Trying

I am so sorry for your loss, your pain, and your future cut way too short. Talk to your boss, talk to your professors and your advisor and find out what accomadations they can make for you. Right now you have to focus on the basics, eating, drinking water, sleeping when you can, getting showered and dressed. When ever the panic about your future hits, stop and take 3 deep breaths then tell yourself "I just have to get through this one moment." And you will. Then when it starts again repeat"I can get through this one moment"

Vent away! You have so much on your plate. I unfortunately know many families with autistic children who end up in divorce because of the stress and toll it takes on 2 parents and you are doing it alone. I hope you find some additional resources to help you. The truth is there are families with very little struggle and much good fortune and there are families going through even more painful times than you. Neither changes your situation or how random and unfair life can be. Something's will never make sense.

I had the privilege of holding both my Dad and my DH as they passed over. It was a very sacred time and I felt that I helped ease their passage and reassured them both that it was ok to let go and put an end to their pain. I felt very at peace in those moments and only after did my heart break and the pain hit me. You obviously have a very strong faith and so does your grandma, so if you happen to be there then remember it is a final gift you can give to her. I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers.

The letting go is the tricky part...

Moving stuff into my new shed from garage and basement on Sunday I was able to throw out even more and have a bike and set of dishes I'm bringing to thrift store tomorrow.

It is so hard to let go even when we know our loved one is ready. I wish your Grandma peace as she transitions and for you and your family during this time. Hugs and prayers.

Can you offer to drive them, meet a friend for dinner during the concert and then drive them home? That might be decent compromise. ps, I hate making these parenting decisions alone too!

I think you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Focus on healing yourself, you can't fix him, that's his job. I say this with the utmost empathy, as someone who would like to fix everyone I care about(and some people I don't even really care about, lol).

I am sorry for your struggles with your son.with the high incidence of kids on the autism spectrum, our society has not put in place adequate support for parents and for adolescents transitioning into adulthood and beyond. If he is not willing to accept help I'm not sure how much you can do. Can you give him a timeline to pick an option for getting out of your house? Are there group home options? I'm sure your heart is broken as a mom and I can hear your pain and emotional exhaustion in your post. I have no answers but think that reaching out to other parents or adults who live with Aspergers is probably your best resource. Sending you virtual support.

How frustrating! And doesn't the teacher suffer in the afternoon with kids who didn't get a chance to let off some energy at recess? I hope you and the teacher can come to an understanding as to what works best for your daughter. I am sympathetic to the tight controls that are placed on our teachers these days but there needs to be some wiggle room for working with an individual child's needs. Not to mention the mom guilt we have when we feel like we ant stay on top of everything at home, uhgg!

I think we would all turn the clock back if we could, but when we realize the only direction to go is forward is when we can start moving. Big hugs to you as pause your forward looking to reflect on all that you had and the man that you miss.

I am really sorry to hear about the breakup and the obvious pain it is causing you. The whole "it's probably better in the long run" will do nothing to ease the hurt you are feeling. I hope you can give yourself the time and space to grieve this loss so you can know in your heart that it really was him, not you, and that you deserve better in a relationship. My heart goes out to you, you obviously have so much love to give to someone deserving.

It is totally weird, scary and crazy to be opening yourself up to new possibilities! The thing is, without taking the risk you will never have a chance at love again. For now, just enjoy the attention and conversation and have fun. He's not asking you out to be friends, he wants to get to know you and see if there is something there, just like you. Remind yourself that you deserve your adult time, it's healthy and necessary. Try not to look to far ahead (something I have a really hard time not doing!) and enjoy the moment. This guy may be a keeper or he may just be a pleasant distraction that lets you get back in touch with that part of you.

Good for you that you stayed and were able to make nice in such an uncomfortable setting. That was a beautiful gift to give your close friends who were hosting. I still have a really hard time being around people who turned there backs on me but there is one couple I have to deal with on a pretty regular basis.

Hugs to you today. Some how our wedding anniversary is so much more significant to me now that he's gone. The last anniversary we had together was out 20th and his first day of chemo.

So proud of you Jen!!

Congratulations! I know how stressful this has been for you. I completely understand how hard it is to not be able to share the good news.

