BrokenHeart2

Yes Meema, I know exactly what you mean!! "a different me that I was before" You nailed it!

Heather, I'm so sorry you are here but glad you found us. How do you do it? One day at a time, even down to one minute at a time if you need to. Remember to drink lots of water as crying is very dehydrating. The death of your DH was somewhat similar to my DH's, he wanted to die at home and I'm so thankful I was able to make sure that happened. I remember my first time in the grocery store. I lost it when I saw the cheese popcorn. Put my head down and beelined it for the door. There were other instances too. They will come and just do what you need to do to get through them. Gentle hugs to you.

So very well said J3. I remember at 3 months out I couldn't even imagine that would be possible or if I even wanted it too. I have learned so much over this past 5 yrs and thankful that these words really became so true for me. I hope they will be for you too Steph! Hugs

I am thinking this sounds like a great idea too!

Steph, I'm sure all of us have echoed your words at one time as well. You are so early your grief. One statement that really stuck to me early out and has helped me was "If you're going through hell, just keep going." I repeated those words to myself many times to remind me I wasn't the only one enduring this pain. Keep going one day at a time. Hugs.

Good idea LF.

I am bumping this as requested and a good read for all our new members. Hugs

Minny9 in my 5 yrs since losing my DH this is one of the best descriptions of how devastating our loss is. The letter from Wifeless is another. Thank you to both of you for expressing it so eloquently! "Two halves of a whole" most definite felt like I lost me half of me when he died. Didn't know who I was anymore. I'm just getting that back now and I'm so thankful for that. hugs

Congratulations to all of you!! Blessings and hugs!

Hi Mike, yes a touchy subject for sure. I had a friend in her 50"s when they married, that remarried a widower and was hurt he was to be buried with is first wife. He died last year and she's ok with it now. Go figure. Another friend's mother was widowed, remarried and had her ashes split to go with both plots. To each their own. When my DH died he was cremated and buried and by my choice my name is on the groundstone too. Yes, it was so weird to see my name there. I don't really know where my remains will be buried. I'm only 57 and I have no idea what is yet to come. Not really a fan of splitting my remains so only time will tell what happens. I understand your delema especially if she may be making this a deal breaker. Maybe Portside has a point with: All the best to you Mike R that you resolve this in an amicable way with your fiance! Hugs to you.

One of my favorites of DH on the pontoon with our almost 5 yr old lab Allie that went to be with him 4 months later

I went out today with 2 dear ladies that have had my back in a way over the last 5 yrs since I've lost DH. We've done fun road trips all the while being mindful they are married and I lost mine. Today I guess time just got away on them and did the 'married' thing of complaining about their DH's and one was remorseful. This is how time has changed for me....... in the past I would have thanked her for being mindful, today I said "oh please Joan don't worry about it, I'm ok". I guess that's the thick skin that's been growing with this widowhood. In the past the response would have been different. It's like the wise ones before told us over and over, you learn to live with it. I'm getting that now and this is now just my lot in life. Not saying this will always be the way my life is, just the way it is right now. Wow, what a turning point for me. I'm different from who I used to be and continually exploring who I'm becoming with interest instead of the pain. That's what different for me coming up on 5 ys at the end of May. I don't know how I could have done this without all of you over these past 5 yrs sharing your experiences, pain, joy, sorrow, craziness, fun and all the rest. Thank you for making feel like I'm not crazy but just a grieving widow. HUGS to all of you!

Hugs to you CW. I hope you have a relaxing reflective day.

Yes RIFF, I certainly get it. Like SJ, I too feel the same about Fathers Day. This year will be 5 yrs for me as well. DH and I never made a big deal about these days but the difference was we were together and that's what counted. My 2 stepkids took me for lunch yesterday and that was nice. LF thank you for posting that link!

Very very well said HM!!! You nailed it for me!!

So true.

Hi Kiki547, I'm so sorry for the loss of your DH. I can certainly relate to this I was the same. I truly learned what 'one day at a time' meant. One day you will start to see a small shift/change occur. Hang in there and keep posting. Gentle hugs to you.

So much wisdom in these posts. Thank you for describing how I felt and sometimes still do! Makes perfect sense to me.

Hi Ninie, I am so sorry for your loss . This is one place you never have to apologize for having your thoughts all over the place. We get it. We're either there too or have been there. I guess that's why this is such a supportive place to let it out. We all unfortunately have this in common. You are so right, I never knew this level of pain existed either. I had no idea how I was going to survive this and truly learned what 'one day at a time' meant right down to sometimes one hour at a time. KimberlyMarie88, I'm so sorry for your loss too. You are both much younger than I am and you've both had your futures shattered. Something I read early out for me really stuck and I kept repeating it in my head when I needed to "If your going through hell, just keep going." Ladies, just keep going. Be gentle and kind to yourselves and hang in there. It does get softer with time. Hugs

Thank you all once again for making me feel like I'm not crazy! I do at times step back still at almost 5 yrs and wonder how this could be. I'm feeling like I have made some good progress but yes, that looming sadness in the background is there. Some days my heart just aches for him but it doesn't knock me down hard the way it used to. Certainly nothing like the early years and I thank God for that. Hugs to my wids and my pillows (still my soft place to fall )

I hear you Virgo, and to think I actually used to use those terms. UGH. My DH loved to go fishing and hunting with his buddies. I can't stand those terms anymore. Hugs

Wow Judy, you nailed it! So profound. I remember feeling just as you described. It's coming up to 5 yrs next month it's feeling like the seed may be sprouting just a little bit. Hugs

Yes DW, I love that quote too!!!

Christine, please know you are not grieving backwards. You are grieving. I too couldn't find a local bereavement group but I did find an amazing councilor that helped me a lot. That too took a long time to find and to work with to get some progress with. Please remember it will not always be this way. Be patient with yourself and even if all you do is go for a small walk, that to is progress. You don't have to be brave and strong for anyone but yourself at this time. Just be gentle with yourself. Please trust me when I say eventually that little ray of sunshine will break through. Hugs.

Hi Christine, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband and to compound this with what his friend did to you is horrible. Yes, eleven months, I remember how I felt at that point. It was worse for me as well. Although we all grieve differently I have that very much in common with you. It was awful. I couldn't see the point in anything anymore either. I just kept hanging on. I remember reading even earlier out a statement that really stuck with me and I repeated it in my head over and over. "If you're going through hell, just keep going." So that's what I did. I had my screaming crying fits and felt it when I needed too. You probably don't want to hear this but here goes anyway.... just keep going. I know it feels like hell right now but keep going in baby steps and one day, a little ray of sunshine will poke through. It will take time and you need to just keep on going. Try to push yourself to do something you used to or may now enjoy. You might not enjoy it but at least you tried. Keep posting and reading. Gentle hugs to you.