klim

Great advice peeps...not going to add to that. but everybody has their preferences.....two personal stories related to size preference. My Brother in law ...6'2" muscular build great looking has been in 3 long term relationships in his life....all have been with plus sized women...definitely his preference. Online dating story..my niece (25 yr old)... charming nice girl but very round figure......found someone on line that is not heavyset at all and if we're classifying looks seems handsome... . .so I guess don't jump to conclusions but be cautious

Oh trying tobreathe ...it's good to be able to remind yourself... if putting your ring back on works....perfect!!! It's a tough game to play.....and it's not really a game but if I put that spin on it I feel like I have to enjoy the effort I'm putting into it. I mess with scammers, laugh at the youngster and oldsters trying to get my attention , try and brush off those that reject me ( usually by being juvenile and in my head go through everything that was wrong with them even though some of them looked pretty perfect)...and lastly try and hold out hope that the next contact is going to be "the one" Enjoy the ride as much as possible.

Rob that's cool to hear about your meetup experience. I am connected to lots of different meetups...am idle in some but very active in others. Rob does it make a difference to the operation of the group if you have different numbers...maybe I should take my name off the idle ones.... There is a widow /er group around here that is very very active....but they are mostly 65yrs old.....probably very nice supportive people but not really my niche.

oh totally agree relationships take time.... not jumping to any conclusions but you do have to decide after a meetngreet whether you want a second date. I agree to meetn'greets very easily....there's a very minimal criteria to get that far(you never know) ....it's getting to the second date, that is when I start my deeper thinking. All 3 wanted to see me again that is when I started with the "what do I want" pondering! I could say yes to all 3 but I don't have that type of abilities to entertain the thought of dates with different guys ....and keep kids, work and friends also under control.

What do I want , really really want? ok does anybody else have trouble with this question . I've been out on 3 meet and greets this week man #1 goodlooking pleasant , mellow ....said he'd do anything to make me happy, longterm responsible factory worker man #2 rugged but goodlooking , amazing storyteller, lived on a boat last summer ,wants to sail in retirement, truck mechanic man #3 tall goodlooking ( yes I found some tall ones) dutchman, entrepenuer,highly excitable take charge type guy...makes an awsome living. Initial reactions.......was swept off my feet by #3, thought #2 was intriguing and #1 I thought was too much of a marshmallow.. but what do I want ....really what do I want .....I have no friggin clue.... .If I'm practical #1 could be dream...nice and stable, loving. #2 could be an adventure I hadn't considered before....maybe I do want to sail.....but is that too crazy....is he too rough around the edges #3 this guy is high energy..... could I keep up, would I want to and I look on line and I see other possibilities.....someones got a hobby farm,one wants to open a bed and breakfast...all these sound like interesting fantasies....that could become reality. Or do I just what to find exactly what I had and not reinvent my life?

I love that you know you are a good catch!.....I feel that way too .......even yelled that at the last guy I dated when we were breaking up....actually yelled "I am a fucking beautiful person and you're an idiot for not recognizing it".....I'm not sure yelling it really accented the point correctly but it felt good at the time!

Oh definitely think this is a heavy season for online..new year new life....

wow.....There'd be no guilting me into a $600 ticket to a one year olds party!!! I'd be saying Happy birthday by phone.....It's not like they'll remember. Good for you for doing what you can but being at peace with your decision regardless of how your sister acts.

I just want hugs and kisses....not really sex but it's what I want right now!

mtk...reminds me of a guy in the summer who tried to convince me that coming to his house for a hot tub was a good first date!?!

Last night I had a good cryfest....pure pity party for me.....it was very selfcentered. I didn't cry for my husband who lost his chance to see his kids grow up, I didn't cry for my sons who lost their dad....I couldn't see that there are people worse off or at least in the moment I didn't care. All I cared about was me!!!........that is not a good way to be! Still a little there this morning. Hopefully it will fade and I will regain my balance.

Fuck the world!!!! Ok maybe a little extreme but I'm moody right now!!!!!

Wynne I believe you nailed it when you say alot of "young widows" are older then you....and i think that's why you are hearing the comments about young children.. For you , you might say I don't want someone with older teens who are in need of tuition money and are getting free reign of the half the house/living in the basement...and yet for some of older wids that's the norm. I think most of us are saying we want something similar to what we know and what we are living with. So maybe ruled out for a certain crowd but certainly not everybody....there are going to be guys in similar situations that want someone that can understand their parenting situation.

