Trying

It seems like a very difficult decision to make. It is understandable that you don't want to move your oldest before graduation and that you worry about moving all of them from a place they have such deep roots. It's definitely easier the younger kids are for them to adjust. I am looking towards a possible blending situation at some point down the road, we are local, and still the logistics make my head spin, so I can't even imagine doing it in different states. My question, which may be none of my business, is why was there a rush to be married before you were ready to make a move? I have heard of other couples doing this and I am always curious what the motivation is. whatever you decide to do, commit to the decision and then work towards making it as uncomplicated as you can. Wishing you all the best.

It's a strange world we live in that the next "big step" in our relationship is to post a picture together from our weekend together on Block Island. For the few who didn't know, it's now official I guess. Such a wonderful weekend and we are so happy so why not now?!

First of all, give yourself credit for letting your children spread their wings and don't beat yourself up, they are still little! This may be more about your daughters personality than your parenting. I have 3 kids who I have parented the same and they are very different! My middle son needed a note on his bedroom door until he was 8 or 9 to remind him what to do every morning. He will still, at 17, get his little brother to get him a drink or clear the table for him. As far as giving them responsibities, yes, you need to for their sake and yours in the future. However, as a busy solo parent it is quicker and easier to do things for them sometimes! Pick the things you can live with them doing themselves (even if you have to redo it when they aren't looking). Hang in there, this parenting thing is a learning process and the rules keep changing!

Just like we women know we are included in the term "mankind", you widowers are always included in the term "widow". Confess away! If you get to read anything embarrassing, pathetic or cringe worthy about us, we should have the same pleasure😉 My confession, I am going away for the weekend without kids and I hope the ferry breaks down Sunday so I dont have to come back! I love my kids with every fiber of my being but I NEED to have a weekend of no responsibility. I envy divorced people who get every other weekend off.

Hugs to you on your 2 year sadiversary, mine was Sunday. Thanks for sharing this. I needed the reminder right now that moving forward is a natural process. I've been working hard to make positive changes but there are those moments of guilt when I stop and talk to my DH to reassure him that moving forward does not mean putting my love for him behind me. He will always be a very big part of who I am, no matter where my life takes me.

This is a 22 year old, fresh out of college, recently engaged, living with her parents, has a low paying job. I'm very close friends with her parents and her fiance's parents and my kids are close to both of them. I figured my 17 year old would be happier with them at the house than grandma and that the couple could use a little extra money. 17 year old doesn't need anything from them, 11 year old needs rides to sports and meals so a pretty easy gig. $300 sounds reasonable since they will be burning some gas too. Totally worth it for me to get a weekend away and no guilt from a cranky 17 year old stuck with grandma!

You are not horrible. You are not abandoning your daughter by going out one night and you don't even know that she will be sick. You need to take care of yourself, mind, body and spirit, in order to continue to be a good mom. Just like on an airplane when they tell you to put the oxygen on yourself first so you can help your child, you need to be able to breath in order to sustain being a solo parent. Let go of the guilt and enjoy your night out.

I have lost friends as well. Some people just don't know what to say. Some people can't face the level of pain. Couple friends don't know if they should include you or not. Some just don't get it because they have never experienced any type of significant grief. And I have to admit, I pushed some people away. I didn't take them up on early offers, I didn't return phone calls, I isolated myself in the beginning, and some people gave up. It takes a lot of time and effort to build new friendships and to maintain old ones, this is something I really to need to work on more. I am finally at the point where I am taking responsibility for my role in friendships lost and working on forgiving those who hurt me or walked away. Realizing how losing a spouse effects every single part of our lives is so hard.

(((Toosoon))) I totally get the feeling of being overwhelmed! Finding balance is so hard. You want to advance your career so you can provide for your family but that takes time and energy away from your family and that makes you feel guilty which takes time and energy away from your professional obligations and the vicious circle continues. I have no solutions, only similar struggles. i wish we could all learn to me forgiving of ourselves.

