Captains wife

Depending on the timeframe and your net worth you may be eligible for a reduction in property taxes as a widow. That's all I know : ) all the best with your new purchase- very exciting!

Yes...agreed. Love the latest post : )

I understand where you are coming from. Although my anger has really lessened over the past 2 years - I went through a terrible "anger at my husband phase" as I felt things could have been done so differently so prevent what happened AND I was angry with the mess he left me to clean up. Sometimes it felt easier to be angry with him rather than be so sad about losing a husband and a father. Its so hard, too, with all the "What Ifs?" I nearly drove myself crazy in the first year but eventually I started to put some of those feelings/thoughts behind me. I'm sorry - please know these feelings will change over time and I hope you have some help/support locally with everything you have to deal with. Widow-dom sucks...hugs....

Ok I don't fully believe in NYs resolutions but I have found setting out to do lists or goals for myself have been helpful post widow. So here it goes- my NYs resolutions for 2016. Feel free to add yours: 1) Get back to my diet and exercise regime. I've completely let things go since my son broke his leg and I've put on 5 plus pounds plus my moods haven't been great. 2) Refocus on work - have some big projects for 16 and need to get my drive and concentration back. 3) Travel with my son - now that's he is 4.5 yrs I want him to start seeing more places - want us to get out more in the new year. 4) Re evaluate my living situation. My work commute is crazy plus I feel quite isolated where I am. Commit to researching new places to live, closer to work with good school alternatives for my son, 5) Sort out my dating life (don't want to go into more details but feel like in serious limbo), 6) Start really tackling my house renovation/upkeep list. Need to get my house in great shape in case decide to sell. Wishing all of us a peaceful New Year!

Sugar bell- that is ALOT to deal with at once....sorry. It's understandable that your prior cravings are returning but good for you for fighting back and expressing that here. Important to vent and find support in other ways. Wishing you all the best,

Sorry, that sounds like ALOT of extended family time and under less than desirable circumstances. Chapter 2 is admittedly not easy...and complicated by a number of factors. I too have felt in dating a divorced guy that I am being impacted by shadows of the past. Hope the last few days of visit gets brighter and that you guys get some alone time.

Love this - had no idea...thanks for posting.

First of all I'm so sorry. I lost my husband suddenly from drowning too although it was in a boating accident. I too for months replayed in my head what could have happened differently so I understand. But please go easy on yourself- accidents happen and there is likely nothing different you could have done or even worse you could have seriously put yourself in danger. I know it's hard but please try not to feel guilty- you and your family are going through such tough time right now just dealing with the grief. I am now 3.5 years out from my sudden loss and my son is now 4 yrs old - please know that things will get better over time and please take care in this early grief period. Take help where you can, take time to grieve...your young son will bring you a lot of comfort as time goes on. Going to a grief therapist to help deal with some of these feelings also really helped me. Hugs...

1. My pre-schooler's broken leg is getting better day by day. He is crawling around the floor in his full leg cast now. 2. I actually have plans for NY's Eve. 3. I seem to be making a dent in all the work I have to catch up with.

Thanks for posting. I feel so isolated as a single parent and so alone with my grief sometimes.....I also think there is light at the end of the tunnel and we are just experiencing/exposed to a natural part of life before most people. I love this last comment "You are going to get through this. Even though this loss will shape who you are forever, you?ll be happy again. You will find peace."

Sooo....I wanted to take my 4 year old son to the theater for a fun Xmas outing (and he hasn't been getting out much given his recently broken leg) - and read a synapsis for The Good Dinosaur plus saw a preview. I also assumed as a Pixar movie that it would be ok for a pre-schooler, even if it was PG, so off we went. WRONG assumption. First of all, the Poppa Dinosaur is killed in a horrific flood in a storm early in the film and my son was very distraught, especially since his dad died in a water related accident. He kept asking where Poppa was - but then the film gets very scary (over and over), then completely emotional as the friends talk about their families, then get separated. THEN the film replays the Poppa accident and then separates the friends in an emotional goodbye. My son was so scared by the scary scenes, then sobbing through the last part of the movie - and even at his young age, related to his own loss and started crying about missing his Daddy - and crying for the young dinosaur who lost his Poppa. I tried to get him to leave the movie but he didn't want to as he was admittedly drawn in by it. So while there might be a good aspect that this film brings out these emotions, I felt terrible I had subjected him to it and hadn't read more reviews before we went. I read online later that many parents complained about the film. I followed up the movie by a visit to the toy store and picked up a happier DVD that he watched when we got home so he was soon over it. And when asked about the film, my son says he liked it....Hummm...... Not sure if anyone has an opinion but I felt this movie (and my taking him) was far too much for a pre-schooler. Sigh...live and learn I guess.

You can do it MS ! I have totally fallen off from my exercise regime. Finally made it to my adv step class on Sat and heading up to elliptical shortly. Motivated to lose the extra holiday weight !

I personally don't think there is a "right" number. I took an extreme - I waited over a year to introduce my son to NG but I just wasn't sure about a few things so felt comfortable waiting. I also think there is a difference between integrating your daughter into your new relationship vs a casual social outing. Firstly it was so nice of NG to invite you and think of your comfort level - and if it's a crowd of people with other kids if you feel u want to go, why not? Whatever you personally want to do and feel comfortable with- I wouldn't put a specific number of months on the first meeting. If you want to take it slowly, where I suggest you might to do that is the personal 3 of you outings? Just an idea. I personally found that difficult - trying to integrate my mother life and my son into outings with just the three of us. All the best- none of this is easy but it's great you are out there! PS my son is 4 so also really doesn't fully understand the role NG is in my life...he thinks we are friends.

