Captains wife

I don't know what it is - I had been feeling pretty good (year 4 now!) but since Sunday, I have been weepy and feeling really sad about what happened to my husband. I just miss talking to him and I feel there were unresolved issues that I will now never get to resolve. For some reason this week, it doesn't feel like 4 years, it feels like the accident happened just a little while ago. I don't know where this came from but the triggers might have been Fathers Day, my son moving onto kindergarten, my son's class went to visit the memorial bench, I was recently going through some of my husbands stuff ?? My triggers of grief used to be just seeing his favorite foods in the supermarket - I don't know anymore what the grief triggers are...but they aren't fun. What are the triggers for your renewed grief ?

Ugh - what is wrong with some of these guys on these dating sites.... I thought this dating article was interesting....and have seen this myself http://elitedaily.com/dating/benching-dating-trend-ghosting/1528137/

Fuck these moods, fuck that no one seems to get how tough all of this is, fuck that I have to plaster a smile on my face and appease everyone all the time...for some reason today, I want to crawl into bed, watch bad tv and stay there for a few days...

It's tough to meet someone you like, then realize for certain reasons it's not working, then have to try and meet someone new. But good for you that you realized early on that you weren't getting what you wanted out of the relationship and had the fortitude to break things off and move on. Wishing you all the best and s better match!

I personally don't mind that question- whether asked of me or whether I ask the guys. (Although it might be nice to ask your name first- there is etiquette to this!) I was looking for a professional while dating so it was important to me- and the guys I dated probably wanted to know if I was financially self sufficient and maybe what my career said about me. Where I am put off is any salary related questions...

Ooh - have fun! I told myself I was going to hold out dating for a few months. I only lasted a month and was back out on the dating scene in full force and I had fun with it and actually ended up meeting someone unexpectedly - and this person treats me way better than my ex...so refreshing

Thank you so much for sharing...I just passed the four year mark in May and I remember our "early" days of posting. So amazing how much we have all grown from this experience. I am happy to read your anger is disappearing - I too had that issue for a long time and I too have felt more at peace with things in the past year. I am smiling at your last line - that you fell in love again, despite your best efforts not to. I wish you many years of happiness....

1. Its Thursday so its really my Friday...Im so glad to be at the end of the week - its been a "long" one and I am tired 2. I have stuck to my new fitness/diet regime for a whole week now. I'm determined to hit my new fitness goal : ) 3. I actually have plans this weekend (so nice!) - Thomasland with my little guy on Fri, Shopping/dinner/movies with NG on Sat and my friend/summer tenant arrives on Sun (Fathers Day) and we will have a dinner and wine/chatting session

I like consignment shops for household items but rarely use for clothes - mainly because I don't have the patience or time to shift through everything to find what I need for myself or my son. I do much more donating - but consignment shops are indeed great for certain items ! I wish the one near me was better - the ones in the city tend to have better quality stuff.

Loved this post ! Thanks for sharing and I am happy the party went soooo well.

I completely understand the apprehension about our kids - I felt with my son's loss, he didn't need to lose another man in his life - so I initially approached the situation with the utmost caution. I also think timing of dating is different for everyone - I waited 14 months before I even thought about dating...my son didn't meet anyone I dated until my ex, 2.5 years after my husband died (and I waited for over a year of dating before ex and my son met). I think timing with our new partners meeting kids is partially dependent upon the kids' ages and how much time you plan to spend with the other person and their kids. My first go around I waited far TOO LONG to introduce the guy to my son (and I could have saved myself heartache had I introduced them sooner and realized that our lives weren't a good match). This time around - I am dating a guy with younger kids, I have a 5 yr old - I introduced my son to him around 1 month in (but only after we decided to be exclusive) and our kids go on dates with us regularly - although not always as we want alone time too. This time, I wanted to see how well this guy could deal with my single parent life and I wanted to see how our kids got along so I could see if I wanted to continue in this relationship. At 5, my son only knows him as my "friend" (and when my new guy sleeps over he stays in the guest room) and we spend about half our dating time with our kids together (which is great as I love spending time with my son and I love his kids - and I used to have to always find babysitting and leave my son behind when I went out...) and half the time with just us. I also "stagger" the dates as I still want to see how I feel about this guy before our kids or this guy spends "too much" time with my son and they are get too attached. I am also mindful of getting too attached to his kids (which are great). I too wonder if I am doing the right thing as its almost like an "instant family" but I feel sometimes we need to take a leap of faith and see if our lives are compatable as its not just the two of us. I also realized that my son is young enough that if this doesn't work out, he will bounce back from it pretty quickly. (He asked about my ex a few times after the break up but then never even mentioned him again). Wishing you all the best, none of this is easy - but do enjoy your time together. Remember that the plus of introducing your new "friends" to your kids is that your kids get to spend time with you too - and in my case, my son loves it. When I mention I am meeting new guy for dinner, my son asks " can I come too?" and its so nice to say "yes" finally : )

Honestly, enjoy it! It will give you time to get other stuff done and give yourself some "you" time. I wish I had taken time off work - I kept slugging through and my work suffered and I just felt exhausted. Please enjoy your summer!!

