On line dating vents and laughs......

[MrsDan]

A moderate distance wouldn't have been a deal-breaker for me, but I also don't think someone who thinks it is should be considered a 'tool'. I wonder if the level of hostility required to make such a distinction is showing through in dating communications?

 

This probably sounds like a criticism but it's really more of an observation or a question, but one may take it as one wishes...

 

See, I think the thing that makes him a tool is the whole "he has been "agonizing" over what to do" part. Because to me it reads as, "I've been trying to decide if you're worth it." He could have presented it much differently. His approach was very self centered, in my opinion.

[Captains wife]

Sooo.. guy I dated recently for 3 months tried to friend a bunch of my female friends on FB (who he had only met once) and I found out last night he started texting one of my friends this past week (he had her cell number as he was texting pics of an event we all went to a few weeks ago). He did ask about me BUT he kept just texting her about other stuff, asking how she was, sending pics of him sailing etc. She has since blocked his cell number (as have I). WOW - this is a whole 'nother level of inappropriateness. Nothing surprises me anymore in dating...

[arneal]

(shaking head) CaptainsWife -- I have no words. Sending hugs your way! That's just ... oh wait, I do have a word: gross.

[klim]

Ok which sites do you use???

People that don't know anything( my married friends) are trying to tell me which site s are for which type of dating. Seems they all have reputations. I suspect there might be better options depending on age as well.

I'm on the slightly older side of "young widow", I'm 54.

I know of 

 

OKCUPID

POF

TINDER

EHARMONY.

 

I know of MATCH but right now I'm being fiscal and not paying and they don't let you get too far.

 

So far I like POF.......

I get the most compliments from the junior set on OKCUPID

And my friends are telling me TINDER is for Hookups but it looks pretty similar to other sites.

 

OPinions?????      Experiences????

 

[Momtojandj]

Klim

You know the same ones I have used . I have to say from talking to single people what works in one area , doesn't always work in another. However , my two that I meet the most are pof and tinder. I do state on tinder, I'm not looking for a hookup. I like that since you go thru Facebook, tinder tells you if have have friends in common.  A lot of guys state on there that they aren't looking for a hookup either . Ps.. I went onto groupon and found 3 months for match for only 25 dollars.

[Captains wife]

I have done ALOT of internet dating (ugh). I am in my 40s and I have not used Tinder but had friends that have used it and it hasn't led to anything but the odd date/friendship/hook-up.

 

I've tried OKC, EHarmony and Match. I actually thought OKC was pretty good in terms of the set up/profiles/extensive questions and number of people on the site but since its free you get a lot of scammers on there and undatables and I found I got "harassed" a lot on there. I also dated someone on there who was a complete liar.

 

eHarmony is a COMPLETE waste of time - its the most expensive, not great matches, a lot of "unreal" profiles on there and the initial back and forth correspondence (before you can email each other) plus inability to pick your matches makes it terrible to use for both men and women.

 

Match I find has the best selection of people to date but it costs and you still get a lot of creeps on there. I also HATE the Winks, Interested, Likes etc - its SOOO confusing! But I met my husband on Match in NYC so I am a little partial to it and I've had some decent dates from it (and some not so decent dates).I also think a paid service weeds out some of the scammers and really creepy people.  I also think it benefits from a wide membership, depending where you live.

 

I think there are some new dating sites that try and link you through your friends networks to meet men - I saw an app on Shark Tank plus there is OurTime (over 50 site my friend uses), EliteSingles (not tried it).

 

All the best as this is not easy although it can be fun ! 

[RobFTC]

Can't delete, I guess?

[sdarrah1130]

I met NG on Match 

 

First and last site...... I paid for the subscription only because I have never truly dated before and wanted to reach out of my comfort zone (2 mile radius of where I live)  LOL. 

 

I liked it because I was able to narrow my search criteria.  I searched widowers within 35 miles of my area.....  talk about out of the 2 mile radius.......

 

I met NG, fellow widower, gets me and we just Clicked. 

 

Good Luck to you.  Our hearts, minds and heads deserve to be happy. 

