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Yes, trying2 ... he has a complicated relationship with his daughters; the younger one and her daughter live with him (although the granddaughter spends more time with grandmom and I've never met her or seen her at the house even and now with school out, she's there even less I gather) but he is estranged from his eldest. I texted him yesterday after he arrived at his worksite for the week to ask if he was okay. He texted back that he was, so I am guessing she did do dinner. Or he just decided it wasn't worth messing up a work week being upset about it. I was watching the show 'This is Us' last night and ended up writing a blog post about a dream that was inspired by the episode I saw. Guess my own fears came out. Feel free to read it here: http://starvingactivist.com/blog/2017/06/20/i-dont-share/.

jgib -- what Virgo said. It sounds like you haven't done any video chatting, which means you might be right about that 'being something in his head' because you all haven't had a chance to see one another's expressions and hear voices in real time. I've shared my first online long distance experience and it was just that ... he was something in my head. Because I got the feeling that everything he was feeding me was a crock and he eventually creeped me out, I started doing reverse photo lookup (https://ctrlq.org/google/images/); if you use Chrome, you can most times right-click on a photo and the option to look up the photo is there. Anyway, after that whole debacle, I started setting my preferences for someone in my general area (I live in Southern California, so driving an hour to meet someone is not too crazy). On this new site, the first guy to message was from Virginia; the written banter was friendly enough and then he asked when I was coming to Virginia. I said I wasn't and asked him when he was coming to SoCal. He said he wasn't. I wished him all the best. He replied with something like 'Well, that was fast' -- I was irritated and wrote back something like, 'In my profile I clearly stated I was looking for someone in my area, which in this case is Southern California. I have a lot going on that precludes my traveling. It sounds like you to have restrictions on your time so I figured you were looking for someone either in your area or willing to travel there and am wishing you the best.' In the end, he sent a couple more messages that sought to discover if I was there for a hook up like him (can you feel my eyes rolling? My profile also said I was there for a long-term situation). I ran into a couple of relatively local people who were all about the hook up as well and when I didn't go for it, they ghosted. My best advice is that online dating is not for the faint of heart. It is not easy to make a connection, whether you are on a free or a paid site. It takes patience and thick skin to deal with the jerks, players, fakers, ghosters, and takers. It is a steep learning curve but one that can yield a good connection once you situate yourself in the reality of it all. You may find meeting in person that you don't make a connection and that's okay. Keep trying. Keep meeting. If you want to include online dating in your repertoire of how to meet people, do so! Just remember that the 'dating' part of the equation can't really happen until you actually meet face to face I have friends who started out as long distance daters, but live video was how they started getting to know each other, leading to travel and in two cases, marriage.

Yes, trying2, please let me know how the recipes show up. Hey -- a recipe post might be a good one! I definitely think I am the junior high one in this thing with NG. I would love to be in a voiced committed relationship. That said, I believe we are committed but that my view is different than his of what committed means He's referred to me as 'his lady' and 'the person he is seeing' in casual references but I don't know if he uses 'girlfriend' when talking to anyone. Or if I get mentioned at all. I almost wrote those three powerful little words in a text message yesterday; his daughter bailed on taking him to breakfast and he wasn't sure if she was going to take him to dinner but was really feeling down in the dumps about the situation, so much so he just wanted to stay in rather than get together. We hadn't made formal plans anyway (he had to leave today for that business trip plus it's hot as blazes to be out and about anyway) but were texting and he was apologizing for not being in the best of moods. I pulled it in and told him that there was no need to apologize, sent two kiss emojis instead, told him to drive safely, and that we would connect when he got back at the end of the week. Sucks if he's miserable since next Monday is his birthday. So yeah, my junior high thing is a bit different

Yikes, StillWidowed. There are so many folks out there like that. Glad you were up front with him and have moved on. Guess he figures since he's good looking he can get as much booty as he wants, whenever he wants. Banter indeed. :

Thanks, 66 -- I so needed to read your post today. It brought tears, but they were happy ones. I am so tired of feeling like people are feeling sorry for me because I've been widowed twice in my 48 years of life or thinking that I'm 'the widow', sitting around grieving. I stopped grieving early, having started before LH died because he'd been so sick that last year. The doctors were not sure he'd live when he ended up in ICU in spring 2015 and that's when the grief started for me. It lasted through his coming out of that and me becoming his caregiver. About two weeks ago I realized I was tired of being 'the widow' and started ticking the 'single' box on forms (I tick 'prefer not to answer' when it says 'single/never married') and removed my relationship status from social media. I have someone in my life now who is only five years older than me (both my husbands were older than me, the first by about 12 years who died at 42 and the second at about 15 years who died at 62) and like you, I am having the time of my life. I hope that we continue to grow closer as I wouldn't mind being married again or living with someone.

