imissdow

I have a lot of other things that are more important then sex. However I can't see myself in a LTR without it. Character, values, world view are topping the list. Money, well he needs to be able to contribute and live within his means but I could care less if he is well off. I met a guy who I liked we were hitting it off pretty well, we weren't however a couple at this point, until he started questioning where I was shopping. He thought I could save more money elsewhere. My reply to him was as long as I can pay my bills every month why did it matter. I'm not sure if I ever talked to him again after that. Right now I find myself with a guy friend. There is nothing physical, and I mean literally nothing. I don't even get a hug. However we laugh talk and generally really enjoy each others company. He works way to much so I don't get much time with him. At this point that seems to be filling some sort of need for me however I have no expections that it will be what I really want long term.

For me year 2 felt harder then the first . In part because I expected things to be better. I knew the first year would be hard and figured if I could just make it thru I would have done my grieving and things would be better. So about 16 month I kind of realized how dumb that thinking was. My DH was still dead and I still miss him. Life is still different then what I thought it should be. All the "firsts" are over yes but that really doesn't help or change the reality. Then I had my friends who assumed I was doing just fine for the same reasons I had thought. I'm glad your seeing someone hope they help. What seemed to work for me was finding something that I felt honored my DH. For me that was building a house in Mexico and then giving it away, to a family that lives there. In fact I leave in 4 weeks to built my second house. It gave me a purpose and helped me find meaning it what still seems senseless. I also found myself excited about something. It didn't make all the other stuff disappear. 51 weeks of the year I'm here at home living my life without him. 1 week I get to go do something he would have loved and I would have loved doing with him. If I had my way the numbers would be reversed or maybe more even. However that isn't very realistic in all kinds of ways. So I spend several weeks planning my trip even longer raising money for the house I'm building. The other thing that really helped was finding something I have always wanted to do and doing it. I wanted to take dance classes as a kid. So I found a local studio and take dance classes once a week. After 3 years I'm no longer the worse in the class (I'm either tied or in place of 2nd worse) but it's fun and the ladies I dance with have become friends. It's the one day of the week I actually look forward to. In fact today I head out for the first class of the year. Hope you find some relief. Celebrate the rare good days in time you will find that there are more of them.

I went to see my MIL today. My DD asked if we could stop and we were less then a mile away so we did. She does not look well and I asked her if she wasn't feeling well. She had a endoscopy yesterday and they kept her in overnight because of some compilations. So we talked about that and I got the rest of the story. Seems she went to the ER mid August. They found a mass on her pancreas. They haven't figured out what it is yet. However my Dh, her son died of pancreatic cancer so the probability is high. My MIL and I are not close, not by a long shot. If I hadn't stopped by She probably would never have called me. She asked a friend to drive her to her procedure, my FIL had a couple of strokes a few years ago and rarely drives. They don't have many friends. I'm the closest to family they have in the area. Her other son is lives about 2.5 hours away. Daughter is in California on top of a mountain, She only has phone service when she drives to town every few weeks. I doubt either of them know about this and I have doubts that they will do anything to help out even if they do know. I told her to call me if she needs something, I'm super busy but I would figure out how to make it work if need be. I know I'm not family anymore but they have been kind to me and my kids. I have lots of works I would like to scream right now, however I have 2 kids still up and I need to go pick up the third.

So lately my kids have been trying to convince me to move. Not just 1 of them all 3 of them. It's odd. We have lived in this house for 12 years. We get along well with the neighbors and know pretty much know everyone. Prior to this all the kids were happy with our house and stuff. Now every single one of them has asked me if we can move and they all have different reasons. The oldest would like to have a better room and be out of the city. The middle one wants a better school district(she is in her jr year of high school) They youngest wants to be closer to one of her friends and in a different school. They all want a bigger bedroom and yard. This weekend we were down in the DC area and all of them talked about moving there, I'm sure in part because we had a lot of fun. The reality is if I really wanted to move I could probably make it happen. My house is 100 years old and totally remolded inside and out. At the right price it could sell rather quickly. What I would be able to afford would be a older home in about the sameish size in a different neighborhood maybe depending on were i went with a bigger yard. I figured out if I want to move 2ish years from now would be about the perfect time. I could in theory move in just over 12 months and keep my middle DD in the same school. My head tells me it's a horrid idea. I have just under 10 years left to pay off my house. Yet I can't stop from thinking that my DD's are on to something. I have no really good reasons to move. A better school district for my youngest would be nice. In my mind that would be about the only positive. I have several friends just a few steps away that will give my girls a ride. Watch the youngest if she gets home before me or gets sick when I'm at work. They will watch my dog and house sit if I want to go away. Mow my yard, shovel my snow, give me a ride or just about anything I need. There is a running/walking/bike trail only 1/2 mile from here that I'm on several times a week. I could even bike to work if I was so inclined. My oldest is attending college only 3 miles away, so she is living at home. So this should be a easy no. However I keep thinking maybe a change is what I really need. Any thoughts about why my DD's might be so into this idea or what decision I should make. I would need to paint before I could put my house on the market so it's not like I would do anything for several months anyways.