[arneal]

Match and eHarmony were a waste of time for me. Like you, sdarrah, I wanted to reach outside my zone in various ways ... I didn't want to meet men who were only from within the site's prescribed age range or race/ethnicity. I joined a couple of interracial sites, which is where I met guy I've been seeing (and am interested in) and the texters. Speaking of which, the one texter popped up today after being silent for a few days. This is an interesting journey for sure!

[MrsDan]

I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. I liked the interface of that site the best. I liked that it was more granular than the other sites. Like with match,  it would say someone liked music, but what kind? If that info was on there I couldn't find it. And on OKCupid the matches were broken down you could see which areas were most compatible. BF and I were a very high match overall, but I noticed that we were a ridiculously high match on ethics questions. To me that said a lot. What I didn't like about it is it deliberately doesn't show you all your matches. The only way you could see more matches was if you changed up the filter now and then. It worked out for me though. Actually, it's kind of funny, they have this "quickmatch" option, where you can scan info quickly without actually doing a full search opening someone's full profile. Every single time I did it, my boyfriend came up by like the second or third guy, and many times he popped up first.

 

I found Match and Zoosk a pain to use, and had heard that Tinder and POF were full of pervs and weirdos, although I never tried them. An I hate that Eharmony is a Christian site without  being transparent about it. I mean, I have no problem with faith based sites. Faith is important to a lot of people and in many cases probably a deal breaker. But at least be upfront about it, like Christian Mingle or J Date.

[arneal]

That's interesting about eHarmony, MrsDan -- they have a commercial where the woman says she isn't religious and the guy says that's not a problem. Is there something overt about the faith aspect? I have faith as a component I'm looking for but haven't limited myself to a narrow view. Despite all that, eHarmony just didn't do it for me ...

 

Late afternoon update -- you all got me curious about this OKCupid so I went and made a profile. Folks sure are friendly over there lol! I got a few emails right away so we'll see. Took a chance and texted someone who had been trying to get my attention on the main site I've had a profile on; his spelling is horrid and he uses text speak almost exclusively, even though he's like 58. Sorry, but I still text with full words and to be honest, it's annoying me to the point I don't want to keep it up. Sigh -- come on, 'guy I like' (fingers crossed that it will continue to develop so I can get off this weird carnival ride called online dating) 

[Momtojandj]

So I joined a Facebook group, single in NJ. More for advice , and just to see what it is about than trying to find someone on there to date. Anyway .. One guy posted .. Don't you wish people would be brutally honest in their profile , and he proceeded to say what he would write. So I decided to say what I wish I could write on a profile.. Now before I tell you , or maybe it doesn't matter .. But how brutally honest can you be? Or should you be? Maybe if we all were more honest with our wants, needs and our faults , would that help or hurt us online? Hmm .........

[SemperFidelis]

Momtojandj, it turns out you can be brutally honest and not scare away EVERYONE.

 

My match profile underwent about three revisions. One version of mine was....uhhh..... *way way way way* too much information. I was all cracked out making profiles within the first months of my husband's death. And I am thoroughly embarassed by this particular (2nd) version of my profile.

Well. My ch2..... He had messaged me once with my first profile, and I ignored him. On my third profile he messaged again months later. I did not realize he had also viewed my profile during the crazy 2nd profile time. Lol. I was so embarrassed to know he saw it. But it showed me something I appreciate about him, that he cannot be scared away....he cannot be shocked..... And he has patience and understanding for me in my craziest hour even at the very beginning.

 

So post away. Post some crazy sh*t and scare off the cowards.

[Forgottenwife]

So post away. Post some crazy sh*t and scare off the cowards.

 

I posted a little crazy stuff too! It worked!! Being your genuine self is the best way to find someone who is right for you, but its ok to temper that with putting your best foot forward too. I met my Chapter 2 who I have been exclusive with now for more than three years on OKCupid. I thought OKCupid was good for many reasons: There was no limit to the number of people I could chat with, I could see where we had beliefs and attitudes in common, and I found the interface very easy. My partner is all that - funny, loving, interesting, passion for his work, reliable, kind and a great companion. Loves his Mom and all that. And he was just hanging out on OKCupid too! I had to put myself out there for rejection, weed through lots of weirdos, endure some unsolicited penis pictures, hear that I live too far or I was too fat or whatever. I also met lots of regular, successful men looking for a partner. I say take a chance and don't take the weirdos and the ghosters and insulting creeps too seriously.

