Captains wife

Dating....I'm in "round 2" after starting to date 3 years ago. I have TONS of dating experience (unfortunately or fortunately). I also think its great that you took a chance and went out on a first date. If the issue is that you aren't "ready" for dating, then I would move on and just politely thank the guy for the date if he asks you out again but decline. But if you feel you want to keep dating and he seemed like a decent chap and there was the potential for some chemistry then I would go on date 2. You aren't really "leading" anyone on in these very early stages of dating as part of the process is discovering who is out there and what you are looking for. Its ok too to still feel in love with your husband (and therefore maybe feel conflicted about dating) and still be trying to date. We were all put in the widow/widower situation without any control so we all deserve a happy Chapter 2, if that is what we want. Personally, I have also "multi dated" (i.e. casually going out with more than one guy on individual dates) and not felt bad about it as part of the process is figuring out who/what makes you happy in Chapter 2. When I first started dating again, I just enjoyed having the male company and meeting new interesting people. Doesn't mean you need to get serious with anyone right away or quickly.

I responded to one guy that although I appreciated his email, I am not interested in meeting up now as I have dating fatigue (which I do for some reason). I thought that might deter him - but NOPE...he still wanted to go out. Funny....

This could be a phase ? I highly doubt this just has to do with your recent behavior (as you mentioned recently not being happy). My almost 5 year old son is suddenly going through a phase where he is worrying what everyone thinks of him. So if I get upset/mad about something he has done, the first thing out of his mouth is "do you still like me" ? He is a very self assured kid normally but when kids at the pool etc aren't interested in playing with him, he says "they don't like me?". He has also been much clingier to me than ever. As a solo, first time parent who is still really finding her way - I enlisted a child therapist to help me navigate some of these behaviors + help deal with his grief (and associated issues with his early loss) as I honestly don't know how to.

Funny ! Ok - so great date with cute Turkish (electrical) engineer on Friday. This was only date 2 although we have been in touch for a few weeks. He sent me a very straight forward text the following day about me hopefully becoming his girlfriend very soon. VERY sweet but much too fast for me right now. Is it bad that I am currently enjoying multi-dating now ?? It just feels comfortable for me after all the BS I have been through - the various guys know I am multi dating and nothing really that physical has transpired yet. I have just met some decent men recently but they are SOOO different so I want to take some time and I'm actually starting to get more comfortable being on my own and my last (failed) relationship is getting further and further in the rear view mirror (yeah !!)

This was one thing that REALLY pissed me off at first. I was alone with a 9-mth old baby in a new community after my husband suddenly died 4 years ago and many people I considered my friends "disappeared". Well - I moved on and have a new set of friends and am very thankful for the great people I have met along the way since becoming a widow. Those who didn't support me, well...I cut them out of my life and have no regrets.

I hear you - I felt sad. Feel like all these icons who were in my teenage life are passing away and reminds me of the finite time we have.

Some guys obviously don't know when the date didn't go well. The late, pot smelling real estate guy contacted me and asked me out for another drink as he thought we got along well and he "felt something" when he hugged me goodbye. Funny On a more positive note, I am giving big bonus points to cute Turkish engineer who asked me out for date 2 and agreed to go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 with me (chick flick). And he took charge and booked everything in one of those theaters with big leather seats that serves dinner and drinks. He said "I deserved it"...so maybe there is hope yet. Which is good as I was starting to think about giving up.

Your posts really resonated with me Mizpah - so thank you for sharing what is very difficult. My situation was nowhere near the same but when it became clear to me that my ex wasn't into getting married again and wasn't into marrying me, it hurt...even though I wasn't itching to get married again necessarily. And no way was I going to bring it up more than once. But on the positive side for you you sound well loved and it sounds like your relationship is on a better track so that means a lot too. All the best,

For some reason I always want to "fix" things for people but as we know it isn't that simple especially when it comes to grief. Being a young widow and single parent is rough - I struggle sometimes. I'm very sorry you are feeling this way so I'm trying to think how I can offer useful suggestions. I think finding a comparable grief therapist is key. Exercise also really helped me as well as finding new things to motivate me in life - whether it be finding ways to bond with my son, to developing a new social circle, to new hobbies. Wishing you all the best

I hear you Rob - it's the match part that's the hardest. I love when dates show up early - my date did last night and ordered me a glass of white wine. Was a nice recovery from awful widower date.