Thought of this thread again this morning Was at NG's place last night and while we were laying around watching TV, we were playing footsies ... not exactly a PDA, but a moment of closeness. I mean, he was wrapping his toes around and in between mine. I had to work hard not to giggle. I'm not ticklish but am also not used to a ton of closeness, so it felt more 'intimate' than how I've spent cuddle time in past relationships. I've noticed that we've been sharing deeper kisses when we say goodbye now, like when he walks me to my car as I'm leaving his place or when he's leaving my house. This always happens outside, so yeah, PDA

Hi, trying2 -- I've never been to Jamaica but would like to go one day I'll post the recipe below for the chicken and dirty rice. One thing I'm guilty of is messing with recipes; never just leave it as-is, so I encourage you to switch up any ingredients you want to see what happens. You'll see my notes as well. I messaged NG early in the day yesterday and cooked in the afternoon. I took it over to his place as his daughter was taking him to breakfast today (I think that's her go-to ... I remember her taking him to breakfast last year for his birthday) and while his daughter and her boyfriend didn't sit and eat with us (primarily because NG was ready to eat as soon as I hit the door and didn't call them and two because they were off to the pool), they did have some and everyone enjoyed it. NG and I watched TV, talked, and played a game (called the Irrational Game -- it has the potential to be fun, but has some issues. Supported it on Indiegogo). It was a good day. Interestingly he had given me the option of cooking yesterday or today and shared that he has to go out of town for work on Monday, so I said I'd do it yesterday so he could get rest today. However, I didn't leave his house until about 3 am and he said he might come over to my house today. Too funny. Anyway, on to the recipes! Jerk Chicken based on a SimpyRecipes.com recipe Ingredients: 1/2 cup white vinegar 2 Tbsp dark rum (I don't drink rum very often so I used cooking sherry this go; I've also used whiskey) 2 Scotch bonnet peppers (or habaneros), with seeds, chopped (my market seemed to have stopped selling scotch bonnets; I found out that they are sweeter and hotter than habaneros, but habaneros work very well) 1 red onion, chopped 4 green onion tops, chopped 1 Tbsp dried thyme or 2 Tbsp fresh thyme leaves, chopped 2 Tbsp olive oil 2 teaspoons salt 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper 4 teaspoons ground allspice 4 teaspoons ground cinnamon 4 teaspoons ground nutmeg 4 teaspoons ground ginger (I didn't have any ground ginger so I subbed 2 extra teaspoons allspice and 2 extra teaspoons nutmeg) 2 teaspoons molasses (I always use real Maple syrup) 1 (5 or 6 pound) roasting chicken, cut in half, lengthwise 1/2 cup lime juice (I've used lemon juice or squeezed real lemon) Salt and pepper 1 Put vinegar, rum, hot peppers, onion, green onion tops, thyme, olive oil, salt, pepper, allspice, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and molasses into a blender. Pulse until mostly smooth. 2 Place chicken in a large freezer bag. Pour lemon juice over the chicken and coat well. Add the jerk paste to the chicken pieces and coat well. Seal the bag . Refrigerate overnight. (I refrigerate for two days) 3 To cook the chicken, remove chicken from the marinade bag. Put the remaining marinade into a small saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Set aside to use as a basting sauce for the chicken. Make a sauce for serving by using the remaining marinade after it's cooked by adding ketchup and a bit of soy sauce; I put in enough to cool it down a little and give it a slightly different flavor. Dirty rice (based on a picysouthernkitchen.com recipe Ingredients 1 (14-ounce) can chicken broth 1 bay leaf 1 1/2 cups long-grain rice 1 tablespoon bacon grease or Vegetable oil 1/2 pound ground beef (I used ground turkey and just added a bit of extra black pepper when browning it) 1 medium onion, chopped (I used a sweet onion) 1 celery rib, chopped 1/2 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped 1/2 cup finely chopped chicken livers (I cooked off the remainder of the liver to give to my dogs because the container has much more than a half-cup ) 2 cloves garlic, minced (since I was using a garlic press, I used three cloves) 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons Cajun Seasoning, I like Tony Chachere's 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme Instructions Set aside 1/2 cup of the chicken broth and pour remaining chicken broth in a medium saucepan. Add 1 1/2 cups water and bay leaf. Bring to boil. Add rice, cover and cook 20 minutes. Heat bacon grease in a cast iron Dutch oven (used my T-Fal Dutch oven as I only have cast iron pans). Add ground beef and crumble it with a wooden spoon. Once the ground beef is crumbled, add onion, celery, and green pepper. Cook stirring occasionally until beef is no longer pink and vegetables are softened. Add chicken livers and garlic and continue to cook 5 minutes. Add salt, Cajun seasoning, and thyme. Add reserved chicken broth and scrape the bottom of the pan to release all the brown pieces. Let simmer 1 minute. Remove bay leaf from rice and add rice to Dutch oven. Stir it into the ground beef mixture. Keep the heat on while you stir. Once it is combined well, remove from heat. Once we sat down to eat, we used some of the sauce from the jerk chicken on the rice. Would love to hear if anyone tries these recipes and how you enjoyed them! If you don't like spicy foods, you can probably just not use the peppers in the chicken recipe, but it won't be jerk chicken

