Trying

Nothing like a close, loving family who really keeps in touch with you! Lol.

Dropped of 4 bags of clothes to Goodwill! We purged before we moved but we were able to do more when we unpacked. I put in nice new closet organizers and it feels great to not have stuff crammed in.

Peggy and Fran, I am glad you found us and sorry that you needed to. These early days are about surviving, sometimes minute by minute. Be gentle with yourself and let others take care of you when possible. You have a hard road ahead but when there is a break of sunshine grasp onto it. Stay hydrated and keep breathing, you have found a place where you can share anything.

So great to here! Try to just relax and enjoy, you deserve a nice guy.

It sounds like a really crappy way for you and your kids to start the day. I will never understand how some people can be so insensitive and self absorbed. I hope you find a way to peacefully coexist so it doesn't ruin your day.

I often find the day after a significant day is the hardest. We prepare ourselves for that day and when we make it through it we realize there is no prize on the other side. They are still gone, we still miss them, our lives are still,changed forever. Let the tears come, some times they need to so you can pick yourself up after. I think of it like a cleansing, it leaves you feeling completely drained and the process is very unpleasant but the next day you feel like you are starting off a little lighter. (((Dons wife)))

I think it is very difficult for someone who hasn't been through what we have been through to understand how much the support we receive and give here means to us. Your new guy sounds like a wonderful and understanding man from all that you have described in your posts for the past year. I would not give up any positive relationship because of someone else's insecurity. If you find that your relationships here are positive then continue. He doesn't have to understand it to accept it but he should accept it. My new guy knows about this site, occasionally I might share some advice I received here but I don't talk about it a lot with him. I don't think he really understands why all of you are important to me but he wouldn't tell me not to come here. My relationships with my fellow Wids takes nothing away from him, I see it as a value to him because it makes me a better me.

I'm glad you were able to celebrate Mick with people who loved him, I think that is so important. But with that comes that sharp reminder of all you are missing and also what he has missed out on by being gone too young. Sending you hugs.

Any change is overwhelming when your grief is so raw. Keep breathing, give yourself time and space to hurt and acknowlege the strength you have in getting through each day. I used to hate when people said I was strong because I thought it meant I couldn't show how sad and broken I was. Now I realize that it takes incredible strength to be in so much pain and go through the process of grieving.

All you need to focus on right now is breathing, drinking water and trying to eat a little something. I would literally tell myself multiple times a day " just breath, inhale, exhale" repeat. It was the only way to calm the rising panic long enough for me to do basic things. Do your best to not look too far ahead because it is overwhelming and unfathomable. Face each day or each hour as it comes. I'm a list person so I would write down everything I had to do and cross them off as I did them. Some days it was shower, empty the dishwasher and feed the kids. Some days it was big stuff like handling life insurance and bills. People will say all kinds of crazy things to you because they really don't know how to help or just sit with you and your pain. They are lucky to be ignorant. You won't believe this now but time really does ease the pain. You won't forget, you won't stop missing him, but you will find a way to cope and to live and to even be happy. Keep reading and posting, we understand the huge range of emotions and fears and for me, knowing other people felt similar to me at least made me feel like I wasn't crazy.

I can totally relate to everything you are saying! After yet another week of making some major decisions on my own, some with the pressure of immediacy, I have had enough! My girlfriend and I had plans Friday night and I told her I could not make one more decision, that she may even have to pick out my outfit and order my meal! Of course I did manage but really, I've had my fill. Older kids who need guidance making their own major decisions, household stuff and financial stuff with no one who has an invested interest to discuss it with gets exhausting and leads to lots of second guessing. Something I'm noticing about myself is that it is making me very controlling. I am an over thinker, I look at every possible side to everything. By the time a family member, friend or NG is let in on something I'm deciding and give an opinion, I have a million reasons why my decision is right. I think I feel like I don't have the luxury of being wishy washy. It can all just really suck but I try to find ways to feel empowered by my new independence and competence. We not have chosen this for ourselves but we are doing a pretty awesome job most of the time!

I am so glad to hear from you, I've been thinking of you and wondering how the big move went. We moved right around the same time and a part of me wishes I could've left everything behind but with 3 kids still at home, not really an option. I did get rid of a lot so I can relate to that feeling of lightness. This moving stuff is more stressful than I ever imagined, and I stayed in the same town! I'm so proud of you for taking care of your health, it's so much more important than material things, as we all know. I hope you are feeling more settled and continuing to take care of yourself.

I am so sorry that your weekend was such an utter disappointment and that it wasn't clear to you before hand what you were getting yourself into. I happen to be recoupled, not totally integrated and sharing a life recoupled but whatever. My new guy is not a widower so if I was going to a large Bago it would not occur to me to include him. If it was a small gathering of people I was personally friends with and it was prearranged and agreed on, maybe. I would've been disappointed and uncomfortable too. It should've been your safe place.

