Needytoo

I work at a college where I work full-time support and teach part time, I believe I returned seven days after my husband's passing. I have no idea how I made it to work each day. My anxiety for driving was through the roof. I always complained that no one was there for us for support, which now I see was not true. My coworkers and even my students helped me ever second. Monique I was introduced to Mindfulness early on. I will admit I was totally confused by all of it but one day doing yoga something clicked. Just a suggestion and hopefully your mind catches on to it quickly.

He is actually can speak very well on the phone. I think you might be right Arneal that he might have some social phobia. The thing is my husband had it (or he just hating doing things ) and my oldest son has it. If he has it, I am not sure if this is a person I want to have a relationship. Or I am reading way too much into everything. He is 60 and maybe his wife dumped him and he is finding dating difficult. That part I can understand. This week I have been under stress due to a contractor lawsuit and I am feeling that I am having that some trust issues again. A girlfriend pointed that out to me and she said I should tell him this. I don't particularly like oversharing stuff too quickly but maybe I should tell him.

There are "winners" on POF but I think those kind of guys are on all the sites. Arneal that video is hilarious. I sure could use a male translator. I thought I would give Tommy Texter another chance. We met again for coffee. Again he was so nervous and couldn't keep eye contact. I asked him some more questions and he really didn't answer any of them well and he didn't ask me one. As far as I can make out the only thing the guy likes to do is drink coffee and drive around in his truck. I know this might surprise everyone but this is not how I want to spend my time. Now I am trying to figure out what I have learned about all of this and the one thing that jumps up at me if I really need to ask more questions before we have a M&G. I am not good at it at doing this but I really need to do it. Help!?!

Julester I just deleted my Match account, for some reason it isn't very active in my area, lots of unpaid members on it. I have no idea why these guys are doing what they are doing, but I am sure there are women who are standing up men as well. Why are there so many afraid people? You are so right Rob, I guess it really isn't a date. I am really trying to show this guy some patience, but he is also coming off to me as a very cheap. I have been offered a ride in his truck, and a bonfire in his back yard. He is 60 years old and that is the only thing he can think of? He is always showing he is online on POF and if I slip onto the site he instantly sends me a message. Today I am having lunch with another single lady. She wants to start dating again but doesn't want to try online dating so we are going to sign up for speed dating.

I understand restarting in the dating game is scary to most of us. I try to be a free spirit but honestly, I do better when plans are set. I am not sitting at home waiting for him. Has anyone tried Zoosk?

Could you imagine being sued for a price of a movie ticket, just adding pressure to the dating scene? My Tommy Texter is back full force. He asked me out, I said yes and then he said: "lets play it by ear". Huh? Have started chatting with some other guys.

That must be the reason. Trying to stay open. :-X

Sure Love2fish I will keep the thread alive. Remember I said this guy was texting me a lot. This morning he sent me a message through the dating site. I thought it was different but I replied. He just asked me my name using the dating site. ??? (Good thing I took the "fix your man picker course)

I went to a reiki treatment for our meet and greet. I hope we can get together in a safe spot to get to know each other if not I am alright with it. Did an online course "fix your man picker". she actually had some good points. Focus your "must halves" more on feeling you want to have. She also recommended when reading men's online profile to remember it is a man writing them. If you find three things you like (don't focus on anything you don't like) then it might be worth sending him a message. Interesting.

People do have an easy time opening up to me, I should have become a therapist instead. He is showing me a lot of attention with his texts (calling me at work), on one hand I guess I am enjoying it but other hand it feels weird. The brain just goes wild telling me stories. Guess I will suggest we get together again to get to know each other, but there will be no driving together in his car until I feel completely safe.

Julester3, hot stuff!! I went to my first meet and greet in over a year. The guy is 10 years older than me but I am trying to be more open. Poor guy was so nervous and I felt he overshared. Now don't get me wrong I really want a relationship that we both feel safe that we can share but doing it within 15 minutes I find weird. We shared our phone numbers and he was texting me a lot during the day. I am not used to that and it feels weird. He wants to go for coffee and go for a drive. Just not feeling that is a right thing to do. Advice?

All my reasons to be on this site are the same as everyone else. Four years later I still need the support of people who have been there and understand. Thanks, everyone!!

Big hugs to you. Big milestones, do you have any self-care planned for this week?

Thank you so much for posting this. I hope everyone find happiness today and everyday.

I hear ya, I too am tired of the disappointment, but I some kind of human contact. I need that hope. To all of us down this weird road and hopefully one day we will feel at home in our own skin.

Sending you a big hug. The rain has to stop.

