SailorGirl Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I have recently learned that one of my long time friends has apparently turned her back on me. I recently posted in the 1yr plus forum about my in-laws demanding property that belonged to my late husband from my parents. The next day, this so-called friend sent me a message on FB detailing all of the things that I done to wrong my late husbands family. They were all exaggerations and lies. From the text of her message, it was easy to infer that she had held a lengthy conversation with either the MIL or SIL about the situation. She told me that I had 'lost a great family' and also said that if I didn't get grief therapy that I would lose all of my friends. I'm seeing a therapist, and I'm actually doing very well. My in-laws are the ones who seem to be having issues moving forward in their lives 2+ years past the loss of DH. I visited my parents this weekend, and they told me that while my MIL was at their house, that she had said that one of my friends had told her that I had said that my late husband was a burden (which is absolutely not true). Considering the other lies that they have told, I'm not sure if that is true or not. However, if it is, this friend is the only friend of mine who communicates with them. I feel like this friendship has ran its course. It's obvious that my friend is no longer my friend and is being used by his family against me. She lives 6 hours away and we have no daily interaction. We keep up with each other mostly through Facebook. I have already changed my Facebook settings so that she can't see any of my posts, mostly to keep her from taking anything about my life back to his family. I deleted and blocked his family after the incident--I felt it was provoked by a photo of myself and a gentlemen I have been seeing. I've already told her that I feel like she has already chosen a side, which she denied. Should I just unfriend her and let her figure it out on her own, or do I owe her an explanation as to why I am ending the friendship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 She doesn't deserve an explanation and providing one to her would likely do nothing to give you closure. She's toxic to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrskro Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I agree with MissingSquish. Nothing you say to someone who is already being so negative and toxic toward you will make any difference to her. I'm sorry you are going through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Should I just unfriend her and let her figure it out on her own, or do I owe her an explanation as to why I am ending the friendship? SG, you even considering your second listed option tells me you are a whole lot nicer than I am. My advice - Scorched earth policy - Unfriend, delete phone number from cell, no contact ever again and no explanation. She ended the friendship when she decided to spew her BS to whomever would listen. If she reaches out in any manner, do not answer her call, read her text or letter, or speak to her if she shows up at the door. In time forgive her if you can but never, ever forget. Best wishes - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I'm sorry you are going through this with your friend and your inlaws. I don't understand people who feel the need to choose sides without really knowing or being involved enough to form an opinion. If this is an isolated incident out of character for her I would tell her how hurt you are and why. If this is in keeping with her character then I would say you owe her no explanation because it would fall on deaf ears. When someone is toxic, you owe them nothing. I have learned to only put on FB things I don't mind the whole world knowing. Even otherwise decent people like to gossip and petty people are looking for something to use against you to make themselves feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taurus Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I have recently learned that one of my long time friends has apparently turned her back on me.... Should I just unfriend her and let her figure it out on her own, or do I owe her an explanation as to why I am ending the friendship? The fact that she has taken your in-laws' version of events without bothering to get yours is very disappointing to you, and would piss me off no end! You don't owe her an explanation, but rather than emailing or FB-messaging her, I would call her and express your disappointment, and give her the opportunity to apologise and make right the wrong she's done you. If she doesn't accept she was too quick to condemn you without hearing your side, she wasn't the friend you thought she was and you can happily cut her off knowing she caused the rift. Messaging apps make it far too easy and impersonal for people to "say" things they would not normally say to you in person. Call her: if she doesn't pick up, you've done your best to correct her misinformation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 In order to dispel the notion that portside and I are the same dude 😬 I'm going to disagree with the old codger 😉. When I read your story I saw a lot of 'they said she said' occurrences, and I'm not sure it's clear that your 'friend' has really chosen sides. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but I take it she has more contact with your in laws than she does you, so she's probably only getting one side of the story. I think it's worth a shot to set the record straight with her just so she knows the whole story. It also wouldn't hurt to let her know that it hurt you to see/hear her say these things about you. People do and say dumb things sometimes. If she truly is/was a friend, maybe extend an olive branch. You can always go General Sherman on her if she doesn't respond well ☺️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 What I've learned in these almost past 3 yrs. death changes people like I would never have imagined. Some was/is positive, a lot was/is negative! Shocking, really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndysWife Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 It staggers me that people insist on involving themselves in situations or relationships that are none of their business. Cut and run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 My advice - Scorched earth policy - Unfriend, delete phone number from cell, no contact ever again and no explanation. She ended the friendship when she decided to spew her BS to whomever would listen. I agree. A critical element of friendship is loyalty. Even if she thought these things about you, she should have kept them to herself or talked to YOU about it, not publicized it to people whose interests and actions are clearly against you. I don't believe there's anything to salvage or ANY need to justify any actions or non-actions with regard to this person. (Only possible exception to my opinion is if these are lies, then perhaps give her the chance to say that.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TofinoMan Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 No explanation required. Silence is golden! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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