Eddienhp Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 It's been 3-1/2 years so one would think I would have gotten used to this already. I want to take Father's day off the calendar. No disrespect to our widowed fathers out there. I don't want to hear about it, see it, or have to deal with it AT ALL!! It hurts that I have two children 8 and 5 who want their dad and can't have access to him. I never ever wanted to be a single mom. This sucks, sucks, triple sucks. Eileen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 My daughter has the misfortune of being born on June 19th. Her bday almost always falls on father's day week , if not actually father's day. Poor son had the sucky luck of having his birthday be the day we found out his daddy was dead and never coming home. I too have lost my dad. So yea, father's day can go suck it. HARD. I also have the most utmost respect for the widowed dads here on the board ... no ugliness intended here at all. Just PERSONALLY in my house, wish it would disappear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I doubt you're offending the widower dads - I'm sure some/many of them have similar feelings for their kids about Mother's Day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I doubt you're offending the widower dads - I'm sure some/many of them have similar feelings for their kids about Mother's Day. Exactly - no offense taken by me at all. Mother's Day was a tough one and to be honest I'm not really looking forward to Father's Day, either. My own dad died 2.5 years ago, so this means picking out a card for DW's dad without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Hugs all around. It is a hard day for me as well, even though it will be the 3rd one we've faced. I'll be attending a bago the day before which will be nice. I'm planning to stay overnight at a hotel and find something to do with the kids the next day to take the edge off. I do want to be here later in the day to visit with my FIL, though. Justin, I understand how hard it is to buy cards for in-laws when you've lost your own parents. I've cried my way through more than one occasion doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmy2babies Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 This will be our 6th one and yeah, it?s tiresome. Daughter wants to take flowers to dh so we will again. It just seems to amp up that fight I live every day?that fight against the notion that our families are inferior. It would be nice if we could hear about how special fathers are without the message that there?s little hope without them and that's been my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I am remarried to a widower. I have 3 sons and he has a son, daughter and a niece(who lost her father-his brother) all under one roof. We celebrate the days but not wholeheartedly. His kids miss Mom on Mother's Day and my sons and his niece miss their dads on Father's Day. I am happy when they are all over. Between us we have lots of birthdays and anniversaries and sadaversaries. We muddle through. Not too much of a choice. It just is not the way it was and I miss it. I know I always will. Those days amplify all that is missing-all that should have been. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Yup, no offense here, either. Mother's Day now passes without any mothers in sight - the girls Mom and Grandmas are all gone. Nobody to send flowers to. I have my own beef with Father's Day. The girls are almost guaranteed to not DO anything on the day without someone reminding them and getting them out to shop or get cards. I thought they had forgotten my birthday last week, and they might almost have, but I had my sister poke them without letting on, so they finally wished me Happy Birthday at about 3pm. So a decent outcome, but I am not sure it would have been if I had not pulled strings. I am probably not going to do that for Father's Day. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 We ignore it..always skip church...either do an all day outing or weekend trip. Camping 2 hours away this year at a lake I have never been to. My kids half the time don't even realize it's Fathers Day. We kinda ignore Mothers Day too. (send grandparents cards...but I don't like the made up Hallmark holidays--I don't need a day to remind my kids to remember there Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmy2babies Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Yup, no offense here, either. Mother's Day now passes without any mothers in sight - the girls Mom and Grandmas are all gone. Nobody to send flowers to. I have my own beef with Father's Day. The girls are almost guaranteed to not DO anything on the day without someone reminding them and getting them out to shop or get cards. I thought they had forgotten my birthday last week, and they might almost have, but I had my sister poke them without letting on, so they finally wished me Happy Birthday at about 3pm. So a decent outcome, but I am not sure it would have been if I had not pulled strings. I am probably not going to do that for Father's Day. Take care, Rob T That's the case here too. My two are 12 and 5 and if they hadn't made cards at school, I wouldn't have gotten a card at all. My mother said she had one for me and left it in her vehicle when she came in to church; but I guess she forgot about it because I never saw it. And truthfully when I got the hand made cards from the children my first thought after gratitude was "Ugh, I hope all of the children have moms or some poor child had a horrid day." I actually asked my daughter everyone in her class had a mom after thanking her for the card. When Mother's Day comes I'm generally depleted between that and Teacher's Appreciation week. It is exhausting. This was though the first year my son said "Happy Mother's Day" and his tiny voice was sweet. My birthday is pretty much the same and I haven't had the means to do anything for myself because it's a month after school starts and the budget is depleted from summer camp bills, school clothes, fees and supplies. A former principal of my daughter's and I actually share a birthday and one year when I picked her up first thing she did was tell me all about how they celebrated the principal's birthday. Another parent was in the hallway