Sorry you had such a rough morning, some days it all just piles on and you have to let it out.

Has anyone ever used a sitter for a whole weekend? I'm trying to get an idea of what to pay her for 48 hours, in U.S. $.

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful yet heartbreaking experience

Hoping your sweet memories give you some comfort as you are missing your DH.

When we are in the depths of pain it can seem like everyone else has their shit together except us. There is nothing wrong with taking time off and allowing yourself to grieve. When we start turning to harmful coping mechanisms I think it's time to look for some counseling. Some people it's booze or pills, some people sleep around, eating disorders, cutting, and who knows what else. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself as best as you can. Don't put yourself down for feeling what most of us have felt or are feeling, there were many times when I have felt like an absolute crazy person! Big hugs to you.

I maybe tired from studying for a big exam or I'm more of a prude than I thought I was, but did you say the "three people involved"?

Moving just plain sucks and doing it alone f***ing sucks! I'm about 7 weeks ahead of you in moving and so happy now even though there's still so much to do. I hope you settle in quickly and the "surprises" aren't too many.

I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandma. I hope you have a safe trip and get a chance to say all that you want to say to her.

Today is my 2 year Sadiversary, I need to focus on some positives because the negatives are all too obvious. 1. A beautiful, sunny early fall day 2. Nice lunch at one of Tim's favorite local places with his family after Mass. 3. Several people remembering the significance of the day in special ways

Today marks 2 years since we lost my DH. He was a man who liked to be in control, he orchestrated the tone of his illness, did not allow people to be uncomfortable around him. Evaluate he invited (insisted) everyone come over and see him. We had several "parties" where he could tell people he loved them and we could all share funny stories with each other and with him. It was an Irish wake with the departed not quite yet departed. So yesterday I started getting texts and phone calls from friends, Tim's old email address sent out some massive spam yesterday. I think he was worried people would forget and no one would call me. Instead I'm getting lots of phone calls from some really freaked out people. I told one friend, at least he didn't throw a brick at your head!

Glad to see you back, I hope things are well with you!

Your story gave me goose bumps, we when are open those whispers are everywhere.

Thanks everyone, I'm a bit overwhelmed, but last year I was overwhelmed without half as much on my plate so I guess that's improvement. The whole change thing has been like a snowball, from complete indecision and procrastination to the first big decision(to move) and then changing everything. This is a strange new life, not at all what I ever imagined but I feel good about the direction I'm heading, since going back to my old life isn't option.

This Sunday will be 2 years since Tim took his last breath, in my arms. I am no longer in the house we shared, no longer in the bedroom where he died but it doesn't stop the memories of those final days from being so vivid. In that weird way that time has, it feels like yesterday and it feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes it's like that life was a dream or somone else's life that I watched. so much has changed in the past few months, I've moved, I'm back in school, I'm making positive lifestyle changes and choices for my future and spending a lot of time trying to live in the present moment and looking forward. But right now, all I can do is look back. I wish I could take the lessons I've learned and go back to that life I had with Tim. I could be a better a wife, I could appreciate him more with all that I know now. How can it be 2 years already? How can it only be 2 years? "Beyond active grieving"? I would say I am 80% of the time, by intention. Then days like this come and I realize I am actively grieving 100%, and I have to just let myself, no matter how much it sucks.

So much homework in early elementary is ridiculous! Most of my kids teachers at that age would say "if it's taking more than a half hour, stop, send me a note, and we will figure out why" when you and she get to that point of frustration it's no longer productive. Talk to the teacher, maybe she can get extra help at school, you can request an evaluation to see if she qualifies for extra services, it can be very beneficial. And you don't suck! you are doing your part and then some. The situation sucks.

Simply gorgeous! Congratulations to your daughter and to you for getting through it. An example of how life goes on, this her time and she deserves all of the love and hope that life has to offer, I wish her many blessings. You must be so proud!