trying2breathe

What a wonderful post from you, Trying - how great that it was a perfect day for your son's graduation. Your new life is certainly aligning well and it shows! So happy for you!

Almost 3 years out and also at the realization that missing him will never end. Thank you for sharing your story - a beautiful relationship ended way too soon.

Congratulations on your son's graduation! It's so emotional to go through the milestone events with our kids, at times I find myself beaming with pride and crying at the same time.

This does make sense - having a loving caring spouse to cushion the harsh realities of life is priceless. I always thought of home as my safe place, where I could share fears and insecurities and feel like everything would be okay. I believe that the world continues to change quickly, and in my opinion not always for the better. It sure would be nice to share these thoughts with DH.

I'm going through a purge with my kids of several storage units, and it's so hard to sort through DH's possessions. We found a box of items from his office desk - framed pictures of us, work awards, miscellaneous files, it's as if he stepped out for a little while and is coming back. His work clothing was donated quickly as I couldn't manage all of his suits, what was more difficult were his favorite t-shirts, his slippers, a couple of his hats.

In many ways I feel that I'm continuing to parent the same way as I did prior to DH's death. DH was a loving husband and Dad but most of the time he was emotionally absent. Although I wasn't happy about it, it was left up to me to manage most things on my own with the kids. There wasn't much of a change in parent responsibilities for me after he died. It makes me sad to post this out loud, but in a way it's easier to parent now that he's not here as I don't have to try so hard to include him. That being said, I know that my kids miss their Dad a lot. And I would give anything to have him back in our lives. The parenting job rested entirely on me though.

Really good news - congratulations to you both!

Just found out that DD is receiving an academic award at school this Friday morning. My daughter has struggled getting accustomed to her new school, I'm proud that she will be recognized for her hard work this semester. This will be the first award that she will have received at this new school. I'll be there of course, nervous about going alone but am pretty sure that I won't be the only solo parent there. Sigh .......

Yes, kudos to you for recognizing and being open to attending events by yourself! Maybe we can give each other some encouragement on getting out there!

Oh yes, I relate well to having a lack of meaningful, interesting conversations. With adults. At times I catch myself bantering with DD in a more adult-like manner, she doesn't get it and it's not really appropriate. Have you thought of joining a book group? Are there local events where you are, with topics of interest to you? Our local community page lists all kinds of events from dog walks to nature trail hikes, poetry readings, etc. Would you consider volunteer work?

Absolutely love reading these posts :-* makes my heart sing hearing the plans! Best wishes to you both in moving forward ~

Some great thoughts here - I'd consider keeping the door open with this friend. Friendships ebb and flow, the essence of a relationship changes as life happens and family dynamics come into play. Sometimes things are great and you can relate to each other on a personal level, at other times there's a distance there and the reason why is not apparent. You may never know exactly why there's not a better connection between the two of you right now, but if the friendship is close and real you will find each other again. As I get older my experience is that I connect in a different way with friends that I've had for awhile. I guess the question to ask is if you're willing to continue this friendship that is changing and may not be same as it was before. Like Bunny mentioned, I say give it some time.

Go SVS, you can do this! I too relied heavily on DD to be with me not only at school events but to attend other functions as well. Unlike your sweet son, my DD complained about it though : so I had to deal with being alone early on. I began to realize that there are plenty of parents that attend school functions by themselves, and for the most part nobody gives mind to anybody else there. It probably helps that I'm in a new area and not known by anybody at school and can easily slip under the radar. As I continue this widowhood journey, I'm realizing that people go solo for a lot of things including meals out, concerts, etc. Not sure if I'm ready for that yet, but it's good to see that others do it.

Trying Thinking of you today, on your 23rd anniversary. My 23rd was last weekend on May 15th, and like you our last anniversary together was our 20th. Bunny states it well - the grief is getting "softer" with time.

Sending good thoughts your way for the next interview!

Early grief is so so difficult, so sorry that you've become a member of a group that nobody wants to join. In the early dark days, I had moments when I didn't think that I'd make it. And some how, some way, the days and weeks go by and the waves of grief are less and less. Drink water, eat when you can, breathe, take care of just what you need to. Take any offers of help, and know that all of us here are with you and you are not alone.

haha! ;D amen, sister!

Awww, such sweet words from your son!

Big hugs, Trying Thank you for sharing!! So good to know that you all shared a great day today.

It hasn't gotten any easier for me, other than I'm able to hold back the tears. Other than the major ones, some school functions I don't attend as it's too painful. I stood with parents taking pictures of DD and her friends that attended prom a few weeks ago, and felt so out of place without DH there too. DD graduates high school next May, I'm already planning to invite a large group of extended family to the ceremony. "I still really feel so cheated" <<< this

Congrats on a fast sale, SB - what a relief to not have to show and keep everything tidy for the next few months! I get it on the energy of a house - have had my share of saging/cleansing my homes, whether it works or not who knows. For me it's always been bittersweet to leave a house but exciting also to move and settle into a new home, redecorate and start again.

SB You're dealing with a lot right now - maybe you can give NG a bit of a break and make decisions later. The grass would bug the crap out of me too - it does seem minor in comparison to a caring loving person in your life though. Good luck with your move

Kudos to your son for doing well, and to you too for letting him go.

I also agree with getting an agent to sell - an agent manages paperwork and legalities, as well as details that you may not anticipate. I've sold several times and have always used an agent - no regrets.

Hardly seems possible to be coming up on 3 years - in some ways seems like just a few months and in other ways a lot longer. BH2, you're right that this journey is not easy or pretty, we take a step at a time and somehow find ourselves here. Tatiana You'll look back sooner than you think on the time gone by, I was encouraged in the early days by those further out. It's good to know that this journey that we post about gives a bit of hope to others. Hugs, fellow pillows ~