Justin

I understand. I didn't want to do my birthday this year, either - I ended up taking a nap in the afternoon and then my late wife's parents took me to dinner. I just wanted to stay home, but didn't wish to seem rude. It didn't help that my wife's birthday is the day after mine.

Okay, I really haven't been exercising - but since "fitness" is part of the title: I am a little past six weeks of being abstinent from alcohol, and I have committed to abstaining through the end of the year. Just something I felt I need to do for my own mental fitness, as I was leaning on it too heavily to relieve stress and wanted to press the reset button. Another good by-product is that I have dropped a few pounds and my beer-belly has shrank a little :-)

Congratulations! And hey - who's to say you can't have two loves of your life? :-)

Wow! I'm not into numerology, either, but I have to admit that is an amazing coincidence.

I use Evernote, but more as a notebook-type app for collecting ideas. Quip is my go-to for making general lists that are not time-sensitive, such as a grocery list or home repairs needed. Lists can be shared with and updated by multiple users, as well. Available as a phone app and also accessible via web browser. I use Gmail's task list feature in its calendar for time-sensitive to-do's. GTasks is a great app that will sync these to your phone and also allow an alarm to be set for the task at a certain time. This feature is great when I need to send a reminder text to my teen to do something when she gets home from school.

Congratulations, Quixote - on both your return to flying AND getting awarding training on one of the new jets! Perhaps you can keep a small journal with you - like a Moleskine notebook - and record how you are feeling when you have those moments when you really wish you could hear her voice. It may help you both as catharsis, and also to put you in touch with exactly what emotions you are feeling. You never even have to go back and read your own writings if you don't want to.

I posted this picture before on YWBB. I playing around with the camera on my phone. Marsha was not amused!

Congratulations on your new job! Building an engine? I've got to say I am a bit jealous of your skill and talent. My car repair and maintenance skills are very, very basic. Spent this afternoon doing a few things on DD's car: cleaning MAF sensor and adjusting throttle linkage. That's about as fancy as i can get :-)

Thank you for sharing with us :-) This thread put a big smile on my face.

Exactly. I don't believe in karma at all, any more. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible day, and hope you guys get some rest this weekend.

Here is a recent selfie (us-ie?) that Jess shot of us during her visit to KY for Thanksgiving :-)

Hi all, Just popped in to let you all know that I moved this thread from General Discussion. It seemed more appropriate for the Relationships section. Thanks! Justin

I am currently seeing a psychologist, and find her to be helpful overall. I was seeing her every two weeks, then every four, and now every six weeks. My sessions have ranged from indifference to eye-opening, in term of what I get out of the session. Overall, I find it to be worth the $75 per session and we are working mainly on strategies to combat stress and anxiety, although we do talk about grief. I did have some grief counseling sessions after Marsha died, and they helped with assuring me I was on the right track with handling my grieving. At the time, the grief was so overbearing and took up so much of my emotional energy. I later decided to see a psychologist to be a better "me", and work on issues that I have had since childhood that the grief was exacerbating.

Exactly. I am 16 months out, and see my therapist about every 6 weeks now (was every 2 at one time). I pay for these out-of-pocket, and it's not cheap at $75 each visit , but I consider it an investment.

Welcome, Mlb34u - but I am so very sorry you had to come here. We lost my wife unexpectedly in her sleep at home, also. My daughter didn't find her, but came running when she heard my wailing so she saw her mom lying dead and actually dialed 911 - she was 15 at the time. My daughter was also very strong from the beginning, taking care of Dad and worrying about me. As the shock wore off, she began to get more and more upset and then eventually pushed the grief deep down for a while. Because of this, it delayed a lot of her grieving but when it did re-surface, I was in a much better spot to help her. One of the toughest things - for me- was to try to determine what behavior was being caused by grief and what was just normal teen behavior. We are 16 months out now, and she is actually doing quite well. She has straight A's, has been accepted to her #1 college with a partial scholarship, and is volunteering at a soup kitchen meal tonight. The really sad thoughts are coming back with the holidays looming, but are manageable. However, we held my wife's funeral at our church and my daughter still hasn't been able to return there. I've read that children do best with grief when they have something to look forward to. At first, it was hard just to get out of the house. Maybe a Saturday trip to the antique mall to look for old records for a couple of hours. At two months out, we took a day trip to a local national park. Then at three months out, we embarked on a week-long roadtrip through the South and got as far as New Orleans before heading back home. It was on this journey that I was able to let go of the grief a little and learn that I could laugh again. Hang in there, and let the waves of grief wash over you when they do. It may be hard to even think of tomorrow right now, and you don't even have to. Just get through today. It may not seem like it now, but you will be able to see that you are making progress one day soon. At about three and half months was when I first realized - like walking up a gentle hill and turning around, thinking "Wow. I've really climbed up quite a bit."

