trying2breathe

klim Yay on new tires and that NG helped you with this! Now that he's offered, maybe asking for help will be a bit less awkward next time? I rarely ask for anything, go overboard in helping others but hesitate in asking for help for myself. Friends have mentioned that I have much credit but rarely make a withdrawal. To me it feels better to not feel indebted to others, not sure why this is. arneal Funny that you mention astrology. I tend to not be a believer in astrology, nor is NG altho we talked about how we're both Scorpios and how this might affect the relationship. Had to laugh too about some men being "caveman-ish", we've had a conversation on his protective nature and caveman-like tendencies. And I'm huge on airport runs, glad it's working out for you!

Update on NG - at dinner last night, had a difficult conversation discussing his aggressive behavior at the concert. He was concerned, listened and asked questions, and was apologetic. He told me that he was protective, something that I understand as it was a chaotic scene at the concert. He said that it won't happen again, I believe him. I'm cautiously optimistic ...... sigh

arneal This article resonates, many of the points given apply to me. I believe that widowhood thrusts us into old soul territory. Before widowhood, my life was lighter, opportunities seemed limitless and there was a lot less baggage. As a widow, I well understand the fragility of life, the importance of finding the right connection and not wasting time. I know myself better than ever and if given the chance to have a Chapter 2, intend to do it right.

Girl moods & sass, know it well. DD is now 18 and thankfully has outgrown a very dark stage. I would have easily traded in ages 16 & 17 for what she is now. Just know that this too shall pass .....

Would appreciate some thoughts on this - I'm having a dilemma with my "NG", he's not aware yet that I have a problem with this. Back story - been seeing him for a little over 3 months, we see each other 3-4 times a week. I'm dating others and he knows this, he wants an exclusive relationship and I've let him know I can't commit to that right now but he's willing to wait. I have a great time with him, we have much in common and never have a lack of anything to say. I've been on the fence on whether or not to just date him, wanting to get to know him more. What happened yesterday might be a deal breaker. We attended a music festival, lots of people, chaotic scene standing shoulder to shoulder trying to enjoy different bands. I was fine, didn't feel uncomfortable being there, but he apparently didn't feel the same and got mean. To the point of yelling at others and almost getting into several fistfights. I felt so out of place, was embarrassed by his behavior and apologetic to those around us. I'm not sure if we can work through this, or if this is something that I should even bring up with him. If this is his character, it isn't something that I think could be easily changed. Should I mention to him that I was uncomfortable with his aggressive behavior? I'm so turned off by his behavior that I'm not sure if I want to have a conversation with him about it. If I break things off with him he will want to know why. Any thoughts?

I like Trying's text - seems completely appropriate to mention him being open and vulnerable with you. And it may keep the door open for him to continue in this way .....

Happy for you, tybec! Here's to getting real

Big hugs, Mimi - Doris is so very fortunate to have had you there. So sorry that you went through this yet once again -

Yup, all of this. ^^^ Hit the nail on the head, tybec. Can you share this with him?

My firstborn tested highly gifted, and we were fortunate before the start of his 1st grade to move to an area with a grade school specifically designed to accommodate the needs of highly gifted children. This school provided academic support and social skills, and for my son this made a tremendous difference in not only his academic progress but his mental well being. Things may be different now, but when my children were younger the gifted program in public schools did not start until 3rd grade. For us, this was too late as my son was struggling and frustrated in kindergarten. I agree with Abitlost, highly gifted chlldren are special needs. Many children test gifted, for those that are highly/profoundly gifted it's important to specifically address their needs. A resource that was helpful to me - www.gifteddevelopment.com

"Actually the odd friend has said they wouldn't mind a bloke who is only around 2-3 nights a week! As time goes on i find I am stronger too and feeling less like rushing into cohabiting. There are many ways to have a relationship, aren't there?" from fairlanegirl ^^^ this A bloke who is around for 2-3 nights a week, perfect! I hope to have this someday

DH died unexpectedly, so we never talked about either of us dating another. Honestly, I'm not so sure that he would be entirely happy that I'm dating - he was very competitive and could be jealous at times, Should I have been the one to go first, I certainly would have wanted him to find somebody else.

Just recently I feel like I should again actively address some of my grief issues. I'm at a similar timeframe as you, Trying, a bit past 3 1/2 years. This past year has been relatively tranquil, I think because I've been busy and worked hard to set up a new life and routine. But for whatever reason lately, there have been several dark days and weepy moments. In my earliest dark days, there were times when I wouldn't get out of my pajamas. I've had a few of those days lately. It's surprising to me that deep grief waves are still coming around this far out, and I wonder why?

Laptop, mine is small enough to fit into a big purse. Although those iPads look pretty good too. Beach or mountains?

klim I can relate, as I'm almost 3 months into a relationship where he says he's all in and I'm still not sure. There are times when I feel that he's the best guy in the world, and other times when it feels off. After a 20 year marriage, I realize that this is the way that it works with most if not all relationships, and it's been difficult to decipher what I'm willing to deal with or whether it's time to move on. We all have quirks - for me it's trying to figure out what I'm willing to put up with.

Great post, arneal. Good to hear what everybody is up to. My new now includes a love of competitive latin ballroom dancing - I started training two years ago and I danced this weekend in a competition. It's impossible to dance and think about anything else at the same time - a good thing. I also went through training and became a volunteer Guardian ad Litem, advocating for kids in the foster care system. Best volunteer job ever.

I don't tell many people that I watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette, it's my guilty pleasure ;D Morning riser up and at 'em, or begrudgingly drag yourself out of bed

Definitely football! Lived overseas for awhile and really missed watching NFL games. Go Fins!! Tall stack of pancakes or ham & cheese omelette?

arneal Hope that things get resolved with your NG. Hugs ~

klim I get it, I would fool around on the couch with him and then send him to the guest room for the night too. You're not alone! DH and I never shared this bedroom, I'm in a new house in another country. No sign of DH anywhere, except for a few small photos in the closet. It's my space, and I'm not yet willing to share. I can barely understand it either.

klim Thank you for posting this, I too feel like I don't know how to date as an adult. DD is 18 and still lives at home, and that sets the boundaries. I'm dating a new guy, and I'm home every night and he doesn't visit me here. Once DD leaves for school in the fall, that boundary will disappear. The thought of asking him in for a nightcap sounds so strange. Almost scary. And I can't even begin to imagine a guy in my bedroom. Need to get over this, I realize, but I consider my bedroom a sanctuary and having a man in there with me?

Trying Love the responses here - it's great that you and your fiancé realize his ex's craziness for what it is, and not let it come between you. I'd make it a source of humor, out of earshot of the kids. "Guess what she did today .... ?"

Got the article the first time - Thank you for sharing, I can fully relate to this.

Some wise words here posted by others Best wishes on your new endeavors!

I appreciate the responses. Dealing with deep grief issues now feels strange. At 3-1/2 years out I've accepted that DH is gone but I've been dealing with some pretty sad days lately. I'm also dealing with aging parents and the issues surrounding it, and this too brings me down. arneal I imagine that it is weird to explain a year+ out to a friend that your DH has died. "stay on our toes I like that idea ... looking forward, planning for a new future, while the scars continue to heal. They sometimes get raw, but healing they are ..." ^^^ love this! tybec The loss of the life I once had with him is what I miss most. It seems I miss this more than I miss DH now. I may talk about grief with the guy that I'm seeing as there are times when I feel that an explanation for why I act the way I do is warranted. He may run, but oh well such is the dating life of a wid I guess!