Here is an article I saw today

[Wheelerswife]

This is well-written and I think many of us can relate to the author's story.

 

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/the-widowhood-effect/article33344335/?click=sf_globefb

 

Maureen

[Trying]

Thanks for sharing Maureen, a well written article that left me bawling at the kitchen table.  I don't often let myself revisit the last days of Tim's life or the early months of widowhood any more.  Recalling that depth of pain is still so hard but sometimes I need to go back there just so I can realize that there has been healing.  I hate knowing there are so many of us who have experienced this pain.

[BrokenHeart2]

Thank you Maureen. I can relate to so much of this still. 

[marjoe]

Thank you, Maureen, for this. Well written, and on point - for me, "Now that he's gone, I'm the only one who speaks our language." So true. A widowed friend said.."I'm silenced,", and he was right.

[Adley]

I only opened this after deciding I wouldn't cry. Instant reneg. But now I have thoughts on what to do with her ashes. Thank you so much!

[canadiangirl]

I came here today to post this article.  Totally bang on, and beautifully written.  The sections "Days filled with 'widow tasks'" and "How grief changes you" (cognitive impairment, that's for sure!) - resonated on all points.

 

Thank you for sharing, and I hope others read it, although it could be triggering to some as well.

 

ETA:  I was thinking about why I valued this article so much, and I think it was because not only does it speak to many experiences I shared, but it is validating in a way.  As I was reading, I found myself thinking empathically about how horrible this experience was for this woman, and how much trauma she and her husband went through.  I don't walk through life feeling sorry for myself much these days, but I think the empathy I felt for this stranger could usefully be directed at myself on those days when I feel like I am failing on all fronts.

[Laura1612]

I read this and was going to post it as well. I definitely feel like this woman, but at only six weeks out, I sort of found it depressing in a different way. I don't want to feel so horrible three years out ... as this woman appears to. Am I doomed to that?

[serpico]

I don't want to feel so horrible three years out ... as this woman appears to. Am I doomed to that?

 

No, you are definitely not 'doomed to that'.  Some of us started feeling much better more quickly than others.  There are probably a million factors involved, but I hope you don't resign yourself to her fate.

[Laura1612]

Thank you, Serpico.

[canadiangirl]

I agree with serpico!  It's different for everyone.

[Trying]

Laura you are not doomed to feel horrible at 3 years out.  I have a lot of happiness in my life at a little more than 3 years out.  It doesn't mean I don't miss my DH and I still have some bad moments, I have changed in some very significant ways.  Some of the changes can be seen as positive, others not so much.  You can't lose your other half without significant lasting effects.  At 6 weeks out it is impossible to see the future, to see that joy can ever be a part of your life again.  Just tuck in the back of your head some where that it won't always hurt so deeply, that you will some day reach a point where you feel strong enough to look for happiness, it may start with turning your face to the sunshine and smiling without thinking or singing along to a song on the radio.  It will start slowly but when those brief moments of break from grief hit, hold onto them and find hope in them. 

[Laura1612]

Thanks, Trying. Thank you so much.

[mbanyard]

Wow. She totally gets it, doesn't she. This is a fantastic article that just spells this horrible journey out so astutely.

 

I have posted it, in hopes that my friends and family will actually read it and will watch what they say and do a bit more carefully.

 

One can hope.

 

Thank you for posting it,

MB

[Guest wecouldbeheros]

Very well versed and written article. Usually I lose interest in hearing the same verbage, but she hits it straight on from the beginning. Very nice. Thank you for posting.

[fuchsiasky]

Thank you for posting that.  I needed it today I think.  Her story is close to mine.  And today it hurts a lot.  It helps to know I'm not the only one who is this fucked up

[Ursula]

Blimey, very well written, it tore me apart though. Almost 3 years on. I think it is all the sadness that we are trying to keep buried, despite letting it out, there is a lot more to come.

I especially like how she describes how we change after our beloved dies, how our brains seem overwhelmed by the simplest of tasks.

Thank you Maureen for sharing and everybody else who planned to :-)

 

 

[Nicky11]

Thank you for posting this.