so annoyed. I saw several solo parents sitting in the auditorium, I guess they followed the rules.

Proud mom moment, for sure, SB. And your son should be very proud of himself too. I remember when you posted that your son would be moving before you did, and you were kind of worried about it. Looks like it was a good decision, and he's obviously thriving.

I'm so mad right now, getting ready to send a response in regards to this to my daughter's school. DD graduates on Friday, there are several different ceremonies scheduled this week. Ughh Portion of the email received from school: "BACCALAUREATE CEREMONY – SENIORS ARRIVE AT 6:30 PM. The ceremony is for seniors, parents, and faculty. Due to the nature and purpose of the ceremony, tickets are available to parents and step-parents only. Please do not request additional tickets. ....... " As a widow and solo parent, I realize that I'm an outlier. For the ceremony, I'm bringing my mom along, otherwise I'd be sitting through this alone. Maybe I'm being a bit too sensitive about this? Let's hope I don't get stopped at the door.

Both plans sound like good ones , either sound like a really nice celebration. A year together is a big milestone, keep us posted on what you decide! About being an introvert, I'm usually one to cut to the chase, and this doesn't always work out well! Interesting about the keepsake book, after NG told me about his notes I started to wonder whether I should start something like that too. It's likely that I won't, though - I still journal in a grief book which has ended up being notes to my LH, usually about the kids' milestones and celebrations. What I do write about NG are what I call burn letters - every once in awhile when I'm feeling particularly emotional I will write a letter to NG and put it all out there. When finished I'll keep it for a day or two to read over again, and then take it out back to the firepit and burn it. It's my intention to never have anybody read these letters, more of a therapeutic way of getting my thoughts out there. I would certainly never share my burn letters with him!

Thanks for the responses, I'm trudging through trying to maintain some sense of happiness for my daughter's graduation on Friday. The idea of taking time for self care is a good one, have to admit that it's not easy to come up with things that would help in that regard. It's been helpful to make to-do lists and check it off as things get accomplished. Mr C, big big hugs to you today

SB I feel for you, she does seem pretty nutty. Although difficult to live with, it makes it easier for your NG to know that he's made the right decision to not be with her, and to enjoy time with you. In a strange way, I wish that my NG had a wacky ex - his is perfectly sane, from what I understand an intelligent, caring, nice person, and every once in awhile NG gets together with her and his daughters to have his kids' milestone celebrations together. Makes me wonder if he might still have feelings for her, and might get back together with her. So ..... in a warped kind of way, enjoy ex's wackiness. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise?

arneal I'm not one that pays a lot of attention to romantic milestone dates, so I get more of what your NG is doing. My NG reminds me every once in awhile that we're now starting "month x" of dating, or that we've done this or that x number of times. When he says these things, I usually look at him with a blank stare and say "really"? For awhile he was taking notes, which I find pretty incredible, and that's how he was keeping track. I consider myself to be expressive, romantic and attentive to details, but dates have never been my thing. If your NG is planning a bike trip without understanding what this date means to you, it may be that he didn't realize that Memorial Day weekend marks a year together with you. As marking this date is important to you, can you be straightforward in mentioning this to him? Maybe something like "On Memorial Day, we will have been together for a year, this is special to me and I would like to celebrate this with you. What do you think?". Maybe it won't be anything planned for Memorial Monday, but it would be a celebration nonetheless. If celebrating specifically on Memorial Day is important to you, maybe mention that too?

Tough week for me - Mother's Day yesterday, today would have been our 24th anniversary, and DD graduates from high school on Friday. I feel numb. Don't want to rush my daughter's graduation celebration, but it sure would be nice to be a week older, ugh.

Completely agree that in a new relationship, you can modify and create yourself to be something that you might not otherwise be. If NG was resistant to our conversation about my concerns, I would have cut it off then. But he wasn't resistant, wanted to know more, asked questions and expressed concern about my feelings. Interestingly, in the past few days he's started to justify his actions, calling himself assertive and not in his opinion aggressive - "a guy thing". I let him know that whatever it's called, I wasn't comfortable with it. My radar is up, he's not free and clear, I'm still cautiously optimistic. Although a bit more cautious, now that he's backpedaling a bit.

Momtojandj Thank you for the reminder to enjoy today, for whatever it offers. "Happiness is a journey, not a destination" < indeed!