Captains wife

That is far too much to deal with. Sending best wishes...

I'm getting very tired of picking a place to meet my dates. Don't men plan locations for dates anymore??

All of my dates this week (3 of them - two 2nd dates, one 3rd date) are with men about my height (5' 8")- On the first dates I was taller than them (or at their height) as wearing work heels - does this mean I have to run out and buy kitten heels/flats for this weeks' dates ??? LOL

Sorry TooSoon - I would also find the goodbyes really difficult - and loving someone and wanting to be with them more doesn't make you needy. I hope the week gets better for you. Long distance relationship are really tough : (

Multi dating is tiring but also fun and dating one person at a time also doesn't work for me, unless we are in a committed relationship. I know my 3 dates I enjoyed this week are on other dates so I'm not about to wait around for any of them this early on and I want to explore my options. Plus after brutal break up I'm enjoying this casual dating a lot : ) Widower date did tell me that I was his "favorite" of the women he has corresponded with on Match so we shall see. I prioritized this date as I'd like to see what happens with him and we have our 2nd date this week. However, he isn't nearly as far out as I am so I am proceeding with caution. I'm hopeful but feel less urgency to meet a boyfriend vs my first round on match.com almost 2 years ago. Good luck to all - it's a jungle out there!

Sat evening included shopping trip and watching Minion movie : ) Was in Bed by 9 - exciting!

Great workout today- really pushed myself; Glad to be home with my son tonight; My mood has been improving continually which is a welcome return after a tough couple of months.

It's been a busy dating week for me. It just so happened a few potential prospects contacted me so I staggered 5 dates this week- phew. Day 1 - coffee date that I unknowingly stood up because his confirmation message didn't get through, Day 2- Lunch with very cute and outgoing widower and really enjoyed myself plus felt some chemistry. He took my arm as we were walking out...such a gentleman. Day 3- Quick drink after work with crazy real estate guy. Hands down one of the worst dates I've ever had. He shows up half an hour late, REEKS like pot (I kid you not), talks non stop about how his ex left him for a friend with more money, talks non stop about money, talks about how a lot of single mothers in their 40s just want him for sex and then when I ask to see a pic of his ex (out of curiosity) he has this one on his phone with her posing on a bed in tacky lingerie trying to look sexy. Oh boy... Then at end of date as I'm making early exit he thinks date was great and asks me out again- I politely declined. Day 4 - local dinner date with preppy no kids guy. Had a very nice time and we got along well but I'm very wary now of preppy, professional 40 something men with short marriages who don't have kids. But he made me laugh. Day 5 - dinner with short, cute British guy. Had a very good time and he was easy to talk to although could have something to do with 3 glasses of wine I had lol. So 3 good dates in a week - and 3 potential 2nd dates as they asked me out again. 3 out of 5 isn't bad although don't think I've met anyone that's blown my socks off yet. But all in all a successful dating week and a good laugh! Sooo glad to be home the rest of the weekend.

Mizpah - firstly I am very happy to hear your relationship has improved, it sounds as though he is listening even if he doesn't want to talk about it. Given his upbringing his behavior makes sense although the fact you two have very different communication styles must be frustrating for you. Although clearly not the same, having dated someone for almost 2 years who wouldn't communicate with me on things that mattered to me was very upsetting and it was so hard to gauge where I stood in his life. I understand your desire to be married again, especially considering you two have a child together. For me, although I was never dying to get married (my husband was), I felt more secure being married - that both parties would work harder to work through issues. it must feel very hurtful to hear your partner doesn't want to get married and especially if he throws down the "getting along for a long period of time" as a necessity. We are humans, there is bound to be some conflict, especially if young children are involved. Yet it does sound as though this isn't personal towards you- he just doesn't want to get married again period. Honestly, I had that attitude for a long time and it was my issue, not a reflection of who I was with. This will need to be a reflection period for you- to better understand how important getting married is to you. And things may change down the road? But this has to be hurtful and frustrating to work through- I agree that you probably can't talk to him about it too much given his way of dealing with things and he sounds like the kind of person that needs to work through these things on his own, take his time and pushing would only escalate tension in the relationship. Keep strong and keep venting- sending widow support!

