Carey

You amaze me with the strength you have, your organization and determination. Methodically taking one step at a time away from misery and towards a better life for your child and for yourself is SO admirable. I never did it. Many times think I should have but now will never know if that would have changed anything. We are all standing here with you still ...

I don't know ... there's two camps of thought on these things. Some feel it's a waste because the person is not there and it's silly to throw that kind of money at something like that. Some take comfort in it. I'm kind of middle of the road I guess. Chad wanted to be cremated, but I also know he would have wanted the headstone from the military and all that went with it, so I did what the military would pay for and that was it. Buried part of his cremains at the veterans cemetery so he would always have that marker. I believe in keeping it tended and pretty, but $3000? I can sit on the ground for the few minutes I'm going to be there. I guess maybe put yourself in her shoes ... it's terrible to lose a child. You're not supposed to outlive your children. And like you said, your husband would want his mom comforted. But no, I wouldn't pay for it. I just wouldn't object to it.

So I'm sure most of you read the horror story of my weekend. I had been trying nonstop to reach my sister, who I knew was also vacationing in the area ... she was maybe 45 minutes away from me. I couldn't get a response of any kind. She and I used to be BEST FRIENDS. She is also the principal of my daughter's school and she has always been very close to my daughter. Today... after the crisis was resolved she sends me a facebook message and asks me is my daughter wearing a bra or swimsuit top in her pictures from the weekend on facebook!!!!...goes on to say it "looks like the June edition of Playboy". I kid you not. It's a 40s style vintage swimsuit and I actually thought it was way more appropriate than others she's had. Do ya'll experience that? Like your family members being more in your business now after losing your spouse? I am literally not speaking to one of my brothers, to the point of even unfriending him on facebook because he would say things like "are you sure you can afford that", if I was out with the kids somewhere, or why are you there when your kids are at home alone (hello they are 18 and 16), what are they having for dinner, etc. on public social media no less. It's like without Chad I can't take care of myself? The kicker is , they didn't like Chad all that much and I'm sure they didn't assume he was taking care of us, so why do they feel its their inalienable right to butt in now? It's such a strange thing that I can't figure out the correlation between him dying and all my relationships changing so drastically. I've seen my new great nephew ONCE since he was born, no one calls unless it's to bitch, I get left out of things or not told of changes in plans (missed thanksgiving dinner over that one). It's a real phenomenon I think cause I've heard many similar stories here, I just can't figure out the reason. :smh:

Just checking in on you ... thinking about you. {{{HUGS}}}

Thank you guys .... between the storms all night Friday and the heat , something that was supposed to be fun and relaxing was anything but for me. The girls still had a great time but camping is just tough sometimes. You think you're on "vacation" and then you realize you're doing more than you did all week and I was just emotionally and physically at the end of my rope. Today I get the fun of trying to figure out the bank mess and trying to remember what all was in my purse that I will need to replace. And with all the drama of the weekend I forgot really about father's day, until my daughter broke down last night as soon as we got home. You never stop missing your daddy. Mine died in 2008 and it feels like yesterday. Anyway, sorry for the drama and the crybabyness ....

Rob I'm so sorry ... kids I'm sure don't intentionally do things like that ... they are self absorbed by nature. I agree with Trying... I still would have a talk with them. My kids saw a meme on facebook and started saying "Happy Fathers day, Mamadaddy". My daughter had a rough time this weekend, as my dad and hers are both gone, and she loved her PaPa almost as much as she did her daddy. Personally, I'm glad it's over.

I'm such a chicken about so many things now and I embarrass so easily. But I guess if it had come down to it I'd have checked with law enforcement. But the ideas you guys suggested helped me come up with a plan. First I went to rhe military campground where we used to be able to go. They filled up my tank. I was telling the people at Fort fisher about what happened and the person standing behind me waiting to check in handed me a $100 bill. I used to always feel so secure down here because I was on a military installation and I guess it's just a different world at Carolina beach. I kicked myself all day for leaving the window down too far in the truck. It was just so blessed hot. Anyway...things worked out . I never should have come here begging I just felt like such a moron and the fewer people that knew , the better.

