Travelling alone.

[klim]

I love travelling...did lots with DH but we were just getting to a point of good financial stability which would have lead to bigger more elaborate trips when he passed.

 

1st summer I traveled with my teenagers. They have since, and totally understandably, declined most trips as "travelling with mom is not cool!" I get that I stopped going places with my parents around the same age.

 

The following 2 summers I was with a guy and we did some great trips.

 

Now this summer I've not been in a relationship...so I went on one trip with my brother and sister's  and their families and one trip with a friend from work. These trips were ok.

 

Right now I am feeling the need to be part of a couple ,looking at life like that is what I need to be happy.But at the same time I am also trying to build my confidence that I will be totally fine on my own. I don't want to become desperate for a partner.

 

Now because I love travelling so much I'm feeling like I need to do a solo trip...sort of prove to myself that I can do things on my own and enjoy them.........but there is also  a great fear that if I try the solo trip and find that I am feeling bored or isolated ,it will make me even more desperate to recouple.

 

I'm writing this out partly to help me make a decision........nothing ventured nothing gained...right?

 

 

[Portside]

 

I'm writing this out partly to help me make a decision........nothing ventured nothing gained...right?

 

 

Right! A family friend is in her mid-30's, single and of rather modest means. She has traveled alone all over the world and has thoroughly enjoyed her time abroad. She doesn't just visit the normal tourist areas - she's backbacked through Vietnam and Kazakhstan too.

 

Do it if you are so motivated!

 

Good luck - Mike

[Mizpah]

When I was at about 2 years out, I went to Israel and Paris on my own.  I knew people who lived in both places, but wasn't with people the entire time, took trips on my own within the larger trip, and did the big flights alone.  It was a real turning point for me.  I was nervous the few days beforehand, but once I was on my way, it was so freeing and invigorating.  I highly recommend it. 

[Trying]

I say go for it!  Maybe a group tour or group adventure type trip would be a good place to start. You would meet people and it would be organized for you.

[twistedmensa]

I have always enjoyed the solitude of solo trips, even before widowhood.  I rode my motorcycle from Phoenix to the Florida Keys in 2012 to start my new job and look for a house while DH stayed with the kids so they could finish out the school year. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed following my own timetable. I stopped when and where I wanted. It was delightfully selfish...lol. 

[calimom]

I've seen Nuggets around these parts recently. She's Canadian  (like you I think OP) and a very intrepid solo traveller. Hopefully she sees this and chimes in with some great ideas and links.

 

My own mother was widowed at age 47. She and I took a couple of fun trips together when I was 18 or 19. It might be different with mothers and daughters. We went to Mexico and also to New York for a week of plays museums. It was great! And on her own she went to Japan and New Zealand. With her husband (who she married after 14 years of widowhood) she's gone to England, Canada and the South Pacific. There's a great world out there.

 

I can't wait to do some real travel. I've taken a bunch of trips with my kids - they're younger than yours. We've gone to Hawaii, Baja, and some general family vacations to the east coast and the Pacific Northwest.We rented a motorhome and took a tour of the National Parks. Much more awaits when the heavy lifting of parenthood eases up. Some might be with my gentleman friend, and likely there will be some solo travel and trips with friends ahead.

 

Bon Voyage! Enjoy this stage in your life; you've earned it.

[Captains wife]

You can do it! I've travelled a fair amount on my own (including a week in Argentina where I didn't know anyone - went in my late 30s) and enjoyed it. I would recommend the following - start with a destination that will be easier to navigate solo as a female, break up the trip so you are moving around a bit, book fun activities at your destination (tour, sailing, zip lining whatever), bring a book (I would often read at a restaurant if I felt self conscious eating alone). Wishing you all the best and that you see new and exciting destinations!

[canadiangirl]

I'm writing this out partly to help me make a decision........nothing ventured nothing gained...right?

 

Right!  Klim, I travelled a lot on my own in my 20s and 30s before I met my DH and pre-kid.  I mostly stuck to Western Europe and North America, so relatively "safe" and "easy" destinations, but I also ventured to Peru on my own to visit Machu Picchu -joined up with a tour group to do this hike, but only organized this upon my arrival.  I got a bit spoiled with my DH, who was a great travel companion, but who also let me plan out the entire itinerary at our various European destinations.

 

I love travelling solo- I can stop where I wish, and tarry as long as I want at different places. No worries about someone else's comforts, pace or sensibilities. I would go to pubs (not bars, pubs) on my own and people would almost always strike up conversations- travelling on your own makes you approachable and not necessarily in a hit-on-you way.  It helped that I would visit any friends that I might have in the city in question, but I too would bring books and music and organize some sort of photo or journal project for the trip.  For safety's sake, in Peru I had a self-imposed curfew so ensured I had a book and had eaten by nightfall, but only because I didn't know the language and cities very well- I am sure it was not actually necessary.  I have an especial fondness for cross-country road trips -that's how I met my DH.  My cousin met her husband while travelling solo to Australia, another great destination.  Travelling alone is different but rewarding.  Hope you have something great in the works!

[klim]

Ok I went on a solo trip.....not one that challenges me though.

 

The one I had in mind was a resort trip ...down to the Caribean...flying,socializing...on my own....This would have had me nervous and I would have felt accomplished if I had done it.

 

Instead I went on a  solo camping/roadtrip to Watkins Glen NY for 3 days. I enjoyed the hiking and campfires  and WOW the views but it really didn't challenge my solo trip ability...maybe next time.

[Mrskro]

Klim;

 

It's funny how different people are.  I think I could do the Caribbean solo no problem.  Now camping alone would scare the daylights out of me.  Good for you!  And maybe a great start for you.

