klim

My brother in law had a second wedding . He hired a justice of the peace, went to a pretty location, the bride had a bouquet and there were two witnesses and no guests. It was beautiful and meaningful.

Scientifically analyze is what I always did and still do even though I've been dating a guy for almost 8 months. Apparently i can't just have raw emotions ( ie fall in love, instantly attracted). I need to analyze more, like how they got there and what there intentions are etc, Very rarely when on dates could I just go with the flow and just try and feel if it was good. I guess I didn't just trust my instincts. think part of it was I'm fairly easy going and most often have fun no matter who I'm with, so I think the scientific analysis is just another way to figure out if they are actually a good fit because if I went with how I feel when I'm out on a date , usually i felt good. Bottom line I get the whole analysing thing. I have no clue how people fall in love at first sight.....it takes me a long time.

My Thing that annoyed him was that I didn't always support him...... He might complain about something that happened to him at work and I would try and get him to look at it from the other persons point of view. So I guess it's true ,I didn't always support him, but only in things when I thought there might of been a different approach. I wouldn't blindly support him just because he was my husband. He would have liked it if did. This was our biggest issue......but everything else was pretty darn good.

ok guys I'm having a hard time right now So just going to share and be heard because really I don't have anyone I can share this with. NG and I have a really good time together. We hang out, we go out...it's good. I can get really relaxed and really love him........ but then there are times when he does something and I say to myself I can't handle this part of him. so then i wait and see if that feeling disipates and it does. Examples : At thanksgiving( Canadian) I hosted a big family dinner and had invited him, he showed up fairly late I don't think he even was sorry . When I asked him about it, he dismissed my concerns. I know now where he was and to me it seems he didn't realize that it was important to me. I didn't appreciate that. i always find that if there is a concern it comes up when we are in public. It's like he has a different persona when we are out and about. Going to be a novice phsychologist here and say that he is fighting with self confidence and tends to blow his own horn when in the presence of others. I like him better when he is just hanging with me and I don't know if I can do anything to curb his gloating habits when he is out and about ( or whether I should) last point I want to get off my chest is I struggle with balance. I've mentioned before he is needy in the time sense but lately that has eased a little and that's why things have felt better. Now this week he has had to go to court because his ex won't talk to him to hammer out an agreement.( She wouldn't even try , just went straight to court). I know it's an emotional time because he wanted to do it without the court. I want to be there for him but I also have a son who struggles with depression that I keep a close eye on even though he is away at university. My son contacted me to say he was coming home this weekend, that he needed to get home.My read on this is that he is not in the best frame of mind. So now I have BF that needs me and A son I think needs me. For me my son comes first.....but I'm trying to find a balance. NG is not highly understanding.... it would be easier if everything was perfect.....cause now I'm always debating whether it's good enough.....cuz parts of it are good. Cheers my freinds just needed to debrief. Thanks for listening

I don't have answers but I'll make suggestions on how to reinvent, maybe you'll see something you'll connect with and some of the lonliness will fade a little. I myself used meetups to get out and meet a whole new crowd of people. That started my road to reinvention. I've revisited some solo hobbies( for me it was painting) that made my nights at home alone seem more enriched. From what others have mentioned here I always thought if this wasn't working for me I'd try some volunteering because it intrisically that would make me feel good. I also decided to venture into online dating. My thoughts on that is, as long as you enter into it saying I'll see what this is about, and not ok I'm ready to find my guy...where is he ....where is he and expect instant results , it can be an interesting endeavour. Hope something allows you to shift your frame of mind. Good luck

oh I'm a photo all the time person, so me with a NG picture might happen by the third date...doesn't mean it's permanent or serious, it just means this is who I'm hanging out with at the moment. Most of my pictures are intiated when we are out and about doing something different or going somewhere new. I just take them with my phone and it's usually ,"oh the sun on the lake looks so cool ,I think I get a shot of it....hey come here we can take a pic together" Maybe you can do something like that and it will feel more casual...or just create the need and do as you said that you talk about him and people have asked to see a pic..

