Carey

Yay I'm so happy that it worked out. He could have been a real ass, so kudos to him for being a decent human being ha ha. It was very smart to get ahead of the situation and showed integrity. He will remember that.

Im in awe at your attitude and outlook on this situation. I see a happy future for you because you have the determination to make it so. SO SO proud of you and all that you have accomplished thus far

I think that given they know you are moving, if you explain the situation and show them documentation that you transferred the funds in good faith, they will work with you I bet. It's not like you have a history of it. I think they won't want to lose a good tenant. Take a deep breath and don't panic just yet honey it still might be okay.

I'm so sorry It sucks to think that after losing a spouse, that there is still even more hurt to be had sometimes before happiness rolls around again. My best friend is a guy and his wife and I are friends, but not as close as he and I are. I am very blessed that she understands our relationship and includes me in so many things. I wonder all the time were the roles reversed would I be able to be as gracious and trusting. It's just not something everyone is able to do and it really depends on the individuals involved. I can see though how in this relationship that history and bond of marriage is not there with you and new guy so the relationship doesn't feel on steady ground with these other "friends" around. I agree with others though, try not to let him pull you back in if nothing is going to change.

Remember me posting about my dead truck battery? It just so happened the person that used to do payroll at our office retired and the office manager took over, and found a mistake she had made and they actually owed me $163 So I was able to get the new battery for the truck (Jumping a vehicle 4 times a day and bugging your friends to do so is no fun!) and even got some groceries

This is a moment you can't get back. Don't let someone else deprive you of that, he's YOUR DADDY. Don't allow someone elses opinion to cause you to have regrets later. You have every right in the world to hold his hand. Hospice never told us to not talk to my dad when he was at that point. Ive never heard of anyone saying not to touch or talk to them to make the transition "easier". Despite my faith being damaged my beliefs are not and your dad will go when it is his appointed moment regardless of who is talking , who is touching, or what is going on. You can't make him go sooner by not, and you can't hold him here by doing it. Honey do this for yourself and for your daddy ... hearing is the last thing to go and I truly believe your presence would be a comfort to him. I am so sorry you are having to face this, I know how much that hurts, I was such a daddy's girl too. I crawled in bed with him like a 4 year old and I thank GOD that I had that time with him. Hugs and much love to you .....

rock the boat ... don't rock the boat baby ... lol got me dancing in my office chair. I had LONG forgotten that one.

Brenda, my husband died in November 2013 and was cremated. I had them separate the cremains into three boxes. One was buried at the cemetery (he was a veteran and I wanted him to have the stone). Then, on Memorial Day 2014 I took one of the boxes to "our place" at the beach (not legal but its one of those things people really don't get onto you about. I was just told not to make any formal announcements). I put the contents of that box in his favorite ballcap and we had friends and family gather on the pier and we passed the hat around and each person got a handful and let it go out over the river. It's white, and very fine. There may have been a few "chunks" but really, it's not messy or even "gross" . It's like chalk dust. I did kind of freak about what was on our hands, I didn't want it just washed down a drain, so someone grabbed a bottle and filled it with river water and we held our hands over the river and washed our hands off. We played that Luke Bryan song, "Drink a Beer" cause Lord did that man love his Milwaukee's Best. Everyone had a drink and we stood there as the sunset painted the sky ... it was spectacular. We all shared funny stories and memories about Chad and just relaxed and laughed. I think he would have LOVED it. I won't say it gave me closure, but on that pier in that moment, I felt the first tiny bit of peace with him being gone. Leading up to the day was dread, but really when it was there it just felt right. I think it had to do with the time and place and people there. I just thought about what HE would want, and it was almost, dare I say...fun? To remember him with such joy and laughter. I won't say I didn't cry, and others did too, but the overall feel to the evening was remembering the blessing he was when he was here.

I haven't read all the responses yet ... but Mike that touched me so much. for one, it's beautifully written and number two, it resonated with me .. I was like YES!!! That's it EXACTLY what I've been trying to articulate about how I feel about my rings and my past and fear for the future, that I'm unlovable. That that was all I'd ever have and I'm alone. I obviously have no encouragement but I had to say that I am RIGHT there with you.

I'm close to your timeline ... I'm at 19 months now and the others are right, I'll be damned if I know why, but there are times here in this 2nd year that feel as raw as the first week. I correlate it with so much of the first year being buffered by the sheer shock of it all, it's a blur. 2nd year you have clarity, and the reality of "he's NEVER EVER EVER coming back" .. the finality sinks in I think. It's when I realized theres no end to this, no point that if I can just get THERE it'll be different. He's forever gone and I am forever changed and it's hard to face. You know what the last year was like, you know that without change, the next year can't be much better Hugs to you though, I am glad you are here with us, we understand.

my energy level is nonexistent on this medicine. It is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. I was proud I made it to work today after a long weekend at the beach which was more taxing because of the medicine I'm on. Go out to my truck at lunch and the darn thing wont crank. I still cant figure out what I may have done to cause the battery to die ... but I really just started crying little girl baby tears because Chad wasn't here to handle it. Isn't that ridiculous? Something insanely small like that? But the heat is really draining me right now and three other vehicles and a third set of cables later when someone was finally able to help me jump it, my hair was soaked and I was so dizzy I walked into my open truck door. grrrr.