Mrs Dan I think you will know when it's right to bring it up. In a profile it's totally not necessary. I personally wouldn't meet someone in person without knowing their marital status because you hear about still married or people who ar only seperated looking for hookups. If this guy hasn't asked then you aren't with holding anything. We all come at dating from different perspectives, do what you need to do to feel comfortable.

Wow, big steps for you! Even if it goes no where, it's good to practice and to take time for yourself. I wouldn't approach it like dropping a bomb either. It's just a fact in your life, your reality. You can do it naturally, as part of a story about somewhere you have travelled or something you did and say " I loved San Diego, my late husband and I took our daughter to the zoo and it was amazing" or something like that. Now it's just out there without being a revelation and he can ask questions if he wants. Do you know his past? Divorced, widowed, never married? Seems like a natural part of getting to know someone and I wouldn't want to seem like I was intentionally holding back a vital part of me. I think you might have a hard time relaxing if he doesn't know, you don't have to go into specifics. Good luck, keep us posted!

The best thing I can tell you is that the moodiness passes quicker with boys than girls. I found 7th-9th grade was the worst. Obviously not including what my oldest went through 17-18 when his dad died. It's a balance of letting them spread there wings while reminding them that you are the adult in charge. Resisting the urge to smack them takes incredible strength some times! My youngest is going into 6th grade and is so sweet and great. I have told him that I can't take him turning into a moody, bratty middle schooler like his brothers were. He remembers those days and swears it won't happen to him, lol. He held my hand and hugged me in a store yesterday, I'm savoring this time while it lasts! The switch could turn any day.

Why would they want to go through the time and trouble of training a new employee when you are already doing the job and doing it well? Ignore the negative people, you've got this! You are the best person for the job, present the facts that support this, highlight your ability to work as a team while generating and implementing positive change with your own ideas. Don't make negative comments about coworkers, you don't need to do that to shine. Go in their confident, good luck!

Such great news about your time with your daughter and the house! You are a remarkably strong woman. Most of us say that we put our children's needs ahead of our own but the extreme lengths of personal and emotional upset you have chosen for the good of your daughter is remarkable. No doubt you will have more bumps ahead, that's just life, but I also have no doubt that you will do what you need to do to jump over them or go around them.

I'm not there yet so I have no words of wisdom to share really. But I do try to recall that DH and I dated for 5 years before we married, we had no real history as adults before we met (we were 19 and 20) yet when we got married and started living together it felt like playing house for a while. It took time for him to be my "family" ahead of my parents in my heart. So I think what you are feeling is natural. Your NG has finally found what he has been looking for and never really had. You have already had what you wanted and that's a lot to live up to.

We Wids don't corner the market on broken and confused. If a second chance feels right and you are approaching it with eyes wide open, why not. Opening our hearts always comes with risk, we each have to decide what risk we are able to handle. Wishing you all of ten best!

All of the "firsts" are so hard, especially so soon. Do t do anything you don't want to do and let your family and friends know in advance what you want or need. If you want a distraction tell them so. If you want to talk about your love, tell them so. If pretending it's a celebration feels false to you, tell them so. You may not even know what you want or need and thats ok too. Your birthday is not about pleasing anyone else, I hope you get through the day as best as you can.

Situations like that where I don't really know anyone give me anxiety too. Usually it turns out better than I expect and I find people to talk to but definitely out of my comfort zone. Hopefully they put you at a table with this in mind. If you can find a group of women dancing together that usually helps and makes it more fun. I hope it goes well, you are a good friend to go to her daughter's wedding even though you are feeling uncomfortable!

You are so right MrsDan, it is huge from where we were a year ago! thank you for listening and responding through all of my turmoil. I wish there was a support site for divorced men dating widows so NG could get advice and support the way I do, he deserves it!

You are all such a great sounding board, and way cheaper than therapy! New guy is divorced, he married the wrong woman in his late 30's because he really wanted a family and may have overlooked some red flags to get there. He and I share so many more values than they do and craves the stable family life that he missed the mark on with her. Not to say that the only thing he sees in me is the mom role because we didn't really include the kids for the first year of our relationship, it was only one on one romance and getting to know each other that whole time. The difference is that I had a good partner in DH for 20 years. Our marriage wasn't perfect but we were great parenting partners and life partners. So at 46 I'm not waiting to experience that for the first time like he is. I won't let him rush me and he really doesn't push it, just letting me know where he is at. The problem with an early relationship post loss is that I have been simultaneously doing grief work, helping 3 kids with their grief, and working I myself as an individual while falling in love with a new man. Not the ideal way to do it and if we would've met now instead of 17 months ago things probably would be moving along quicker. I have definitely not been an easy person to date. Many times along the way I have told him he deserves a woman who can give him all he wants now and who is willing to accept all that he has to give. Yet he always says I am who he wants. More sensitivity on my part and more patience on his.

Uhggg, I lacked up and moved a ton of that stuff as well as business award plaques and coaching plaques. They will stay boxed up in the new house too. I've thrown out tons of stuff but the cards and awards are tough.