trying2breathe

Needy So good that intros are going well, exciting time for you all! It's funny how as parents we stress about our kids behavior and reactions and oftentimes things go better than we expected. Back from a long week of travel, dropped off DD at college and she's happily settled and doing well so far. NG flew to meet me in a city half-way home and we road tripped 2 days back together. He's a nice travel companion, we enjoyed sightseeing and stayed last night at a romantic bed & breakfast. Something is missing though - I'm attracted to him but not feeling the spark of romance. It's starting to feel like a friends with benefits relationship, not sure if I'm unrealistic in expectation of how a relationship is supposed to be but want more and am trying to figure out what that really means. Maybe this is the best that it gets? He's talking about celebrating our fall birthdays together and I'm sad thinking that far ahead about it. I need to have a conversation with him and don't know how to start it.

SamNE I relate to your post, I've been dating my guy for over 6 months - it's a fun relationship but I feel a disconnect between us and it bothers me. I'm leaving for vacation soon and want to ask for a temporary break while I'm away but think that it wouldn't be fair to ask this of him. Agree with Portside that if you're still not feeling it after 2-1/2 years it may well be time to move on. Sorry about the breakup, it does sound like you gave the relationship a good chance.

arneal Bad timing with your guy on meds, probably wouldn't make for the best meeting with your son anyway. He's lucky to have your offer of dinner and support. I love your attitude, you have plenty going on with or without your guy! In our youth there was little downtime with ailments, aches & pains - so much different now, dating later in life. My weekend is busy, DD and I are packing in preparation for drop off at college this coming week. :'( DS will be with us for the trip, I'm thankful for the added help and support from him for the process. My daughter starts her freshman year, she's ready to go and I'm ready to let go but no doubt it will be emotional. On another note, I haven't seen NG much this week as I was away for a short trip and have been busy with family obligations. Our relationship is feeling like a friendship more than anything, and I'm not willing to settle for this. It might be the transition of DD's school drop off that's keeping us separated emotionally, I'm not sure. He tends to stay away when anything less than happy is going on. I call him my Good-time Guy, always around for the good times but tends to disappear when things get tough. I'll let the dust settle and re-assess, don't want to have a relationship talk that might change things with everything else that's going on right now. Happy Weekend All ~

Agree that ruthlessness is less about gender, believe that it's more about how a person, man or woman, handles adversity. My NG has been divorced x2 - often I hear from him how nice I am, and it makes me think of what he was dealing with in his marriages and subsequent divorces. He may be forgetting how nice his spouses were at the start of their relationships. With NG, I deal with minor trust issues and a bit of defensiveness about what I consider trivial things. Nothing so far to break up the relationship, but I'm becoming aware of how different it is to date somebody with a significant divorce history.

Welcome Needy Glad that time with your NG is amazing, it's great to find a relationship that feels right! arneal Sending re-coupling vibes your way, pass them along to your NG. And yes, be careful of what you wish for! Had an overnight get-away with NG this past weekend, first one for us. We stayed at a beachside hotel near the home of one of his cousins. I got a chance to meet his sister, a few cousins and their spouses. It worked out well - he has what I think of as a good family and I felt very comfortable with them. Didn't sleep much at all though as it was the first time to spend the night together with him. : It felt weird to share a room, brush teeth, get into pajamas, etc. with him there - what is wrong with me?! We have a road trip next week and another overnight, I'm hoping this next one goes a bit better.

klim This is the relationship that I have with my NG. He is also in a hurry to recouple, I like the companionship but so far brush off any talk of moving forward. No rush here either. I'm also thinking on some level it's not right ..... it makes me wonder if widowhood makes us more cautious. I've dated a few men in the past year, nobody has come even close to what I feel for NG. I had an immediate connection with him, and yet I'm still resistant to the idea of a committed relationship with him. But I'm not sure if there would be somebody else - "Mr. Right" - to whom I would be willing to fully commit. Arrghh - so complicated.