 

 

[Guest TooSoon]

Hi there - yes, nothing ventured, nothing gained! 

 

I haven't read all of the responses below but wanted just to say that I've traveled alone a lot (not recently but when I was younger), sometimes for long stretches.  Everywhere I went, I met people.  Just other people like me on their way from one place to another or in restaurants and cafes.  Meeting people was sort of effortless, really, in a lot of ways.  If I just wanted to be alone, I'd keep to myself but when I was craving some conversation, I'd just put myself in situations where that could happen.

 

Also, after Scott died, I would go on overnights alone to Philadelphia or New York City (mostly because I needed a break from feeling like everyone knew my story - I just wanted to be anonymous).  I'd take myself out to dinner and go to hear some live music (where I often encountered people to hang out with) and in the morning go to a museum or out walking.  It really was empowering at the time for lots and lots of reasons.

 

One of my friends went through a traumatizing divorce and afterward she signed up for a camping/hiking tour on the Inca Trail over several weeks to Machu Pichu.  She was terrified but it turned out that she wasn't the only terrified person on that trip and it wound up being the very best thing she could have done for herself at the time.  She met a lot of people and they bonded through the shared experience of realizing together that they could do it.

 

Anyway, all of this  by way of just wanting to cheer you on! 

[arneal]

Oh, you've got this! Check out Afar.com for some amazing trip ideas ... going alone, being confident and excited, may bring you more joy than you can imagine! Companies like Afar specialize in 'experiences' rather than vacations. You can live with a host family sort of thing, where you are in the community rather than in a tourist trap. I definitely agree with others -- go for it! Wish I could! I'd love to have an RV and take my dogs on the road, but I am just barely keeping my nose above water financially right at the moment. Lucky I can go around the corner LOL!

[Nuggets]

Thanks, calimom --- you flatter me.

 

Traveling solo - YES! 

 

Start small if you have doubts -- a weekend away, a concert (yes go to hear people you love live... no one in the audience knows you're there by yourself!), a movie -- start with something you can handle... but start.  Combine things - I love live music. One of my solo trips was to see Sheryl Crow in Lake Tahoe.  Made a 4 day weekend out of it:  flew into Sacramento, drove to Tahoe, did some sightseeing in the area - it was August and perfect, went to the concert (had a GREAT time!  Toots Maytall and James Blunt were her warm up acts).... and came home.  The big cost was the ticket to the concert - the rest was scavenged from award points and careful shopping.

 

Then, check out journeywoman.com -- you will get some destination ideas, some smart travel hacks and an INCREDIBLE amount of empowerment and validation. 

 

Go to Chapters or Indigo and check out some of the travel section: 

 

'Go Your Own Way: Women Travel the World Solo' is a collection of short stories that will surely inspire (https://books.google.co.cr/books/about/Go_Your_Own_Way.html?id=hE5RVBHGlLEC&source=kp_cover&redir_esc=y&hl=en)

 

and

 

'100 Places Every Woman Should Go' will do similar.

(https://books.google.co.cr/books?id=pnd2LjALLKgC&printsec=frontcover&dq=1000+place+a+woman+should+go&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiSvbe0ofLOAhXLJx4KHaXNBYYQ6AEILjAD#v=onepage&q=1000%20place%20a%20woman%20should%20go&f=false)

 

I am in Costa Rica these days and spend a lot of time between here and Canada, but managed to squeak in 3 weeks at a widow friends place in Florida and 10 days in El Salvador in 2016 --- two different experiences (natural building workshop in El Salvador) but fun and fulfulling.

 

You are welcome to contact me or come back and tell us all about your adventures! 

 

Start....

 

Buenos viajes

[klim]

Thanks for the encouragement Nuggets , I'll look into those ideas, they sound neat.

[AprilRain]

What a great thread, and so timely for me. I've been widowed 6 months and I'm getting ready to take my first solo trip in October. I will be traveling through Pennsylvania visiting family and friends, then going to Canada to visit a friend in Toronto. Although I will be visiting for the most part, I will be doing some things on my own, going to a hockey game in Ottawa (my team is playing there at the same time I'll be there, so why not?) and I'm going to spend a few days at Niagara Falls by myself. And all of the flying/driving from place to place will be solo. I'm a little nervous, but also looking forward to the autonomy and being able to do whatever I want. And reading about all of your experiences has given me a little shot of courage. If I've learned anything it's that life is short and tomorrow is never guaranteed, so if there's something you want to do and you have the means - do it!

[calimom]

 And they want the "gals" to pay $24 just to join their super awesome site.

 

This does not sound like a super awesome opportunity for anyone.

[momtokam]

 

This is not a discussion about on line dating or on line dating sites. It is a discussion about traveling alone. This meetup group posted is just that and for women only. Many meetup groups have annual fees associated with them and this one seems to give you some perks for your fee.

 

Please don't make comments unless you read carefully what the discussion and topic is about.

[Mrskro]

Nothing about that meetup struck me as a scam.  They have a lot of local meetup groups that make up the 300 members.  There are 4 in my general area alone.

 

I for one appreciated the link.  It is a cool concept and a great way to find other women who would like to travel.  I know in my circle of friends, travelling with them means travelling with families and frankly that doesn't appeal to me.

[Guest nonesuch]

I don't think it's a scam, it's a company called TL Travel.  At most, she is violating Meetups terms of service by using it a s a platform to advertise her business.  Just so you know, if you want to cast about on the web, many cruises will offer what TL Travel is offering:  gratuities included,  or $50 to $250 on board credit for services on the cruise.  If you'd rather someone else do the research, though, this woman will do it for you.