Carey

I get told "why do you torture yourself that way?". I've learned not to go begging for comfort from others after doing that because they see it as me intentionally hurting myself. I get told all the time to shut his FB page down. I just can't. I know why they're called triggers ... cause you feel like you've been shot

See I don't have board access on the weekends and I obviously missed something. Sad that life seems to just keep taking away isn't it? I love this board and the people here and it's a vital need in this world where the widowed have a hard time explaining themselves or their feelings to those who can't fathom it (nor would we want them to!) This seemed like the place where every tantrum didn't have to have an explanation. I do understand that just because we are all widowed doesn't mean we have much else in common and would we even like each other otherwise lol. But it's been a source of love, acceptance and comfort to me. TooSoon had done something incredibly wonderful for me and I wanted her to know the gratitude I feel and this was the only way I could contact her. I'd love to stamp my foot and say no one else has my permission to leave.

Only reason I was concerned was because I literally had JUST talked to her the day before, received something in the mail and wanted to thank her and she was gone. she even had an active thread going still receiving posts. I don't know what I thought but it's pretty obvious I shouldn't have voiced the concern.

I NEVER ever intended to be "creepy". Or "call out" anyone. I had received a card, wanted to acknowledge that I received it and thank her and she was gone. No, no one has an obligation to stay a set time period or announce when they are leaving, that I agree with so I should have kept my mouth shut I suppose. Canadiangirl is right about my intentions.

AuroraAlone, I have her snail mail address, but I'm terrible with thank you cards. Would you ask her please if I can have her email address or something? facebook? etc?

yea I looked and looked and couldn't find any real drama or anything and I needed to talk to Christine, to thank her for something and poof...... Makes me really sad because we have all been through too much. It's true, the one thing we all share is something that happened TO us and not something ABOUT us, so maybe on many other levels we have nothing in common. But this place .. THIS place, not even YWBB has saved me ... been the difference in my kids eating or not more than one, been the reason I got up off the floor and faced another day, been the support I ran to and I just cant stand to think of hurt existing here. I so hate that something happened to make them feel they couldn't be here.

My daughter has the misfortune of being born on June 19th. Her bday almost always falls on father's day week , if not actually father's day. Poor son had the sucky luck of having his birthday be the day we found out his daddy was dead and never coming home. I too have lost my dad. So yea, father's day can go suck it. HARD. I also have the most utmost respect for the widowed dads here on the board ... no ugliness intended here at all. Just PERSONALLY in my house, wish it would disappear

Am I missing something? I went in to send a PM to TooSoon and it now says "guest" under her name. Same with Kamcho. Are they really gone or ........?

Congratulations!!

I can't fathom losing a spouse, going through hell, finding someone new thinking that everything would get better and there was more happiness only to find they weren't who I thought they were. You are an incredible woman and I applaud you for taking this step, the strength it takes is enormous I'm sure. Stay encouraged honey, we are all here for you.

saw a quote somewhere the other day ....... Hell hath no fury as a widow born Get em Mrs. Dan

^^^^ THIS! I've been struggling on putting my 2 cents into words and never could, this is exactly what I think.

How devastating I am so very very sorry for the fresh trauma your family is being put through. No child should have to lose her mother and her grandfather so closely , and so tragically. We are all here for you, please remember that should you need shoulders to listen or cry.

Sprint has had their collective heads up their arse since Chad died. Our cell service was in his name, and I kept getting letters from the "credit compliance" department about taking it out of his name and putting it in mine. I repeated the process over and over and over. At least three times. As recent as LAST WEEK (C has been gone 18 months) I got another one. I called them and REAMED them about how they keep bringing up fresh pain every time they do it. Cause it comes in his name and everything. They put a $100 credit on my bill and SWORE that was the last time, however I'm not going to hold my breath. Thank you for the warning about the DMV ... as screwed up as this county is I'm sure that's the next thing I'll see.

Fuck the fact that my knee is still screwed and the rude ortho office won't even assist with getting an MRI ordered, been calling all week. Fuck that my kid may be held back in the 9th grade due to absences and I'm inclined to let him (He did it to himself!), Fuck that my daughter ran back to a relationship with the useless boyfriend I thought we'd finally managed to ditch, fuck that my sunroof leaks horribly and I pretty much need an umbrella to ride IN my car, fuck that no matter how much wrangling I do the finances stay fucked ..... fuck that I have so much to be irritated about today lol

Apologies are the biggest weapon in the abusers arsenal ... and the most effective. Stay strong against it honey. Another Shelby quote for ya "You're jealous, because you no longer have a say so in what I do and that drives you up the wall. You're ready to spit nails because you can't call the shots."

I had to move less than 3 months after Chad died and it was hell and I hate my house so don't ask me lol. I just would NOT recommend that to anyone but I didn't have a choice, the rent on the house we were in was $975 a month, and also I only had about 69,000 to work with from his death benefit to buy something else, so a doublewide in the country with the cows it is. Don't get me wrong, sometimes, I do like the "country life". Id just recommend looking at it from all angles. There's a lot to be said for a fresh slate.

Lisa I just had an out loud giggle at that. I guess it was the broad generalizations that got me. "let go of regrets". You can't tell me how? offer suggestions? include others experiences?

Because we have faced the devils worst ... death trumps it all. It's that thing you go through your life thinking happens to others, never us. Once that happens, ANYTHING horrible can and probably WILL happen. It's enormous. And some parts of us deal with it every single day. Some energy somewhere is devoted to loss every day even if it's a passing memory. So, sadly we look at most everything else as trivial. We hold everything up against the litmus test of the death of our whole world and nothing meets that scale. Yea you try to empathize but in your head you're thinking "ive been through worse quit your sniveling". And then you feel like a terrible person for feeling that way. I do hope it gets better in time because it makes me feel like a bad person sometimes.

http://www.neillneill.com/surviving-and-thriving-after-the-loss-of-a-spouse Dr. Neill Neill? Really??? That aside .... I found the article worthless, and I search for stuff like this periodically cause 18 months later I ain't no better, yaknow? And I felt like it offered nothing of value, but wondered if my view is skewed. What do ya'll think of it? What would YOU say about it if asked to write on the subject?

When I was a kid, the first lyrics I learned were "rhinestone cowboy" and I rarely hear it now obviously but it still makes me sing the "bomp bomp" part lol. Oh and my standby have to get up and dance song will forever be Abba's Dancing Queen no matter how old or corny.

"I would also hope it doesn't become a place where responders feel warranted posting only in agreement or positively, for fear anything else will be removed. If opinions are asked for, I for one would love to read ALL of them. The people who don't agree with/ think like/ have many commonalities with/ me are often the people I learn the most from. " Just have to say I agree with this. Really though for the most part, everyone here really does act like an adult and I haven't seen any unintentional cruelty, unless I missed something?

I know that feeling .... wanting to leave, but bad as it is there's still a part of you that's so attached it's hard , oh so hard, to let go. Thank you Maureen for the update ... and for being there for Tracey.

Hugs to you today. Missing them never goes away.

Thank you guys. After the monumental loss of Chad, and even Katie's babies she miscarried last summer, this should seem trivial but I couldn't quit thinking about it