I truly wonder what it is that makes our friends flake on us? I had an all out knock down drag out fight with my BEST friend 4 days after Chad died and we have not spoken since. What's the correlation? Many of us here have had similar instances with friends and family. Does it truly boil down to only that we make people uncomfortable? I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on what should have been an enjoyable weekend. We call them DGIs, but honestly, I don't get THEM.

saw ortho yesterday about my knee, he said "it's wrecked". A small "notch" was caused by the walmart cart incident, the rest is arthritis. He said I will eventually need kneecap replacement. He wants me to go ahead and settle with walmart though because if he does surgery now he will address arthritis and then walmart might think it was a pre-existing injury. So we will see what happens. Funny to me it has never hurt before the walmart thing but I have stage IV.. the worst ... of chondromalacia?

LOVE the reference to the phoenix ... remind yourself of that often Tracey. I second the music. Love Miranda for sassy "taking no man shit " music. Another good one is Army of Me by Christina Aguilera.

I came up with a compromise on the two. I just couldn't say the word tumor to them, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to convince them enough that it's NOT cancerous. They do know that I have a history of migraines, so I just told them that I was taking a really strong medicine to help with the headaches that has some pretty strong side effects and that I wouldn't be feeling all that great for awhile and might need some extra help and understanding from them. That seemed to go over okay ... and it's not a lie, the headaches were what led me to get it checked out and the tumor found. This is day 7 and I have NO energy at all and this is our big holiday weekend at the beach and I'm worried how I will be able to pull it off, but I'm not going to let it stop us from going. They cling extra tightly to traditions these days.

are you burying the urn or is it going in one of those above ground things I can never remember the name of? the veterans cemetery didn't make me do anything , they just buried it (poor Chad had no urn, just a white cardboard box but the kids decorated it)

I love moments like that,where it seems he's speaking to me through music. Maybe a bunch of bunk but I love the warm feeling I get and I choose to believe it. Hugs to you ... seems no matter how far away it gets, there are just some days that will forever be hard for us.

Hugs to you .... but I have to say I'm just so damned impressed and quite a bit jealous. I love reading your uupdates and imagining the unforgettable summer you are giving your niece. I'm up for adoption btw ....

I'm HAPPY that the dgi's don't get it ... because that means they don't have to live it. Mizpah said it so eloquently and perfectly. I'm strong because that's my option. Strong can also mean knowing when you're just done and asking for help. I don't think I mind "you're so strong" as much as I do "you just have to be strong" like that's the holy grail to surviving grief, with brute strength and who are they to tell me that? That's "unsolicited advice", where as I'm with serpico .. compliments that come when I don't believe them are a great boost , if someone tells me I'm strong, then hey I'm doing a good job with this front I've got going lol.

an alive face on Skype telling me to have a good day and the next day just gone forever. I have so many regrets and there are SO many things I'd have done differently.

Best friend bought me a Baja Mt Dew at lunch and just let me lay on his shoulder and be hugged. Hes a teddy bear of a man and gives the best hugs. looking forward to the weekend at the beach, cause we have a military sponsor for this weekend and we can go back to OUR place, and I love all things red white and blue

Joseph and Michael ... wow, thank you both so much. Ive been at such a loss, I really did have a real scam that had I not had pretty good military knowledge I may have fallen for. The guy claimed to be a fort bragg soldier deployed to Afghanistan. I had a SF friend look into it and sure enough the guy was using pictures of a dead army soldier (the epitome of bottomfeeder if you ask me). I have a pretty good nose for the fakes. It just feels futile. I know I'm not pretty as I was when I met Chad and I come with baggage so I'm probably not a good catch for the good guys and I don't want to settle for an ass so ........ IDK... like this one guy that was one of the first ones I met. He contacts me all the time calling me his baby, a couple weeks ago he said he wanted to go out, it was my daughters bday and I had plans,he accused me of never having time for him (hes a truck driver who pops up randomly , am I supposed to sit home?) so then he said then, okay, lets make a set plan for the 26th. I purposely didn't contact him. I waited to see what he would do. Heard nothing all weekend,then today he texts that he guesses I'm not interested but wants me. Dude you don't know me, how do you know you want me? We went out to dinner once and I met him for dinner at a truck stop one other time like 9 months ago. tried to say he texted and I just didn't answer, which I know is not true. Then got mad cause he said I was accusing him of lying. Chad would get such a kick out of this but I'm so out of my depth

Ive enjoyed following your travels. I couldn't do that much time in a car though it does sound daring and adventurous! I'm glad you got through the MIL experience virtually unscathed ... I don't talk to mine either so I totally understand that. looking forward to the next installment of your journey so I can live vicariously through someone who has the guts to do something I never could.

It's a brain tumor...........BUT, it's not malignant and is just a recurrence from something I dealt with in 2013. It happened right after Chad went to Saudi, I didn't tell him then because he was overseas and would worry too much, so I didn't tell the kids because I didn't want it slipping to him. My line of thinking was like portside's ... my kids are still very upset, particularly this week after father's day, and they do the "don't die" thing too. I was only considering telling them because the drug I have to take to shrink the darn thing again is pretty strong, it's actually a form of chemotherapy just in pill form and maybe not as strong. But side effects are bad and I find myself wanting to scream at the kids "why are you bothering me with this don't you see I don't feel well?"....and I keep thinking if I told them theyd be more understanding and helpful, but that seems like a very selfish reason to worry them.

If you were sick, with something pretty serious but potentially not life threatening, would you tell your children (teenagers) so they would understand why you're fatigued and not well for an extended time or not tell them so they don't worry?