widowat33

I am only a few weeks ahead of you in this journey. Although I know he's gone, sometimes it just hits me, and it's overwhelming. When you feel like you are underwater and the waves are knocking you down, remember to breathe.. There are some breathing techniques that really do help anxiety attacks. It does get easier, then harder, then easier and so on... Sending you hugs!

That's awesome news! It's always so nice to hear of good deeds. Yay for you and Snake

Yay! We went to a few sens games! They were my husbands favorite team. It is hard doing things that they enjoyed..so that's a milestone for sure. One thing I like about that team is their charity work. Someone contacted them about my boys and our situation and they sent them hats, autographed pictures and a whole bunch of other cool things! I didn't watch the game, now I wish I would've! ((Hugs)) Go Sens Go!!

Before my husband died I used to picture his funeral and what I would say..it always seemed morbid, but I knew he would die young, even though he was healthy and strong, and he died when he was 34 in a car accident. Weirder still, about two months before he died he was talking about a friend who had passed away and referring to him as being "right over there" he also talked about his dreams and how he dreamt of how people were going to die. He mentioned his own death, now looking back I wish I had asked him about it... I think there are all sorts of people with different abilities in this world.. I wouldn't consider myself an empath, but sometimes I have a feeling before things happen.. I can usually pick up on others energies as well and it can be draining..

I struggled with this as well. I didn't want to be sad all the time around them, but I didn't want them to think I wasn't sad either. Now when we talk about him it's mostly with laughter, and tears too. My youngest would ask all the time if I was ok, especially if I was being quiet. As a parent we can usually sense when something is wrong with our children, I feel children have the same intuition. I don't think it's bad for kids to see their parents sad. In fact I think that if I pretend I am not it may make my kids feel like they shouldn't be sad either..and of course we should be, we lost a very important person. But I try to balance the sadness with the happiness, I make sure that they see me laughing and having fun too. Try not to feel guilty about showing any emotions, I think kids need to see that it's ok to show whatever emotion you are feeling! This is how they learn to feel and cope with their emotions appropriately. ((Hugs))

I miss it all... The cuddling, intimacy, holding each other, and of course the sex...

1. Caught up with some of his friends and family last night at my inlaws anniversary party. 2. My boys had fun at the party, and were behaved 3. The sun is shining, after such a cold miserable winter!

((Jen)) I think the hardest times are when there isn't a trigger, when it just comes from nowhere. At least when we are expecting to have a meltdown we mentally prepare ourselves for it, so when it's unexpected it really hurts!

That's a heavy thing for her to carry, I'm glad she was able to tell you. The night my husband died, I was worried that he hadn't came home and my youngest sensing my worry said maybe he was in an accident. He felt so bad afterwards because that's how my dh died, I had to reassure him that it was ok, and that it didn't happen because he said it. I think you handled it wonderfully.

((Hugs))

I agree, everyone experiences this journey differently, but for me on my darkest days just reading stories of those further along reassured me that with time I can heal. "I always loved you" I think that's amazing that she gave you that gift, her last words. My husband and I were also friends for about four years before we got together, he wanted more but I was content being his friend, I still have a letter that he wrote me after we first met. That friendship blossomed into an everlasting love. It's nice when it's easy to be with someone, although we had hurdles we always overcame them, communication was so important to both of us. I remember lying in bed wrapped up in his arms thinking "I can't believe this is my life" now I think the same thing, in a totally different context. I do see consider myself lucky though, he taught me unconditional love, and if I never find that kind of love again that's ok, because at least I had it for 14 years! Thank you again, for us newer widows it's so helpful to read these posts!

Nothing to say..just ((hugs))

Very nicely done! I love the message too..while my husbands death was in newspapers and posted on their websites, there wasn't any negative comments, I think the one I remember the most was one woman commented that her husband seen the accident and it was a bad one But I do get upset when I see comments about accidents and people are so quick to blame, I too wish they would think about the persons loved ones before they comment, or blame, or just write negative things! I'm sorry you had to read those ignorant comments, but I'm glad you are able to realize that they are just that..ignorant!

So happy to see this here..I posted once about how they were more than just our spouse, and you directed me to this thread. Beautifully written and so true!

That's great! I'm sure he would be proud of you I started college less than two months after my dh passed away, it has really helped keep me busy and have positive things to focus on! I agree, sometimes life is too short to waste not doing the things that make us happier! Good luck!!

Thank you for posting some of your old posts... I think that's what I will miss most about the old forum, being able to look back at the older posts that were within my timeframe, it really helped to see others perspectives! Everytime I read your posts about your Cindy I can feel the love you shared.

That thread made me smile, laugh, blush and so much more... People actually created fake profiles to do that? Yeah, I don't think I even got through the whole thread, lots of posts in that one!

((Hugs))

Lol..love the title! I remember not caring at all what I looked like..most days I didn't get out of my pyjamas. Still somedays I am like that..but for me it was the eyeliner. I wore makeup, but just the bare minimum, recently I started wearing eyeliner, that's me actually caring what I look like! I also giggled a little over him not liking the smell of hair dye..It really isn't the nicest smelling stuff, but not nearly as bad as those at home perm kits my grandma used to use in the 80's, those were horrible! Even thinking about them burns my nose hairs! Yay for you and all these milestones

I wish I knew what to say..those last memories will live on forever, just as our love for them will as well. The last words between my own dh and I were both of us saying hello..just before his cell phone lost connection. I waited a few minutes to call him back, but there was no service where he was. I have wished so many times to have the chance to tell him I love him one more time, as you said it haunts you that you slept through that last kiss.. But I try to remember the many times that I did tell him I love him, just as I'm sure you remember the many kisses.. Thinking of you and sending huge hugs!

I wish we could copy and paste all of the posts from that thread,lol..

Ah, yes..the young you will get married again comments..Really? Cause that's the first thing on my mind when I've just lost the love of my life, yep first priority find a man.. Or, everything happens for a reason...explain that one..or better yet explain the reason I just "four finger throat punched" you ( that was my hubby's favorite saying, he had lost a finger, so it was always four fingered instead of five) I just smile politely and change the topic, because I'm sure I have and will make insensitive statements too.. But yeah sometimes they just piss you off...

My oldest boy seemed to take forever, I had visions of changing his diaper in high school,lol. Youngest boy was trained within a week, or so. Can't really remember if I did anything differently with them, but I never put diapers or pull ups back on them once I put them in underwear, except at bed time. I think my youngest was quicker because he hated being wet. Also just reminding them frequently to try to go potty, and celebrate when they do, but most importantly I didn't get upset when they had an accident...recently a friend on Facebook posted she trained her kid in a few days, doing some three day potty training method?! Or something like that... Good luck!

Yes it seems unbelievable that we would forget something like that, but you aren't alone..I can only remember certain people being there, or even here at our house there were so many people in and out that I forget who was here. It was shock, and continued for at least a month after, I was in a fog, fighting my way through, but looking back I don't remember much from that first month or so. It's okay to forget some things, our minds are so busy processing everything that has happened.. Take care!

Yep, I knew right away.. It does make sense, there were some things that were unclear, now they are clearer, most of my questions have been answered. It was the dread of what they might say that scared me before I got them, I was on edge the last eight months not knowing what I needed to know. I think just the fact that they are so descriptive and clinical and in my heart I'm screaming out that's the love of my life that they are writing about... But I'm sure you get it too, there's relief but sadness at the finality of it all.