DonnaP

Just in the "thinking about" stages... Is anyone up for a Sunday brunch in the Worcester, MA, area? WHERE: Most likely the same spot we met last time (The Manor, West Boylston, MA) unless someone has a different idea/suggestion. TIME: noon-? DATE - Sunday, Nov. 22 [sEE NEW POST FOR UPDATED INFO) Let's see who might be interested and go from there...

CRAP. Seriously? That is the ONLY weekend in August that doesn't work for us What a bummer. We will be in Michigan, from Aug. 7 to 10, attending a family wedding. Darn, darn, darny darn darn.

Hey - no apologies needed. We are have our moments. And, it wasn't hijacked. You stayed on topic. Sort of. Wondering what brings these moods on... in my case, it was the pool that triggered all the memories, but it escalated. Other times, it seems like it just comes out of the blue... Donna

Hi Carey! I can relate. Some days are just plain awful. But, even saying that, it sounds like your day was beyond plain awful. I'm so sorry for all the hurt, piled on more hurt and loss. Sending the biggest hug I can manage over the Internet. ((((((((HUG)))))))) Donna

Thanks for the replies -- and for understanding. I can always count on you guys totally "getting it." I've been in such a funk the past two days. It's like I retreated back to the beginning. Losing focus at work. Just feeling "eh." Thank goodness for MrDrew in my life. Without him here, I think I would have fallen to pieces again. I don't think anybody else wants to hear me lament about things related to the loss of my spouse anymore. Family, friends... they figure I should be past all that now. Do we every get "past" it?

I made a tough decision the other day. It is time to take down the pool. It was either that or put up a new pool and spend close to $5,000. The existing pool had a great run -- we put it up in 1994 when we moved into the current house. It's lasted over 20 years! This year, however, the liner just gave out. There was a gaping hole and several places where it was separating from the pool wall. The bad winter must have been too much for the old girl... So, the crew started yesterday. I came home to see the demolition and it is so depressing. Mick would be beside himself. In fact, he would not even have considered NOT putting up a new pool. But, for me, it's hardly worth it, and I do not want all the work that goes into maintaining a pool (opening it, closing it, keeping it clean...). I looked into the options and weighed the pros and cons. I just hate that it had to happen. I hate that Mick isn't here to take care of the pool, to make these decisions with me, to lay out on the deck, like he did EVERY weekend during the summer until his skin got so tan, he looked like a foreigner. I hate losing one more piece of him. I'm all unfocused again at work today. Damn it. Why is life so hard sometimes?

Today is Amazon Prime Day -- supposedly more deals than Black Friday. Sounds like a gimmick to me, but worth a look mb.

Washed my kitchen floor last night. It's been on "the list" for ages. It could use another go-over, as the dirt was fairly well embedded. haha. But it's a start! I've also been experimenting with a ton of new recipes, trying to use all the produce I get in my weekly farmshare basket! It's been a culinary adventure! I almost forgot how much I enjoy cooking

I hear ya. What you describe sounds like me in the early days. I was just barely functioning at work and in life. Didn't care about much. Let the housework go. Cooked spaghettios for dinner (or nothing). The only difference is that I do have two sons and I kept going for them. They were my reason not to sink into the pit of despair. So each day I got up and went about my business. But there was very little joy in my life. I'm past the five-year mark now. I'm remarried and very happy most days. There are still a lot of reminders and I struggle with the issues and complications that come from merging two families (see my other vent about my step-daughter in the "say it here, vent away" thread). Life throws us a lot of challenges. That is for sure. We need to find a way to live with what's on our plate on any given day. Find the things that make YOU happy. In the meantime, I'm reaching out with a great big HUG for you! Donna

hachi, My user name is dpintek. See if you can search and add me. Or, if you need to use Facebook, try that I have been trying to eat healthier and make "lifestyle" changes too. Some days are more successful than others. I'd like to lose about 20 pounds as well. I'm at the heaviest weight I've ever been and it's driving me NUTS! Donna

