Captains wife

Sorry Fern - it's so sad when institutions are not mindful of individual children's circumstances. My son is almost 5 and I had so many issues with the first school he was in. So I moved him into a public school program and I'm very appreciative of the fact that the teachers consider our special situation and are mindful of what my son is trying to process. Right now he is starting to feel sad at times that Daddy isn't with us. And it doesn't help that we live in a community with very few single parent families so there are a lot of things/activities that focus on the "typical" family. I just didn't know how to deal with my sons grief or some of the behavioral issues we have been having at school so I called his pediatrician and they kindly came up with a list of names of child therapists that could help. So we have enlisted one and started going once a week to a therapist about a half hour away from where we live and I can already tell this will be beneficial. But I agree there is a shortage of potential resources for this age group. The only group therapy program for kids in my area is over an hour away, there is a waiting list and the kids need to be 6 plus. Wishing you and your son all the best- none of this is easy.

OK - I have a good one. On the first go around on Match.com 2 years ago, I was "dating" this guy in Boston who was slightly older, we had a lot in common and he seemed like a decent chap. Never got physical so pretty casual relationship and he went "poof" on me one day. I wasn't too upset, met someone I liked much better anyway. BUT he resurfaces about a year later (by then I had deleted his number on my cell) and checked in to see how I am and my son is. I was polite but didn't reply to his last text. THEN about 6 months ago he sends me some pervy texts out of the blue - really inappropriate so I asked him to leave me alone, that his behavior was beyond offensive. His response - "Well, I am a pervert and you are a princess so we would make a great match"...Im serious...SOOO I blocked him and moved on. WELL, last night I received a message from him on Match.com (new pen name) that acted like none of this had transpired - he said "Hi Gorgeous, was wondering how you were. Thought it would be nice to get together and catch up....etc." WOW - are you kidding me ? I didn't respond and blocked him right away. Creep....

Lost35 - I am going through something similar with my son who is 5. I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive - your poor little guy is likely hurting/trying to deal with something that someone his age shouldn't have to deal with .....My son was only 9 months old when his Dad died so our situation is slightly different but there are some likely similarities. My son has started talking about his Dad a lot more recently and that he misses him (or misses having a Dad) and he sits and feels sad...before he was more matter of fact about it. I think he gets angry about it sometimes too - Ive had a few behavioral issues with him. I think he sees what other kids his age have and feels he is missing out (and he is, although he and I are very close). Other than reading books about talking to children about the loss of a parent, I have recently enlisted a child psychologist to help and we have just started this so not sure what the outcome/how helpful it will be. But I know I need help to deal with my son's feelings on the loss of his Dad, someone he really never knew. I found someone who specializes in children's grief about 40 mins from my house and will be taking him once a week.

One of the more odd but funny emails I received last night - "Your profile left me speechless. Maybe that's more appropriately termed mind-numb-cant think of- anything-clever-to-say. This might take some time for me to write something (ignoring the fact I just wrote this...)" Thought I could make a few people smile today...Ill keep 'em coming.

I hate the ghosting that goes on, on dating sites. Some guy contacted me last week (cute, professional), we emailed back and forth a few times and he seemed very eager to meet up for drinks. We were supposed to meet tonight so I emailed him yesterday to check in and sort out plans....I could tell he read my email but no response (so rude!!) .....Since I had to change my train schedule, sort out babysitting to plan this date I was pretty annoyed. So I blocked him and planned a new date with a new man. NEXT !

1. I'm still standing my ground....Now at 7+ weeks. Phew.. 2. I have lost another 5lbs so almost at target weight ! 3. I have a few nice events lined up in the coming weeks, including outings/dinners with friends, outings with my son, a few dates and my mother is coming to visit plus have 2 trips on the horizon.

I have had this issue before - but I saw through it, easily. The guy was a clear scammer in my case. Certain scammers online dating have adopted the widower status to play the sympathy card. Its really sick.....But unfortunately there are also a lot of widows/widowers online : ( I try and give people the benefit of the doubt but I have seen it happen and its scary that people do this so I am ultra cautious.

