Wheelerswife

I know of other widows and widowers who have recouped with good friends of their late spouses. I have also met the lovely couple that Bunny mentioned. Only you can know if this connection might be worth pursuing for yourself. Good luck to you no matter what you decide or what happens. Maureen

I get it, BH2. I completely get it. Maureen

Captain's wife...I have kept a box of wedding stuff from both marriages. I think I will always want those little memories. I went through both of them before packing them to move. I'm glad I have them. Others may feel differently...I know... Maureen

Hugs, Jess. I have enjoyed a small window into your story. I think it is important to tell that story, too. I think it is important to hear the stories of our members as each moves through life after widowhood. I know it gives me hope that I, too, can find more purpose and reinvent myself -again. Best wishes to you and J and H. Maureen

I finally let go of my wedding dress from my first marriage a few months ago - almost 25 years after our wedding and 7 1/2 years after he died. I still have the Hawaiian print dress and the matching shirt my second husband and I wore for our beach wedding on the Big Island. I think this is something personal for you. Is the sentiment enough for you to want to hold onto it for now? Like most things, we come to realize that we will get through these decisions in our own time. Hugs, Maureen

Well, a week ago I moved out of my house and hit the road heading east. Like many milestones and anniversaries we face, the anticipation was worse than the actual day itself and I have definitely felt some relief that I have let this door close behind me. I am temporarily at my parents' home, awaiting arrival of my property, which I will sort again and place in storage here. That will take just over another week. I'm continuing the job search, hoping that my Plan A will come to fruition. In the mean time, I'm trying to wait things out here. I feel like I have chaperones and I'm trying to negotiate how to live under these circumstances. I'm hoping to get a call about an interview in the next couple of days. If not, I will hit the road and travel a bit. I can't sit still. I just wish the right job would appear and I could move into my own place and I could get back in the game. Maureen

This was a good time on round 1 for me. I met the man who became my second husband. Crazy, but it worked. This time frame was terrible on round 2. I had been diagnosed with cancer, my anxiety was through the roof and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. Fortunately, things have improved.

Sat in front of the TV with my parents. Took my dog for a walk. Messaged a friend briefly. No privacy here. Yuck.

Friday nights were date nights for us. He would come in the house from work and we would be like giddy kids because we were so excited about having the weekend together. We went to the local watering hole, enjoyed our dinner, and went home for a romantic evening. After he died, Friday nights were really tough. Eventually, I came to appreciate Friday nights because I could go home and into my cocoon and I knew I could get through the next 48 hours without having to put my brace face on. Maureen

Tonight is my last night in my house. Tomorrow morning, the movers come and before the day is out, I will be on the road and driving east. Where am I going? Good question. My property is going into storage and I'm moving into a different level of limbo. I made the commitment to be out of my house by the end of July. I'm renting my house for at least the next year to a young couple who are considering buying it. But I have not yet landed a job in my new profession and that has been very disappointing. I have options on where to stay and I am pretty adept at living out of a suitcase, but I just want a job and a place to start the next real chapter in my life. I feel like I am between episodes in a made-for-TV series that has gotten pretty stale. I am just so over being in a rut. But I'm still in it! So...I'm moving - leaving my home and the world I came to love with my second husband, but I can't announce anything to the world because I haven't managed to complete the next transition. Sigh. Maureen

Hugs, Jeanne. These tasks can hold so much over us, eh? Fortunately, I have always found that after I let go of things, I feel some burden lifted from me. I have done these tasks twice now, but that didn't really make it any easier. You won't forget him, even though you continue to dismantle some parts of his life. Take care! Maureen

Hugs to you, Calimom. I think sometimes we just need to respect these days for what they are: a day that is sad because of the loss of someone who was a part of our being; a day that marks the moment in which our lives as we knew them were changed dramatically; a day for remembering. Soon, I will reach 8 years since the loss of my first husband. That loss is fortunately softer than the loss of my second loss 3 1/2 years ago. Hugs to you. Maureen

Hi, Kaycee, I think many of us have felt as you do at some time in our grief process. Some of what I glean from your post is that you really need to talk about this and you don't have anywhere to do that. Perhaps you can find a grief counselor? I'm not sure where I would have been without mine. My second husband also died unexpectedly, leaving me quite stunned. People here would talk about him, but I also needed a place where I could talk about all aspects of my loss. I don't know where you are located, but most hospice organizations have grief counselors and grief support groups that you can access even if you did not use their end-of-life services for your family member. Ask around. Look for a younger widows/widowers support group. You might be pleasantly surprised that you can find a home amongst others who have experienced loss like you have, too. Hugs, Maureen

