Captains wife Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Klim - that's a definite no. Ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 One fellow I met wanted to see my linkedin profile. I didn't blame him, why not use all the tools at your disposal? I Googled email addresses and once one of them was actually identified as a spammer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 ok you guys are becoming my online dating advice posse....should we have new thread for this? Right now I feel like a cocktease online. I'm talking to 6 ar 7 different guys...a lot of them hinting toward coffe dates, some of them trying to line them up. There are some of them I think it's a no...but my personality is such that i always try and give people a chance, i root for the underdog, I hope for the best......so am I stringing them along or is this ok to give them a chance.I'm not professing any high interest but just polite conversation, friendly and light. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Klim, I would go on the coffee dates. . I dont think your stringing them along . You said some you feel are a no, they could be the ones that surprise you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgottenwife Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Cocktease is a pretty strong word! Nah, you are just politely chatting. Klim coffee dates sound fun, maybe you can decide based on why you think each one is a no? If you are just wasting your time and you absolutely know, for whatever your reasons are, that it is a no, then skip that one. I liked to put a time limit on coffee dates so before you even go, say you only have so much time and you have to be somewhere at a specific time. Then if it is awkward or just bad you can bail easily. Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 klim -- new thread for a discussion of the process of online dating might not be a bad idea, since this one was for venting and such ... would love to join in! So I started watching Matthew Hussey's videos on Youtube and got one of his online books as well; he talks about the fact that while dating, if we focus on one person, what if he's not 'the one'? We might have let 'the one' go by because we were not willing to take the coffee date. I have had two of three texters ghost on me over the last week and a half, while one is still hanging in there. Texter actually sent me a message a little while ago, asking if he could call me. Haven't responded as I am preparing to have dinner with guy I have been meeting. I'll answer texter tomorrow, since the other thing Matthew says in his videos is that we can take our time ... I know I like to answer messages right away but I am learning to let them sit for a bit. You might want to check him out ... pretty good advice from a cute young British fellow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Me, I can't get to far into the "what if I am dating the one who isn't the one? What if I let the one go" Otherwise I find myself in a sea of discontent and thinking the grass could be greener. Works better for me to commit to one in my mind (of certain criteria are met) and give it my 100%. This of course coming from someone who has absolutely minimal dating experience, let alone dating more than one person at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Makes sense, Semper. I guess I would say that also having minimal experience with all this, I am leaving openings for conversation but am fully focused on what is tangible. 'Guy I met' is tangible and I am 100% present in that. Texter gets minimal attention at this point and besides, he does not live around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Hello gang! Nice to see some nice discussion here. I am enjoying reading these. Perhaps I'll have some more material to add soon. I have no problems with all kinds of on line dating discussions on this thread. I think it's good to keep on line dating talk together....vents...laughs....advice...All of it is relevant to what we face with on line dating. All of it is welcome and I wish more was here when I first started dating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I think multi-contact, multi-dating is just fine - who knows what could happen ? And men can go poof very quickly so you need to keep options open until you meet someone you want to date exclusively and vice versa. I went on a very nice date on Sat night with a decent match for me - but he kept agonizing over the fact that I lived an hour south of the city (even though I work in the city and my inlaws have a house in the next town over). I explained to him that while not ideal in some ways, I have seriously dated 2 men in the past 3 years and one was in Boston and one local and I honestly saw them about the same amount - given how busy everyone is (and this new guy has 3 kids, full time job and lots else going on). So night ends kind of awkwardly and I deleted his number as I didn't want to bother. Then he starts texting me yesterday, just to chat so I do respond to his texts. THEN at 7AM this morning I get this VERY LONG text from him - to tell me that he has thought about me a lot since Sat and he has been "agonizing" over what to do. While he thinks we are a good match, he doesn't think its possible to sustain a relationship with me "so so far away" and that he needs to go with his gut on this. I appreciated his honesty - but seriously how lazy are people ? It takes almost 40min to even drive across Boston from where he lives. I guess he is hoping to meet someone within 5 miles - good luck to him. I sent a very nice text back and wished him well but I was honestly thinking - you tool... Next ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 I'm so sorry CW. Yes he is a tool! In the spring I had an initial phone date with what I and he both thought would be a fabulous match. His messages to me on the dating site were all about how crazy the same we were. My location is posted on the dating site and we are in the same city. The conversation was great, etc., and we really clicked. When he realized I was 16km away, about 10 miles, he said it was too far and it would be hard to see each other! He wanted to talk again and I asked for a coffee to actually meet. He had his kids that weekend and I said no problem, early in the week would be fine. He said, he didn't want to wait that long and by then "The rose would fade." Yup! Another tool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 As to the question....How far and elaborate will a scammer go? Setting up a company website, company email, photos of directors(yes, plural), and contact info...OMG! The cherry on top you ask???? Oil industry! 