Trying

I'm in full on panic and list making mode with the up coming move and putting my house up for sale! Signed paperwork today to put house on the market as of tomorrow. New goals: -Get house cleaned up for realtor pictures on Wednesday - end of school pool party for youngest Thursday (food, drinks, games oh my!) - buy christening cards, graduation cards, Father's Day card for FIL, gift for FIL and Bday present for nephew all by Sunday - get dog to the groomer

Thanks so much for all of your perspectives. I think that I need to be respectful of the hosts and their son and not make this about me. That being said, things need to change going forward. Things are serious between new guy and I but progress is stalled because I have allowed my teens too much power. I worry about their feelings and their reactions too much for anyone's good. I have been working on restoring the balance of power but need to be more firm with boundaries. I am in love with this man and I wish things were more simple and normal. I want to spend more time with him and more real life, every day stuff instead of just date nights. I have been holding back some with his kids because it doesn't feel right to get close to them before my kids get to know him. But they are young and adorable and open, it's so easy to be around them and I love seeing him in Dad mode. It's no wonder I have insomnia with the excessive over thinking I do about everything!

You're going to have doubts and second guess yourself because he has been messing with your self confidence for so long. The important thing is you have kept moving forward any way. The self confidence will start to return with each step you make. Keep going, you've got this!

You are totally right Serpico. Unfortunately it's their friend's graduation party, even though I am also friends with the parents. I think, given a choice, they would rather I not come than my kids. I was much more tough love before DH died, now I seem to be a door mat.

Uhgg. It sounds like this school is the right place for, I'm so sorry she seems to be risking so much. The school should be taking some responsibility since they knew her history. Hopefully this was just an isolated set back and she will get back on track.

PJ it sounds like such scary situations your daughter gets herself into. I have no advice, it sounds like you are doing all of the right things by monitoring everything so closely. The thought of her possibly being expelled after all you did to get her there must be so frustrating. Has she been happy at the new school or could she be trying to get kicked out? Hugs and virtual support seem a little insufficient but I offer them any way.

Listening to all of you it sounds so logical and easy. My issue with this particular party is that this family was at my house for Memorial Day when my older 2 acted horribly and made a big scene about new guy. I'm sure they don't want anything like that to ruin their sons graduation party. They have been very nice to new guy the few times they met but my kids were really awful that day and I was mortified and so angry with them. I definitely worry too much about what everyone else thinks and by avoiding situations with my kids and new guy I am giving them way too much control. I just don't feel like I have a right to bring him and cause everyone to feel uncomfortable so soon after the last disaster. I guess my kids are the biggest issue. 2 years sounds like an eternity Anniegirl, we are only 9 months in from my kids perspective.

At what point do you expect a new boyfriend be included in invitations from old friends? I admit I am a part of the problem, having kept him separate because of my kids issues with me being in a relationship. Of course he would assume by now that we are a couple and should be invited to things as a couple but it's not like that. My kids and I are invited to a friends son's graduation party. They didn't specifically invite new guy even though they have met him on 3 other social occasions, and it didn't even occur to me that he should go. Now I feel bad. He deserves a normal relationship and I don't seem to know how to do normal. Has anyone else taken a long time to integrate a new relationship?

I think stress can manifest itself in any number of physical reactions. What I worry about is ignoring something because we chalk it up to stress. When in doubt, get it checked out. If medically everything is clear than it's time to address the stress. That's where I am at now. The stress needs to be minimized and the way I manage my stress needs to change. When I figure out how do all of that I promise you all will be the first to know! Catains wife, have you had blood work done? Lymes disease checked? It can definitely be stress but sometimes stress and exhaustion can bring light to some latent medical issues or leave you susceptible to catching something.

I have a 16 year old son who should stay far away from your daughter. Together who knows what they could lose. But don't worry, it's NEVER my son's fault! Lol

(((Mikeeh))) As this time passes I hope you can go back to remembering happier days in earlier years together, until then I wish you peace.

