widowat33

Yes dimes..just like Nuggets said. After my grandma died we found dimes all the time, now I find even more! It may not seem odd to find coins on the ground, but it's always dimes, so I say it has to be a sign Music too. I have heard our fifteen year old wedding song on the radio so much since he passed away, and I hardly ever heard it on the radio before! Bluejays and hummingbirds usually when I'm upset they always seem to appear. And other signs, usually when I'm having a hard time. I don't doubt at all that they send us signs, I think to receive them you have to have an open mind!

It was a good game. Pretty feisty, but that's what I like most,lol. Was hoping they'd be able to take the first game, but there's always the next one Was happy when Subban got kicked out, he's a dirty player, then he tried to go back out in his street clothes. Just hope Stone's arm feels better for the next game!

You stole the words out of my mouth! SENS all the way

That's all really. I had a dream, actually it was on the day that marked nine months out. I keep begging him to pull over if he gets tired driving (they suspect he fell asleep at the wheel causing his accident) and he keeps saying I just want to get home. I explain that he died because he fell asleep, and I am hugging him, and then the phone rings waking me up. Ugh I know a lot of people love dreaming about them, maybe I will too when I am further out. Right now it hurts so much. Because when I wake up I miss that feeling of being in his arms, talking to him. While I am dreaming I know he's gone in real life, but at that moment he's right there with me and it makes it so much harder when I wake up. I am looking forward to the days when these dreams bring me peace instead of bringing me sadness...

His name was Shawn..Shawny..Shawnaboo..Sweetie.. He was the strongest person I ever knew. He was blunt and honest, sarcastic and stubborn. He also had the kindest heart, was patient, loving, sincere, hardworking, smart and loved with all of his heart. He was the type of guy who would help anyone, with anything, sometimes to the point where I would resent all the time he spent helping people out. He wasn't perfect, but we were perfect together! I miss him, I will always miss him...

Even without the loss of our partner I think when something like that happens we panic, it just seems amplified because we now know to expect the worst. Before the loss of my dh I worried, but no more than what was considered normal, because bad things happen to other people, until it did happen to me. Now it's very hard to not let it consume me. By the sounds of it, with all the people helping you search, you weren't the only one worried about him. Honestly, and this might be judgemental, but I would be more concerned about the mom who didn't worry about their kid! So happy he was found fairly quickly and safe! Hugs

Thinking of you and you will be on my mind tomorrow as well. I remember the date easily..you are exactly three months ahead of me, it was also the day I lost my uncle last year, and would've been my grandmas birthday.. Sending you hugs!

I was thinking diffuser too I am into cameras Kealoha, especially canons, maybe I could help? I have to start spring cleaning, I am scared of what I will find,lol.. I may be able to keep this post going for a long time!

Hope this works. This was my fifth, definitely not final, tattoo.

Its wonderful that you had a great day! Holidays are hard sometimes, but honestly for me, not much harder than any other day.. Don't worry about crashing after this, just take the good days when you can! Hugs and happy Easter to you too!

Thank you for the replies. I think what I am struggling with is knowing whether I want to meet people, and date, or whether I just feel alone and want to fill a void. I worry that I may rush into something based on my loneliness. And of course there's the issue of telling my kids and family when I do start dating, how they will react. It's funny before I dated my dh I never felt the need to have a serious relationship, he was in fact the first guy I ever loved. I think because of our relationship it's made me realize just how great it is to have that companionship. He taught me how to love and be loved. Maybe that's why I feel like I want to find that again..because I had it and miss it! It helps to hear others perspectives, we are all different, but I love hearing other peoples stories and experiences!

I'm almost nine months out. At the beginning I swore I would never date again. Up until recently I wasn't even interested in the thought. Lately though I have been thinking about it. I miss him so much and I know that it won't replace him. I feel so alone. I was so happy with him, I can't imagine not having that closeness that we shared ever again. My thinking is starting to shift that maybe I could find that with someone else, not exactly the same of course, but just that feeling that you have when you have that one person who loves you more than anything else and you feel the same way in return. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for that, but I do think I will be someday. And that's a start... Since I'm asking, I know I'm not ready, but how did you know that you were ready to start dating again and that it wasn't just because you felt alone?

Personally I think attraction can develop once you get to know someone. The most attractive guy at first sight would not hold my attention if he didn't possess certain qualities, whereas an average looking guy with those qualities would. But I'm not into pretty guys... Give me a man with rough hands, strong arms, and a kind heart and who would love my sons as much as he loves me. That's what I would be attracted to. And he has to make me laugh.