Oh - I am so sorry. All of that has to be so stressful - on top of every day life. The lack of sleep on top of this can really be so hard as well - and compound the stress/grief. Do you have some support network nearby to help with anything ? - I know its not the same as a spouse but you need some down time for yourself and your stress. I have been in and out of the ER with my 5 year old several times in the past year and I understand how stressful and overwhelming it is alone. Widow hugs to you as well. Please take care....

Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....sometimes it is so clear (only 1 pic, looks like a model, bad spelling, grammar, claims to be a widower, tries to get personal info out of you too soon) but sometimes its so hard to tell. Today I received an email from a nice looking guy who was 57 (outside my age range) but his pics looked like he was 25, seriously. Then he admits in his profile how he lied about his age on his profile (it says 54 but his text write-up admits to his true age of 57) Then he wrote me a very long eloquent email about how he happened to me moving to the town next to mine, how he happens to be in Boston frequently (which I am), how he too is looking for a long-term relationship, he happened to travel to all the places listed in my profile, how he happened to also work in finance, how my profile "inspired" him. I don't know....something just felt off....so I deleted that one. I only re-joined Match recently out of pure boredom but my radar just feels so off after my last 2 relationships. Even the nice guys give me pause....I enjoyed online dating before but now it feels tiring and like a huge game.

Ugh. Frustrating...vent away...that's what we are here for and get these frustrations. I've had a few days like this recently....hoping for a better day for you !

StillWidowed - loved your post. You hit the nail on the head exactly - and believe me, I acted in much the same way. My ex-BF definitely didn't have my back, wasn't very supportive/nurturing and was emotionally unavailable in the end (and I tried hard too) and it took me too long to realize that. I expected him to stand by me in the rougher times as well as the good times (like my LH) - and he didn't want any rough times. When he recently referred to the fact that he loved our relationship as it felt like being in high school, I should have known

Sometimes guys like to take it slow....but it sounds like a good start : ) I was dating my exBF for about 3+ weeks (4 dates) when he asked me to be exclusive, although in hindsight that was a bit fast for me. His b-day was 4 weeks into our new relationship (so we were exclusive at that point) and I wanted to do something special so I took him out for dinner at a nice restaurant + brought a small bottle of champagne and a card. I remember how happy and spoiled he felt : ) Given the point you are at in your relationship, I agree a gift is too soon but a thoughtful gesture I am sure would be appreciated. I would reach out to him, mention that his bday is coming up, and offer either a dinner out or if you can think of another outing that he would particularly enjoy (a show or some local event) as a celebration ! I am sure he will appreciate it. If he doesn't...that will tell you something too.

TTS - I understand completely. Getting over the addiction part (which is a chemical thing) is brutal. I've also been trying to direct my thoughts away from my ex in a meaningful way, which helps. I completely cut all ties with him - including social media and he had been texting me out of the blue but I asked him to please give me space and not contact me again. Another thing that also helped me was that I wrote out a list of the things/events/personality traits that upset me during our relationship - and I couldn't believe how long it was !! My current pain in the break up is because my brain wants to remember all the great and happy times we had - and there were many, and sometime he was the sweetest and most wonderful man (when he wanted to be...) Its been 6 weeks since my 1.8yr relationship fell apart and I still miss him and feel sad about the end - even though he was a real jerk to me in the end and I know it was for the best over the long run. Keeping busy for me has helped too (seeing friends in particular and being in touch) - and I have been treating myself well - i.e. taking time off work to spend with my son (who cheers me up), exercising every day, watching a lot of bad TV, shopping, seeing my grief therapist so I can have a good cry. Part of the issue is not only are we dealing with the grief of losing a spouse but when we find love in Chapter 2, we feel so alive again and I felt - wow, I really deserve this after what I went through...but now I am also grieving the loss of my ex, although in a different way.

Good for you ! Am happy this is working out for you - wish I had the energy to do the same : ) All the best

Letting it out to sort it out makes so much sense- and it must be so challenging trying to feel settled with a long distance relationship. I too would have shut down over the lack of plans even though it's not intentional - you both have busy lives!. If you need anyone to talk to about the UK I lived there for 10yrs and loved it! I wish my late husband and I moved there as we wanted to - so many things might have been different. Sending lots of widow support as you sort through this.

