klim

Each to their own.....if it makes you feel good do it. As black is a common fashion statement I don't think the world will recognize it, but perhaps people that know you will regognize the statement. I personally went with picking my favorite, make me feel good, clothes. In my grief I was looking for pick me ups in what every form I could , bright colours, meaningful jewellery ...I surrounded myself in happy things.

ok going to update a little on how dysfuntional a dater I am...but the mention of "my bedroom being my sanctuary" has prompted me to admit how odd I am. ... if nothing else maybe some of you will get a laugh at how awkward I am. i have been dating this NG since the beginning of the year. we had not been intimate yet but were getting close so I was bold and asked him to join me on a vacation. I would have liked to have been a little farther along in our journey before travelling together but I had specific vacation days and I thought it might be a good opportunity to test drive our relationship. AWkward because we hadn't shared a bed yet.....it was a risk but it went well. we figured it out. Fast forward two weeks later. We are relaxing at my house, having some close encounters on my couch...part of my brain said invite him to the bedroom..it's more comfortable....another part said No way!!!...that part won. Now here's where it gets even more weird. it got late and we had decided on heading out the next morning for a little get away for the next night . his house is an hour the wrong way so I said he could sty the night....but I made him sleep on the guest bed. So I'm ok sleeping together as long as it's not in my bed......he said he understood...funny thing is I can barely understand ........

I've had one post widow relationship and am now entering another. What I'm now thinking is I haven't got a clue how to date like an adult. When I met DH I was a teenager living in my parents house. A lot of what I did was set out by the parents rule. I was home every night..no matter what I'd been doing that night or how late it was ...I headed home from my boyfriends(DH) apartment to sleep in my own bed. During my 1st post widow relationship I kept almost those same rules....basically because I had my 18 yr old son at home and somehow, I didn't want him dealing with "where is mom?" Thing was I was fairly comfortable with that arrangement. Now I'm in a new relationship....my son is away at school...no more reason to get home...but it seems weird..... My decisions are solely my decisions and I'm not used to that. In otherwords it's almost a foriegn idea that at the end of the evening when my boyfriend is dropping me off, that I could ask him in for a nightcap....instead we end up "necking "in the car. I don't know what my point is but I know I'm struggling with this and wondered if anyone else can relate.

I talk about my LH and use his name when ever the conversation goes to the past . And when NG and I are trying to discover each other , it does often. I talk about LH to friends when ever I'm telling stories...I don't think I dwell but it just comes up. I can imagine I might do a name mix up.....as I have only had a relationship with two people and they were both named Mike....NG is not Mike!

That is a great article......had trouble opening it the first time but got to it..

I had lost a diamond on my rings so was not wearing them..... i accidently started dating at 9 months...joined a hiking group just to get out of the house and someone was interested in me...so i went along with it. It was nice to just have it happen. It lasted 2 years and I learned I could love and be loved....

Hugs...virtual but heartfelt....hang in there...that movement forward may happen any time.....

I try not to think any of this is a "waste of time". Last october I spent the month of October seeing a guy once a week and texting every day....never got past a hug..in the end he said it wasn't working . I don't think that was a wasted month...I feel it was a pleasant way to pass some time. ..but maybe that's because I'm often bored and looking for something to occupy my time.

A week before at least mentioning it although it may actually take longer for it to come to fruition. I personally hate talking on the phone...I feel all nervous and fake and like I try to hard...I'm way more relaxed meeting....I know I'm weird.

Still dating ...am relaxing a little bit. He has calmed down a little , i think he realized he was freaking me out with his professions of love so early on. I have been very upfront with him , telling him I need time. I still have fun every time I'm out, there's alot about him that I enjoy and yet there are a few points of concern. I am also very upfront with him about that( although it is hard to articulate my concerns)...I don't think people should be required to change to fit into a relationship so what I'm trying to sort out is whether I can deal with the points of concern. Part of my feelings/concerns stem from the fact that we have such diverse backgrounds... I've lived in this area all my life. I've basically only lived in two houses minus a couple of transition apartments as Dh and I became established. He on the other hand grew up in rural Holland, came to Canada in early 2000 and has moved about every 2 years since arriving. part of me thinks that is cool, I'm enjoying learning about different things, but part of me is concerned that differences once the novelty wears off will be difficult to deal with. so still pondering and yes trying not to think too hard and go with the flow.....still waiting for clarity. Any similar stories would be appreciated.

Not sure how elaborate their cooking ideas are but maybe just shop for stuff, keep a stocked pantry/freezer of useable ingredients and say find a recipe that works with what is available. seriously this is the way I cook....and it removes the whole get the ingredient list ready ahead. removes one of the conflicts.

yes please sex would be nice, but with someone I love.....soft at first and then more passionate...then tired and happy. mmmmmm....