I'm swimming, too. Just remember that you have to take breaths after a few strokes. Hang in there! Maureen

I needed anxiety medication to go to sleep at night. I couldn't turn my head off. I would get panic attacks just setting my head on the pillow. I would wake up in panic also. My dog has helped considerably as well. I had never dealt with panic and anxiety until the unexpected death of my second husband. I've learned that one never knows what the experience will be like...for yourself, or anyone else...until you experience loss personally. Hugs, Maureen

Ah, KK. I don't know what it is about in-laws! I keep contact with MIL#1. Sh is frail and quite elderly now. The rest of the family has been cordial in the few times I have interjected myself into their lives...as in for my FIL's funeral, where I was ushered to the "friends" section. I don't know if it would have been different if I hadn't remarried, but I don't think so. I have cut ties with MIL#2. She is bitter. She is also quite elderly and stubborn. She seemed surprised that my husband's memorial service was not all about her. I keep a cordial relationship through occasional letters and emails with his brother. I doubt I will see him again. He lives in Alaska. I have allowed him to have the vast majority of his brother's well catalogued memorabilia. He is happy with that and doesn't know what I have kept. I'm better off this way. I think you will be, too. It doesn't make it easy, though. Maureen

I'm moving out of our house (will be renting it for now) and closing our joint checking account. I think the deed is in my name now...I should check. My lawyer was supposed to do that 3 years ago. Sigh. It's all hard. Maureen

Today. Am I beyond active grieving? I don't know. Perhaps after I move, I can move into that mode. I will be out of my house in 2 weeks. Yesterday, I got together with some close colleagues of my husband from the university. Fortunately, they will still talk about him. It seems as though they feel as if he hasn't been gone that long. I feel that way, too. We told stories and talked about his character and his work and how much he is missed on campus. One of those colleagues is leaving this university for another, and we both lamented about leaving our homes and our memories. 3.5 years. They have gone so slowly, yet so quickly. Maureen

I have not found general grief support groups terribly helpful. Perhaps you can find one for young widows/widowers. I needed and in many respects still need to find situations where people have a similar experience to my kind of loss. It can be hard to find a good group depending on where you live. Like many of us, I have found more understanding and support from people I have connected with from this site and its predecessor. Hugs, Maureen

Yes. Longer widowed than married and soon longer widowed than the time we knew each other. Sigh - because the impact he had on my life isn't measured in months or years, although some people seem to think this. Maureen

No. You are not alone. I lost my first husband in 2009 and my second husband in 2014. There are a few of us here who are twice widowed. Hugs, Maureen

You took my line, MS.

I imagine that many of you have Facebook accounts. Every day, I have a list of posts in a category called "On this Day". This was one of the posts that showed today: July 7, 2011 Leaving the castle for the night.... Yeah. That was a day in my life, a few months after our wedding, in what now feels like a different dimension altogether. My second husband was a professor of geography, and he was teaching as a guest in a small international university that was housed in a castle in Italy. Fortunately, I was able to travel with him and experience that little piece of the world with him that summer. Sometimes, I ask myself, "Did that life really happen? Was it all a dream? A mirage?" Yes...it happened. I am grateful for every minute of those few short years I had with him. We made the most of it. Yes we did. But with every memory, losing him still breaks my heart. Maureen

I don't necessarily have a formal bucket list, but I want to travel as much as I can and have fun and interesting experiences. In the few years that my second husband John and I had together, we did a lot. We traveled (Italy, Ireland, Peru, Australia, China, much of the US including Alaska and Hawaii), jumped out of a plane, and tried to fly out onto the Great Barrier Reef to snorkel, but the weather didn't cooperate. I would still like to fly in a helicopter, see more of Canada, spend some time in Europe, and get to the African continent, both in northern Africa and sub-Sahara. Did I say I love to travel? I still haven't been to Louisiana...the one US state I have left. Maybe I do have a bucket list... Maureen

Hi, Mac. I have met many people from this forum and its predecessor and there are also folks that I "know" without ever having met them in person. If someone here resonates with you, send a private message. If the feeling is mutual, you will have a new friend. Some people also find other younger widowed folks through local grief support groups, particularly those intended for families. Even though I did not have children, this was this kind of support group that I found when I was first widowed at age 47. Most of the people there were younger than me, with several in their 20's and 30's. You might contact a local hospice organization, too. They often have grief groups and do not require that you utilized their services in order to attend. Houston is a big place...lots of people. There must be something in that city! Some others have found young widow groups at meetup.com. I wish you the best. This road is not easy, but it is possible to find comrades along the way. Hugs, Maureen