On a lighter note, sort of, it's June, which means this weekend is Father's Day and next weekend is NGs birthday. My newest neurotic concern is not going overboard on celebrating I love looking for unique gifts and have what I think is a nice bunch of stuff for his birthday, including some British chocolate bars (he did his DNA earlier this year and discovered he has a heavy British history). I mentioned that I was willing to cook jerk chicken for Father's Day and am wondering if he'll take me up on making it a 'family' thing with his daughter and her boyfriend. I settled my mind that if he doesn't, I will send him home with a bunch of food because I have planned to make enough for more than just the two of us. For those of you in budding or committed situations with men who are dads, what are you doing for them this weekend?

Thanks, MrsDan and Trying2 ... my mom's family are like that. She didn't mean any harm but they don't do well talking about serious issues. It felt quite dismissive and so I need to just step away and deal with things in my own way without expecting much from them. Fortunately I have other things to occupy my time

Very good point, TooSoon. I feel like I have made choices in life, particularly after being widowed the first time that made me feel like I'd lost a few respect points for myself (self-respect). I got over it, but it's like self-esteem, right? How we view ourselves during the learning process. I have made choices that others might not agree with since being widowed a second time but they were choices that were in my best interest and increased the respect points I had for myself. It is a journey for sure

Thank you so much, trying2. I appreciate it and will keep everyone updated. Of course it's like every ache and pain in magnified and my feelings are super-sensitive. On top of it all, when I called my mom to tell her, I got a sort of 'you will be all right and let me tell you about my day' reaction. Really? I told NG I'd make jerk chicken for Father's Day so I made my marinade yesterday evening. My current mood has me anticipating that he'll bail. Just feeling miserable all around.

Happy Thursday all: So on top of everything going on emotionally with this menopause business, I get a letter today after my mammogram that I had on Tuesday (yep, two days later) that they want me to go back for a re-screen because of 'an area of concern'. I am terrified. My mom had breast cancer last year but is in hear 70s, which the doctor said should not be cause for concern for me. I have a couple thoughts about the whole matter: 1) this medical facility is more thorough and want to follow up on everything. I'm a new patient and my records are on request from the previous medical facility I had when I worked full time. I had calcium deposits in the past, which is what showed up when I went for the re-scan. 2) the doctor was full of crap and there's something serious going on, which is the source of all my discomfort. I am tired of fighting. I don't mean that like I'm giving up or anything but that I feel like I can't catch a break. Just when I feel like things are on a good flow with NG, my son is on the mend, I am staying afloat financially, there's this. From a superficial and selfish menopausal place, I am not trying to be sick because I am afraid of being a potentially weak or sick partner. I know the toll it took on me when LH was sick. I don't want to be that person for anyone. I have to go to the ophthalmologist on Monday and am stressed about the possibility of eye issues as well. It's just a lot all at once. Maybe I'm just thinking the worst. Regardless, it sucks.

Totally get that, klim! I feel the same way. I shared on another thread that I don't stay overnight at NG's place (I did once and I think he's lightening up on that 'rule' a bit) because he set the house rule for his daughter so her boyfriend doesn't spend the night. NG says he knows they probably stay there when he's out of town or at my house though, but it's the setting the example thing. Like you, when I am there, I let him take the lead on how much PDA should be in the public spaces in front of them

Thanks so much -- I am an only child and also had no one to tell me the wonders of this time of life : I am 48 and Mom certainly never talked of such. We never even had a birds-and-bees talk. I am grateful as I could have started much earlier; I had a partial hysterectomy when I was about 41 so had they taken my ovaries too, I might have gone full on then. Funny story: when NG was moving, I went over there to help on the last day with the cleaning. Out of the blue he asked me if I had heavy periods. I was stunned for a second but replied that I'd had the partial hysterectomy and didn't have to worry about that anymore. He explained that he had ordered an iron supplement for his daughter, knowing that the cycle depletes iron in our bodies, she didn't use it, and he didn't want it to go to waste. Ha!