It sounds like you all needed a night to sleep on it and cool off so you can think clearly. I hope you and your sister find a way to come together on this and agree on a plan for your DD. It does seem like she wanted to get caught. With you moving out there she may test some boundaries to make sure she is still being closely monitored. You've had some time and distance from her to gain strength and clarity and I have no doubt you will tackle this head on. Moving, DD reverting to some old behaviors, conflict with your sister, holy stress!! One day at at time, one step at a time, you will get through this and your relationship with DD will be stronger in the end. As a mom, I really admire you. Hang in!

Can I just say that I so wish I could join this Bago! It sounds like an incredible time with some fabulous people. Make sure you share all of your adventures with those of us sitting at home!

Virgo it must be so hard to see your Dad acting so unhealthy and irresponsible. Your brother is right that your Dad has to want to change but voicing your concern to him and setting some boundaries on his behavior around your family. And Dad, enough with the over sharing!

Our pets are our family, loyal, always there, giving unconditional love. Of course it would be hard to give them up. I'm sorry that you have to make that decision.

I love signs like that! Congratulations and good luck to you both, exciting and scary time when they start driving.

Some times life just keeps throwing curve balls, but man you really deserve a break! I hope things are drying out and looking better.

You will look back on this time at some point and be amazed by how strong you are, I am amazed now! Screw your so called friends, people are weak and self centered. Ignore the negative comments and his pleading and stay focused on your goal. We are all standing behind you.

I can not even imagine my mom saying anything to me like that! There are some boundaries that need to be kept. I love the way you handled it. If she's going to make you uncomfortable with her questions, make her more uncomfortable with your response!

There are no rules or "normal" when it comes to our grief. For me the lead up to one year was the worst. I thought I was losing my mind and that I was back in the depths of grief from the first few weeks. But once it passed things leveled off for the most parts. Now at 19 months I am definitely finding more joy than sadness, the lows aren't quite as low and don't last as long. I finally feel like I am starting to do more than just survive. I still miss him and think of him daily but the anger has subsided, the pain is easing, I am more hopeful. While I know the grief will never end I do believe it will get easier than it is today. The big thing I think is to not compare ourselves to each other. If I'm having a harder time at some point than someone else it doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. If I'm feeling happy and hopeful on a given day it doesn't mean I don't love my DH just as much as I do on the bad days.

You deserve to vent, that just plain sucks. I'm sorry it's taking so long to heal and you are stuck on your back. Wishing you speedy healing!

(((Injo))) that must have been hard to be among all,of this couples and none even mentioning you DH. And coming home to an empty house is always the worst part, and without you cat there to comfort and greet you adds to the loneliness. I find some people avoid bringing him up and if I do they may say something like " I didn't want to bring him up and make you sad". As if someone one saying his name would be like " ohhh I forgot all about having a dead husband until you said his name!" Seriously people, we think about them all the time weather you say his name or not. I have another group of friends who can go to the opposite extreme and give me the head tilts and "How are you and the boys, really?" constantly and want to do nothing but tell stories about DH and their own grief journey. Sometimes it's great to have someone to remember with but other times I want to go out because I need a distraction and want to have fun. I think being my friend can be a no win situation at times.

Mostly with the decluttering in prep for my move I am shaking my head or laughing AT&T he amount of STUFF DH accumulated. But when I get to the personal stuff, the photos, the things we picked up when we travelled, things we picked out in our earlier years of marriage, then is gets difficult. But more than the things it's the memories of the house itself. Milestones with the kids, holidays all of the many many parties and get togethers. My husband loved to entertain, even more than I do, he was the ultimate host. The more the merrier. He preferred to be in our home, surrounded by people, than being just about any where else. All of those memories are what I'm grappling with the most.

Fuck my realtor who totally sucks, doesn't care and won't return a text, call or email for days on end then when I finally get through she goes on and on about how busy she is! I don't give a flying fuck how busy you are, you shouldn't have tried to sell me the house if you don't have time to do the work!!!!

It sounds like a great compromise and nothing permanent so you can take take time to figure out long term after you get the rest of your work, school, and family life more settled. I'm so impressed by your forward progress. Good luck with getting settled and big huge hugs for you and your pup 😔