I choose Ms....and widow on any forms. i teach and students always call me Miss.....hey at least it makes me feel young. I like that blog post way better then the one that referred to a "former widow " that was just weird. Tybec that was nice to receive the card.....

I had my husband cremated because he could never stay in one place and always loved to travel so decided I would spread his ashes in a number of his favorite locals. I have a keepsake of ashes for myself and have it on the mantle. I have offered a keepsake to my sons but they do not seem comfortable with that thought. ( they were 16 and 18 when I offered , they are now 19 and 21) I will keep some for them in case they change their minds. With the rest of the ashes whenever I travel to a new area I think he would have enjoyed or revisit a favorite spot from the past I will bring some ashes and distribute some there. I was very nervous of opening the container the first time...asked many questions here and slowly became comfortable with it. This was what i did but each to their own...my mother had my fathers ashes put in a a collisiumin a local cemetary and now her ashes are interred beside his.

My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly ...no time to converse. But I have a few indicators of what he would have said about me dating. His sister was widowed 15 years earlier and he never understood why she remained on her own...even tried to set her up. My mother was widowed at the age of 78 and he commented on the fact he thought it was good that she kept her looks up and thought it would be "cute if she found a new man" The only other thing I know is my priority has to be our kids....and then I should choose well for myself......and I do bolster my confidence by remembering how much he loved me. ( I even choose specific pieces of jewelry for dates ....a certain necklace that he bought me and a bracelet that was definitely an expression of love)

I have an older son that sounds much like yours ......I have not figured out the answer but hope that by talking with him and not ignoring his view of things that hopefully he feels supported. I think you sound like you are doing the right things ,having him connected with a therapist will be beneficial as he works through this stuff .Hopefully you have found one that is a good fit. My son is very resistant and being older I can not make him...the best thing we have going is he likes our family doctor and I get him to check in regularly. Mostly what I am saying is I hear you, it is tough and you sound like you are doing what you can. Sending you positive energy.

Sometimes I think you have to see given time whether you can adjust.......if you are honest with her and try and explain what is going on in your head I think then she can decide for herself whether she is in to you enough to see you through or whether she needs to extricate herself from the relationship that may struggle..... I think since you are fairly self reflective you should be able to articulate your confused feeling to her. Honesty is needed though...good luck.

my husband was a model train collector. These things were not cheap. There is tens of thousands of dollars of model trains displayed throughout the house. I always sort of went "oh cool I like the red one"...in other word I wasn't fascinated by them but if he wanted to invest in them that was fine. Now every time I think about doing something with them I'm overwhelmed. They are worth a lot but I don't know which ones are the expensive ones and feel like if I get a collector or someone in to appraise them, that they'll rip me off because I don't know anything about them.......and I hate feeling ripped off! So I do nothing....

Sun came out the last few days.....you know what I noticed.....I don't think I dusted all winter...yuck!!!

very nice

Blocking is for people who are bothersome or threatening.... Not replying is for people you're not interested in.... Letting people go politely ( Thanks for the conversation/ coffee/ drink etc but I'm not feeling the connection I'm looking for. Good luck in your search.) is the right thing. My definition of ghosting ...this occurs when you've had a fair bit of conversation, a meeting planned or perhaps even meetngreet..........and then nothing.... Ghosting is just weird and not nice.

I figure everything is mine so now it's my choice what to do with it. Now in my case it's not like we were the keeper of family heirlooms or anything so there really has been no issues.

Mom to kam ...That's funny I apparently am braver in the online shopping mode. .....sometime in November I had a glass of wine and went online shopping....The order took a couple of weeks and I kinda forgot about it. My son picked up the mail /package. and said what's this? Luckily it was close enough to christmas that I told him it was a something I had ordered for him for christmas and that he wasn't to open it ...... I spent a couple of shopping trips trying to find a gift for him that would have come in a similar size box!!

On some of the phone apps it doesn't log out when you close the app. You actually have to go into settings scroll down and logout... I've accidently left myself logged in over an extended period of time.

Still pondering.....but I' dating mr hyper. He's in love with me..which makes me wonder cause I don't think you can fall in love that fast....I tell him directly that he doesn't know me yet( he saw me first a month ago) I find him intriguing,he makes me feel good, we do interesting things together and there's some chemistry. I have some reservations in some areas but I feel I need time to sort out whether I'm ok with those parts of his personality. The problem is I'm putting pressure on myself to figure it out cause he is "already in love". I think I am being normal taking my time. Once again I wish this was all a little easier and more straight forward and I didn't try and think everything through...