I hear you. I particularly get hit when I am out and surrounded by millions of two parent families. My son deserves his dad : ( I purposely booked a vacation house for July 4th on a more secluded beach/area to help give me a little space from the vacationing full families. It doesn't help that my dating life is a disaster and decoupling doesn't appear on the cards for me. Keep venting here - and let's hope it gets better for all of us. I also remind myself that many families or couples out there aren't happy and just don't understand how lucky they are.

Even worse this widower didn't rein it in when I gave a clear signal that I wasn't heading down the path he wanted to go on. He just tried to get more aggressive about it - then said I bet you like it when guys get aggressive. Ugh! That's when it was time to go home!!

Oh and then he brings up the whole"did I feel guilty about messing around because I'm Catholic and I felt sinful?" (Which I'm not but what a weird thing to say!) ugh he seemed so nice at first : (

Thanks - I don't mind flirting, kissing early on but this guys actions were inappropriate I thought for a 3rd date. And it's too bad because the date went very well up to that point and then ended on a completely awkward note when it became clear I wasn't playing his games. Sigh- can't we ladies have a romance period for a while instead of instantly jumping into bed?

I love kissing etc as much as the next person but guys that get too aggressive physically and talk about sex too much too early puts me off (i.e. Date 3). Sigh - and I liked this guy (widower) but he is clearly out to play the field and just have fun. That's fine for him but not for me. NEXT.....

This is what I wrote on my profile: I enjoy meeting new people yet my ultimate goal in online dating is to find my match for a long term relationship. Meeting the right person can take time - let's get to know each other and see where things go. So if someone asked me your question I would keep to that script. I'm not yet sure that my long term goal is to get remarried but I'm keeping it in mind - but don't feel it should be introduced so early in relationship discussions : )

That is a proper vent TTS - sorry that this sucks so much. I know it does.... Needytoo - that is the lamest line EVER. NEXT ! While I have had some decent dates recently, I just cant feel that connected to anyone....and I feel like I have my guard up big time. I am having trouble trusting what ANY guy says as I've been burned twice post widow and the thought of getting to know someone all over again just seems exhausting (again!) I took my dating profile down for a while as I have met a few men that I would like to get to know better. But unfortunately I think some of them are sensing my dating fatigue - I mistakenly told the nice guy I went out with last night that my heart just didn't feel in it (this dating round). I don't know what happened exactly - I used to enjoy dating but for some reason it doesn't seem as fun this time around : ( Hoping for an attitude change soon !

I was hesitant about date 2 with this guy I planned to go out with last night - let's call him preppy boating guy. We had a good first date but he had a short marriage and has no kids. I am cautious of perceived bachelor types. But I am resolved to keep my toes in the water. When I showed up I wasn't really attracted to him but as I talked to him more as the night went on he became more attractive (and it wasn't just the wine). Just so great to talk to and we had such good laughs. I also liked he wasn't afraid to ask questions/talk about my late husband - he remembered the story from the news. And I had been admiring his fish cuff links on our first date so he brought me a pair as a gift on our second date- how sweet is that! Just wanted to report some good dating news from my side for a change. There will be a 3rd date....

That's brutal. At least you are being honest and not ghosting on them. After a phone conversation with a guy recently, I could tell we had nothing in common so when he asked me out via text as follow up I wrote him a very polite email that I thought we weren't a good match for a few reasons but I enjoyed talking to him plus he had very handsome pics online. He wrote back that he really appreciated the response and it was classy and kind of me to respond and explain why. Now there's a gentleman.... Tweety - its not you, its them....Good for you for being honest.