Thank you for sharing your journey, daysofelijah; you give me hope for future happiness!

So a funny thing happened in the social media world ... My son is doing better after his hospitalization for pneumonia; during that time I took a break from social media. I was also quite anxious about my own health, having been to my annual checkup and coming back with a diagnosis of getting old I have all the body aches and so on as a menopausal woman (yay : ) and needed to decompress. I realized I was feeling a good bit of jealousy over folks who were sharing anniversary photos, flowers on their desk received just because from their beloveds, great happenings with their children ... and I don't like feeling that way. It's not my normal space. So, my cure was to get away from it for a while to get my head on straight. I popped in to let folks know about my son's progress and that was about it. Once he was released from hospital, I resurfaced a bit. I went to NG's place on Sunday and we went out for dinner and a movie. I hung out for a little bit and then came on home. I posted on social media a little bit; one thing I shared (for the benefit of my friends and family back east who always freak out about how hot it gets here in the southwest) that I was getting my house AC fixed this week because by the end of the week it's due to be 100+ degrees F. NG popped on and volunteered to try and fix it for me once I got the diagnosis. We had had a deep discussion of the movie we went to see and I wrote a blog post about it; NG popped on to continue the discussion, even though I only loosely suggested I'd gone to see the movie with someone. He made a post about a health issue and I replied to it; my post included an offer to make one of his favorite dishes for Father's Day. He replied positively; it was like we were just having a conversation rather than posting all out there for the world to see. I realize that such interactions are now the new norm of how we connect during the week. I am still not on it as much as I was before while I try to get my own headspace right. I went for a mammogram yesterday and am praying for good results; I am anxious generally since my mom had breast cancer last year (even though my doctor told me I shouldn't worry because she was 73 when it showed up which means my chances of getting it in my late 40s is slim to none) and with the menopause anxiety ... yeah, no fun. But nonetheless, the public conversations made me smile. More junior high moments of dating :

tybec -- you made me smile with your post. LH was a percussionist, I DJ'ed in college, and NG plays guitar for fun. Yeah, there's usually stuff

Yay! Congrats!

Some folks aren't 'picture people'. NG doesn't have photos up. Didn't in the old place either. He does have a good collection on his phone and occasionally posts on social media (granddaughter, daughter, mom, dad, siblings). He has posted a couple of 'memories' on Facebook from before his divorce but hasn't done that in a while. I haven't trolled his photo album to see if he left the ex's photos in there (she's not his kids' mom -- I don't think he had any photos of her) but I have a feeling he might have gotten rid of them because it was not a pleasant parting.

Ordinary, every day sort of confession: I miss having and being a help-mate. Someone to take the garbage cans down to the curb instead of me. Someone to flip a coin with to see who's going to clean the cat box (added confession: there are times when I don't clean them. I have one cat and two boxes. He lives in the garage because he doesn't want to share space with the dogs. And I go out there every day but some days I just don't want to do it. I grow weary of doing it by myself; it became my sole chore after my son moved out and my LH got too sick to do much of anything before he died). Someone else to cook dinner for. Someone to welcome home from work (I work at home).

I thought of this post last evening while NG and I were at the movies. We had to walk about 3.5 blocks from the car to the theatre. We held hands the whole way. We held hands through the movie. No PDA beyond that. I was sitting there, smiling to myself in the dark, thinking of you all

Artifacts, not memorabilia -- great distinction, MrsDan, that goes beyond the museum, doesn't it? I consider the two photos I have of LH as artifacts. I consider the artwork that he did and I still have displayed around the house as artifacts. I only need a few as representations -- not everything. LH and I never took lots of photos together. It's only been within the last few months that I've gotten over not taking photos of myself. I only have one with NG from when we went to an escape room experience last fall. Funny -- we went to a movie yesterday and there was a photo booth outside. When we were going into the theatre I said we should get in the photo booth and make faces. When we came out of the movie there were people in it, so no photos

So sorry, Sugarbell. You got this though. You are doing a great job!

Oh my, RyanAmysMom. Just ... ew. But I had to laugh a little as well. Sad, all of it. And Momto -- that is far too creepy.

Agreed, trying2; I cleaned my garage last year/early this year. Or so I thought ;D The clothing was one thing I did almost right away. I gave all of it to the local homeless community. I kept a few items but then put them in a pile of things for his daughter; she had asked me about some of his clothes. If she doesn't make her way out here, I guess I would ask her friend who lives out here to take it and hold it for her or it all will be given away at some point should I get to a point of leaving this house. As it is now, it's all in a cabinet in the garage, out of my sight.