😁 I seriously must have scammer target on my forehead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Ugh - momtokandk...some people are pathetic and I cant stand time wasters/scammers. Wish we could round them all up and throw away the key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Ok - so some wise ass just emailed me and asked if I would like to buy him dinner ? And a bunch of guys out of my age range and desirability range just emailed me about how they are the perfect match for "a woman like me". I'm starting to get dating fatigue again - sigh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Momtokam, wow what strange behavior..... I wonder what his deal is. None of his behavior adds up or is cocnsistent.... Well, I guess it's consistently all over the place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 You know, from my observations, it seems like the distance thing is one area where people have really unrealistic expectations. Some people search their whole lives for their perfect match, and you expect him/her to live right down the street? And it's something that seems to be an issue on both sides, the people my fellow widows are meeting, and sometimes the widows themselves. I don't get it, like super long distance I get, but I've heard of people complaining about a half hour. My boyfriend lives a half hour away; it's not a huge deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 MrsDan -- totally agree. I am in Southern California so nothing is close lol! I am not up for the out of state dude after my first interaction with a scammer and after deciding I don't have a problem looking and even responding to those who might be farther away, I tell them up front that I am interested in someone local, who I could actually meet for a meal or a coffee. The last texter guy may have faded away; he's out of state and sent me a message on Saturday to ask if he could call me. Nope -- I was cooking dinner for the local guy I like I actually waited until later to send a message, indicating that I had been busy. He sent a 'hello' message and then didn't respond anymore. He'd also asked me if I thought I was ready for a relationship. Please, guy. But I digress: local guy I like lives about an hour from me. We often meet for meals or movies somewhere in between. When we got together for the 4th of July, he drove to my house so we could ride together to the fireworks location, which was about halfway between anyway. I think it boils down to how interested are both parties. CaptainsWife -- seriously, we need to do an internet roundup of the knuckleheads. I've had a spat of winks and so on from people who are either not in the age range (what's up with the guys my kids' ages?!) or who have none of the 'looking for' traits I have clearly listed on my profile? I wrote a rant about it (this particular site has a diary section where you can post stuff that others read) and had a very nice young man send me a message, complimenting me on what I'd said and that I used correct punctuation and grammar, which was nice to get instead of his trying to connect lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Oh, and as an aside, what we've all mentioned here is the tip of the iceberg. If you want to laugh until you cry (or maybe just to cry), check out the Tinder laughs on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/o0ashlea0o/tinder-laughs/. The things people will say are shameless! I have a friend on Facebook who posts some of the most hysterical conversations she's had with these men who want to just hook up. She is crude but they don't seem to care ... it is a crazy world! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 A moderate distance wouldn't have been a deal-breaker for me, but I also don't think someone who thinks it is should be considered a 'tool'. I wonder if the level of hostility required to make such a distinction is showing through in dating communications? This probably sounds like a criticism but it's really more of an observation or a question, but one may take it as one wishes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I met a man who thought we could maintain a relationship living 100 miles apart. It maybe might have worked for him, but honestly, I don't make that kind of money. I really couldn't afford to put 5000 extra miles on my car every year commuting to be with him. He didn't offer to pay for it, either, and I still work for a living. I'm an 'old' young widow, at 59, so I didn't want to move and change jobs with maybe six or eight more years of work ahead of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Thanks Serpico - so appreciate your feedback. I don't often get upset about people's responses to my posts but this one was really uncalled for. I wasn't hostile at all to this person. I was very nice on the date about it and sent him a very nice text in response. The point of this section is to vent and I am venting my frustration. I think I have every reason to be frustrated with dating given some of the men I've encountered and this is my outlet to do that. While I appreciated this guys honesty, ruling me out on a distance seems unfair and I didn't share with the group his correspondence on it or how he handled it. If distance was such an issue we shouldn't have gone out in the first place. And I have a few more dates lined with with new people so I'm moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjs1989 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I agree 100% with you, Captain's Wife. Very condescending and patronizing of the guy to contact you again and then say he was "agonizing" over his decision whether or not to pursue getting to know you. Just go away then, Dude! Vent away, CW. And Serpico, how very condescending of you, too. To label someone hostile for venting frustration, and then backhandedly caveat it by saying you're not criticizing, just observing, but to take it as one would wish ? Please. Why do some veteran posters, of all people, forget this is supposed to be a safe site to say what we need to say without judgment. Time and time again I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 If distance was such an issue we shouldn't have gone out in the first place. This was the point that made him a tool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 This probably sounds like a criticism but it's really more of an observation or a question, but one may take it as one wishes... Of course it was meant as a criticism....if it wasn't, you wouldn't need to point that out. When someone feels the need to mention that something is not meant as criticism, it usually is... Serpico, you really have no idea what some of us have to deal with, as women, with on line dating and regular dating in fact. This thread was created to be a safe place to vent our frustrations and share our experiences, and maybe have a laugh or two. It's not a place to be handed some passive aggressive criticism. End of vent..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I hope that hypothetical girlfriend would be okay with distance-- I live on the outskirts of a town of 2400 people. Distance can matter in practical terms, though. To take an extreme example, I ran into an old friend in the airport (I'm a pilot, she's a flight attendant) and she gave me the "next time you're in City X, let's get together". But I'm not going to fly three hours on a day off for dinner. It's borderline stalkerish. So I doubt said dinner is going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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