trying2breathe

Quiet here - hope that everybody's budding relationships are going well and may be beginning to blossom. When I started getting serious about dating - intentionally giving effort in finding somebody - I began to experience some pretty significant grief episodes. Not like the early dark days, but a general feeling of being really down, having crying spells, and being super sensitive about things that normally don't bother me. Has anybody else dealt with this? There's not yet anybody that I'm seeing seriously, but NG that I see on occasion is getting the brunt of some of my funky moods and I feel badly about it.

klim Not weird at all to prefer IRL over texting or phone calls. Meeting in person works way better for me too. I'm impatient, depending on how texts/calls and circumstances are going, I don't like to wait much longer than a week. If that doesn't work, I move on. Oh well.

At about six months I took the wedding ring off, on occasion still put it on for a day or so just because I feel like it. A little over 3 years out, I started dating.

Rob Solidarity on the cooking issue - my DD is not interested, despite my best efforts to have her contribute to the cause. I find that she's just not that hungry at the end of the day - most nights she can go without much dinner at all. Seems that she has enough at lunch to tide her over. When DS is home from school however, it's a completely different story as he's ravenous most of the time. And he does help out with the cooking. Good luck ~

tybec Sorry to hear this- sigh. Sadly I know several in the same predicament, choosing to live together with plans of a possible marriage sometime in the future. Although I'm grateful to have continuing medical insurance thru DH's old company, it would lapse if I ever marry again. It just doesn't seem right.

Comfy cotton pj's, big glass of suav blanc and binge-watching Madmen on Netflix. Bring it!!

I get it - I take my elderly father to his cardiac appointments, which is very triggering for me. Although a much different relationship, my father is grumpy and unappreciative even on his best days. Despite being told how distressing it can be to be in our shoes, I don't think that others can ever fully understand the impact of what we go through. Wishing better days ahead for you, Trying.

Oh wow, dark & twisted indeed. To bring your daughter into this, no bueno.

Congratulations, Maureen. Wishing you the very best in your future endeavors

Back with an update : I've yet to have the hard conversation with my guy, have enjoyed a few more weeks of dating without any physical stuff, other than a peck on the cheek. It seemed that we were happily spending time together, dutching everything, companionship without the complication. Huh. Last night he told me he wants to move it to the next level, whatever that is. It's not fair to him, I realize. I've loved the past few weeks, with him - gahh - why can't I do this?

Done, thanks for all that you do!

Very best wishes to you both, what wonderful news!!

Times like these when memories come crashing in, the tears flow easily and even though time has softened the pain we still grieve. Hope for more peaceful days ahead for you.

I can't imagine the trauma of this, how triggering that must have been. Glad that your Dad is okay, and hoping for more peaceful days ahead for you.

The only thing my in-laws requested was a portion of DH's cremains, which I gave to them. DH has 2 niches - one in a cemetery near me and another in his home state near his parents. I felt somewhat strange about dividing the cremains, but in hindsight it was the right thing to do. My in-laws never asked for anything else. After 20 years of marriage and 2 kids, much of what we had, we accumulated together. There are a few of his family items that remain with me, and I made a point of letting my in-laws know that these items will be passed down to the kids at some point. It took me a long time to sort through possessions, and an even longer time to realize that decisions made were now solely mine. In some cases I felt like I knew what DH would have wanted, and in other decisions I gave it a lot of thought and then made the best guess.

I too miss the travel texts and the airport pickup. There's an emptiness there when it doesn't happen, these days it's DD that I text and that seems to fill the void somewhat. I'm giggling about your puppy, arneal. Mine is similar in that she's big and energetic, and it will be interesting to see what happens when I introduce her to a man someday. As for me, back to square one. I guess I should look for some chemistry before making an effort. Hopefully I'm back in this forum again sometime soon.

I've gone from a non-caring attitude, to having some dating success lately. I love the idea of love, being in a relationship, the intimacy, closeness, sharing secrets, history, turmoil and joy. I need a man that can take control, make plans, follow through, be there. I found a guy - he's my foodie soulmate, we're socially and politically on the same page, read and discuss similar books. He's active, funny, polite, a great Dad from what I can tell. All this I've discerned in a couple of weeks. Damn though ..... I'm not attracted to him. I've given this a chance, but nothing. There's no desire for a kiss, I don't want to jump his bones. Sad to have to let this one go - sigh.

Sorry Quixote, how disappointing and the response is appalling. I too hope that the tree can be revived.

SVS. What a wonderful post - so good to see you here in this forum! Wishing you fun and more laughter on your date!

sojourner I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your post - I'm doing a little of both! At 3-1/2 years out, I still get emailed birthday greetings and other correspondence to DH as if he's still around. Always stings to get these kinds of things.

Agreeing with the others to go with the flow and see what happens. I'm starting to wonder whether I'm capable of feeling head over heels about anybody. Maybe with age and experience comes a certain jaded-ness that prevents that starry-eyed feeling? I certainly wish that I could feel like a teenager in love, not sure that this happens for everybody. Are you willing to give the other two guys a chance and see what happens?

Mrskro DD and I moved to a new city a year after my husband died. DD started at a new high school, where we didn't know anybody. She joined the school's volleyball team and I attended most every game solo, sitting with Moms, Dads and grandparents, etc. I never mentioned anything to anybody, and in hindsight I wish that I had. Not only from the perspective of others that might have possibly thought that my daughter's father was absent and just didn't give a crap, but also because my daughter could have used some compassion and understanding at a difficult time. The coaches may very well know your circumstance, regardless, it would probably make you feel better if you mentioned it. Good luck ~

Solidarity - I get it. Peace to you in the days ahead.

I'd like to think that I can get to know him better - I shouldn't base my opinion on whether to meet him in person, on a less than inspiring phone call. It's hard to get intrigued when all he talked about are his dogs. ho hum - As for a matchmaker - I treated myself for my birthday. The interviewer analyzed my situation, brought out the price list and I paid more than I probably should have. Matchmaking vs. on-line dating is similar in that clients go through on-line profiles and decide whether they'd like to meet somebody or not. The match then decides whether or not to follow through and meet. What I see that is different about a service vs. on-line is that with this matchmaker, everybody is background checked, vetted and deemed to be interested in dating. I do feel a sense of security with the guys that I have met, so far. Next week I'll attend a singles trivia party at a fondue restaurant, sounds like fun. So far I've had more success at the events, rather than choosing on-line matches. Inorganic vs. organic - I get it.

I tested as an ENTJ years ago, just took the test again twice and now am an ENFJ. Life experiences change us, don't know if it takes the death of a spouse to change a personality type. Interesting, thanks for the post Adley!