I'm in nc. If it was my regular campground I've gone to foe years it'd not be an issue. I'm gonna ride down there and see if any of the "regulars" that I would know are there. Here they jusr said call triple A lol. I'm working all the angles and yes you're right SB trying to appear calm and in Control in front of the girls which is probably why I had my hissy fit here.

Jocelyns mom is probably worse off than me. She said she couldn't help. ..she's like me.... we're all praying for Wednesday.. my mom yelled at me and hung up. I give up. Pim glad I didn't leave my phone in my purse like I almost did

No, don't have gas to get home. One girl canr get ahold of her mom. This has been the weekend from hell. It stormed so bad all night last night and we had air mattresses leak ... I dobt know why I try. Common sense would have stayed home but it's a big birthday for her and I caved

So yall remember yesterday was my daughter's 18th bday. I pawned my camera and got 250 dollars to bring her and her friends camping at the beach. Probably was irresponsible because money was so tight but I didn't know any other way anyway my truck got broken into while we were on the beach and my purse got stolen. All my money was in there and my arm card and everything. My bank acct is temporarily frozen as is my card. I have no way to feed these girls or even ger home which is 100 miles away.... I don't want these girls parents to think I'm a total flake... I'm so upset and I can't seem very well typing on my phone. I had to drive to a McDonald's for wifi to send this ... we're camping in the woods in a state park... I can't believe I'm in this spot to ask yall bit o hope someone can ease help

I had such conflicting emotions this morning. I went and crawled in her bed with her and annoyingly kissed her all over her face and bounced on her bed and had her giggling and laughing. Then I went in my bathroom to get ready for work and started bawling like a baby. I just can't believe he's not here for this. 19 months later and I am STILL SO VERY PISSED!!! At some point today I'm sure she's gonna get to thinking about her daddy .... We're going camping at the beach this weekend on a shoestring budget, putting my camera back in the pawn shop yet again to do it, but I couldn't let this milestone go by without doing something special. I can't believe this day is already here

My response was the same as SVS.....definitely the Christmas ornaments. I have ALWAYS been a Christmas girl, I usually have multiple trees, start decorating the first of November...when people think of me they think of Christmas and the Beach. Other than that, Chad really was not into "stuff" and didn't have much at all. I was shocked how little he had. My son has his tools and house stuff. I sleep in his tee shirts a lot. I'm a very sentimental person and will probably never ever throw anything away, right down to the bits and scraps of paper that he wrote jet engine schematics on. I have NO idea what they mean but he touched them and it's his handwriting. We used to go shelling together a lot and I have a huge collection of those ... one in particular he found with his feet in about 6 feet of ocean water and worked almost an hour to get it out of the sand to present to me... he was SO excited because it was whole...one of my best memories of him

I can't say any more than what others already have except to add that yes, I truly do feel dating now is almost work. We're exhausted emotionally, and with kids and work we are exhausted physically too. Younger, you didn't have so much "LIFE" to keep running, so you could devote more attention and time to Love... that person was everything, even if only for a little while. Now you have to spread yourself out more, and conversely, so do they. I guess I'd just want to know the degree of truth to the "busy with kids" as the reason why hes out of touch at times. If it is, then that's totally understandable. I COULD say, oh well talk to him, tell him how you feel but that's advice I'd probably never follow myself lol. I also feel that it's not worth investing a lot of time in someone if I already know they're not going to be "the one". I feel like I'm running out of time so to speak, so I want it to count.

Days later and I'm still rocked by it. Normally I forget my dreams within hours of waking up ... now I'm walking around haunted. No one understands, oh it's just a dream, yaknow? I just can NOT shake it and am having the suckiest week. Have had a headache consistently since that day that won't go away and I'm scared to sleep. Thank GOD I get to go to the beach tomorrow. I don't know what I would do if it wasn't there to anchor me, to have a goal to work toward the weekend for. This shit's gotta stop! I usually sleep SO well in a tent down at the coast, so I'm counting on that to be my savior.