I used a lot of paper products those first few months. Washing dishes was more then I could handle and even running the dishwasher felt like a huge chore. I also wanted meals that we grab and go like sloppy joes , tacos and even frozen chicken fingers and fries. I threw out a ton of stuff that people sent over because it just took to long to heat up, the kids were always hungry and I never was. Gift cards for movies, pizza, take out, or groceries are always welcome. My sister gave me a book called tear soup that helped explain to my kids why I was always sad. Don't know if your relationship is at that level So thoughtful and kind of you to think of her and try to come up with something truly helpful.

I'm sorry they made you feel out of place. I have been to several Bagos. Almost all of them had some couples at them. However at none of them did it get thrown in my face. We just all sat and talked and shared our stories. I think the assumption was made that you came looking for a partner. The general assumption made at all the bagos I have attended was that I had come to met others who had and were living thru what I am. I don't think it's bad in and of it's self to have couples at a bago however they still need to behave like caring compassionate humans. The first bago I went to had 2 couples at it and other then the fact that they came and left together you wouldn't have known they were a couple. This is in my mind what a bago should and can be, a welcoming place for anyone who has lost a partner, re-coupled or not. Just for the record as happy as I am that people have found someone new it also drives me crazy. I try not to be totally jelous but it is so hard. I so want the "happy ever after " again and so far I have yet to meet a guy with long term potential.

With 2 teens my evenings are not normally quiet and I go to bed early as I get up at 5. However the evenings are still very lonely. There is a huge difference between having people around and having people I can talk and discuss things that are important to me. I have a good sized circle of friends ones that help me out over and over. Friends that I can talk to about almost anything. Yet in the evenings they are home with their families and I am here with mine, very much alone. This weekend I'm having a graduation party at a friends house for my oldest. It will be fun, I have about 25 people coming. If it was my other DD it would be twice as big. I'm tired. After the party I will be even more tired. I will get to talk to several friends, it will be good. However I wish I had someone to share all the little things with. When I come home I will still be in charge of 3 kids. I will still need to be the adult and I'm tired of being the adult. If you happen to find a solution that I would love to hear it. I have a busy full life, I don't spend a lot of time at home alone, yet I'm still lonely and wish I had someone to come home to who I don't need to take care of.

My two younger girls went this year for the first time. They had a blast came home asking if they can go next year. All run by some fabulous college kids. Both girls shared their stories about dad and were telling me about other kids who had lost a parent. My 16yo can't return as a camper but she asked about going back as a CIT. Met a lovey young lady who was a camp kesem kid and picked a school that participated so that she could continue as a counselor. I was really impressed that she was impacted enough by a week at camp enough to want to share that experience with other kids like herself. Thanks so much TooSoon for telling me about this.

I have actually been hearing a lot about it this year. One of our area teams got to play. Not sure if there still in the running but it has been fun listening to everyone chatter about it.

So I dropped my 2 younger kids off at camp today. The group they are with are sharing the camp with 2 other groups. One of the groups is camp cadet. A Jr police training camp. As I was walking my girls to their cabins to drop off their stuff I passed 4 middle aged yet very fit police guys wearing t-shirts and shorts. I kept myself from turning around and staring less I totally humiliate my kids. However I did briefly consider if the camp needed me to stay and maybe talk to these guys. It's been a really long time since a guy really caught my eye. I do date some, however it usually takes some real effort for me to even notice a guy. My timeline has always been when my oldest 2 are out of high school I would be ready for something more then what I have now. My middle daughter will graduate in 2 years. The youngest will be going into middle school at that point and it seems to me like that would be a good time for whatever changes I may want to make. Right now I'm totally reconsidering that. Maybe by morning I will have forgotten all of this and be back to normal, well at least till Friday when I go pick them up...