i could not do what you are suggesting even though it sounds like a very cathartic adventure and I would be able to as it sounds as if I am at a similar place with finances and family. I'm going to tell you why just to put another perspective on it.( You will know as you read this whether this will apply to your situation) My kids lost their dad, yes they are almost adults(mine are 19 and 21 at the moment) but losing a parent I imagine is very destabilizing.My sons were 15 and 17 when their dad died and maybe that makes a difference in the way i feel but one of my priorities was to ensure they still flourished. If I take away the home that is familiar to them and take off, I'm thinking that would amplify the effect of losing a parent. you know your kids and what they can handle but in away I would think this would need a group discussion to make sure that they are in a good place and able to handle the extra disruption they will face.You are important in your almost adult kids life. As I said this is the way it is here because of who I am and who my kids are. Your family dynamic nay be very different and this could be the coolest thing ever. Good luck with your decision

I have taken my husbands ashes and spread them in various locations. He was a man in motion and I felt he would not want to be in just one place. (An odd thought maybe but it was my thought) I have dealt with all ash interactions in private ,on my own. Opening the urn , spreading the ashes have been my time with him to say I loved you ,goodbye. At one location when I traveled to europe I was with someone( actually my new BF) and I just explained what i was going to do and he gave me space. Although he was nearby ,it was still a private event. Goodluck this weekend for me it has always been a peaceful event. Hopefully it will be good for you.

Burger Holiday in a familiar place( ie cottage) OR Holiday adventure in a new and different place every time?

OOOh that is a tough one. I would discuss it with her but not put the whole decision in her lap. That's a lot of pressure.( heck you are finding it a lot of pressure) When you discuss it, you can gain a sense of how strong her desire to do it with friends is and take that into consideration when making your decision.The other point is you may see her be very fiscally oriented and willing to take the hit of being without friends because it makes sense financially. ( I have one son that definitely thinks that way, he feels bad if he thinks he is the cause of "wasted money') Any way good luck with the decision.

I wouldn't be that quick to dismiss, in honesty it's a first date that went well...and you want to go ahead to find out more about the guy. You are not an exclusive dating couple after 1( recent) date....If the habit continues after you've established a relationship then yes that is not good. I know when I was online I was involved in numerous conversations..... and even when I had been on a successful date I didn't ghost from those conversations. My successful 1 date did not mean I had found my guy....it meant maybe i had found something. 3 or 4 dates later I often found out that no I didn't, so back to the drawing board and hopefully some of those people that I didn't ghost on were still around. i would give the guy a chance.

If you drive the car is a great place...one of my favorite places to a shed a tear.

ok as long it takes 3 years I think I'll be ok!

ok Much further along in my relationship now but still struggling how I handle things and whether I'm right to do the things I do.Am I dating like and adult or ?? My BF has been away in Holland for the last week, I picked him up from the airport and we went out to dinner and then back to my house. We kissed etc and ended up in the bedroom which in general is a rarity( 3 times)at my house. It's rare because usually one of my sons is home but now they are off at Uni. So in a way I was I thinking to myself.."way to go you are broaching the He's in my bedroom barrier and you're quite comfortable. This is good". Then came the ok I think you should get going I need to sleep and I have work in the morning. He wasn't thinking the same way , he said he could stay the night and get up and leave at 6. I was unuhh...I can't handle that. My mind is so slow at adjusting in this area. It's like I have to let every new step settle in and be analysed. Now in the morning I'm thinking I could of handled it if I had some forewarning,if he had texted me and said "you know when I get back from europe it would be nice to spend the night together is it ok if I stay at your place when I get back?" Then I could mentally prepare. Not sure I'm really normal, apparently any forward motion takes a lot of analysing ..

