SoVerySad

Well, I see I am in very good company, but I really am sorry that you all have these same worries. I hope over time we'll all find a way to not fear the worst all the time. Tight hugs to each of you...

Thank you all for your replies and condolences. I let my in-laws know to ask again about these expenses as their understanding doesn't seem right. My husband's remaining brother is handling most of the arrangements, so she is going to talk with him about it. Thank you, again.

My husband's brother died today - also suddenly just as my husband did. I am so sad for my in-laws. They are very dear to me and my children. To see them hurting so deeply is heartbreaking. The hospital team was able to get him breathing on a respirator, but declared him brain-dead due to too long without oxygen. My in-laws agreed to organ donation, although apparently it will only be for things like corneas, skin, bones, etc. as they removed him from life support. My apologies if my question is upsetting to anyone. We didn't have the opportunity to donate my husband's organs, so this is new to me. I was wondering if anyone with experience might share if this sounds right. They will be flying his body to Pittsburgh (about 4 hrs from here) to harvest the donations, then will fly his body back for burial. My in-laws were told they may need to pay for his plane flight back from Pittsburgh, as well as the funeral home's services to get his body from the airport and bring back here. Is this how it is normally done? Thank you for any information you can share.

About an hour ago, I got a call from my daughter's (15) school which was a recorded message telling me she was absent today. Given that I had dropped her off there on time this morning, I immediately panicked. Rather than my first reaction being that likely it was just an error, I immediately began to fear something terrible had happened to her. My mind was racing about the possibilities (all negative) as I waited for the attendance reporter to pick up the phone. She looked it up and said that she could see the teacher marked her absent in error and had tried to fix it, but didn't do it right. Huge sigh of relief, followed by a ton of tears after I got off the phone. Anyone else find themselves with an automatic default for worrying that something terrible has happened? I wish I knew how to rid myself of this reaction to life since my husband died suddenly.

I'm so sorry. Sending you tight hugs...

Oh, MS, does the idea of chocolate make it worth the drive? The kids & I will take you to tour Chocolate World after lunch if you've never been there. I went to a NJ bago two weeks ago which seemed crazy, but was really worth the trip. We'd love to have you, but I also understand the distance is an issue.

Sending you love and tight hugs...

Oh, darn TS. I understand, but we'll miss you. If you should unexpectedly find yourself with the extra time, you can still show up. There'll be plenty of room. Is everyone else still in?

I'm sorry, Mikeeh. It is heartbreaking what our kids are missing and for us to know how richly their other parent being here would be impacting their lives. My kids are 15 & 16. I wish their dad could teach them to drive. He actually taught me when we were first dating. He was so good at it, along with so many other things I pale in comparison to. Sending you tight, tight hugs of understanding...

Wow, RIFF, that is tremendous progress you've made. I'm inspired, but still can't seem to find the energy to do the things I want to do. Good for you! I've found anything related to our bed is a challenge. I thought buying new sheets might help. I bought a really nice thread count set as I thought just the feeling of the sheets might be a little soothing, since going to bed alone sucks so much. Not. Instead it made me cry thinking about how much he would have enjoyed them. But over time, I've come to appreciate their welcoming texture. Hugs...

I have a reservation set for noon for us on Sunday, 5/17. Only a little over a week away now. The reservation can easily be increased for anyone else who would like to join us.

I recognize it too well. It is exhausting - all the volleying back and forth. Like I'm playing tennis against myself and have to find the power to race to the other side of the court to keep the ball going. You've been seen, heard, and understood, honey. Sending you love and tight, tight hugs...

Tight, tight hugs, honey. I'm so sorry it is all hitting so hard right now. I remember early on when people wrote that it got worse for them, I was sure it wouldn't happen to me. I was sure I was already in the worst of it. Then it actually did get worse and I felt panic that there was no way I could handle it. It is very, very hard. I hope you will find a way to be more gentle with yourself. I know you don't want to feel like this is bigger than you. You want to go back to that positive, happy person you were. From the outside, it looks like you are suffering a feeling of failure to meet those goals on top of grieving. It is too much to expect of yourself. Can you just try to just give yourself permission to understand that it is okay right now to feel so overwhelmed? It feels awful, I know. But it is, sadly, to be expected. That always positive woman you were? She hadn't been dealt a blow of the magnitude of losing her husband. She had no idea how much a person truly could hurt. Don't try to make her your standard for right now. She had the luxury of not knowing the devastation you're dealing with. The things you are feeling doesn't mean you aren't strong. It means you're hurting, which is very different than being weak. You wrote that you don't want to feel sorry for yourself. Yet I know from your posts that you feel sorrow for the hurt others here are enduring. Please give yourself that same kindness. It isn't self-indulgent, in my opinion. It is a necessary part of recognizing why you are feeling the way you do and accepting that it is normal to do so. It is hard enough to endure all the feelings that accompany the loss of your spouse. Please try to not make it any harder by setting unreachable goals for yourself right now. Just getting through each day is a significant accomplishment in itself at this stage, truly it is. More tight hugs...