I have been in a somewhat similar situation although somewhat different. I ended up getting rejected and it was tough but I also didn't handle things well as I went silent and was very passive-aggressive about it. It's hard to say without knowing this woman but her telling you (is odd) and it says one of 2 things: I have my walls up and making it clear we are not exclusive OR I am testing you and your feelings to see how important I am to you. I think given how much it is bothering you it's worth having a conversation just to guage what is going on. If she is still in the I don't want to be exclusive camp then it will come down to what you want generally, what you want from her and what you can live with. All the best- this isn't easy.

Sorry - you must be so proud but I know that feeling....I'm sorry its so tough. Its not fair at all...this solo parenting - and we keep facing life's milestones without the other parent. (This is different but I am about to throw a big birthday for my son who is turning 5 and even making the plans and thinking about my husband not being there makes me all teary). You are doing so well, with 3 kids...you should feel proud of yourself as well : )

First of all I am so happy about the visa comment. That is very exciting and am very happy for you ! I too have a basement of stuff from my husband/marriage and I am determined (4 years on) to finally tackle whats down there this summer. I just cleaned out a bunch of moving boxes upstairs (from 2012) that had never been opened from our original move and going through his pics, papers etc was so tough...it felt surreal. But it also made me realize how far I have come from the early widow days and I hope it will do that for you. Just take one step at a time.....

klim - please vent away. At least we all get it. When I tried to vent about my ex to some friends, there was limited sympathy. We try and see the best in our new partners and it hurts like hell when it doesn't work out/they move on. Seriously - his loss.....and he will eventually realize how much he screwed up. I was on a roller coaster ride with my ex for a year and a half and even 4 months on from our horrendous break up...it still hurts that it didn't work out...and that I didn't get any closure. Honestly, I would give anything to punch my ex in the face for the way he hurt me and I really wish I could yell at him, with all the things in my head. Agreed its worse when you are tired, things aren't going well generally. But its amazing how we can pick ourselves up and move on, even after such loss....Sending you lots of support. Every day will get easier, especially when you have space. Remember...don't initiate contact : ) The 90-day rule.....

Just checking in to make sure you are doing ok....having been post break up a few months ago, I know how much it sucks and its painful. Hope you have lots of other good things going on in your life to move forward for now.

That is beautiful - your second husband sounded like such a lovely, lovely man. Going through their things is such a trigger...I am finally tackling more boxes from my late husband and he also kept EVERYTHING from his life. It was very emotional to go through everything...piece by piece.....

Thanks for posting...its amazing how people can come into our lives and impact us in a positive way, in different ways. And sometimes that is what we need to help keep us going.

This is really tough - reliving the last moments. My husband was missing for hours and then found dead and I went to identify the body. I had only spoken to him hours before he went missing. I replayed that night/morning over and over in my head for months. I don't think you can get certain triggered memories out of your head that are so life altering. However, I'm 4 years out now and certain details have faded and the event doesn't feel as emotionally raw as it did in the first several months. I also talked it out with a grief therapist and a few people until I didn't want to think/ talk about it anymore. Time will help....just give it more time. All the best,

Yes - many men lie about their age to date younger women. I was dating a guy from Newport that lied about his age for months until I snuck a look at his drivers license and caught him red handed. So unnecessary.

Break ups are tough generally but you seem to know what you want. Agreed that the no contact rule is the way to go - for at least 90 days. Have a lovely weekend with your kids.

Yes, Needytoo...this friend's behavior would start to really grate on my nerves....there are better friendships out there for you.....

Fuck the moods...fuck the May triggers and fuck that I am having trouble concentrating on work....I think I want to take up kick boxing again.

Its the whole idea of keeping busy and trying to make your new life your own - and the home is a good starting point. I didn't go to the extent of hiring contractors but I did many DIY projects in my first year as a widow - including hiring a decorator to help with my living room. I re-did my downstairs bathroom with the help of family and there were many late nights that I was in there stripping wall paper....it felt good to have these projects and distractions on my plate. Hope it is helping you but just keep an eye on the budget : ) Contractors can get way out of hand....