You are doing a job meant for 2 plus working so it is completely understanding you feel this way-sorry things are so challenging right now. My son was 9mths when I suddenly lost my husband and I worked full time so the first 2 plus years I was really struggling and it was a slog to get through the day. I too felt limited joy so I get what you are saying. You have a lot on your plate with 2 little ones and it's very demanding. As they get older and less dependent on you for every little thing, it will get easier. My son is 4 now and the joy of parenting has been returning for me. I know it's not the same as dual parenting but somehow we make it work. Wishing you all the best and widow support. Please take help when you can get it and give yourself a break once in a while....you are indeed doing a great job in being there for your children.

I get it, sorry. While I have 1 child he was only 9mths old when my husband suddenly died. I had just moved to a new town so knew no one and my family lives 1200 miles away. I also have a fairly demanding career and have to work to support my son and I. Have also been trying to date. But sometimes I don't feel like I am doing any of the above particularly well - and my sons recent accident has highlighted how alone I really am and it seems impossible to juggle everything. Vent away - this is tough....I'm sorry you don't have more family support close by. I would recommend using Care.com to find a dependable, older, experienced caregiver who can help in these emergencies as well as provide some regular childcare. On some occasions, I have flown my mother in to help. Give yourself a break- it's impossible to do everything that 2 people are supposed to do but clearly you are doing everything you can. Enjoy dating if you've met someone you like, you deserve adult time as well as parent time.

It's looking doubtful for me now given the situation with my son...but I will make it if I can!

Funnily enough, I have had this conversation with a number of people recently - wids and non wids. I actually think that living apart (and being married) works for certain people - depending on the distance and how much they communicate and see each other. I like my space a lot and am very independent so a committed relationship living apart somewhat appeals to me in certain ways. One thing I found difficult about being married was that my husband was very clingy and I didn't get a lot of space at home and it used to really bother me (I would note I didn't get married until I was 39 yrs old...) But I will also admit that now I have too much space. : ( : ( Saying that, there are things I miss about living together - that closeness, the financial savings. The NG I am dating I think is into living separately (very bad marriage and bad divorce) so if I keep dating him, I will continue to live on my own with my son. In my romantic notion, we would all live together but in reality, I know it wouldn't work very well given both of our personalities so I have thought more and more about remaining on my own. I don't think there is anything "wrong" with it although a number of people have mentioned to me that they think being in a committed relationship and forever living separately is not good. But I honestly think that given the way I am, I may end up being on my own with my son for a LONG time and I think I am ok with that. Any co-habitation I have had in the past hasn't worked well, in all honesty. In my ideal relationship, we would have 2 homes and spend a few days together and a few days apart.... I also think with kids involved as well that maybe living apart makes sense and I have a lot about NOT bringing another man into my parent living space. I personally am struggling with letting another man too close to my son and feel awkward about putting a "father figure" permanently into his life. So Sugarbell I am kind of in your camp too.....

I live near Buzzards Bay MA and work in Boston MA.

Fun Sat night. Just finished scarfing down a burger and sitting in my pjs watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas with my 4yr old.

Think we joined the original board around the same time. So happy for you- love reading posts like this.

Thank you all. Bad break but he is being a trooper. But I'm not going to lie-it has been hell. More for him of course but not easy for me either. Living at inlaws and so appreciate their help but am constantly butting heads with my MIL plus trying to keep up my work/job on the side. Real damper on Xmas and I had been feeling good but now slightly depressed although think it's partly lack of sleep as I've been sleeping on the floor in his room. The good news though in all this is the bonding time my son and I are getting right now- I just love that kid so much,

Sitting in bed eating pizza and watching TV together, in the only room in the house that had air conditioning. And our young baby son in-between us, lying there in his Boppy and cooing and laughing.

I'm sorry. That day did suck...sometimes with the endless stream of negative events, it doesn't feel like u get a break. For me, last year at Thanksgiving my nanny was in a car accident so without childcare for a long while, this year my 4yr son just broke his leg...and we have to cancel a number of holiday plans we had. I hear you, it sucks. Hope days get better...

Let's face it...being an only parent is a tough job although I feel very blessed to have my son. I feel, with the help I get, I have things somewhat under control and recently things generally have been ok and was looking forward to better Xmas. But when the unexpected happens, I kind of fall apart again- even 3 years on...my 4 yr old son was at a play date this week (I was at work) and he fell when jumping and broke his leg. Luckily he will be ok and luckily it isn't a whole lot worse but I'm weepy and struggling to handle this..on top of everything else. My son is just crying and screaming and I feel helpless- am doing all I can to help but some of it out of my hands. And I'm sad about all the fun Xmas stuff we had planned we can't do now. I know, I should suck it up and quit being a wimp. Guess I am feeling sorry for the two of us and needed to vent... : (

Awesome. For the first 2 years I didn't decorate at all (my son was a baby). Last year I started a tradition of getting a tree with my son and decorating it together (he is 4 now). And this year, for the first time, I have visitors coming to my house for Xmas (parents, and NG) so I am looking forward to getting my house nice and festive for them and my son - including tree, Xmas decorations, candles etc. I am also planning the first Xmas dinner I have done since my husband died - and enjoying planning the menu for all (have a lot of different palates coming). So - Im with you ! Trying to make it merry for all : )