Virgo Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 It is interesting to see how people filter their conversations around us wids. I had a friend that started to complain to me about father's day, but then changed the topic really quick. I told him it was ok to go ahead and vent away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Virgo, sounds to me like you have an awesome friend that hit the reset button once realizing what he was saying. That's infrequent in my world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Here's where I come off sounding like a total bitch, but here goes. I don't visit the cemetery very often though I drive by it daily. His ashes weren't supposed to be in a cemetery but last minute he wanted it for his mom (turns out my older boys go often too so he was right). Whenever I do go my MIL has it filled with mementos and stuff and it makes me crazy to the point I get agitated and need to leave. On Fathers Day we had DHs 2 nephews baptized then had the family back to my house after. My youngest and I stopped at the cemetery on the way home and there was the usual "stuff" every where plus 2 balloons. 1 was Worlds Greatest Dad. Not from my boys, but from her. I knew this would bother them, he was their Dad, they should bring what they want. The other was a heart shaped balloon that said I Love You with hearts all over. Again, more appropriate from a wife than a mom. It took everything I had not to pop the balloons and throw them away. It was a rage that was so out of proportion to the situation. The rest of the day everything she said or did annoyed me and I wasn't very warm and loving. Not real proud of myself for acting that way but my reaction was so strong and I could not get past it. Even typing it out I feel like such a bitch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I got another notice from the health insurance company, or rather Late Husband did. "Sign up for Medicare Supplemental Insurance before it's too late." Okay, I've already called them once but what the heck. I dialed the number on the letter. I listened to the options and figured pressing 2 is the closest thing to "you're sending letters to a dead person." The pre-recorded message told me to hang up, and dial the 1-800 number on the back of my membership card. I didn't feel like digging the card out of my purse and squinting at microscopic type. I dialed again, knowing that the odds were better this time, they're 50-50 now that I pick correctly. Ordinarily, I have a pretty good sense of humor. I don't know why this irked me, but it did. A nice woman who answered told me the call may be recorded and monitored for training purposes and asked what she could do. I told her that I just got another letter asking for Jeffrey to sign up for supplemental Medicare insurance before it was too late. "Well, it is too late. He's dead, " I said. She apologized profusely and put him on the "do not contact" list. I recounted this incident to Flavor of the Month. He said, "You didn't actually say that, did you?" Gee, after all this time, I thought he knew me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Here's where I come off sounding like a total bitch, but here goes. Snip... Nope, not at all. There would be two things that would drive me bonkers about what you've described. One is just the accumulation of junk. I'm not nasty neat, but tchotchkes drive me nuts. I would want a grave site to look like a grave site, not a six-year-old's birthday party. A collection of the things left by one person would be interpreted by me as someone who thinks she's demonstrating she cares more because she's always leaving crap there. Kudos to you for your restraint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 A couple of the decorators of DWs grave couldn't give her the time of day while she was alive, I just shake my head and think to myself, "You have no idea of what you missed, so go screw yourself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I'm pissed off at International Widows Day. It can get to fuck, as can channels which are presenting such a one sided story to the reality for widows in the west. I ranted in more depth in my blog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Virgo, sounds to me like you have an awesome friend that hit the reset button once realizing what he was saying. That's infrequent in my world. He's awesome! I feel like I probably overshare, but I feel so comfortable sharing with him and knowing he's not judging me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Here's where I come off sounding like a total bitch, but here goes. I don't visit the cemetery very often though I drive by it daily. His ashes weren't supposed to be in a cemetery but last minute he wanted it for his mom (turns out my older boys go often too so he was right). Whenever I do go my MIL has it filled with mementos and stuff and it makes me crazy to the point I get agitated and need to leave. On Fathers Day we had DHs 2 nephews baptized then had the family back to my house after. My youngest and I stopped at the cemetery on the way home and there was the usual "stuff" every where plus 2 balloons. 