Sounds all good to me, my sons could cause more problems then that and their not on any spectrum. Your son sounds like he was cordial and perhaps a bit misguided in the parent comment but close enough ( did the waiter really need to know it was his mom and her new partner , that just gets complicated, I think he just simplified it. As far as the sneaky shopping issue, you handled it there and then because that's what needed done. The punish in private comment, does not really fit here as it's not like you were just dropping NG off and heading back and could talk to your son. It's not something that could be put on the shelf till later . It transpired between your son , his house mother and you. You were all together it needed dealt with. I'm sure he can understand that. I don't think any of this sounds like bad parenting, so I'm a little confused why you feel wounded.... anyways hope you feel all is good again soon.

good luck with NG and your son tomorrow !

With the money thing....I've had 2 post widow relationships.o I am financial independant, work full time, own my house, can have nice vacations as long as I stay in airbnb instead of the Hilton. First guy was not on solid financial ground although could hold his own on regular things. It was when we planned a vacation that I worried about putting him in debt if we went 50-50. We discussed it and he refused to have it any other way, said we'd tally everything and split it. I agreed. .....but I snuck a couple of expenses onto a different credit card so it didn't sow up in the tally. I felt good helping out and he wasn't hurt. Second guy is more solid then me. He definitely has no problem dropping a fair amount of money on tickets or outings. I on the other hand have gotten to this point by being frugal. I contribute to our dating expeditions but I choose the cheaper events to pay for because I wouldn't choose to go to a concert that cost $100 so that's on him. I would say we're 50-50 on who pays but I pay for cheaper things so 60-40 on cost We don't really talk about who's paying except when we vacationed and this time we did an honest 50-50. It's funny I liked when I was able to help first guy and I like that I get treated nice by second guy. Personally if I was able to help with the hunting trip and wouldn't be stinging from it , I would do it even if he said it was on him. ( that is as long as he's willing to accept help)

sweet!.....SIGH!NOW ENJOY!!

NNG yeah sooner or later I'll get this all figured out. Happy at the moment though. 19702036_1403488436402587_5912111330187836956_n (1) by condo550, on Flickr

No advice but just going to say I probably would have written a similar email......I always think there is a chance that reason and logic based on loving and caring may prevail........ Although according to some people with experience here maybe I'm delusional. Breathe deep , feel the new love and life that is awaiting you and enjoy your wedding day. No matter how it turns out it's still signals the new beginning of your life together.

I just had a colleague lose her elderly father. Now I know people grieve the loss of their parent pretty hard sometimes and admittedly I'm not very emapthetic about this. I have lost both my parents and yes there was an initial sadness but not elongated grief. It's the circle of life. Having said this I am sensitive enough to know that is my opinion and everybody handles things differently. What I had trouble with was when I went and offered my condolences upon her return to work, she told me how it was difficult(ok) and how I could relate(ok) and how her teenage daughter ended up breaking down at the end of the funeral......and somehow she said it was just like my sons..... NO !!! My sons lost their DAD when he was in the prime of life....not their grandfather at the end of his ......NOT THE SAME! I

I have mentioned in previous posts that BF is clingy.....When we are together I am really happy, having a great time, no issues. The only issues arise when he has trouble saying goodbye/being apart. Part of it is he is bad at communicating when we are apart. Really no texting at all sometimes. It's like it's all or nothing. I'm trying to get him to communicate more, partly because I like it, and partly because I think if he's able to touch base when we're apart he won't be as clingy. It's going pretty good this week,way more texts. As an added bonus, he brought me a little necklace back from a 2 day business trip. It's been the first gesture of that type and I really appreciated that......I think because the lack of communiication had made me wonder how much he thought about me when we were apart...and now I know he was thinking of me while he was away.

Oh i wouldn't hold back on texting...let you're feelings be known. You've been going out with him long enough you shouldn't have to pretend or play coy. If he's too beat to respond it's understandable but I see no problem just putting your' thoughts out there.

I have a couple of pieces of jewlery that he gave me. I wear them when I am entering into emotionally tough situations. Situations where I would especially like to feel his love. Quite often itś when Iḿ dealing with new relationships or sometimes with things involving my sons.

I have been a big user of meetups around here and they do tend to ebb and flow with changes in organizers and names. I have seen a few organizers transition over to "regular " member successfully. Good luck switching over. PS I like the way you plan to exit " a note to the group about supporting the new group and step down as organize"