I agree with you. I so wish there had somehow been a way to keep from Jacob that his dad died the day before, or possibly ON his birthday. Chad was born 11/23, Jacob was born 11/24. Chad died either on his own bday or his sons, no matter how you slice it. His death certificate says 11/24 because they are 8 hours ahead of us. Jacob talks all the time about how he never wants to have another birthday.

Last night I was out of my "non habit forming" (HA!!) walmart sleep aid. The migraine combined with the 100+ temperatures made me not sleep well I guess. I dreamed that Chad faked his death. That he found another woman in Saudi and wanted to "see where it could go" but was scared of the backlash here so he faked it, then decided he wanted me and the kids back and showed up here. OMG OMG OMG nothing has ever felt SO real I woke up sobbing, I remember saying "How could you do that? How could you watch Skype ring over and over and see my panicked messages and ignore them? How could you hurt us like this?" I remember screaming and then hitting and kicking him and clawing at his face. I woke up with an even WORSE migraine and I'm hoarse and exhausted. I just cant shake how very very real it felt. I'm at work already and I still can't stop thinking about it

Last night was yet another night without water. Really don't know how much more of this I can take Needed mobile home parts because it's a doublewide and nothing standard fit. After many trips to lowes we realized this and by then the only store in the county that sells that stuff was closed and by that point I was out of money. This is fun. NOT.

"The beauty of this site (like the YWBB before) was the history. The advice and stories that people were willing to share helped countless who never did more than simply read. Everyone who posts here is creating an archive for those here and those who will be here someday. Admins are curators of this information in a way." This is what I have been thinking about all week. I joined YWBB when I had been a widow for a whopping 9 days. I read voraciously, hungrily absorbing the fact that though it really felt like it, I wasn't alone. I did way more reading than posting for a pretty long time and if those archives hadn't been there, well I shudder to think what I may have done. What I almost did. So we are sort of the "pioneers" here and we are laying the foundation that widows will read years from now, and like Annie said, some may read and never register. We may never know they were there. SO I hate the thought that someone may come see drama and discord amongst a group that's very purpose is to pull together, so I can see why some would want things removed. I also think seeing lots of "." where whole posts used to be would have made me shake my head and wonder back in those days too. I'm sure it's a fine balance because there are things I agree with on both "sides" of this issue. I just wanted to thank Anniegirl for this perspective. What we are doing here is WORTH IT. Not only for ourselves but for others that will come later, when we may not even be here much, our words will resonate with someone at some point.

working on 3 hours sleep here so I'm punchy today. We were out of the house for awhile last night. Came home to find a lovely lake forming in the den/bathroom/kitchen. You could hear water RUSHING and pouring into vents. A pipe had burst in the bathroom and flooded the place. Life is the gift that just keeps giving whether I choose to participate or not. Had to spend the night at John and Tammys , got to sleep at like 4, and that threw off getting ready for work and I'm sitting here wondering what in the world I'm gonna do. I do know the water will have to stay turned off to the whole house until at least tomorrow cause I don't have a dollar to my name, so it'll be another night of refugee camp and my kids are NOT happy about it. Cant afford a plumber so if it's not an easy Lowes kinda fix I'm in trouble. This week already the fridge died. The washer has been broken for months. Im kinda hating on home ownernship at this moment. Oh and did I mention, no homeowners insurance? (I paid cash for the house, it's not required and always seems like there are more important necessities and haven't been able to get it yet). Chad woulda had it fixed in 2 seconds. <pout> Maybe at some point I will quit making everything directly relate to him being dead. Not today though. Maybe we can have a good hail storm and knock a hole in the roof, then I can spread a beach towel out in the kitchen and pretend I'm at the beach. Which at this rate I may never see again. pfffft

I just want to know what is expected of me, am I supposed to carry the conversation? I really really do NOT know how to do this, and the things I'm freaking out may well be the new norm. I stumbled into Chad for God's sake, wasn't even looking. I was calling a friend, friend wasn't home, roommate answered the phone, and I ended up married to said roommate for 17 years. Maybe I just need to get out the phone book ......