[SemperFidelis]

Forgotten wife, you nailed it with the attitude necessary for online dating. Cheers!

[MrsDan]

 

 

Loves his Mom and all that.

 

This cracked me up because one of my favorite pictures of my boyfriend on OKCupid was of him and his mom. I just thought it was so sweet. And they are close, although he is also good about boundaries too. Apparently, I owe a lot to his stepsister. She told it was time for him to get back online, and she encouraged him to use that picture. He was like, "Really?" And she was all, "oh yes, definitely."

[SemperFidelis]

 

 

Loves his Mom and all that.

 

This cracked me up because one of my favorite pictures of my boyfriend on OKCupid was of him and his mom. I just thought it was so sweet. And they are close, although he is also good about boundaries too. Apparently, I owe a lot to his stepsister. She told it was time for him to get back online, and she encouraged him to use that picture. He was like, "Really?" And she was all, "oh yes, definitely."

 

Lol, that's outstanding :-)

[Momtojandj]

Ok, so I said the heck with it .. And this is my new profile summary .. Please be honest

 

After trying dating sites, I decided to be blunt , and honest .  I'm 47 years old, a widow and mom of two teenage boys . I have no time to chase any guy , I think the guy should make the first move . Enough with the likes, winks and favorite bulls@@t. Send an email . If I've given you my phone number , I would actually like to meet , not text endlessly .

I would love to have someone to share my life with , but I was lucky to be in love and had a wonderful husband . No reason to settle . Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some of you are still single.

What do I have to offer ? I'm always smiling. I realize life is short, so I have no time for petty arguments , or grudges. I'm a great kisser , cuddler and more 😉.

I love vacations, I believe it recharges the soul. I'm a whiz in the kitchen , but I also love to go out and try new places to eat . I love going to the gym , but I'm up for kayaking , walking , or doing a rugged maniac race. I'm a great mom , friend and person .

What am I looking for ? I won't date anyone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son . Married, still in love with your ex, or blame her for the breakup.. Move on .. So am I too blunt .. Maybe .. But I'm looking for a man , not a child that plays games .

[SemperFidelis]

Momtojandj, love the forward approach. Here are my suggestions (hey I never knew I enjoyed proofing so much lol).

 

If I was tweaking it, I would omit the part about being a good kisser etc.....strictly to keep those at bay who have no serious intents and just want a hookup.....unless you are open to that too.

 

I might also consider adjusting the bit about "I realize why some of you are still single. " as you want to keep it clear who you are writing to....the exceptional guy who gets a date with you or the no good weirdo. It might come across as a premature insult to the good guy. A more palatable variation could be "I realize why some men on here are still single".

 

I would also re-order/merge your last paragraph with your 2nd paragraph. This keeps it more in order. Basically moving final paragraph to be right after the bit about seeing why some men are single. This also leaves your summary on a high note(you).

[Momtojandj]

Semper.....great advice! Reworked :

 

After trying dating sites, I decided to be blunt , and honest .  I'm 47 years old, a widow and mom of two teenage boys . I have no time to chase any guy , I think the guy should make the first move . Enough with the likes, winks and favorite bulls@@t. Send an email . If I've given you my phone number , I would actually like to meet , not text endlessly .

I would love to have someone to share my life with , but I was lucky to be in love and had a wonderful husband . No reason to settle . Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some men on here are still single. What am I looking for ? I won't date anyone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son . Married, still in love with your ex, or blame her for the breakup.. Move on .. So am I too blunt .. Maybe .. But I'm looking for a man , not a child that plays games .

What do I have to offer ? I'm always smiling. I realize life is short, so I have no time for petty arguments , or grudges. I love vacations, I believe it recharges the soul. I'm a whiz in the kitchen , but I also love to go out and try new places to eat . I love going to the gym , but I'm up for kayaking , walking , or doing a rugged maniac race. Curling up on the couch and watching a movie or going to see a band play . I'm a great mom , friend and person .

 

[momtokam]

My updated profile, based on some of my experiences with on line dating....