I made liberal use of the block and hide features. In fact at one point I took a look at who I had done this to and it was several pages long. When they asked for a FWB or got rather graphic with what they were seeking from a "date" and it was not anything close to what I was looking for.I figured I was just saving myself some frustration and making the site a little more user friendly to me.

I think personality opposites attract. My Dh and I were quite different personality wise. However we liked a lot of the same things and our values and goals it life were actually very much the same. As far as what were were good at almost total opposites. I love to read and create plays and such. I love theater and dance. He hated all that stuff. Yet give him a hammer and a pile of lumber or just about any other tool and you might not see him for hours. Values and goals really need to be similar for you to get on well long term the other stuff is personal preference.

I never turn my phone off. However no one ever calls me so it's really not a issue. My Dh had the potential of being a workaholic. We owned a business and we did have a couple of customers who didn't seem to respect working hours. I remember being away for a vacation and him getting calls. He insisted on returning them and I insisted that he tell them that we were out of town and would get back to them on our return. Only 1 ever was difficult about that. One of the solutions that worked well for us was that phones weren't allowed in our bed room. We left them to charge down stairs in the office. They were far enough away that he couldn't hear it if it rang. If it was a family member they would call the house phone. I have a friend who turns her phone off at night her good friends know to call her husbands phone if they have a emergency. I have a guy friend I go out with when our schedules allow. He is a workaholic. Works about 14-16 hours a day. Always busy, phone rings all the time. Ironically he got rid of his voice mail and typically doesn't answer his phone. He sets it down and walks away from it for hours at a time. If I want to talk to him I usually need to call him 3-4 times or send him a text message and ask for him to call me. Normally I would think if a guy did this that he doesn't want to be bothered with me. However I have observed this behavior a few times, and it's his normal method of operation. Add to that the equipment he uses is so loud he wouldn't hear his phone anyways. So I know its not me. When we do get together he is very attentive and seeks out my company. At this time it doesn't bother me alot in part because what we have is so casual.

I have only done a couple of short trips by myself. The last one I went to visit a friend who had a stroke. She was still in the hospital and I spent the day with her but left around 5ish. The evenings were boring. I like to run but didn't feel safe running in a area I know nothing about. I did pack a couple of books and had a tv in my room so that's basically what I did. I was in bed early a couple of days. Nights are lonely even when I'm at home. I should be used to it but I haven't managed that yet. The landscape is fabulous. Love the pictures.

I hope not!! However the list of people I would actually vote for is getting smaller by the minute and it's only the beginning. It's going to be a long election season and I'm sure by the time I get to vote I'll be plugging my nose and wishing there was a candidate who didn't make me heave.

I have googled a lot of guys. I go with the line only ask for what your willing to share. I was talking with one guy for several weeks. He gave me some song and dance about why he couldn't meet and I had some other signals that would suggest he might be married. So I asked him for his full name and did a search on him. He didn't exist. As soon as I get a phone number I do a reverse search just to make sure. I don't pay for any of this rather I am basically checking to see if things are as they should be (if they say they live in xyz city is the number from there). Don't really need to do any of this before you meet. You might not like him anyways. Just meet in a public place. I talk to strangers all the time. I sat down with several the other night for coffee, I went with a friend and she was the only one I knew. It's really not as dangerous/ scary as some would have you believe just be alert and trust your gut.

Last year I posted something on the other site about wanting a yard boy. I also posted something similar on facebook. My Facebook friends thought it was funny and that I was joking around. Sadly I really wasn't. I still want that yard boy. I wasn't offering daily sex and he had to like dogs, maybe that's were I went wrong. I agree with nonesuch you should post that. It would get you some nuts a few weirdos and maybe a great guy who can take a joke. Its really not a bad profile. Like you I am very weary of yard work, home repairs and being a taxi service. This job was not meant to be a solo project.