I'm not in one right now...but my while dating my dh we were. Once we were married we did live together for a couple of years, but with his job he worked away for the last four years of our marriage. It can be very challenging! For us the arguments were worse, because at least face to face it can be easier to resolve rather than on the phone, or FaceTime, etc... The special events that I had to attend alone without him, were another thing I hated so much. In reality I suppose the long distance marriage we had actually prepared me better for this life without him..maybe it has made it somewhat easier to adjust?! I know I am certainly more independant, and used to dealing with issues on my own than I might have been had he been home all the time.. One positive to the long distance was how much we appreciated every moment we did have together. We never took our time together for granted and made the most of it. I think that's another aspect that has made this journey a little less painful. I realize you are talking about current relationships, and maybe I shouldn't really post about the past, but I get how hard it is. Every relationship has it's challenges, being in a long distance relationship has different challenges for sure. However, for us it worked, and I know some other couples that it works for as well, but it's definitely not for everyone!

((TooSoon)) No guilt. Sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes we feel the pressure to be both mom and dad, or I do anyways. I am realizing I can't be both, I can only be me, love and support them, but I don't always have to like my role.

So now I'm crying! Amazing. Thank you for sharing this video, of course being a hockey fan the title caught my eye. A friend of the family arranged for the Toronto maple leafs and Ottawa senators to send a bunch of autographed pictures and hats and other memorabilia for my boys after their father passed away. It was so nice to see the smiles on their face, just as it was nice to see these kids smiling and so happy!

Would a newbie be welcome to attend one? I live in Northern Ontario, but if it was in July I could probably make it, I would have to bring my boys though! Haven't been to Niagara Falls in six years, but we loved it there! I have heard so much about these Bagos I would really like to make it to one, and the location is perfect.

Oh, there is no right answer for this. Please just remember that once you see them they can't be unseen. My dh was also killed in a vehicle accident, when they brought him to the funeral home the director "worked" on him (makeup,etc..) she then asked if I wanted an open casket. I asked her how he looked? Was it suitable to be open? She went by his pictures and said yes she felt it was fine, but I had the option of seeing him first and then deciding. It was torturous not knowing what I would see. It was fine, no visible external injuries, so as a family we decided to keep it open for viewing. Maybe you could ask first how bad the pictures will be. I had to have all the coroners reports, toxicology and autopsy for insurance reasons...it was very hard to read, but answered some questions I had and brought a little bit of peace of mind, yet still left me feeling devastated to read how it happened and how he was found. Even these reports are descriptive..I was thankful there were no pictures, I know personally I could not have looked at them. I understand not having closure, my youngest struggles with this saying sometimes he just pretends that daddy is away working. We had to have a very open and honest conversation about how that is not going to help him with the grieving process and he needs to acknowledge that daddy is not coming home. Hugs

Hoping it went well! So hard when your mind is on other things! ((MrsDan))

Yum, definitely strawberries and now I'm craving cheesecake! Ok on the topic of sweets... Ice cream Or Cake

Fuck not being able to fucking sleep. Fuck that despite being surrounded by people I feel so fucking alone. Fuck the future that I won't have now and no fucking longer look forward to. I do like the word fuck, but don't use it very often, since I'm not saying it, I guess it's allright to write it!!

My youngest a couple hours after finding out my husband passed away asked if he could have his ipad. I have to admit I was upset at the time, but now I realize he hadn't processed the whole thing and just really wanted to have his own ipad.

Wow..I'm tired from just reading what everyone else is doing So for my one class I was asked to make a goal and journal my progress, my goal was to eat better and exercise. Unfortunately the journal doesn't read so well this far, I haven't been truly trying. I have put some weight on lately and feel uncomfortable, I used to work out and I felt great. My goal for this week is to get in at least three 20 minute sessions of rowing, go for two good walks and eat less junk food, drink more water!

I have tried to remain grateful and positive, sometimes things really do just suck though! I believe positive thinking results in positive attitudes and I know I can't be happy if I'm negative, but some days I struggle to find positives. One thing I have reminded myself throughout this journey is that I do have a lot to be grateful for: family, friends, etc..most of all I found love and even though I lost him, I will never lose that love we shared, it will always be a part of my heart! Sorry to go off topic a bit, but yes in my opinion positivity helps, but I remind myself that rose coloured glasses aren't always best to have on either, some things are what they are and it's hard to put a positive spin on everything!

I wasn't being very creative when I did my username.. I was a widow at the age of 33. After reading all these stories I wish I would've picked something a little more meaningful!