Exactly. I once mentioned to my new lady that DW's sister was a hopeless romantic, and would think that me pining away for the rest of my life for DW would be the ultimate romantic gesture. But it wouldn't be - it is one of the saddest images I can conjure. I feel in love with Jess pretty early out, and started laying the groundwork with DW's parents and siblings that I would like to find love again. I have known them all for over 20 years, and they treat my as a son & brother. The way I saw it, they should be happy for me and if not? That was something they would just have to deal with. Fortunately, DW's parents are very fond of Jess. They have had dinner with her once, and Skyped with her (with us having a long-distance relationship), and we will be celebrating Thanksgiving together. DW's mother wanted to be explicitly clear to me that Jess was welcome at Thanksgiving, which we saw as a very sweet gesture.

Welcome sakeraki. I also lost my wife suddenly, but not in a violent way. I'm so sorry that the last memories of your wife have to be in that manner. When we marry someone, the two truly do become one. Then when one half of that union of taken, what is left is incomplete. It is normal for you to feel unmotivated and directionless, and function on autopilot. Consider it a huge accomplishment that you are able to take care of your children. Things may start to feel worse, as the shock wears off and you find acceptance. At 16 months out, I still have those "I can't believe she really is gone" moments once in a while - but they no longer send me for the tailspin that they once did. Hang in there, let the grief waves wash over you. I promise that they will get fewer and further between. No you don't, at least not in its current form. This is going to be a very intense and painful journey of self-discovery, I won't sugar-coat it. But as you work through things, you will find new paths and you will desire to see where they lead. Embracing change really helped me and my teen daughter. We figured our life's already been blown to hell, so let's create a new one the best that we can. We both realized that as much as it sucked, our lives had changed and there was no going back. Any sort of trying to re-create that would not be genuine and would only further highlight that Marsha was gone. This link about the positive connection between grief and "growing your world" helped me immensely: http://emergencybunny.blogspot.com/2012/01/ball-of-grief.html Connecting with other widows her has been vital to me. I have received so much help and support from the friends I have made here. Please feel free to post here often, and reach out to others. Time and again, I see that the wids who are managing grief the best are those that put in the grief work and stay in contact with others. I wish you all the best.

I think this is great advice. I try my best to be grateful for all of the things that are going right with my life, and have to admit things are mostly going great. It pains me to close that first chapter of my life, but it is over and it is now time to write the next one.

Hang in there, buddy. You got this - I can tell by reading your posts that you are a man than does what needs to be done. Hopefully, you will regain your enthusiasm for flying once you get back in the cockpit. Best of luck to you.

And you can count me and DD in! By then, we will have made the move to AZ. Hopefully, we can get a ride with Jess

TooSoon, Don't be so hard on yourself - you are a great mom! If it makes you feel any better, when DD was little, we went to see "The Mask 2" and "The Piglet Movie", and I fell asleep in the theater during both

I took Celexa (an SSRI) for a while for anxiety after my father died. I had this same problem ^^^, and joked with my wife: "Where was this shit when I was 18? I could have used the extra time then!" ;D

Rob, that is great and you are inspiring! As someone with genetically high blood pressure & cholesterol, I can relate. Now, just to exercise more! (and by more, I mean "some")

br0peth, It is good to read that you are doing well and staying optimistic. My wife and I were high-school sweethearts, as well. What would have been our 22nd anniversary (and the first without Marsha) fell on Thanksgiving Day last year. At first, I was glad that there was the "distraction" of the holiday. I did well visiting my mom's family for lunch, but didn't stay as long as I normally do. It really, really hit me when DD and I went to have dinner with my wife's family. The empty space of her absence cut me hard while there. I tried my best to visit with them and make the day seem like a "normal" Thanksgiving. In the end, it was too much I ended up drinking a bit too much "holiday cheer" and my wife's brother drove us home. I'm so glad your day is going better.