Glad that your weekend went well, arneal. Sounds like a meet & greet will happen soon, big step and it's great that it's moving along in a natural way. And your evening was a comfy way to spend time with your NG, doesn't get any better than that! About my NG - he is in a relatively good place, can't critique his lifestyle as it works for him and I'm not out to change anything about him. We are exclusive and he's asked for commitment, and so far I can't distinguish between the two. I'm avoiding the girlfriend label - something that he's asked for. What I'm beginning to understand is that he's a good companion, it's comfortable and feels okay right now. Commitment vs. companionship - what is the difference?

Although thinking it's not a big issue, I'm reminded of how widowhood plays into new relationships. Can relate tybec to communication as my LH left for a bike ride after work and never returned. I didn't get the chance to ask about his day or why he felt the need to rush out to take that bike ride. Voice contact and a check in to me is essential, otherwise I start imagining the worst. My NG takes time off when his kids visit and on occasion checks out and doesn't call or text. He cycles daily, there have been times when I've not heard from him so watch the news to see if there's been any accidents. I've explained how I feel to him and he says that he gets it. Umm, not really. Indeed everything is new.

"T2B - I can't tell if that is being said with a wink or not but if not - please don't do that. Many guys would put that in the 'plays games' file and nothing good can come from that. Or it can be seen as some sort of 'test' and boy do many of us hate that. It's seen as "You know, I try to be a good, nice guy and then this." " (wish I knew how to use the quote function) Portside - thanks for this. I said it semi-seriously, not likely to stir things up needlessly as I'm not a game player. More likely to take time off from this relationship to figure things out. It's not feeling right, no need to mess around with him because of how I'm feeling about it.

No guilt on this one, it played out like it should have and there was nothing wrong at all with this. I've had similar circumstances where my world was crashing down, being widowed inadvertently popped out and I was treated differently. At the time it didn't feel that I was taking advantage. The new daycare community sounds wonderful. Good luck to you - sounds like the adventure has begun for you and your kids!

Hope it goes well for you, arneal. How was the dinner together? Easy does it, sounds like low pressure is the way to go with your guy. I'm struggling lately, I'm in a relationship with a compassionate caring man and I'm resisting commitment. I've begun to meet some of his family and he's met only my son, by accident. My daughter leaves for school in 2 weeks and I'm thinking that they should meet before she leaves, if only to have a face with a name. After she leaves I'm by myself, well - other than the dog. : It will be a new lifestyle and I'm hoping that things change for us for the better. NG is low key and easy going, never a struggle about anything and he doesn't really have a problem about much of anything. Everything is fine, at least so far. It almost makes me want to stir things up to see if he has any emotions at all. I struggle also with the time spent with him and keeping up with home and family responsibilities. I'm grappling with kids at home, household duties and aging parents. He has none of that, lives simply and is free to come and go as he pleases. Sigh ..... it's been a hard weekend.

I'd be hurt if I found out through social media that my NG was having some struggles. I don't think it's too much to talk with him about your hope for more communication. Let him know where your line is and see if he's willing to meet it. If not, figure out whether it's something that you can live with. I'm dude-like also, my guy talks way more than I do about feelings and I've upped my game in talking with him, something I'm willing to do. Being comfy is a good place to be - it does seem that you're looking for more though.

arneal Although not easy I strive for open communication in a relationship, especially when things aren't going so well. For me, providing and having the support and understanding of a partner is part of the deal. Maybe it is your NG's MO to shut down a bit when feeling low, and I get the part of needing solitary time. It should be different with you though, as you're in a relationship with him and you want more. Once the clouds clear a bit, maybe suggest that he can talk with you about the hard times too? Love this > "I am just wanting to make clear the roadmap of expectations here by letting him know that it would help me to know how to be supportive." I would hope that by saying this to him it might open the door to him being more communicative with you. I don't think that you're being too sensitive, laying out expectations in a gentle way I believe is a good thing.

