SoVerySad

Tonight I'll be doing trick-or-treat alone for the first time. Both of my teens have other plans. My husband loved Halloween. Before kids, we loved giving out candy together. Once the kids came, we left candy out for the trick-or-treaters so we both could take the kids out. I live in a townhome in a large development now. Last year I had non-stop kids stopping for candy. It was wonderful. My son enjoyed it as well. My husband would love this so much, since we didn't get many kids where we lived before. I wish he were here to enjoy it with me tonight. Of course, I wouldn't be living here if he were still here. Well, I've got my candy ready and dog treats for the dogs walking along with their families. I think I will be so busy I won't mind being alone- at least I hope so. How is your Halloween going?

Tight hugs, my dear friend! I know you are doing a great job. I've never been in your field or position, so perhaps I'm not understanding why you feel including some essence of losing Scott in your submission would make you be seen as weak. I'm not thinking that you would have to share how deeply traumatic it was and fully how it all affected you. They probably couldn't understand the magnitude of all you've managed to accomplish while finding your way through such devastation anyway. But I believe perhaps you could find a way to include it from the perspective of how it has made you a better instructor to your students in expanding your understanding of the impact of personal situations your students may be going through. I know it has made you more sensitive to finding ways to meet your students where they are and providing support to help them reach success. I think this would accomplish two things. First, it would address the progress you yourself have made since the timeframe you were limited in your ability to fully perform your job to the level you would have liked during those tremendously difficult years. Second, it would highlight an important skill you have developed in relating to your students that may be facing challenges, etc.. I personally feel that makes you an even greater asset to your students' success, and hence the college's success as well. As I said, maybe that would be lost upon them. But I don't feel it would reflect as a weakness. While true, they wouldn't understand the incredible effort and strength you've shown throughout this journey, I feel your resultant sense of understanding gained is a valuable skill you can use to the benefit of your students. Even if you don't add any of this to your submission, please keep it in mind. You may have (unavoidably) missed out a little on some academic focus during the time period of Scott's illness/death, but the experience has added important tools to your toolbox as a result. It is no small thing. Sending love and tight hugs...

I'm so glad to see your post, Mr. C. I've been wondering about you and have missed your posts. I'm sorry you've been struggling. I can totally relate. The new job sounds great. I hope it will continue to help you feel better. The trip sounds terrific. I'm so glad you and the kids were able to enjoy the experience. We've never been there, but it sounds like a lot of fun. Sending you tight hugs...

Tight hugs to you, DarkRose. You've so eloquently described one of the hardest and loneliest parts of being widowed, IMO. And, yes, it is completely exhausting trying to maintain a fa?ade when you feel so broken and empty. I wish I knew how to make it less painful and exhausting for you. More hugs...

Yes, I think the like feature likely lowers the amount of actual posts and therefore results in less discussion. Not being very active on Facebook, using the like feature is somewhat foreign to me. For other members, it probably comes more naturally to use it. I am also not criticizing, just sharing the perspective of a less social media savvy member.

Thank you for sharing, imissdow. Having had the pleasure of spending time with you in person, I have been impressed from first meeting you with your sense of hope and positive attitude. You have clearly passed it on to your lovely daughters as well. You do us solo parents proud. Tight hugs...

I don't have any advice to offer as I have not explored the thought of a new relationship, but I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and lost right now. I am sending you tight, tight hugs!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife, Phil. It is a terribly painful experience. I also have suffered from panic attacks and anxiety since my husband's death. It can be so draining. I hope you will find support here from these lovely people who understand how hard it is in ways those who've never been through it cannot. Their concern and support has been invaluable to me. We are here to listen and offer you support. Taking it day by day is essential - sometimes even hour by hour. Sending you hugs of understanding...

I have wished for the same thing more times than I could count. I know how much it hurts. I'm so very sorry that you have to endure it as well. Sending you tight, tight hugs...

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your husband. Sending you tight, tight hugs...

I haven't read the article, because your second disclaimer is too present in my mind. However, from reading your conclusion, I agree. After my husband first died, I wished it had been me instead. As time passed and the agony of his loss set in upon me, I changed my mind. I am so thankful that he never had to experience this type of loss. I would much rather it be me than him living this difficult journey. I am glad to know that he was fully loved right up until his final breath. While my husband had experienced many health problems throughout his short 51 years (starting from birth), he never had to experience the loss of any immediate family member. Our children and I spent what should have been his 54th birthday with his parents last week. His mom and I had a good evening of reminiscing about my T. It felt so wonderfully indulgent to be able to talk about him so much. I told her that I felt glad that despite having had to deal with many challenges throughout his life, he was spared from knowing this type of heartache. It is the one small positive I've been able to identify in the devastation of losing him.