I also feel like you TornApart. I am busy and have a purpose but that loneliness is really showing its nasty self. After all these years I do know how important it is to be kind to yourself and I wonder how I did it before in that former self. I hope one day very soon we all find that special someone.

You and your SO are in my thoughts.

It is strange they both canceled at the last minute. There was no explanation in their text why. I get this a lot and I have no idea why? I think you are right JeanGenie I need to let them know I was disappointed. You are so right that we are the only ones we can count on but on the same note I am so sick of it. There has to be another human being that I should be able to count on. Just need to find them somewhere. On a positive note, I am got a bunch of stuff done around the house and went to the library. Picked up a book called "You Can Heal Your Life." I am hoping it will.

It hasn’t been a great week. I had a dream last weekend, and my old neighbor /friend was in it. I don’t normally remember dreams. I thought it was my subconscious reminding me to contact her for a lunch date. My friend passed away on Monday with complications with her diabetes. Her daughter is a mess and has been spending my evenings with her. I didn’t have support after my husband’s passing, and I do find it so important so I will be there for her. Grieving is messy and draining, but I will be there for my friend’s family because it is just right. I do realize that in my case why people were not there for me. It is a complicated story, and I am trying so much to be a person that does have strong friendships. I have found this very hard. I had one friendship that just went bad, and I had to end it. I need to have boundaries, and this is a new thing for me. One particular thing my friend often did was canceled on me with very short notice, that use to drive me crazy. I am starting to hang out with some other ladies. I am slowly opening up to them.They know I was having a hard week, so they planned out a “girls” day for me today. I thought that was very nice of them and was looking forward to it. Yesterday I took off the day to help the grieving family. My friend’s husband saw me and hugged me and totally broke down, apologizing for not being there for us in our time of need. Long day but got through it. My friends texted me last night telling me they would pick me up bright and early. I got up this morning had my shower and then checked my phone, they both texted me and canceled. I am just not sure what to think anymore. I am disappointed but feel I shouldn’t let them know how disappointed I am. Very confused on what the correct thing is to do? Thanks for listening to my continuous rant about my social life.

I am sorry you are feeling this way Trying, but I understand. I find now I am more in tuned with my emotions more than I ever have in my life and I am also more open to therapy and other wellness options. I worked hard on my grief issues, and then it just kept opening up other “issues” I have. I will admit I was, so damn determined to go forward and refused to deal with things in the past. I felt some things should remain as a distant memory. But I took the advice and at first it was utterly horrible but then another brain switch went off, and more things just fit into place. Can’t say everything is perfect and I am still a work in progress. I still have issues with procrastination but also know I do a lot and sometimes I just need to be kind to myself. I am trying to get off Ativan and sleeping pills, but sometimes I still need it. I am back on Weight Watchers, and the weight loss isn’t happening quickly at all, and I am trying not to get too discouraged on that. I know you are also into the Wellness Ways, there are Ted talks and books by Brene Brown that have opened me up to a slightly different way of thinking. Also, I am back receiving Reiki treatments, and wow that stuff is making me a believer. Thank you for sharing, I think all of this helps us all.

My sympathy goes out to you.

Great thread Arneal!! I never had hobbies before everything focused on work and the family. I remember one therapist told me I need to find a passion, I had no effing clue what she was talking about. Now four years later I am a bit of a sign-up-junkie. Love my exercise classes, yoga, zumba, bootcamp and pole dancing . Fourth year of doing pottery and I am really good at it. I have taken up sewing a skill which I was totally horrible at in my youth. Hoping to take up quilt making and weaving. I do stain glass. Many other workshops I have done and love all of them. Sure have come a long way from sitting in my car in a parking lot at a widow support meeting and being pulled out of the car by other widows.

I have taken so many breaks from online dating. I am putting the word out there that I would like to start to date, a few say they know single men but so far nothing. I am not renewing my subscription for Match, just not enough current members in my area. Still on POF. I have to say I am getting better recognizing the guys who are just out there to waste your time. It has been at least a year since I have actually gone on a coffee date. All the guys I have met previously were definitely not a good match for me. Chatting with a few guys and one hopefully we will meet next week. They are all older but I trying to keep open. Even signed up for another online dating workshop. I need some inspiration and hopefully this will help.

I just have the need to post this. To my sister-in-law the only local family my sons and I have. Thank you for all your lack of support in the early years and then your periodical checks on us. We really loved your comments such as "are you ok". The answer was no we weren't you stupid bitch. Somehow I was able to heal from all of this. No other family member has stepped up and not one of them has come to our house in 4 years, I get it. Thank you for inviting us over to Easter and then recall the invite the next day all via e-mail. Guess what I don't feel a thing. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I just have to say fuck you because it just feels right.