I might be getting stalked by an online guy - he seems relentless and thinks on paper we are a great match. He copied and pasted my list from my profile (of things I thought men might like to know about me) and responded to each one individually.... I think he looks too good looking for me....I never trust "those" guys....

I have a young child so its very different for me and I can imagine that it is very tough for young teens to accept. My ex used to sleep over but he stayed in my room and I slept in my son's room - that is probably extreme but it was what I was most comfortable with and he was understanding of it as well. Is this an option for you, at least for now ? We still had our adult time in the evenings once my son went to bed. I feel that adults should make the decisions in the household but as you are already doing, need to be mindful of grieving kids. Is there a sense that as time moves on they may be more accepting ? Maybe once you are engaged, then he can start staying over with you - as this children accepts this man as their stepfather ? I guess a lot of this depends on how open this topic is with you and your children and it sounds like they are still struggling with accepting someone new. And it sounds like your kids aren't willing to yet accept anyone new, regardless of who it is. So time may help here. But I also don't think our kids should rule what we do in life when we are trying to rebuild a life for ourselves and for them. Do you guys have a therapist you could consult to maybe help with this (you moving on)? You and your kids are going to need to talk about this to move forward - otherwise I can imagine the tensions will continue to build if you just lay down the law and want them to accept it....Sorry about all this pressure in your life - I know from your posts you are trying to keep everyone in your life happy (and putting some of your own needs aside). Wishing you all the best,

Ok - now that's odd. There is some odd things going out there in the dating world. I was texting with a guy I met on Match for a bit, we hadn't even talked on the phone and he was signing his texts "XOXO". Um - not cool for me and too personal too early. NEXT !

I go through spells of anxiety so I get it. Certain things are triggers - last night I was awake from 2.30PM thinking about everything that has happened recently and feeling incredibly anxious. Didn't help that I had this odd assortment of dreams. I hope your anxiety is better but what I am trying to do (and what may also help) is: exercise (this really helps me), eat well, write out lists, let things drop that don't need to be done urgently, try and refocus what I am thinking about, ask for help with everything that needs to get done, try and focus on the positives in my life, reach out to friends, see my grief therapist, post on here All the best,

I'm so sorry - my husband died suddenly too in an accident and it was a fluke that I wasn't with him. I think a lot about what ifs and it will be 4 years for me in May. Hugs to you - this sucks....

I feel others on the board must also feel this way - that when even smaller challenges in life happen these days, it can seem too much to handle. At almost four years out, when things are trundling along, I am finding I am pretty happy and can cope with everything on my plate. However, when the house of cards start to fall over, I get very anxious again, moody, tears etc. and everything seems worse. Not that my life is that bad - and believe me, things could be a lot worse and I recognize that - but I keep getting "tested" by life recently and its starting to get to me sometimes. And a lot of it feels out of my control, which is worse. First MIL gets sick, then my son breaks his leg (out of my care), then I am having issues with school and my son, then my boyfriend disappears on me and yesterday my nanny was in a car accident (thankfully she is ok which is the most important) but that means I am without childcare for several weeks (again, this has happened before - she was in a car accident 2 years ago). My work and living location are such that I cant get my son to school and pick him up although I can work selectively from home. This also means my other support that she gives me (house stuff and babysitting so I can have a social life) has also disappeared. While I am lucky to have some family support, I will need to find local help plus take time out of work (again). I don't have a lot of local support from other families for various reasons. My family has offered help but also have "busy lives" so can only help selectively. My son needs to be at school and ferried to various appointments, including PT for his leg and his grief therapist plus we just signed him up for swimming classes which the nanny now cant take him to. I love spending extra time with my son but I have to keep up my job too as the sole breadwinner. Being a single parent, trying to carve out a new life, having a demanding full time job, keeping up this house etc etc just seems to be far too much sometimes. Thanks for the vent....Any coping mechanisms are welcome....I'm trying TO DO lists, cutting down on activities (dating), working out (endorphins)....Any others ??