My social life at the moment is on life support. I do get to the gym a couple times a week but outside that nothing. I can't wait for school to start again so I can have a couple of hours free in the afternoon before everyone gets home. Won't really change my "social life" but will make me a nicer person to be around. The couple of people that I do actually socialize are really busy right now also so even if I can find some time I might not be able to find someone to talk to and for me that's really what I need. During the school year I take dance classes, It's fun and about the biggest thing I do regularly a hour of no kids every week and the ladies I dance with are fun. School starts in 3 weeks, the 2 younger ones head off for a week of camp in next weekend. I can do this!!

This is one issue, and I guess the question I would ask is why? Do you feel guilty because you feel like your betraying some one? or maybe because you don't think you should be allowed? or do your kids not like it when your away? or are you gone so much that you don't feel like your there for them? Once you figure out why you feel this way you can decide whither it's justified or not and then deal with it. If it's just false guilt then toss it or maybe it will reveal something that needs dealt with. I'm assuming you do spend time with your kids and you girlfriend all together. If not you probably should give it a shot. Quote from: thejourney on July 24, 2015, 09:53:55 AM :-\ We have moved too fast to meet her timeline and it freaks me out. This bothers me. I am a strong believer in you work with whosoever time line is the slowest. Or find some common ground. I had 2 kids when I met LH. He wanted a serious relationship right off the bat, and being that we were good friends that happened. He also wanted to be married in less then a year like 9-10 months. I would have preferred around 18 months but I was ok with just over a year. We ended up with just over 13 months. Maybe you just need some time to "catch your breath" Doesn't mean it won't work just means you need a little time and space. The couple of relationships that I have been in where the guy wanted to move way faster then I did and I walked away from I look back on and feel like I dodged a bullet. Quote from: thejourney on July 24, 2015, 09:53:55 AM :-\ We have had some challenges with my friends that have created baggage in our relationship that won't seem to go away. What kind of challenges. Do they not like her? Do they think your not ready? Do they think your a bad fit? Or are they not ready for you to have a serious relationship with anyone? Listening to friends is a good thing. Not that you should let them make your decisions but your closest friends often see things you don't. I dated a guy for a couple of months. After we broke up a few work friends asked me why I had ever dated him ( I knew him thru work as did they). If your friends see her as not good for you then it pays to ask why and think about whats being said. Once again this could be their problem and that can be tough to figure out. If you take the time to ask and listen to the answers you might just find out if it's something you need to hear or something they are having a hard time with. Sound to me like you have a lot of stuff to think and talk thru. Don't get so caught up in the moment that you don't take time to think and reflect on what you want out of life and how you should go about getting there. Best wishes! Hope you find the answers your looking for.

Sounds like fun. I grew up in upstate New york so your trips sounds like a vacation highlights reel to me. Should be fun hope your all still laughing when it's over.

Did on-line for about 2 years. Met some really nice guys and some not so nice ones. I finally quit when it seemed like all I was attracting was married guys. The last one (i think) was married and his profile said he lived less the 5 miles away. However I asked him why he had a Philadelphia number. He came up with I used to live there. I asked what he liked to see/do there he told me about the historic district after going off line long enough to Google something. I could almost hear the gagging noise when I told him I made several trips that way every year to see my sister. I got a last name from him and Googled him only to find out he doesn't exist. On-line is hard. It takes a ton of time and you really need to have a thick skin. Not sure that the type of guy I want is the type that would be on-line. It really takes me awhile to warm up to someone and that doesn't seem to be the case on-line. At one point I tried to respond to everyone who sent me a message. After awhile it felt like to much work and about half of the guys I did do a thanks,but no thanks to wanted a reason. I have not met you I don't own you a explanation. I just started blocking them. At some point I might venture online again. Maybe when I'm bored over the winter and need some new entertainment. I think this serious yet non-monogamous guy wants a gal that is committed yet he can do whatever he pleases. Sound like the one guy who contacted me and wanted a committed yet open relationship I responded isn't that a FWB?

