Needytoo

I feel the same way, Kilm. I think we all are doing better and have come a long way and then on the other, I feel I haven't come far enough. Some of my future I can say looks better but that other part, yikes. Anyone have any advice to keep on thriving, because I am sure interested.

I was going to go check them out but because of my work schedule I couldn't. My friend is a member and is really enjoying it.

Thinking of you.

The thing is I look at my life and it is going well but that feeling that feels like a mix of anxiety, loneliness.and sadness sneaks up on me. I hope it is just a remnants of the winter blues.

I have been feeling it for a few months, any suggestions?

Article open fine for me. It struck a cord for me that is for sure, thanks for sharing.

Big hugs to you sikeuritgadeun. I too have been dumped by what I thought was a close friend. The worse part is every once in awhile she does contact me and then shuts me out again. I know everyone has their own "stuff" to deal but I also found it very painful to go through this. Maybe try writing a letter to her and just let it ripped. Off course don't mail it and burn it afterward. I find it has helped me.

Update, my girlfriend this week has a huge smile on her face, huge bags under her eyes and her hands have the shakes. She canceled our work lunch dates so she could go and see him. Didn't point those things out to her. She is only a contract worker at the college and my intuition is that they don't want her back. I want to say something but I think I will just keep out of it because it is only a feeling and well also rolling of the eyes with her boss when mentioning her name. Still chatting with my ex-husband on Facebook. The anniversary of his Dad's death was this week so I didn't want to get into too detail questioning. Also been chatting with a guy on Match and I think we are actually going to meet. He is eleven years older than me so we are chatting if the age gap is an issue. I said no but then when I find out one of his son's is only 12 years younger than me, it makes me think maybe it will be an issue. He asked if I told my sons. I told them no I haven't directly told them that I want to date but I am sure they have seen the app on my phone. I also told him once I do start dating I will tell them. Does that sound ok?

We really need to start on that book.

I think somehow we are all on the same page on this. I believe he is still married and even though my marriage wasn't perfect I never cheated in either of them, and there is no way I am having an affair with a married man. He has spiked my interest with the "hard questions," after all, it has been 27 years. Thanks everyone for your replies.

Hope to get some insights from everyone. Wednesday was the 4th anniversary of my husband’s passing, and that might be partly the issue with my confusion right now. During this four years of being single, it has given me some time, to think about my life. I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago. We were inseparable before we got married, but after getting married it got bad quickly. He cheated on me and just was a complete ass. I never brought up any of the issues we had. I left a note and left. We spoke only once right after our separation. Instead of giving myself the time to be single, I got right into dating a lot of men, and within a few months, I moved into with my second husband. You would have thought I would have learned to be a better communicator, but I didn’t. My 2nd marriage had issues, and we didn’t address them, and then there were the kids and this and that, I think you get the picture. Before my husband’s passing we were spending more time together, and then it was all gone with his sudden passing. One of my friend’s asked me advice on her marriage four months ago; I told her she needs to talk to her husband, they didn’t discuss the issues and decided it would be best to separate. I feel horrible that they would rather split up instead of dealing with it. I guess it was at the same time my ex-husband contacted me through Facebook. He remarried and lives on the other side of the country. He has apologized for how he treated me, which felt great. We have talked about the old days he has shared a little bit of himself. I am “feeling” things that I never thought I would feel again, but let's face it when you have been celibate for four years plus you get that “feeling”. I get the impression he isn’t happy with his life. Our last communicate was that he has some hard questions he wants to ask me. Not sure what is going on and it has made me a little anxious. Yesterday my friend’s husband moved out, and she wanted to celebrate, so we went out. She then told me he is already having an affair. I can’t even get anyone to go out for coffee, and she is already sleeping with someone. I at a loss for words.

Thank you everyone. It is so great that this site exists, it has helped me so much.

Four years today and dammit is my word of the day. Sure time does make things better but dammit that effing void is still there.