Sending you love and tight hugs filled with understanding, Maureen!

Just watched two episodes of Fear The Walking Dead with my daughter, so we are caught up for the finale tomorrow night. I started watching it so it is something we can do together, instead of sitting alone while she's in her room doing her thing. Now I'm hoping I can sleep. Hugs to you all tonight...

I wish we could come, but we have to get up early the next day as we're headed to Lancaster for the Renaissance Faire. I'm just far enough away from you guys that the drive is at times too much. Wish we were closer.

Mary, Please have Rick find my husband, Terry, and tell him how to accomplish this trick. His honey-do list is now my to-do list and I could use his help again. It's great that you are having things get fixed! Hugs...

Aw, I want to pet her. She's so sweet. I'm so glad you two found each other! Hugs to you both...

Sending you tight hugs, Anna. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Anniversaries feel so hard. I think it is because the only other person who shared the deep significance of the day is no longer here to share it with. Other important dates usually are shared and celebrated by others, but an anniversary is a couple's special day. I'm sorry you have reason to join this community, but hope you will find it a source of comfort. More hugs...

Tight hugs to you, SB....

Yes, it must be on our own timelines. I'm glad it turned into a lovely evening with the family who loved him joined together. I hope you are feeling a little less stuck soon. Tight hugs to you...

Sending you tight, tight hugs, honey! It must be so hard to read those words knowing it can never be now. I understand your anger at him that coexists with your love. I hope in some small way it helps to know where his head and heart were when he wasn't impaired - as bittersweet as it is. I'm so sorry he wasn't able to overcome his addiction and given you the chance at that future you were planning. The "only-ifs" can be torture, so please try not to spend too much time there. Sending you love and more hugs...

It is a gorgeous tattoo. I totally agree with your post. It only matters that the tattoo brings you comfort and helps you feel still connected to your love. I have a secret Pinterest board with tattoo ideas I've been collecting. I have almost finalized a design in my mind. My drawback is I really have a fear of needles, so I am still too much of a wimp to proceed with my plans. Not sure I'll ever make it there, but I hope I'll get the courage someday. Thank you for sharing your lovely tribute to the love you shared with Jason.

Sending you love and the tightest of hugs, Maureen...

Thank you all for your love, hugs, and support. Ginger, what a lucky day for both of us, huh? I live in PA and it was very unseasonably hot that day here. Normally I mind the heat, but that day I didn't have a care in the world. I was the calmest bride ever - no second thoughts - just pure happiness with becoming T's wife. I'm so sorry you didn't get more years to share with your husband. Sending you belated anniversary hugs...

AW, I'm sorry your FIL is so ill. It is good your MIL has you there for her, although I'm sure it is hard for you. I've had two similar experiences with loved ones near death reporting seeing relatives that had passed away. It made me a believer where I had been quite skeptical before. I can imagine feeling that your husband may be present in some way must bring up a lot of emotion. Sending you tight hugs...

Sending you a tight hug, RIFF. I'm sorry you are feeling the absence of your wife so acutely right now. Sometimes we just need to surrender and let ourselves re-recognize the loss we've suffered. We are called to spend so much time putting on a good face and keeping things on track for the kids - it seems inevitable that at times we need to slow down and let what we've been holding in out. Sometimes my anxiety about feeling like I'm not doing enough for my kids since I'm doing it all alone makes me anxious for them to grow up quickly so I don't get a chance to really screw it all up. Then I feel terrible, because I want to savor this time with them as much as I can. I know how important it is to do so. You are right that it feels daunting. I'm helping them make important decisions without input from their father. It just feels wrong to no longer have his wisdom and input to rely on. I have no experience with dating sites, but feel certain if given the chance to get to know you as the beautiful person you are, women will respond. They might just believe you are too good to be true at this point. You really have done an admirable job managing the busy lives of your children and your job while grieving so deeply. I'm always impressed by all you accomplish and your active involvement in your kids' lives. In that respect, it makes sense to feel relief that your kids don't have to deal with the loss of a friend. I see no reason to feel guilt about that. They've already endured so much hurt. It is a loving and natural response to hope to protect them from any more. More hugs...