I'm sorry for the hurt the billboard is causing you, MrsTim. I really do understand how painful it must be for you. The image you painted of what your life might have been like right now if only things had been different brought me to tears. You should have gotten the opportunity to live out those dreams. Tight, tight hugs....

I'm so sorry, RW. Sending you tight, tight hugs...

That is truly a huge accomplishment which required a lot of courage. I'm so glad you were able to make that step. I'm sorry you are feeling the loneliness of an empty house. I think when our kids are away, the solitude gives us time (perhaps too much) to reflect upon our lives. It seems easier to just focus on the kids. My kids rarely ever go away without me. You'd think when they do, I'd be thrilled to have a break from two teens, but I'm not. Now if my T was still here, I'd feel very differently I'm sure. Sending you tight hugs...

If only, indeed, Mr. C. Sometimes I think we just need a reprieve from the weight of this reality - a few seconds or minutes to believe and hope it could be different. Your post isn't crazy. It is painfully poignant, yet beautiful. Sending you tight, tight hugs....

I'm so sorry you are facing this challenge on top of everything else, smabify. Unfortunately there are coverage cracks in many healthcare systems. It is often hard to find a way out of them when you're already so busy with the day to day managing of chronic illnesses. I know nothing about your healthcare coverage there, but I did try to search out some info for you. I found this which may be helpful. I'm guessing that amount is still insufficient, but if you are entitled to it, you should get the help. It looks like this assistance is only for permanent ileostomies, not temporary ones, just FYI. I'm not sure of your daughter's situation. http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/public/programs/adp/publications/ostomy.aspx I've found that sometimes it comes down to the way supplies are billed which can make a difference as well. Maureen's suggestion about contacting the manufacturers to see if they can help is great. I would also suggest explaining the situation to your daughter's doctor. He/she may be able to offer suggestions or know a supplies rep to connect you directly. When my private insurance here refused to cover one of my son's meds despite an appeal from his MD, his MD talked with the drug rep and got samples that mostly got us through a year until we could appeal again. It really helped as the med was an expensive one. In addition, after my grandmother died I asked her MD about her remaining peritoneal dialysis supplies. We had boxes and boxes of bags of fluids as she was hospitalized for the last few weeks of her life and had just received another month's supply. The supply company told us to discard everything. When I mentioned it to her MD, he asked if we would donate them to another patient. We were happy to do so. Maybe your MD can keep you in mind for donations if he becomes aware of availability. In addition, I recommend trying to connect to the Ostomy Society if you haven't already. See what help they can offer you. I found this link which I hope will help. It looks like they have a facebook parents support group. I would try to join and ask how other parents are handling this situation. http://www.ostomycanada.ca/support/parents-group/ If I can think of anything else, I'll add to this. Tight hugs...

I love the idea to have your own private ceremony first. Very clever and special indeed. Sending you tight anniversary hugs...

Wishing you luck, SB, and hoping it turns out to a good experience for you.

Those times when our kids really need their other parent are so hard to witness. While we'd do anything we could in our power to help them, there is no way to give them that. Sending you hugs and hoping your daughter heals quickly...

Maj5, I'm so sorry that your spouse/SO was not able to be here to celebrate your birthday with you. Sending you a tight birthday hug...

I'm so sorry, BH2. I know your mom's support has been so precious to you. Tight, tight hugs...

I'm glad you had a good day. Congratulations to both of you! I think those most sportsmanlike awards are really special. Happy hugs...

I'm sorry you are hurting, honey. Those reminders of the life we had are like precious little shards of glass sometimes. Tight hugs...