I'm 6 months into a relationship with NG and things are going well. DH and I were not the perfect match - it's hard to admit it but NG and I have more of a connection than DH and I ever did. So do I think of DH more now that I'm dating? Sadly - no.

Monique I journaled in a notebook in the early days, not only memories of him but thoughts on the grief process. I'm now at almost 4 years, and sometimes still write in this journal and go back and re-read what I wrote in those early days. It's been a big help for me.

Go, Adley - adventure waits! Sounds like a wonderful opportunity with your kids.

arneal I wouldn't feel badly about trying to connect through sense of humor, and it not quite being received in the way that you would like. NG and I don't really match with our humor, sometimes I can be a goof ball and he's not - there are times when he doesn't know what to think. LH was a practical joker, was always playing games and laughing, NG not so much. It certainly isn't a deal breaker, just something for both of us to get accustomed to I guess. Relationship with NG is so very different than what I had w/my LH, having been married for 20 years it's hard for me to come to terms with what a new relationship is supposed to be. I feel as though I'm making it up as I go along.

Best wishes on moving and the next stage, you've got options and as you say are adept at this. No doubt there's a bit of anxiety to not know what the direct future holds. Thinking of you and sending big hugs ~

My NG flips from being very expressive to not being expressive at all. It's as if he picks a day to get it all out and then poof! - nothing for several weeks. I've never dated anybody like this, and am not sure what to make of it. arneal I'm giggling about your coupons - my NG is not one to pick up on nuances or hints, instead the direct approach works best with him. I was away for a week with DD, upon my return NG & I made plans for dinner, etc. I let him know that I would meet him at his house with an appetite Once I arrived, he stepped out, locked his door and sure enough we headed for dinner. I now know where his priorities lie! LOL

Crappy timing indeed! Sounds like he's torn between what he believes is the right thing to do and the future plans that you've discussed and agreed upon. What you've described of him regarding his upbringing makes me think that he's hard driven to be the best possible Dad, over and above all else. Time to have a good & hard conversation with him about it all. Big hugs ~

I responded about introductions in the Budding Relationship post too - it would be a planned event with your son to make an introduction, and I can see where this would need some organization. Trying to make it seem unintentional does seem strange. With other introductions to friends occurring, introducing your son seems a natural step to take, if this is important to you.

Raised Christian, and have attended church sporadically over the years. I don't particularly like organized religion, but enjoy the tradition, ritual and music of church service.

At almost 4 years and I have occasional moments of bawling my eyes out, then drying the tears, pulling it together and then I'm okay. For me it seems to be an accumulation of stress, tiredness, whatever's nagging at me, or a grief trigger that needs releasing. A big messy cry does the trick, and then I seem to be good for awhile.

Oh my - so glad that your dog found her way home, what a scare! Fourth of July and dogs just don't mix - I had the stereo up loud at my house, thank goodness neighbors on both sides were not home - and that seemed to help muffle the noise and keep my dog somewhat calm. If you think that your NG said "girlfriend", you may be right. Yay on the introduction to his friends - to me it means taking it to another level, feeling comfortable in the relationship and moving it on to a couples thing. And an introduction to your son might feel natural, after this introduction. NG and I have been slowly meeting other friends, and it feels nice. We've been together but solo for awhile, and it's been good to have interactions with others and discover more about each other. Yup - stuff we have to think about!

Thanks, arneal. Things will work out somehow. NG met my son this morning, not intentionally but because son came home unexpectedly early from work. It went much better than I could have imagined, guess it's best to have these things happen unplanned because if I had prepared, I too would have been weird about it and very stressed. I'm realizing that I fret about nothing, sweat the small stuff, especially when it comes to NG. Son hasn't asked or said anything about meeting NG, ho hum - life goes on. An accidental introduction - I highly recommend it!