JeansGenie, I can totally relate to your friendship thread. Friends can be so fickle, can't they? I have friends who I literally never hear from unless I initiate the contact! It should be a mutual thing. I've started some new friendships as well. I just chalk it up to the fact that I am more of a natural organizer of things, whereas many (most?) people prefer to just sit on their asses and let other people make the plans. Sorry - I'm in a crappy mood today. But that's the way I feel sometimes. Fortunately for me, I have three sisters and a wonderful sister-in-law (my brother's wife - NOT the psycho bitch who is Mick's sister and who has written us off because she can't deal with the loss and the fact that I didn't crawl into a hole to wither away). I can call my sisters or any of my eight nieces anytime I feel like doing something. I also maintain a friendship with someone I've known since high school. She is busy too, but WILL take the time to reach out and make sure we see each other at least once a year. I know that isn't all that often, but since we are both busy with our own lives, it's the best we can manage, and it's great when we DO get together. CaptainsWife, As far as the tiredness goes, just try to take good care of yourself. Be sure to eat right and try to get plenty of sleep. I know... easier said than done. I also can relate to the never-ending to-do list. Been there! Hang in there, kid! This too shall pass. HUGS to everyone who needs to vent today! Donna

Last night, while I was making dinner, SD made a comment that I found obnoxious. I was cooking a recipe called Pork with Spicy Noodles and Napa Cabbage. The whole reason I was making the recipe was to use the cabbage, which I got in my farmshare the week before. At any rate, she was assisting me for a moment, stirring the pork while it browned, and I was unstacking the dishwasher. Then, we added the cabbage and she continued to stir, then said: "it's a shame to ruin all this good meat with this green leafy stuff." Now, granted, she was being sarcastic. But still, like in all humorous comments, there is a grain of truth to it, which is what makes it funny. So, she said it to be funny, not to be insulting. Still, I found it rude, since I had basically just put in all this effort to prepare dinner and THAT was the only comment she could offer? I can't remember my exact reply, but it was obvious from my tone that I wasn't amused. Both she and her father tried to defend the comment by saying: "it was supposed to be funny." Well, ok, but not everyone perceives these things the same way. Then, I tried to let it go by saying: "ok, I guess it was a little funny." At that point, she put down the spatula she was stirring the food with and pretty much stormed up to her room, where she stayed for the next few hours. I'm not sure why that last comment was the one that sent her off in a huff, but it was a tense night. I did not speak to her this morning as she was still asleep when I left for work. Not sure what the best way to handle this is. a) ignore it b) try to politely tell her that her behavior was inappropriate c) assume some of the blame by saying I could have reacted differently Thoughts????? Donna

I love this thread. I need to start being more responsible with money. I tend to overspend and charge things, then kick myself when the bill comes at the end of the month. I like the mvelopes app idea. Is it a free app? Donna

Virgo and Trying, Husband is wonderful, but very laid back when it comes to parenting his child. She has always been a fairly good kid - doesn't get into trouble, doesn't do drugs or any of the "bad attitude" stuff. I guess he feels sloppiness is a minor character flaw. He never gets on her case about it. If I mention something privately to him, he will point out all the positives--saying things like, "at least she helps with cooking and will do her own dishes" (that because I insisted and made an issue of telling her she needed to). He then reminds me that I rarely get on the boys' cases about such things. But, since they don't actually live with me anymore, there is not much for me to complain about. And yes, perhaps I didn't get on their cases either when they lived home. Their rooms were usually messy too. Sigh. It's the age I guess. Honestly, I think my husband still cuts his daughter a lot of slack because she lost her mother at the tender age of 15 and he wasn't there for her emotionally. He was dealing with his own despair over the loss and pretty much shut down for a period of six months. I get it. I had a very nice weekend ALONE with my husband, so I'm feeling recharged and refortified for the moment. I hope to tackle some of the house cleanup and then just lay down strict rules about stuff being left tossed about. Wish me luck! Donna

