Jen Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It's one of those "last of the firsts" things. Today is my Jim's birthday. I was doing all right until I got home from work and had to see the Facebook posts. My mother posted on his wall, and I lost it completely. He would have been 41 years old today-- my brilliant sweet baby, who taught me more about love and loyalty in the five years we were married than I'd learned in all the years before. I don't understand why it had to be this way. On Friday it will be a year since he left. That's just an arbitrary line in the sand-- there's nothing magical about passing 365 days. One year, two, five-- I'll still be looking at his picture beside his urn. It's just one more day that he's not in the world. I miss him so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlp Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I am so sorry, hon. I wish there were something I could say to take the pain away, but there isn't. Please know I am thinking of you and grieve with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Sweet Jen, I am so sorry that you have to face days without your Jim. Please know, I am thinking of you, and I am wishing there was something, anything, I could say or do to take away the pain. I am wishing that you find peace in the next few days. Much love and many hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amor Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Jen, I am wishing you peace and good memories of your precious Love Jim. Missing my Love so much, wishing everyday to be together. Needing the support, kind words, and soft touch. I heart brakes every time I remember my Love is gone again. The moments of blessing are the good memories and the things my Love taught me in the too short of time we were together. Anything less than forever is too short of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Hugs, Jenni. I had those two days in January...just 5 days apart. Hang on tight. The ride will smooth a bit when you get some widow hugs. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 A tough week. Don't be hard on yourself. You mention the FB page and it reminds me that I am still so grateful that there wasn't social media a decade ago like there is now. I don't know how ppl deal with FB pages and such that remain behind and "alive". I could never have survived that extra stress. I found (and it could just be me), making it to the first anniversary let some of the pressure off and it's not a magic finish line but there was a lightening of load. There is nothing to understand as much as there is just something to be incorporated into who you are and will be going forward. I am sorry and do, do be extra wonderful to yourself these next days. Sometimes we forget to make ourselves priorities during these times when we really need to. ((hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Jen this is an awful lot for you to face in one week. There is no magic in surviving the first year but for me, the build up was so much harder than the day itself. I hope you are able to find moments to allow the memories to make you smile, to miss the man you love, and to remember how wonderful it was to have him here loving you back. I'm adding my hugs and support and wishing you peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr C Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Jen, Sending you ((((HUGS)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 ((((Jen)))) I'll give you a real hug in Amsterdam, but for now, I hope this virtual hug helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Oh honey I can feel it from here Chad died on his birthday. When he does things, he does it up right, let me tell ya. I so wish I could come pick you up and take you to my little spot of heaven and we could sit on the pier at the river and roll our pants legs up and just sit and talk and enjoy some sunshine and peace for just a few minutes. There IS NO UNDERSTANDING. There's just that hole there that you tiptoe around. I still cry every single time I poke around in facebook. I have no earthly idea why I do it to myself; im compelled. I hope you have someone with you today. And I am sending giant hugs from north Carolina too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Feeling your pain today and sending you hugs. I find that throwing a real old fashioned, little kid temper tantrum really helped me get rid of some of the stress and sadness. But you need to make sure nobody else is in the house, or they would have you committed! (I've only done this once, but it felt good!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thank you all so much-- I needed all those hugs!! And I'm counting the days down until I get some real ones! I only had one real breakdown yesterday... I cried for awhile, but it didn't send me into the pits of despair. I called my ILs and couldn't get my MIL off the phone for over 2 hours-- but it was actually a pretty good conversation. Instead of her usual "state of my grief" report, she seemed much more concerned with looking ahead-- for me and her both. She's dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis right now-- she had surgery a couple weeks ago, and she's following up for radiation, but the prognosis is good. She was encouraging about my educational endeavors (I'm working on another bachelor's degree), and when I told her about the trip this weekend (NYC bago, yay!!!), she was happy about it. She confirmed my thought, which was that Jim would absolutely want me to go and have a wonderful time. Anyway... sorry to ramble. I'm okay today. Still not sure how Friday will fine me, but I guess we'll see. ((((((HUGS)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursula Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Jen, sending a back-up hug and many more, to use when you need them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thinking of you and you will be on my mind tomorrow as well. I remember the date easily..you are exactly three months ahead of me, it was also the day I lost my uncle last year, and would've been my grandmas birthday.. Sending you hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 So many hugs back-- I will never be able to adequately say how grateful I am. <3 <3 <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 thinking of you today girl. [[[HUGS]]] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injo Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 (((Jen))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 I made it through, with help. Thank you all. (((((HUGS)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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