Ok - I am in my 40s and have had TONS of experience dating ...sigh...no judgement. I met my DH online and four years later I am back online dating. It takes a while to get used to and while it can be frustrating and confusing, it can be fun too! Before a first date, 90% of the time I call screen....it is a good way to weed out the undesirables early on, especially when time is precious. I also like to email or text a bit and get some conversation going before the first date. I keep first dates on the shorter side, just in case (especially as I don't want to be away from my son too long) such as coffee, lunch, drinks or maybe something sporty. If he is a nice guy but no spark, I give it 3 to 4 dates max. There has to be a little something - if he is nice but ZERO spark, then no 2nd date. I am ok with kissing on the first date but sexual encounters should wait a while I think - i.e. for me, its several weeks in and we need to be exclusive (but hey, that's me). I also think the suggestion of STD etc testing evidence from the other party is good - I also require this. Ill flirt a little via text but no sexting - as it attracts the wrong guys. I have had suggestive sexual texts from guys and its a turn off for me, depending of course on the suggestive nature of it (harmless flirting is ok)...Honestly guys that tend to get that aggressive with sexual texts early on...well it has proven to be a red flag for me and these guys were jerks in the end. I'm impressed with guys who are more subtle about these things and I personally like to be romanced a bit. I think multi dating is fine - and don't need to discuss that with your dates unless they ask. But I only multi date if no real intimacy involved. When I enter their contact numbers in my cell phone (I don't give out my home number) I put notes beside their name. Hope this helps somewhat. Ask any more questions you have !

Excellent - want to have a nice widow day on my sadiversary. My mum is usually here but not this year so the company will be very welcome. Look forward to seeing all of you again.

Ugh - can we get rid of this thread ? I don't want any reminders of that jerk and I certainly have no time or patience to talk to him 2 months later. Sometimes real communication doesn't work if there is not 2 willing parties.

Love how this is coming together for you. Congrats on the departure from Stepford ! You are setting a great example : )

I decided I am going to be more proactive about upcoming holidays and making plans after spending Easter alone. One holiday where I tend to feel really alone is July 4th - I feel like EVERYONE has somewhere to go, family to see, friends throwing parties. The past 2 years I spent with BF and/or son at his Maine house but since I am now single I didn't want to be sitting at home this year, feeling sorry for myself. The first 2 years after my husband died, I was home with my baby son, just feeling like crap as my DH and I used to throw the best parties on July 4th ! I felt more alone that weekend than most. So...on a whim I booked a condo on the ocean in Cape Cod for the week of July 4th, in a very quiet area but near lots of amenities. I am so excited ! My son and I will just relax and hang out for the week - and now we have our own July 4th plans and will create our own holiday memories : ) The condo is literally right on the beach, with amazing views of Nantucket Sound with huge widows around the front of the condo and a huge private wrap around porch with a grill. Will invite a few local friends to join us for a day or two and I will host a few dinner parties : )

SimiRed - I used to go and ask WAY too many questions at the start as I didn't trust anyone and I probably came across like I was interviewing and too intense...but now I ease them into the conversation once they bring up certain topics (i.e finding out how long been out of marriage/relationship, some ideas about how last relationship ended and their attitude towards exes, how long been on Match.com, their "ideal" dating situation). So....I have 5 new dates (coffee, lunch, evening drinks, dinner) this week so wish me luck - hope I have something good to report afterwards : )

I met my late husband on match.com in nyc so I don't fully disregard this way to meet a potential partner. However, the key problem with online dating is that even if we are using it as a means to meet a potential lifetime partner, many on there are not - and many are not upfront about it. I have multi dated (just dating no physical) and I don't think there is anything wrong with it, as long as you are upfront about it. Dating just one person at a time could mean a long time to figure out false starts. I have also admittedly used online dating to just dip my toes in the water (about 14 months after my husband died) and see who was out there and also try dating men who weren't usually my type. This time around I am looking for a serious boyfriend but want to move slowly - so I am trying to weed out those early on who are serial daters, on the rebound, non commital etc. Not an easy task but sometimes you can tell from their profile or what they say on the phone and I try and ask the right questions without it seeming like an interview. I refuse to date anyone who is separated or fairly recently divorced - I've always had issues here. I feel if by date 5 or 6 the person you are dating is perpetually online, hasn't queried about getting exclusive then it's not a great sign. I don't want to date someone for 3 plus months if he is dating several other people. If we decide to get intimate then I would expect him not to date anyone else- if he is still online, I would move on. I think we know several dates in if we want to see what happens and if the guy isn't there...I move on. Ps - momtojandj - I put notes in my phone to keep track of multi dates lol.