Hachi, Did the nutritionist set a goal number of calories you should be eating daily? Just curious... MyFitnessPal has a goal and calorie counter feature. Very cool. I've been using it to track - my problem, as always, is accountability (and self-control). Good luck! Mb we can motivate each other. Add me on the "friends" list. Donna

Lately, I seem to get annoyed by SD very easily. She is living back at home, after being at college for the semester, but, even during the school year, she was home almost every weekend for some reason or another (laundry, dinner, or just to get away from her roommate). So, I know I am craving alone time with my new husband, but I can't exactly kick her out of the house to get it. The problem is she very rarely goes out. She prefers to stay home and either types incessantly on her laptop (online blogging etc) or watch TV, OR do whatever we happen to be doing (even as mundane as going to the grocery store), so even our little errands turn into all three of us going. Sorry - but that is a little TOO much togetherness for me. Plus, she is a slob. Big time. Leaves her stuff everywhere. Junk dropped on the kitchen table, shoes (and socks) left on the floor in the den, Dunkin and Starbucks empty coffee cups left anywhere and everywhere, more shoes by the stairs, and don't even get me started on her ROOM. OMG. What a disaster. She decided to paint it, so she moved all sorts of stuff into the hallway, where it has sat for about a month I've reminded and prompted her several times (nicely) to please put the paint stuff away. She said she would. But then never does. I'm disgusted by the fact that I can't keep my house clean with just my own mess, let alone hers. It's driving me nuts. Thanks for letting me vent. Donna

I did a 40-minute walking routine, followed by a 10-minute Pilates toning session and a cool-down. It felt good to move, after taking a two-week hiatus (for no other reason than being burnt out). Question - how hard do I need to push myself to see results? I don't want to overexert to the point of exhaustion, but feel it's not a great workout if I'm not at least breathing heavy and/or sweating, right? Donna

A virtual hug cannot compare to the real thing, but here's one from me anyway (((HUG))) Love you! I hope having your niece along on the trip is providing a bit of a buffer between you and the grief monster. Good luck, and safe travels. Donna

I literally JUST had my will redone, and a new one drafted for my new husband (also a widower). The lawyer gave us a great price -- only $250. I was thrilled and feel much better knowing that all my wishes are in writing and on file at the lawyer's office. Plus we have a copy for our home filing cabinet too He (the lawyer) also threw in a power of attorney and living will document at no extra charge. Good luck - with whatever route you choose. Without children in the picture, I assume yours will be far less complicated than mine. DonnaP

I miss playing golf with Mick. Yesterday, as I was driving to the course to play in a tournament with my cousin, my breath caught in my throat. I just missed Mick so, SO much. We had so many wonderful times on the golf course... I miss seeing his amazing swing, hearing his complimentary remarks and sharing a beer on the course...

Well, you are indeed a kind-hearted soul -- to visit a woman who has been mean and spiteful to you, despite all the happinesss you brought to her son. I have a similar dilemma with my MIL, as you know. I have not initiated contact since Christmastime, when my efforts to put together a little family luncheon basically blew up in my face. Glad you were treated decently. And, kudos for having the patience to sit and listen to her complaints. Enjoy the next phase of your trip! Post some pictures when you get a chance Donna

Mac n cheese muffins? No way! I can't believe I'm going to miss this! :( No way we can get there, but will be thinking of you all. Have fun!! DonnaP and MrDrew

Woo Hoo!!! Look at you go, girl! Ready to conquer the world! So happy for you!!

Hey - we need more info than THAT, missy... How many miles did you log? Where'd ya get to? Did you see the world's largest ball of string yet? Where in the world is Maureen SanDiego? ;D

Got up nice and early... totally intending to do an exercise video. Motivation waned, however, and so I opted for a 20-minute power dog walk instead. I live on a hill so it's ideal if I go all the way to the bottom and back. I see it as a nice compromise