DonnaP

Today I killed two birds with one stone (no - not LITERALLY)... In my de-cluttering purge, I found a cute necklace that someone left at my house years ago. It's a small cupcake -- something a little girl would like. Since there are no little girls in my household at the moment, I brought the necklace to work and gave it to a co-worker who has a 7-yr-old daughter. Hoping it will put a smile on her face.

Yes, I've seen them advertised. But wouldn't those places just convert the entire length of the VHS tape? We're talking hours and hours of footage on each tape... And I have like 20 tapes. I probably don't need to keep it ALL... Maybe a nice sampling converted to DVD would suffice...

Does anyone have any experience with this? I have a bunch of old VHS tapes containing footage of my sons from their baby years through teens. Also family holidays and vacations. I'd like to preserve some of the footage but don't think I need the hours and hours that are stored on those tapes. Anyone know a way to just convert part(s) of a VHS tape?

I went through a bin of old VHS tapes. A bunch are video footage from my kids' childhood years, so I can't part with them. I am considering transferring to DVD though. There are just so many of them. I DID toss several VHS tapes of televised NY Giants games from years ago. Mick had taped them, although he never once went back and re-watched those old games.

You know what's cool? The kindnesses I've implemented are starting to be just normal behavior. In other words, I'm trying to think, "ok, what kindnesses have I done today?" and I can think of several: (1) cooking a nice meal for my mom; (2) driving home myself and encouraging my husband to ride back in his daughter's car so she wouldn't have to drive alone; (3) inviting extra family members to the "small" family dinner I was planning on Saturday; (4) picking my Mom up and driving her home from my nephew's house, so she could go visit our newest family member, my great-nephew (cute little guy). But after thinking about it, my first reaction is that those were just normal behaviors on my part, not really "kindnesses." But, isn't that the point of all this anyway? Making our everyday behavior more about kindness?? On Saturday, Andrew gets credit for a kindness -- he donated $$ to the local disabled veterans association. GO TEAM!!

3/27 Took SD out to lunch. (Today is the anniversary of her mother's death.)

I was in no shape to travel long distances after Mick died, but I did plan a very cool weekend getaway, with my two sons, two of my nieces and a nephew. We "escaped" over Father's Day weekend (since I knew that holiday would be particularly hard for the boys and me) and went to Orlando - Universal Studios. We had so much fun, and even though there were still some tears (mostly on my part), we got away from the grief for a short time. Afterward, I sent a message to the group (which I affectionately called "the Fab Six") thanking them for coming with. We always hoped for a reprise, but people get busy, new relationships develop and it gets harder to go places, without including the girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. Still, it made for some wonderful memories I'm curious as to where others went after being widowed... please share your stories...

I used to read a lot, in the time before I became a widow. Since losing Mick, I can't keep my focus long enough to stay awake and read. I have found that I can listen to books on tape, while driving, and did a fair amount of that for awhile. I love fantasy and science fiction, and I agree that they give you an "escape" of sorts, taking you out of your current reality and into another world, temporarily. I am also a writer, and have long considered writing a novel. Still waiting for that "perfect" time, and am realizing that there is no perfect time...

Since I am remarried, I also get comments like "you have your new husband now so you shouldn't be sad" implying that somehow remarrying fixes all the hurt/grief.

3/25 Took my son's car to the dealership for some needed Service Recall work. Took SD's boots to the cobbler to have the soles reglued.

You have captured it exactly, Wifeless! (as usual) thanks for your words of inspiration. Thanks, everyone, for sticking around, even when the board didn't. HUGS, Donna

Went through front hall closet and got rid of several coats I'd been holding onto for too long.

YES! You most certainly DO!!!!!!

3/24 Mailed a bday card to my son, who lives in NYC. Stopped by my hair stylist's new salon and dropped off a "treat." Brought SD a Starbucks "just because." Brought a bag of Dove dark chocolate eggs in for my coworkers to enjoy.

Shared some of my granola (I keep a bag at my desk) with one of the student workers.

3/23 Suffered through a ridiculously complex board game that has 20 pages of instructions and more pieces than any board game has a right to claim -- all because my son's GF got it for Christmas and no one else had the patience to learn to play it with her. I hope they don't want a rematch. hahahah Made a homestyle meal for son and GF and sent the leftovers home with them.

We were supposed to pick "meaningful" names?? Ohhh ...

I could totally use a "kick in the pants" to get my motivation revved again. Things I need to accomplish this week: 1) Clean kitchen and MOP FLOOR 2) Continue with the decluttering purge 3) Finish some sewing projects Things already accomplished: 1) surface cleaned three bathrooms. 2) laundry and dishes 3) grocery shopping Small steps can lead to giant accomplishments...