Sigh - I hear you TooSoon and sympathize ALOT. All this stuff in limbo is so stressful - and it doesn't help with insomnia on top of it (I have this bad right now too). Vent away - this new CH 2 journey is stressful and scary as hell.

For some reason reading this (post painful break up) made me feel slightly better today. Hope it's useful for others..... http://elitedaily.com/dating/breaking-up-is-worth-it/1236597/

If I can get babysitting I'd also like to join,

oh real exciting night here- my son and I ate dinner in front of the TV, and I got caught up on some charity work - and were in bed by 7pm. My son hasn't been sleeping well given a cough so I set up a makeshift bed in his room and I also have been having real trouble sleeping so after he was asleep I watched endless Frasier re-runs on my iPad (with earphones) and snacked on low fat chips and drank a wine cooler...to try and help me sleep. Then I surfed my Match.com app and felt depressed at the thought of getting back out there again - and getting burned. Sigh.

Portside, for me - age makes a pretty big difference and this is partly as I have a very young child and trying to date. I have some flexibility but 15 years is too much for me - I have tried to date men up to 13 years older but it didn't work for me (in all cases). On another dating vent, does anybody else hate the last minute date cancellation (from those guys who seemed so eager to meet you)? I am sympathetic to certain life issues that cause this (kids etc) but its annoying when it happens twice in a row with same person. My schedule is already tough enough to juggle around. NEXT!

Ok - I can seriously live without the emails from men 15 years my senior (and outside my requested age range) who claim to be young in mind and body - and still plenty virile. Ugh.

I found the following book very helpful- Talking to Children About Loss by Trozzi. I also met her in person for a briefing session. My son was 9mths when my husband was killed in an accident and we really started to deal with his fathers death around ages 3-4. I didn't know how to deal with it and skirted around the issue by saying his daddy was in heaven but loves him and is looking out for him. I found out from this child grief therapist that that approach is confusing for a child as they don't understand that heaven isn't a place you can't come back from so they wonder why their dad doesn't want to/can't see them. So I sat my son down at age 3.5 and explained very clearly what happened, that his dad died, how it happened, but did it in kids terms (i.e. his body stopped working) and also made sure he felt safe, that this didn't happen all the time and we were all there for him (me and our families). It's heartbreaking but he is almost 5 now and the concepts seem to be understood. He talks about it freely, with some sadness but also matter of factness. Think Sesame Street also did an episode on death - and he watched that. Hope this helps- if you have any questions etc feel free to PM me. All the best,

I'm sorry - grief is just all around is terrible....and it stays with us for so so long. I am not quite in the same place as the situation as you describe but can relate in certain ways (given some issues with my husband and in my marriage before/when he died). A lot of my grief comes from missing my son's father - my LH was a really great dad.

Sorry Mrs Dan - rant away. That is ALOT to deal with and it seems to always come at once, right ? Understand feeling overwhelmed by everything and it doesn't help that you are unhappy at work. I sooo get the boyfriend issue - I had such a hard time adjusting from being a wife (and with my son's father) to "just" a girlfriend. I had many insecurity issues, especially as the man I was dating was not particularly sensitive. (Your guy actually sounds supportive). And, after all you have been through the trust issues are completely understandable. But here is what I did learn on the relationship front- 1) my trust issues, insecurities and just handling them myself (and not always in a good way because I would get confrontational when I felt threatened) only created more fights with my ex. So my advice is to talk to him about what you feel comfortable talking about. Also try not to worry about things out of your control. 2) Worrying about the future also created issues for me. Its not easy but trust your gut and try and go with the day by day for now. Wishing you all the best - somehow we are supposed to be superhuman to deal with all this crap !

Sailorgirl - I am so so sorry. I was tearing up just reading this - this is COMPLETELY unfair. Please take care of yourself. I lost my husband similarly and in the body of water right around the corner from my house so I understand.