Carey Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Am I missing something? I went in to send a PM to TooSoon and it now says "guest" under her name. Same with Kamcho. Are they really gone or ........? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 It appears as though they've "deactivated" their accounts. On FB and Twitter, you can shut your accounts down but not delete them. I don't know how this forum works in terms of that. It's too bad if they've left. They had much to contribute but sometimes, you have to look out for yourself and step back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 i noticed it too. Toosoon was carrying on a good dialog.. and then nothing! very disappointing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Hopefully not, but if they did deactivate their accounts they will be missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I'm sad to see that drama has prevailed so quickly. I left YWBB after less than a year because of things turning ugly and petty unnecessarily. I hope it will stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I'm sad to see that drama has prevailed so quickly. I left YWBB after less than a year because of things turning ugly and petty unnecessarily. I hope it will stop. Could someone enlighten me? I won't countenance board drama if there is some occurring that I can see.... Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 yea I looked and looked and couldn't find any real drama or anything and I needed to talk to Christine, to thank her for something and poof...... Makes me really sad because we have all been through too much. It's true, the one thing we all share is something that happened TO us and not something ABOUT us, so maybe on many other levels we have nothing in common. But this place .. THIS place, not even YWBB has saved me ... been the difference in my kids eating or not more than one, been the reason I got up off the floor and faced another day, been the support I ran to and I just cant stand to think of hurt existing here. I so hate that something happened to make them feel they couldn't be here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I couldn't find anything, either. But I will keep reviewing. That shit won't fly here. We all need a safe place to land. For me: If posters spar, fine. Disagreements happen. But verbal attacks won't be tolerated. Nuh-uh. But incidences must be reported in case we don't spy it first. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 One person's drama is another person's disagreement. I haven't seen anything untoward going on here, but we each have our own thresholds for what we can take. People are going to come and go all the time no matter how well this place is moderated (and I think it's moderated well). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Agreed. That's why reported posts are reviewed to determine just what's being attacked--another poster's opinions (perfectly ok), or is it personhood/character/religion/race/ethnicity/orientation.... Those are the ones I wont abide. But I think disagreements are a normal human interaction. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I agree there is a difference in disagreeing with opinions and attacking people on a personal level. I think that sometimes though we don't know when to let go and agree to disagree, so that what might seem like a heated debate of differing ideas to you or I, may feel like relentless berating or even attack to someone else. A fine line to be sure. I just had a conservation (insofar as you can have them) on Twitter where I simply ended up muting the other person to put an end to it. I am sure he felt we were discussing but I had reached my fill of being talked at with a message that sounded like "you're wrong because I think so". It's even harder here because emotions are raw and we don't know all the particulars of each other's real lives. So assumptions are made and words are filtered through realities and experiences that while they have the common ground of widowhood are still individual to each of us. I think the admin and moderators are doing a pretty good job. It's not easy and they are all dealing with their own grief and lives on top of trying to be fair and balanced. I would hope that no one would feel the need to just vanish. That they could reach out, privately or in a post first. But everyone must do what is best for themselves. And sometimes that's taking a break and sometimes that's leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 sometimes though we don't know when to let go and agree to disagree I think the admin and moderators are doing a pretty good job. It's not easy and they are all dealing with their own grief and lives on top of trying to be fair and balanced. Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuroraAlone Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Don't worry everyone. There's no drama here. TooSoon is fine. I just spoke with her this morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 AuroraAlone, I have her snail mail address, but I'm terrible with thank you cards. Would you ask her please if I can have her email address or something? facebook? etc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 sorry to see these losses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 BABSAX@aol.com For those who asked. Thank You, to some extremely nice people ! (You know who you are) : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 What in the world is going on here? We've got a bunch of precious widows (and now a widower) leaving or mulling over whether they should... Why is that? Admin and mods are trying very concertedly to make this a respite from the outside world, a safe place to express or vent. That's been the goal from the outset. Is there anything I can personally do to help alleviate concerns? You can post or PM me--or another mod or admin. I just know I care for you guys who have comforted/entertained me since DH passed. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 It makes me very sad that anyone would leave or feel that this has become a negative place for them. I tend to be a little clueless with what upsets people, I have always been one who likes to actively discuss things and maybe put my 2 cents in where it's not wanted sometimes. I don't mind when people give me their varied opinions, even if I'm not always ready to hear it. If I have offended anyone I am truly sorry and would hope we could clear it up with a pm if not out in the open. Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time here but I am not ready to cut the cord, I need the support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManutesGirl Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Sorry, but this whole thread is sort of creepy. People are free to come and go at any time. Tracking and calling out the people who seem to have disappeared is a bit much in my opinion. If a member seemed to be in distress and you are worried about them harming themselves then that is different. But to go because they need a break, this site isn't giving them what they need at this point, etc. is ok and should be able to be done without a lot of fuss. If they choose to announce it that is fine but if they just quietly we should respect that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 ManutesGirl, I kind of agree with what you said (not the creepy part) and modified my post noting the absence of a member. On the other hand, sometimes people want to know they are missed. They leave out of hurt feelings or pique after one bad exchange or just moving on and feel like no one would notice if they are gone. It IS noticed. I don't think it's creepy that it is observed, since former members can read all posts. I do think your point about respecting wishes is important....still.... The creators of the board and the admin spent a lot of time creating this board and ensuring YWBB members migrated because they are cared for and valued. I can give you the user names of 20 people who were active peers on YWBB who did not make the move for their private reasons and I noticed (perhaps I need to get a life but that's beside the point). They matter, they are missed. I prefer anonymity so we are not friends IRL so I will never interact with them again, despite having followed them and their stories for a year. I respect the decision and am glad they no longer need the supports; nonetheless it is a small loss on top of the big, especially when significant efforts were made so that no one was left behind. I think that is the point of the shout-out. We are a community. It is supposed to be a safe place, where people should be able to say what they wish, without causing harm to, or denigrating, others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 I NEVER ever intended to be "creepy". Or "call out" anyone. I had received a card, wanted to acknowledge that I received it and thank her and she was gone. No, no one has an obligation to stay a set time period or announce when they are leaving, that I agree with so I should have kept my mouth shut I suppose. Canadiangirl is right about my intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 It touches me that people are missed by others on this board! Never crossed my mind to think otherwise than what Carey meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Not sure if 'creepy' is the word I would use, but the worrying about those who have left us is a little puzzling. I don't think there is any need to assume that the current state of the board made these people leave, or that changes are needed because people are leaving. This IS a safe place, even if there are occasional dust-ups. (I was going to suggest somebody start up www.rainbowsandunicorns.com until I realized that's an actual site...and a weird one at that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keeptrying Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I requested to delete my account on YWBB. I thought my words were helpful, but unfortunately I was attacked and name called. I still couldn't "stop" going to the boards to lurk for support, I just stopped posting. I understand why people would leave, but I think for other widows it is important to have members stay. We all need the support and posts from others. I am so sad to hear that people are leaving. I wish I could reach out and tell them I was in the same place as they were, I get it, but we really need them. I sure hope they don't leave. I don't think they understand fully what a positive impact they are on others here. Please stay! If I can help in any way please pm me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Not sure if 'creepy' is the word I would use, but the worrying about those who have left us is a little puzzling. Only reason I was concerned was because I literally had JUST talked to her the day before, received something in the mail and wanted to thank her and she was gone. she even had an active thread going still receiving posts. I don't know what I thought but it's pretty obvious I shouldn't have voiced the concern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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