and wished me a happy birthday because she saw it on Facebook. I think my daughter wanted to disappear. She apologized for forgetting and the parent got teary eyed. I just smiled and nod like "story of my life". And people wonder why I take my children away at times and do a variety of things. I can't depend on anyone to celebrate us...well me; so when we can, we do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 These "holidays" put too much pressure on our kids, set everyone up for disappointment, and just plain stink. My Dad is gone, the father of my children is gone, I have a wonderful FIL thankfully. My SIL is having her 7 and 3 year old baptized on Fathers Day so no disappearing for us since I am God Mother to one and my 2 older boys are the Godfathers. That means church in the morning with all of the happy families. Then there is my poor new guy, it's not his weekend with his kids and his ex won't let him have them for even a few hours. So all day I will be thinking of him being sad and alone (his father is gone too). Let's not forget my oldest has a history of blowing up on every special occasion. There's always that to look to forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 No "dads" here either...lost my father and FIL about 25 yrs ago and now with DH gone, this is just another day on the calendar. Feel sorry for my son and he's an adult--but just another reminder of what we don't have any longer. Also sucks cuz our wedding anniversary is always around or on father's day so just a double whammy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Something I started doing a few years ago....I always buy myself something (pedicure or flowers or just something little on Fathers Day). Usually don't on Mothers Day...cause that's like all the other Moms. I think the men should celebrate themselves too on Mothers Day (even privately without kids knowing if that's better). I think we've earned the right to do so. No...we will never be "Dad" and the guys will never be "Mom"...but all of us I am sure have been totally out of our normal comfort zones and are doing "Dad" or "Mom" roles that we never thought we would do...or be comfortable doing. Plus when I am happy on Fathers Day-my kids pick up on it and are happier. Stupid made up dumbass holidays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I have been dreading it, as it will be our first without him. Last year he took the boys to watch a movie and supper. He died about four weeks later, so this is pretty much our last "first" special day without him. My initial plan was to take the boys away for the weekend and do fun things, then I remembered that I'm the fundraiser for their hockey association and that is a big weekend. There is a baseball tournament and we run the food booth at it to aid in the fundraising. Also since my dad and my fil are still alive I thought maybe it would be worse to not spend time with them as well. Especially since they have stepped in to spend a lot of time with the boys since their dad died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Uuggh - I hear you. My 4 year old son has started really missing his Dad and his school is doing stuff for Father's Day...this isnt going to help. Last year I had a nice social outing for Father's Day, this year I am with my son alone at home so trying to decide whether to do anything special. Its just brutal.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 It will be six years this Saturday. Father's day is still the hardest day for my stepson. I don't expect that to change. Ever. It breaks my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddienhp Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 You all have me thinking. We don't have any fathers left either. My dad and FIL are both deceased. The only "father" in the family is my brother who totally abandoned his own son. My mother thinks I should go to the cousins fathers day celebration. She doesn't get it. In the past three years, me, my stepdaughter and my two little ones would spend the day together doing a family activity. This year SD is busy with a summer college class. I will hunker down with my little ones and do something fun. I just wish I didn't have to see it everywhere. Eileen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieh21 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I have to say I don't mind it that much. My mother-in-law drives me nuts because she keeps trying to get me to celebrate Fathers' Day in lieu of her son, and I just don't have that relationship with my FIL, so I find it hard to fake. And I celebrate extra-hard with my own father because somehow my DH's death has made me appreciate HIS presence in my life even more. He helps me out a lot, but also, being an orphan himself, he has some useful insight into growing up with only an adult woman as a parent. Plus thinking about how sad it is for my daughters to miss having a father made me realise how lucky I was to have one. Weird, but I actually enjoy taking the girls to the cemetery, letting them run around the gravestones and sending off their cards tied to helium balloons to their papa sitting on a cloud. What I do miss which is related to Fathers' Day is buying men's presents. Every LLBean catalog I get that is the men's issue, I get a little sad that there is no market for ties or flannel shirts in my house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imissdow Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 almost 4 years out and I have decided to wimp out this year. going to a bago and looking for a camping spot for the weekend. Hoping I can avoid all the hype and just have some fun with my girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 My daughter brought home a key chain she made at school for her brother for Fathers Day and a card for my Dad. A few kids asked why..her little friends said "Her Dad died" and that was it. (No clue why they have to do Father's Day shit at school...but I have done this now 3 times in Kindergarten and 3 times In first grade. Didn't sting with her-and I could tell she didn't give it a thought. My oh with my oldest (it was only 1-2 years out) it stung. Man it stung. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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