First time I have ventured into this thread. Not even sure how to say this, so I am just going to say it. I started dating when I was 10 years old. For some reason I had it in my head you were nothing unless you had a boyfriend. I also had it in my head that you had to be submissive and let the man lead the way. My marriage wasn't a typical marriage. My husband was a functional alcoholic and I was a submissive enabler. I think you guys get the picture. It has been four years since his passing, and I have come a long way. I believe I am ready for dating. I am trying the online dating thing, and it isn't working. Maybe I am just supposed to be single the rest of my life. Life is pretty good, love my job, have hobbies, and I get out there and socialize. My sons are still at home, and it is challenging have three adults under the same house. They haven't started dating, and I fear they will never leave. I enjoy my alone time, but at the same time, I feel that void. Wish I just could be content.

It is a shifty move what Match is doing and I keep picking the guys that are most likely not paid members. The guy I was "chatting" with from POF ghosted on the third day. The guy didn't even try, would reply with one-word answers.

Does Match show the person is online even is they are not a paid member?

I think you're right wecouldbeheros. On Match I was able to change it to a photo of me but it is an old one. For some reason, I can't upload and use a current photo. Update on my little experiment with Match. One of the guys that I sent a message to has checked out my profile many times. Under the message tab, it says none of my messages have been read but I can see he checked me out again. I don't get it. Are the guys on Match more stuck up? Went onto POF sent out one message the guy replied within 10 minutes. Once I get more data might need to do a TED talk on this or we could include it in our book.

Totally agree on the ghosting, it isn't right at all. Thanks for clearing up the Match app, now I am not as creeped out. I am continuing on my "Match" experiment and continuing to message three guys a week. So far not one has even read my message. Might be my primary photo, which I thought was kinda funny but maybe guys don't think so. It is a picture of my sons and I posing with our sunglasses on; I believe that it shows the fun side of me, but others might think the boys look like bodyguards. How do I change my primary photo to one that I just loaded up? It just says it is an additional photo and not a primary one?

Your welcome sikeuritgadeun. I have posted many times regarding friend issues. Just letting it out helps so much. My last therapist suggested writing a letter to people that are upsetting you but remember if you do this to also do something kind to yourself after writing it, I like listening to calm music afterward. Then read the letter out loud and then burn it. It seems to be helping me.

I am with you Mrskro, I don't get it either and I don't understand why your friend would say what she said. I am so sorry sikeuritgaduen, it hurts so much when friends do this. Sometimes they have things that are going on in their lives and they just don't want to burden us with it, but it is hard to know when they totally shut us out. I do agree forgiveness is the way to go but we also need some boundaries. I am still working on that, but I also want friendship with no drama. Hugs to you.

In a few weeks, it will be four years without my husband, just like rooshy I thought I would have met my chapter 2 by now. Thank you for posting the article. I found there was so much in I can relate to. I imagined myself with a lot more friends that I do now and just like the author in the article I find some of these new relationships "messy". I find I am a new level of loneliness that I can't even put into words and then that leads into SunshineFL article hope for widows. That one hit home big time.

Ghosting, just don't understand it, especially when you still see they are on the site? Why are they there in the first place? Another question for everyone. It appears that some of these guys show that they are online 24 hours a day? Is something glitchy on the sites?

I have gone so many therapists in the last four years. Maybe I just don't appear upset enough? Most of my anger is towards a guy I hired to do some work around the house. He was recommended by a friend and his work was horrible. I am suing him, but I have what I call "Dexter thoughts", and just like you canadagirl it goes from 0-60 in 3 seconds. I am tired of it, consuming my thoughts.

OMG, I didn't realize that they switch it up from "how are you" to "what's new." I hated that "how are you" comment, it was like fingernails going down a chalkboard. One of my friend's is separating from her husband, one of her complaints is she does everything. Woman has no clue, what being a solo parent is but then again she really isn't going to be a solo parent. There is my rant of the day.

Oh no Quixote, anger can definitely be a woman issue as well. Sometimes we don't voice our anger we just feel it in ever cell in our body and it sucks dry. Saw the therapist today, she doesn't think I have an anger issue. Well, it was worth a try.