Oh I'd have been cussing for sure. Feminism be damned some stuff is just man stuff lol. But look what a great story you got out of it..rain boots and PJs ... least you rocked the wardrobe right?

I (surprisingly, to me) do generate responses on the dating sites. But I get SO sick of being called baby, "my baby", sweetheart, honey, sexy...blah blah blah. Dude you don't KNOW me! How can they start with pet names before they know my last name? And there's one, that I really actually think I could like. He's a civil war reenactor (something my geeky self is into), loves history, was in the military for over 20 years (if the govt trusted him...can I?) likes 80s music, even likes beach music and knows how to shag. when I read his profile he just seemed so dang perfect. He's a truck driver, or is learning to be I think (see, tells you how much I DONT know about him) and gets up early. He's transitioning from the army to this and he doesn't have a cell phone but is planning to get one on Friday. So I guess he has a tablet or laptop or something, and we've solely been communicating through the site email. My problem is, I live in the boonies of the boonies. And every evening we go to John and Tammy's house about a mile and a half down the road for dinner and laundry, etc. I usually get home around 10. While I'm there I have NO internet on my phone because John's house makes mine look city. So he has started seeming , to me, to be a little demanding about my being home at a certain time to talk to him, which would be all well and good if there was conversation. Meeting online just really really sucks. I'm not a take the lead kind of woman, and I don't want to just sit there and ask questions like I'm interviewing him. I just also feel like weeks/months of texting are a waste because you really will never know if you click with someone till you've met them. Or am I just too old school for now? I run out of things to say, he thinks I'm ignoring him ... I just can't come up with sparkling conversation on the fly to someone I have yet to meet. I'm not willing to walk away from my support system, my friends that I KNOW are there for me for this dude just yet, but he gets agitated if I stay there too long. I know if I have trouble communicating myself effectively this way, there's a good possibility he does too, so I am trying not to make snap judgements. But it seems like he won't nail down a day and time when he can say, lets meet in person THIS DAY. I understand transitioning careers isn't easy ... I wonder if Im being too picky. I just dont' know how to BE doing this. I quickly run out of things to say and conversations fizzle out and then I never hear from them again. Or some just want to say hey babe 40 times a day and that's about it. There's one other that I thought I had interest in, but he's in the army, AND hes a paramedic AND he's a volunteer fireman so like I keep saying, are you sure you even have time for a relationship. All I ever hear is how hot and tired he is and how long his days are. I tell him I give up, he says please don't. I say how would you ever have time, he says I'll Make time, then doesn't. Last night I get told, "training for deployment"...oh so you're leaving? Don't know. I'm so sick of VAGUE. Then he turns around and says he only wants to talk to me and he's taken himself off the site (true as far as I can tell) and I'm the only one he is interested in, but again, I get baby honey sugar doll and that's about it. Why do they bother being on these sites if they don't want to actually MEET someone? Or is it me? I really just don't know how to do this and I'm furious with Chad that I'm even in a position that I would need to

VERY happy that you got the job and are finally there with your baby girl. You're making HUGE strides!! Look for an end unit too if you can so you're not squashed between two others.

"Whatever. He left, so he forfeited his vote" ohhh yea. I so want to say that when I hear "Chad wouldn't want ........." . Who gives a rip what he wants? Hes DEAD. I stupidly chose to scatter his ashes on memorial day last year, which was exactly the six month mark to the day. Lunacy I tell ya. But at least I was at the beach and I could drink. lol All kidding aside .... yes six months was hard because that's about the time reality started smacking me in the face, that there was no end to this and it would ALWAYS be the thing that broke me, changed me. There are good days, not good days .. like everyone says, it ebbs and flows. I can say I'm still here, at 18 months out, so there's that.