I had an invite by cousins in law but then I found out that certain people I don't want to see are going to be there- so I'm not going. I don't like anything toxic in my life. So I'm home with my son - and we will have a lazy Easter Sunday and I'll make something good. Used to spend long weekends with bf and/or son but now it's just the two of us since I'm single again. A number of people keep asking what I'm doing for Easter and I get those pity looks when I mention my stay at home plans- but honestly I'm happy for the down time and my 5yr old son is great company.

May 15th is my sadiversary so it would be nice to have widow cheer. I should be able to do that day assuming I can get babysitting....

TTS- honestly I do something similar with guys- some take it well, say I get it and sometimes ask if I ever want to grab drinks as friends, others don't take it well. Honestly, I prefer honesty (even if it's disappointment news) vs ghosting. Don't take it personally that some dates aren't taking it well - you are being honest and a gentleman here. Throwing in a few compliments is always an easier let down too. Amended to add- you don't need to give them several rounds of explanations.

Spoke to a guy on the phone 2 days ago as I call screen everyone now as my time is precious....he claimed he was a really positive person, great dad and liked the positivity on my profile. Then we are talking and he just keeps complaining, about match.com, life etc Then I asked him about his daughter and whether she was an only child and he lets a big hmpf and says oh god one child is ENOUGH! Not cool to say that to someone with kids- and his negativity was brutal. No wonder he was looking for someone positive. Next!

Momtojandj....agreed, that guy was being really inappropriate and that's a red flag to me. An ex of mine made some lewd comments early on and since he apologized I just left it. But it was a precursor to the kind of guy he really was- i.e. Not a good guy. The sexual upfront questions when you meet is NOT sexy and guys should have figured that out lol. On my end, had a fabulous match date 2 weeks ago- cute, we had tons in common, lots of chemistry. He texted he really wanted to see me again and we set another date for last night - we texted a bit in the interim. About a week ago, I responded to his text with a question and he went silent on me....but since he is in my favorite contact list (he liked me) I could see he was constantly online. Then no follow up about our date. I just left it because I am not chasing anyone. But the as yesterday passes I started to get really annoyed- I had put this night aside, booked my nanny to babysit and he couldn't even bother to cancel. So I sent him an email on match - firm but fair- that I'm fine if potential dates cancel, move on etc as that is the nature of online dating but it's incredibly rude to ignore a text and then not even let me know the date is cancelled and ghost on me. His profile said he was a gentleman - I pointed out he was NO gentleman. Surprisingly I received a nice apology - and he admitted he was in the wrong. He claimed there was some person stuff going on with his family and he was only now getting his head on straight. Honestly I'm not even sure he was telling the truth but nice to get an apology as he could have bloody well just sent a quick cancellation text. Next!

I'm sorry Maureen- I'm pissed off at life for you for the loss of your 2nd love. You two had such a beautiful relationship and your happy pics say it all. That was taken from you far too soon. You've been a pillar of strength for our online widow community so sending you widow hugs and support today. I'm so sorry again....Juli

On the dating site I am on, there is a widow/widower option so men can see this. In my many years of dating (sigh), some men care about the widow status/single parent status, others don't mind. I wouldn't worry about the time to dating, as long as you feel you are ready. I don't tend to bring up my widow status unless they ask FYI. One thing I did when I was on another site that didn't have a widow option as my status on my profile - and I still do this before meeting in person - is to call screen with any potential dates. You can get a good sense of someone on the phone, can save some time screening out dates, plus its a way to discuss your widow status up front. I found out quickly the "good" guys who just wanted to get to know me and were ok with my widow/single parent status and the "bad" guys who didn't want to deal for their own reasons. Relax and enjoy your date - keep us posted : )

1. Had a snow day yesterday so got to spend more time with my son. 2. Have a few decent dates lined up. I'm still standing my ground. Screw ex-BF who contacted me and I told him to leave me alone and give me space. 3. After a few off days, I am back on my diet/exercise regime : )

Sorry- those vivid conflicting widow dreams leave me unsettled. I have a reoccurring dream where my late husband suddenly reappears and I keep trying to warn him that he is going to die today. Wishing you sweet dreams....