Cool , you did it! Love hearing how it went.....will want to hear whether you get a connection....good luck.

I want lifestyle matches...not too sedentary...financially sound .....happy Deal breakers ...smokers, young children, renting a room in a house, too much drinking, temper....oh and height ....wish it didn't matter but they have to be my height or taller....I've tried and maybe if it was a magical connection I could do shorter but no.... Now the question asking that is tricky...how do you get this information...you can't really ask do you have a temper and I'd feel rude asking what type of place do you live in. I mostly try sharing a little info and hope I get similar info about them.. I ask about children.....I like knowing what people do for a living , so I ask.There's not a particular category of worker I wouldn't consider ...for me it just helps the flow of conversation. I ask about vacations and what they do for fun...it usually gets some conversation going. i will do small tall like wow there's a lot of snow...but really I'm looking for chances to joke with the person or seeing if they are capable of banter.

I'm going to chime in from what my parents did for me and my siblings. We were not all on the same financial footing. My brother and sister struggled more then I. My parents helped whenever they deemed it necessary. I remember one particular instance when my brother was driving a fairly old beatup car and had a young daughter.My parents helped my brother buy a car( used but much newer then the other one) by providing an very very low interest loan. This was their modus operandus..... low interest loans with very loose payback schedules ....like years and years....and years. In other words my Brother eventually became an engineer with a good job , but when my parents passed away and we were doing the financials, he still had a substantial debt to my parents( which was all documented), so it came out of his inheritence. I think it really depends on your financial position as well.... my parents were secure financially, not rich and not poor......I suspect I will be using this same model.

I did , Dh's name was Michael, but I mostly called him Mike. New guy was also Michael....I mostly called him Michael...on purpose. The other thing I did was unlike portside I changed my terms of endearment..on purpose. DH was sweetie, NG was cutie..........I may have to reconsider this as NG is now ex-NG and there's still alot of Mikes out there. And really after sweetie and cutie have been used up, I don't know where to go with the next term of endearment...I guess honey might do

OMG I'm 54 but I'm viewed as active even in an active group..... I'm capable of relaxing but yes I need to be doing. I have a picture of myself rock climbing in my profile.....not because I love rock climbing( it was a one time thing) but to show I'm active. ,,,,,,,and yet i still get people 10 years older then me that look like a walk by the lake would get them breathng hard contacting me. Realistically I'd like to meet someone of similar age and similar activity level....how hard can this be????

yep! In an ideal world dating would be fun exhilerating and lead to a magical love! where are you ideal world????

ok heres my complaint ...why is everyone my age so friggin short. I'm not having much luck online and really like meeting people in a situation better. But honestly I go out dancing and to gatherings and am in a room of 40 people and there's only 2 people taller then me! I want someone taller then me, I may have to change my mind about this. I'm 5'9" .....does height differences bother anybodyelse?

ok now I'm crying........ the charm is such a sweet idea.

frederick..... I have found at 40 there is another group of people emerging that are looking for new friends.. Yes alot of people are established and are over the socializing and seeking friendship, but I have found this is often at about this point in life when devorcees are trying to restablish connections. The divorce rate being what it is there are alot of people out there. Quite often by about 40 or a little older, their kids are more independant and they start to seek something for themselves....new friendships. I go to meetups and my observation is based on what I see there.

wow Imissdow....think you could have been married twice already!!!! seriously does that ever work???

ooooh I get the raging...I got on a real roll.....when I broke up with my NG. I hated the circumstance,not him but he still got to hear about it LOUD and clear and over and over again .Apparently I know how to cuss real good! I'm saying it was therapeutic....might not have been but saying that made me feel better about it all. For me it did pass and honestly I think getting it out helped. Now about the punching part.....must keep that under control...repeat must keep that under control......repeat to once self before enter meeting must keep it under control..... ok just kinda joking with that last bit.....you got this you'll know the limits... let your rage go and the peace that will follow will also feel good.

Was rainy around here the other night so I mentioned it in an exchange. 18 hours later the guy told me he was out driving in the rain right now. ...it was clear and sunny out at this point so I asked him what he was doing Answer: "I was driving around road patrolling for the city. Looking for damage or safety issues" I'm thinking he doesn't live in my city like his profile says.