 

14 reasons why you should NOT get to know me:

 

1. You send me a message with one word....I know how to read more than one word.

2. You have multiple pictures in your profile holding fish....I like to eat fish but don't care how many you have held.

3. Your profile pictures do not contain one smile on your face...I would like to date a happier person.

4. Your profile states you want a woman 25-35 years old and you are over 50......I know that with age comes so much more. Use your imagination.

5. Your pictures only show you wearing sports gear, ski suits, scuba suits, hockey gear, and bike helmets.... I wonder who is really under there.

6. You are only shown wearing sunglasses..... I wonder what you are hiding.

7. You fav me, wink at me, like my pictures and then immediately hide your profile or ignore my messages......I wonder why you bother.

8. You say you are easy going, fun, like to spend time with friends, and love your kids....I wonder why you need to point these things out.

9. You have 2 profiles up with different ages and locations but the same profile picture......I am not stupid.

10. You take selfies in the bathroom.... I am surprised that you didn't clean the bathroom first.

11. Your pictures are with a group of people......I don't know which one you are.

12. You are a pipeline engineer, you will say you are a widower, and you are out of town on important business, and will suddently need my help financially......Can there really be that many of you?

13. You don't reply to nice messages that clearly show I read your profile, even if to say "sorry not interested".... I do respond to messages like this, or I used to, until I recieved angry messages back.

14. You are not, nodding in agreement, smiling or maybe  even laughing at this list...We would not get along.

 

[momtokam]

Thank you my friend....

 

And SunshineFL's profile is definitely worth the read!

I just provided a little inspirarion and the writing queen made it come alive! I bow to her writing skills! 😊

[Portside]

 

Anyone who is sharp and empathetic, who could possibility put themselves in your shoes for just a moment, will appreciate your clever narratives.

 

 

I love you guys but no, I must respectfully disagree. Remember, the idea is to market yourself to the broadest swath of decent men on the site you belong to.

 

I fear that both of these profiles try a bit too hard to be clever and come across as a bit smartassy. Yes, that's a word. I'm not confident guys on a site are seeking that.

 

I don't want to be critical without offering what I think are good alternatives so, if I have time later, I'll post some profiles from sites that I would find beckoning as examples.

 

If you shop your profile around and all your girlfriends think it is a home run, it probably isn't. After all, you aren't trying to land a woman. You have to write for the guys. This is true both ways - guys must write to appeal to the gals, gals must write to the guys.

 

My first attempts at profiles were disasters until I had some women friends help me edit them. 

 

I had much better success after their input.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Guest nonesuch]

Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some of you are still single.

If I ever have to do the online thing again, I am so using this.

[Momtojandj]

Portside,

I could see how my profile would be smartassy, but I only did it after much thought. For some reason match has never worked for me , no clue why . I only rejoined because the price was too good to pass up. I have tried the nice approach, stole profile ideas from others and still I get looks and the only emails are guys I'm Not interested in or they ghost on me.

So I decided to be honest and write what I felt, even with what I put .. I'm getting again lots of likes, and winks. Clearly , at least in my case the guys aren't even reading my profile .

I will leave it as is for awhile, then might rewrite it . Then will stick to free sites, at least there I've actually gotten dates. 🙄

I do thank you for your opinion , nice to have a guy chime in. 😀

 

Ok this is my edited version :

I'm 47 years old, a widow and mom of two teenage boys . Sometimes I will send a wink, but then I think it's up to the guy to email and really make the first move . If I've given you my phone number , I would actually like to meet , not text endlessly .

I would love to have someone to share my life with , confide in , fall in love with ,travel with . Nothing  beats that connection two people have , when sometimes you don't need to say a word and they make your soul melt. I was lucky to be in love and had a wonderful husband . Hopefully , I will find that again.  Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some men on here are still single. What am I looking for ? I won't date anyone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son . Married, still in love with your ex, or blame her for the breakup.. Move on .. So am I too blunt .. Maybe .. But I'm looking for a man , not a child that plays games .

What do I have to offer ? I'm always smiling. I realize life is short, so I have no time for petty arguments , or grudges. I love vacations, I believe it recharges the soul. I'm a whiz in the kitchen , but I also love to go out and try new places to eat . I love going to the gym , but I'm up for kayaking , walking , or doing a rugged maniac race. Curling up on the couch and watching a movie or going to see a band play . I'm a great mom , friend and person .