sadly this is about typical. I am starting to hear this from my 9yo. and from what I hear from my teacher friends it gets really bad in junior high, thankfully I had some warning so I was slightly prepared when my 2 older girls went thru this. My almost 19yo is finally coming out of it and my 16 yo seems to be rather secure in herself. One of the things I did with my kids was to repeat over and over that who and what you are on the inside is way more important. That a beautiful person becomes rather ugly when they don't treat people well. Sharpay in high school musical would be a good example. I also made a point of telling my girls that people who make you feel good about yourself become more beautiful the longer you know them. We have a good friend who is 60 and very overweight, wears really thick glasses. Yet everyone who meets him loves him. There are tons more examples if you look. The other thing I still try to do is to "work with your assets" and wear clothes that fit properly. My 16 yo wears jeans that are snug but not tight and cute shirts. She looks like a typical teenager yet she is slightly over weight. My other DD prefers dresses and wears leggings under them. She has a very different look but it works for her. I have my own look that my girls seem to think is weird yet I get lots of complement when I actually put in some effort. We take dance classes and the preschoolers always bring down the house. I have told my girls that all little kids get a free pass on the talent part until they hit around 8 boys and girls. it is just the way it is.

My girls usually love road trips. However we keep them very short and tend to stay in one place for a day or 2 and then head home. We are campers so we will head to a camp ground and then go exploring the surrounding area. We actually tried a 7 day camping trip at one site and it was so bad we left after day 5. Everyone was bored. However we have been back to the same place 3 times. For us it was the length of the trip that caused problems. I have heard of other families that go on a 1-2 week vacation and stay at the same place every year. For us that would never work. Sounds to me like the parents like road trips and were hoping to get some agreement from their son by offering to take a friend.

I buy a lot of stuff on sale and use coupons. Around Christmas baking stuff goes on sale so I stock up on sugar and flour. Back to school will be soon so I will stock up on pens and paper when I see them on sale and cereal. My grocery store does gas rewards. So I try and make sure I use them before they expire. I have also been known to buy gift cards either at Christmas when they are buy a $50 card get a $10 free or at the grocery store to get my gas rewards and then use them to eat out. I try not to do this all the time lest I be tempted to eat out just because I have a card. However If I know I'm meeting friend for coffee, dinner or the like I will get one when I do my grocery shopping. I plan when I'm going to buy clothes and such if at all possible. The jeans I like are almost always on sale black Friday so I go on line and order what I think I'll need for the year. Socks and underwear will be on sale for back to school. I wear jeans and work shirts at work and swap out a t-shirt or button down when I'm at home. Because my job ruins clothes I have "good jeans" and work jeans. When I buy more they always start out as my good jeans and then move to work jeans status when I either buy more or need more work clothes. I probably could shop at a thrift/consignment store but I find that these clothes wear out faster don't fit as well and being 5 9 it's sometimes hard to find what I want. I also almost always buy several packs of the same white socks that way when I lose one or get a hole in one I don't throw a pair out just 1 sock.

tonight a couple of my friends called me. They are cleaning out their garage. AGAIN. they do this at least once a year. This year it has been twice. My Dh had work stuff stored at this garage. At one point he had half of this filled with assorted work stuff. I have thrown or given most of this stuff way and it was down to a couple of shelves and a few boxes. These are good friends and for the most part have been really good with me having stuff in their garage. I don't pay rent or anything so I really can't complain about any of this. However, today they called and want the rest of his junk out. You can't keep it forever they tell me. Then after asking me what I want of this stuff proceed to call some friends to see if they can give some of his stuff away. told me if they can sell it they will split the money with me. Now none of this really has any emotional value. It was work stuff, tools and the like. Yet it's still my stuff to give away. In 1 week it will have been 4 years. I really should have done this 2 years ago or even better tossed the stuff in the truck when Gary was selling all that stuff off. I still have a basement of stuff I need to go thru. I guess what bothered me the most was the your not using it/ why would you keep his stuff attitude. She actually said if your not using it get rid of it you can't keep it forever just because it was his. I have gotten rid of tons of stuff. clothes. His tools and truck. I just have a hard time throwing out stuff that he worked hard for. I have a bunch of books, code books that I can't find a home for. They cost a ton. I can't bring myself to pitch them. I look in the basement and half of the stuff I don't even know what to do with. If I could give it to someone who would use it or needed it then by all means take it. I'm not attached. Just don't want to trash it. Maybe part of the problem is the timing. His birthday is Friday he died 4 days later. really was hoping it wouldn't sting this year but...