1 was Worlds Greatest Dad. Not from my boys, but from her. I knew this would bother them, he was their Dad, they should bring what they want. The other was a heart shaped balloon that said I Love You with hearts all over. Again, more appropriate from a wife than a mom. It took everything I had not to pop the balloons and throw them away. It was a rage that was so out of proportion to the situation. The rest of the day everything she said or did annoyed me and I wasn't very warm and loving. Not real proud of myself for acting that way but my reaction was so strong and I could not get past it. Even typing it out I feel like such a bitch. Not a bitch at all. Your feelings are valid. It sounds like our mil's are similiar as far as how they grieve. My mil is the type that has a shrine in her house, and that's just not me. She has actually made comments as to how I should put up his picture with his badge and flag. He would have laughed. He wouldn't have wanted a shrine of any type either. To be honest, I decided to have a burial for my husband with my in-laws in mind. I knew it was important to them. They visit all of their deceased relatives and decorate their graves. I just try to remember that we all grieve differently. There's no right or wrong. I lost a husband, they lost their son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 I was given gift cards for a pedi/mani, haircut/style, and a 30 minute massage for Christmas. I finally feel up to going and I notice there is an expiration date on all three of the gift cards, 6 months from the date 12/9. I'm going to call tomorrow to see if they'll make an exception. I had no idea they had an expiration date. They were given to me by an organization called the Christmas Commandos. They surprised me and my daughters Christmas morning with a huge box of gifts. I really hope they wave the expiration date. Who wants a pedicure when it's snowing and cold outside anyway? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 It may just be a law in Connecticut but I know recently there was a law passed saying there could be no expiration dates on gift certificates. We have been using the gift certificates my DH was given over the years for coaching different teams, some of them are 8 years old! It's been fun feeling lime he is treating us to a dinner or lunch out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Thanks Virgo for starting this post. I was trying and trying not to bitch and complain about my life and be more positive but today I just have to have a little vent. A few weeks ago my oldest son asked me if I was lonely and at the time I couldn't answer it. Took a few weeks to come up with my answer. I have been working on my neglected yard and it is taking me a very long time to get things back to together. I hired a lawn care service to help me with the weeds of the yard but basically doing everything myself. Now working on resetting my patio stones and it is one heck of a hard job. I finally came to the conclusion that I have to learn to do things by myself. I wasn't counting on help from my kids but what I didn't know they would do is gang up on me. They are saying I am wasting my time and money on doing outside work. I want to be proud of our home, it is paid for and their was one nasty way it was paid for. Also I might have to sell it and we all now about curb appeal. All of this has made tension in the house a little nasty between all of us. Sure wish my husband was around to have my back, miss that a lot. November my SIL passed away and I paid for her cremation because my BIL had no money and I didn't want my nephew to pay for it. I had a feeling my BIL wouldn't ever pay me back but right now it is stinging a bit. He has already started dating and if going away on a little vacation with her. He was in the area but didn't call or stop by, nothing. Just saw on facebook my sister and brother are making plans to spend some time together. Thanks for the invite. I am tired for no one caring and feeling invisible. I can now answer my son's questions, yes I am lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 NeedyToo - I'm sorry you're feeling excluded and unappreciated. Not only will you landscaping work add value but it's also giving you something to focus on. I see nothing wrong with that. How old are your kids? Depending on their ages I might just share with them how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 My kids are 16 and 20 years old. I do address some of their attitudes and others I just say nothing and walk away (silent treatment, worked on me as a kid). I am just tired of being upset all the time. I am at the point that I am accepting my life and I am doing things to change it. My yard was neglected I am responsible and now I am fixing it. But miracles do happen. I was out last night and my kids cleaned up the basement (the basement is another constant disaster story of my life). They actually gave up their plans and did it. WOW I almost cried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobssleepykitty Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Bitch In Law trolled my LinkedIn page. I found out yesterday that she'd been on it, on the day just one month shy of when Bob died. I'm much more calm about it now than I was yesterday. That's when she should be afraid. Very, very, afraid. She fucks with me, I'll destroy her. Period. On a side note, don't you just hate it when people make it so that you now have to have an alibi for your whereabouts now until the day either you or they die? Son of a BITCH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Ladies who say, "mah husband," an absurd amount of times in any one conversation, emphasizing the word, husband, when she could just say his name to refer to him. It smacks of smugness, and it makes me wince. Yes, hoocheroo, I acknowledge and applaud you successfully coaxed him down the damned aisle, so color me impressed, and STFU! Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Oh Baylee I couldn't agree more. I have a dear friend who says it all the time. Last week while talking on the phone I asked her to just say his name because I know he's your husband, she replied ' I like saying that'. I told her I hate it because mines gone. She went quiet on the phone and yes we are still good friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 saw ortho yesterday about my knee, he said "it's wrecked". A small "notch" was caused by the walmart cart incident, the rest is arthritis. He said I will eventually need kneecap replacement. He wants me to go ahead and settle with walmart though because if he does surgery now he will address arthritis and then walmart might think it was a pre-existing injury. So we will see what happens. Funny to me it has never hurt before the walmart thing but I have stage IV.. the worst ... of chondromalacia? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 People put an offer on my house a week ago, they said it was "the perfect house" for them, we were going back and forth, they insisted on an earlier closing date than I wanted because they wanted to enjoy the pool this summer, I agreed even though I was stressed about getting out so quickly, then NOTHING for days, this morning they withdrew their offer, saying they didn't really like the house. WTF?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Lately, I seem to get annoyed by SD very easily. She is living back at home, after being at college for the semester, but, even during the school year, she was home almost every weekend for some reason or another (laundry, dinner, or just to get away from her roommate). So, I know I am craving alone time with my new husband, but I can't exactly kick her out of the house to get it. The problem is she very rarely goes out. She prefers to stay home and either types incessantly on her laptop (online blogging etc) or watch TV, OR do whatever we happen to be doing (even as mundane as going to the grocery store), so even our little errands turn into all three of us going. Sorry - but that is a little TOO much togetherness for me. Plus, she is a slob. Big time. Leaves her stuff everywhere. Junk dropped on the kitchen table, shoes (and socks) left on the floor in the den, Dunkin and Starbucks empty coffee cups left anywhere and everywhere, more shoes by the stairs, and don't even get me started on her ROOM. OMG. What a disaster. She decided to paint it, so she moved all sorts of stuff into the hallway, where it has sat for about a month I've reminded and prompted her several times (nicely) to please put the paint stuff away. She said she would. But then never does. I'm disgusted by the fact that I can't keep my house clean with just my own mess, let alone hers. It's driving me nuts. Thanks for letting me vent. Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Donna, what does your husband have to say about this? I had a horrible day today!! I was trying to work on getting the mailbox reposted. I thought before I started digging a hole for the post I should check my sprinklers so I wouldn't hit a sprinkler head. My father in-law came over to help me with the mailbox. While I was checking the sprinklers my basement was flooding with water. The sprinkler spicket in my utility room was on!!! Standing water in the utility room and seeping water in the rooms on either side. Plus water in the hallway. All but the utility room has carpet. I called professionals to extract the water and I filed a claim to my home owner's insurance. Stupid, stupid mistake!!! Anyway, my basement is full of dryers and dehumidifiers. They're going to leave them going until at least Monday. I just hope everything dries out and nothing has to be replaced. They came about an hour and a half after it happened. Acting quickly helps. My daughters and I were placing towels and blankets everywhere while moving stuff out of the rooms. That helped too. What a mess though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Donna, 2 grown women under one roof is usually a recipe for disaster, especially when one is a self centered sloppy college age "kid". I think you need to enlist your husband on this. He needs to parent her and not by saying "Donna really wants you to...." Or " it really upsets when you..." he needs to tell her HIS rules for living at home and respecting the home and everyone in it. Teens and young adults can be such unbelievably frustrating creatures! Virgo, yikes!! Water can make such an incredible mess so quickly. I hope your quick reaction leads to a complete clean up with minimal damage. How incredibly stressful for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 my energy level is nonexistent on this medicine. It is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. I was proud I made it to work today after a long weekend at the beach which was more taxing because of the medicine I'm on. Go out to my truck at lunch and the darn thing wont crank. I still cant figure out what I may have done to cause the battery to die ... but I really just started crying little girl baby tears because Chad wasn't here to handle it. Isn't that ridiculous? Something insanely small like that? But the heat is really draining me right now and three other vehicles and a third set of cables later when someone was finally able to help me jump it, my hair was soaked and I was so dizzy I walked into my open truck door. grrrr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 my energy level is nonexistent on this medicine. It is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. I was proud I made it to work today ... Go out to my truck at lunch and the darn thing wont crank. ... I really just started crying little girl baby tears because Chad wasn't here to handle it. Isn't that ridiculous? (((Carey))) This is one of those moments for some sincere HUGS. You've got mine!! Best wishes for your Health and Everything else to improve soon! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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