I found myself in a pretty low time after the one year anniversary. There was no prize for surviving a year, he was still gone, and I was tired of doing it on my own. I spent more time on the couch than I care to admit and isolated myself a bit from certain friends. I was missing joy and passion and lacked motivation. I spent a lot of time (while on the couch) dreaming up things that might make me happy. Somewhere around 20 months something clicked and I started making major changes. In general I have more peace and joy as I head into the 2 year anniversary next week, also a little panic because I might have gone overboard with all I have taken on. So advice? For me it was a long time of dreaming and thinking about what might light a fire under me. I didn't have a big list of things I always wanted to try so I had to come up with new ideas. A friend, who is not a widow but now an empty nester, has gotten involved with a charity and found a passion and a hobby (she works full time) where her whole life outside of work had only revolved around her kids previously. There is something out there that will do it for you when you are ready, when the time is right for you. You may have some trial and error along the way. The one thing I am pretty sure of is that passion and joy don't fall into our laps. We need to be ready to receive them and then actively search for them. It is a very daunting process when, if you're like me, you have so far to go. I am working on mindfulness, keeping the image of the life I want front and center in my mind, taking responsibility to make it happen, and trying not to beat myself up when I stumble. Some days are more successful than others but it's a start.

I am so sorry about your MIL. You know all too well how devestating this is and time may be limitted if it is cancer. I hope she lets her other children know at which point it's their decision what they do or do not do. This must be bringing up so much for you, sending you hugs.

Moving, renovating new house, taking on 2 different certification courses (1 full time, 1 partime), 2 kids and their sports and school stuff, team mom for football, college search with middle son, trying to change my diet and exercise routine. I think I have lost my mind!! 6 months ago I was barely able to make a decision or get more than the necessities done with work and kids and home. I may have taken this whole "positive change" thing to the extreme. My search for peace and purpose may end up pushing me over the edge. I am approaching the 2 year anniversary of losing Tim and I can't believe this is my life now. We were settled and content and I never liked change or risk. Has anyone else felt like they overcompensate for the devestation of loss by changing everything and maybe going too far?

That is an incredibly low, tacky and hurtful thing to do! I am so sorry you had to go through that. People who know you, know you and will see your inlaws for what they are and peop,e who are on the side of your inlaws are not people you need contact with. Of course that doesn't stop the hurt and emarrassment you feel. I hope you have blocked the whole lot of them! I seem to remember you saying Kenneth's family was not supportive throughout his prolonged illness so you were already aware of their character. Rid these people from your life in every way. And God bless your mom! I love that she was able to shut them up without sinking to their level. Big hugs

What if you started with seeking out situations where you can meet new people, men and women, not a pickup situation but some shared interest. There are Meet Up groups, church groups, adult education classes, clubs, etc. find something your interested in that might give you exposure to new people in a natural setting without pressure. Then you can see if you meet anyone that sparks an interest or just an opportunity to practice talking to women in a casual way. This might help you figure out if you really want to date or not. I don't think anyone should ever force themselves to date just because they think they should. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is no "normal" and no rule book.

I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. It's very hard to go through these difficult times without our love by our side to support us.

Sex and intimacy on many levels was missing for the second half of my marriage to DH which is part of why it is so important to me now wig new guy. The emotional intimacy first, we share everything with each other, and not just the flattering things. and I haven't enjoyed kissing so much since I was 15! None of that would be enough if we didn't have shared values and outlooks on life, common interests, if he didn't make me laugh or challange me. But I find every way I express myself to be heightened, I cry harder, I laugh harder, my anger is more heated, and my need to connect physically is more intense.

Oh Jen I am sorry you are having such a tough time right now, I know you've been making an effort to reach out and connect in different ways. Sometimes it's 2 steps forward and one step back. I will often have conversations with Tim, I still talk to him a lot, when something is going well, because I think he would be surprised or proud at something new I'm doing or he would think I'm crazy and be teasing me about t whi,e supporting what he doesn't understand. I try not to just talk to him when I'm angry or sad or worried. I want him to know all that I a grateful for in our past together and in my present now. As you make these positive steps to broaden your social interactions or challenge yourself in other ways you are going to,start to feel like you are not"just Jen" but "Jen!". Putting "just" in front of your name reinforces the loneliness as well as diminishes the importance of you. I'm into positive aspirations, they may seem awkward at first but the drown out the negative self talk and really help. -You're not "just" Jen -you are beautiful Jen -smart Jen -witty Jen -loving Jen -healing Jen -writer Jen -friend Jen That's the message you need to tell yourself, daily. Take 3 deep breaths to quiet your mind and repeat. Say it with absolute certainty, head up and shoulders back, with a confident smile on your face. Yes, you will always be a widow but you can be a widow who thrives despite adversity, a widow who doesn't want to miss an opportunity because you appreciate life. You are a widow who feels sadness and longing when you visit an old vacation spots but get a warm glow of great memories that you are happy to share with your family. You get to determine how you define Jen. I'm sorry if this sounds ra ra and I'm not diminishing how you feel, this grief shit is for real! But if I can see your greatness through a computer screen, you need to see it too and believe it. Try it for 1 week. Follow every negative thought with 2 positives. The positives will be hard to find at first but with practice, it will get easier to see them. Don't just ride out this grief wave, start paddling in the direction you want to go!