Trying

Congratulations to your son and to you for being a great mom! It is such an emotional time for both of you, my oldest graduated last year so I can totally relate to all of the mixed emotions and concerns.

Being told I was strong used to make me very angry, in those early months I had never felt more weak, broken and vulnerable and when someone would tell me I was strong I felt like they were invalidating my feelings. Now I just roll my eyes. I realize that people who have never lost a spouse have no way of understanding and they need to feel like I am doing better than I am. That's about them, not me. Only through sharing with all of you did I come to realize that it was ok to have a day when I couldn't get out of bed or my kids ate cereal for dinner. It's ok to fall apart, get back up, move forward and repeat.

Prayers and good thoughts!

Tight hugs as you ride this latest wave out. You're in the middle of an exciting transition with your new job and I know for me, the good moments can bring the grief on as much as the bad ones. He should be here to congratulate you and support and it just plain sucks that he's not.

Tim had neuroendocrine cancer in his intestines that was diagnosed at stage IV, He was gone within 4 months of diagnosis and inbetween was 3 Hospital stays, an illiostomy and 2 different types of chemo. I was an extreme caregiver for a very short period of time so I can't really imagine how difficult it was for those who did it for years. 5 years earlier my Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and gone in 3 months. Neither of them had a chance to work on a Bucket List because they were so sick from day 1.

I have moments where I think I may be BAG but I'm not totally there. I entered a relationship (that I am still in) early on while still very much actively grieving so I agree that it does not have anything to do with where I was in my grief. My children's grief has definitely complicated my own and helping them with their pain has been the most difficult part for me. I really appreciate hearing everyone's stories, it gives me hope while at the same time reminding me that I shouldn't be "over it already".

Thank you for sharing Kenneth's final day. So much of it echoes my final day with Tim. As difficult as it was and still is there is something truly beautiful about being here to help ease the passage of your love, give them the comfort they need as they leave us and hold them as they take their final breath. To me it was a gift, not only my final gift to him but a gift to me. Wishing you peace today.

Big hugs to you lcoxwell. The one year mark brought such a mixed bag of emotions for me. The lead up was tortuous then I realized that there was no magic in making it to a year, it simply meant an end to all of the "firsts". I hope you do take care of yourself and get some rest.

Thank you for sharing this Hachi. I feel like this is the clarity I am grasping for but it's just outside my reach right now. I will read this again and again.

Kinda almost might maybe having your shit together sounds huge to me!

I'm not quite sure that I am "Beyond Active Grieving" but I aspire to be and I thought that a thread posting about positive steps towards living in chapter 2, instead of just surviving, would be a good step. I hope others who are finding their way will join me so we can inspire each other. My recent positive step is that I am starting to make financial decisions on my own. DH was a financial advisor and I let him take the lead in most financial decisions. 2 weeks ago I bought my son a used car. I did all of the research and feel really good about my choice! I am a practical and competent woman and I can make decisions on my own.

I potty trained 3 boys and they were all so different! With my first I tried to force it and nothing worked until he decided he was ready. So with the other 2 I didn't push as much and it saved my sanity! I would give them opportunity and praise them if they tried but was more laid back. Once they really showed interest I did the M&M rewards. All 3 of them were very motivated by picking out underwear with favorite super hero on them. It's so hard not to push when you see the light at the end of the tunnel for diapers! But keep in mind that when they are potty trained you have to stop at every public restroom and carry extra clothes in case of accidents. So it's not all rosy on the other side of potty training either, lol!

My worst was from an IRL widow friend just after DH died. He and I spent 8 years by her side after her husband died and my DH did countless things to help her because that's the kind of guy he was. She said to me"you will never have anyone who will help you now as much as Tim (my DH) helped me". "You have no idea how hard this is on me and my kids" referring to the death of MY husband and my kids Dad. And another goodie from her " you will be remarried within a year because you're not as picky as me".

Great news! I'm so happy for both of you.

One of my favorites from about 3 years ago.

Fuck insomnia that leaves me exhausted all day.

So much better! I am amazed by and so grateful to all who were able to find us a new home and make it so comfortable and inviting so quickly.

I was MissingMyTim on YWBB. Tim and I met in college and we were one week shy of 20 years married when he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, he had his first day of chemo on our 20th anniversary. He suffered greatly for 4 months and was gone. Our boys were 9,15 and 17. I miss having a partner to share in my life and to share in the joys and struggles of parenting.