3/20 A co-worker and I took our Moms (who met at the senior center) out for lunch and conversation on a snowy afternoon. A good time was had by all. 3/21 Offered to drive my sister to the hospital to visit her new baby grandson, but did not end up going b/c the baby was in the NICU all weekend

Picked up a package of organic, rolled oats for a coworker and told her "no charge" when she offered to reimburse me.

Hello, I'm DonnaP. I also was a YWBBer. I joined in May 2010, a month after my husband, Mick, died from sudden cardiac arrest. He was literally fine and then gone, within a 15 minute time span. I still have trouble wrapping my head around it. It seemed so unlikely that a perfectly healthy 50-year-old man, with no other symptoms, could drop dead in an instant. And yet, that is exactly what happened. A month later, I found the board and it was a lifeline. I read mostly at first, and then got brave enough to post. Reading the replies gave me such a sense of hope. It was like escaping from my gray, lifeless world for a while. I soon began to recognize names and attended a BAGO, where I met some wonderful people who all knew what I was going through, and had just the right words to comfort me. The days, weeks and months following Mick's death were the worst of my life. If it hadn't been for my family and friends (especially those on the board), I would have stayed in that dark pit of despair, instead of climbing my way out. You all gave me hope. YWBB is also where I met MrDrew, who found me one day and reached out in friendship. Friendship turned to love and we are now married. My life is quite different from what it was in the "before time," but good and happy again. My sons are both doing well, and I have a new step-daughter. Life is good.

April 1, 2010, The story of Mick?s death starts with a beautiful afternoon on the golf course. It was Thursday, April 1. He and I both agreed to take the afternoon off from work to play golf with our two sons, who were home from college for Easter break. Mick chose to walk the 18 holes, as was our usual practice, and played amazingly well, shooting in the low 70s. After golf, the four of us went out to dinner. Mick had a cheeseburger and a few beers. He seemed to feel fine. After dinner, we headed home. Mick and I chose to watch a movie, The Informant, which was mediocre. We both were drifting off to sleep, Mick in his chair and me on the couch. Around 10:00, we decided to head up to bed since we both had early golf matches the next day. I told him I?d meet him upstairs, since it was my turn to take the dog out. I was outside with our dog for maybe five minutes and then proceeded to go upstairs to bed. As I made my way toward the bedroom, I could hear a strange sound, like Mick was snoring. It turned out he was trying to gulp in air or it was a bodily reflex, I?ll never be sure. But he was making some strange breathing sounds so I assumed he was breathing. As I entered the bedroom, I noticed Mick was laying on the bed, still fully dressed. His legs were hanging over the edge of the bed as if he had been sitting and just lay back. I asked him what he was doing and he did not answer. I became annoyed, thinking he was messing with me and would answer any moment. When he still did not answer, I went to check him more closely and saw that something was very very wrong. His face was swollen and he was still making those strange breathing sounds. I ran to the phone and dialed 911 and then ran back to the bed to try to administer CPR, what little I knew. I stopped briefly to phone my older son, who had just left the house about 10 minutes earlier to go to a friend?s house. I urged him to get home immediately and he asked what was wrong. I told him something is wrong with Daddy. He said he was on his way. I did some more CPR, then stopped again to call my younger son. I urged him to get home as well. Within minutes, the paramedics had arrived. They went right to the bedroom, moved Mick to the floor and began to administer CPR. I watched in horror as they made little to no progress in reviving him. They hooked diodes up to his chest and the flatline told me that there was no heartbeat. Meanwhile, both my sons had gotten home and rushed upstairs. They too had looks of horror on their faces and looked to me for support. I tried to remain calm, even though ever fiber of my being told me this was the end. I asked my older son to call his uncle (Mick?s brother Lou) to inform him of what was happening. He was at work, but said he?d head right to the house. After working on Mick for about 15 minutes, the paramedics finally decided to transport him to the hospital. I had little hope at that point since I could plainly see they were making no progress with the CPR. I rode in the ambulance, while my sons followed in their own car. When we got to the hospital, I was put in the family waiting room. Soon, the boys joined me in the waiting room. We all were together when we got the final news that there was nothing the doctors could do. Mick was gone. Lou arrived shortly afterward and we told him the sad news. I remember him throwing his hat on the ground in despair. What followed after that is a blur -- going home, family converging the next day, funeral preparations...and the utter loneliness that follows when the dust finally settles. As I look back, I'm so incredibly thankful for my family members, who stayed with me, helped make arrangements, and cried with me. A month later, I found the board and so began the path to healing.

3/18 Gave an extra large tip to my hairdresser, who is just starting her new business.

3/17 Marched in the St. Patrick's Day parade with my twin sis. Ok, perhaps that was more for fun, than "kindness," but we spread a lot of cheer

3/16 Sent a donation to The Wounded Warrior Project in memory of my Uncle John, who just passed away last Friday.