Trying

I totally get it, making every decision alone, dealing with every crisis big or small alone. It gets exhausting. The installer screwed up, whether or not you are "fussy" he didn't do his job right. He needs to fix it or refund a percentage of the installation. I hate questioning if I'm being taken advantage of because I am a woman with no male backup. I'm trying to learn to be more assertive but it doesn't come naturally to me. Big tight hugs!

The pictures are beautiful! I think it's great you went alone but I can see how the evenings felt long and lonely. I have 3 kids so solo travel is not happening for me anytime soon. You are an inspiration!

We were on vacation with friends and another family who we only knew casually. We ended up really "clicking" with this other couple more so than the mutual friends who brought us together. The guys went out snow mobiling and my DH flipped backwards going up a steep hill and landed on the other guys snowmobile. It was dark and he was searching through the snow for the guy, screaming his name thinking he had killed him. Luckily the guy saw what was about to happen and jumped off before getting hit. They were both so shaken and vowed to be friends for life. 2 years later that guy died suddenly and his wife ended up being my best friend. My DH took such good care of her, her house and her kids for 8 years until he died too.

So nice to "see" you and hear such a positive update! I look forward to having you around.

You are new to dating and not super comfortable yet so I would say do a coffee meet and see what you think. If you get good vibes then you can share last names and more info. I would then Google search before a second date. You can be honest with future interests that you are cautious and don't provide too much info before a first meet. Good luck and keep us posted! Remember to listen to your gut, try to relax and have fun.

Some days it really does feel impossible for one person to have to endure so much alone, and you really have had so much. I hope your dog starts to show some signs of improvement and you can have some smoother waters to catch your breath. I have no doubt that you will find the strength to deal with whatever crap life throws your way but I really wish you didn't have to.

(((Hikermom))) the never ending, doing it all alone, takes an incredible amount of energy. There are days when I think, yes, I am doing a decent job managing it all on my own or I have a nice time with friends or the kids and think, yes, that was nice. Then I realize I have to wake up tomorrow and do it all alone again. I want more than just getting by, dealing with one crisis after another with varying degrees of competence. I want to feel inspired and connected! I am making major changes right now in search of just that. As proud as you should be of yourself for managing work, life and single motherhood so well the reality is that is still sucks that you have to do it alone.

I wanted to check in on you and see how your move is going. I hope all of the logistics went smoothly and you are surviving the emotional roller coaster. I totally get why they say it's one of the top 5 most stressful things you can go through. (((Hugs)))

At our elementary school you can only request to NOT have a certain teacher if an older sibling had a bad experience with that teacher. It doesn't stop parents from trying and doesn't stop the principal from caving to shut up the ones who won't let it go.

I will add my hugs. Reality does suck some times and the day to day never ending do it all yourself and go to bed alone can just be too much. Venting is good, I mostly do it here because no one else really wants to hear the same old thing so go ahead and have a temper tantrum. I get it and I care.

The move finally happened yesterday, last night we slept in our new house for the first time. We still have at least a week to finish getting everything out of the old house so the final goodbye to our home hasn't happened yet. This has been so much more stressful than I could've imagined but at the same time I feel really good about despite the sadness of leaving our home. I'm trying to focus on the positives because that's the only way I'm going to be able to keep going so here they are -I have accomplished more by myself with this move than I ever dreamed was possible. I had no idea that I was so capable - I was able to downsize considerably and feel like I have a better perspective on letting go of clutter and excess that was weighing me down. - I am excited about having the big project of decorating and renovating to make this new house feel like my own. I need a fun challange to focus on and keep me moving forward - I'm excited to create new memories with my kids and reduce the stress on my older 2 to keep up the old house to their Dads high level of standards. This house we can set our own standards and there is much less upkeep. When the older 2 are both off to college and beyond my youngest and I will be able to manage the smaller house and property.

Lost35 I am so sorry you are feeling so much sadness and longing. I'm just under 2 years so time wise I'm in a different place than you but I don't think that being beyond active grieving means you don't dip back into powerful grief at times. Raising your boy alone since before birth is not something you will get over or ever be ok with, i don't think, for yourself or for your son. It's a really crappy thing for him to not know his Dad. You are an amazing mom and from your posts it is clear that you put your son first and you are doing a great job as a solo parent. Acknowledging that it sucks hasn't interfered with you giving him the best upbringing you can. Again, I'm not as far along as you, but I need to take the time somewhat regularly to have a good old pity party for myself. I cry or scream and throw things, depending on if it's sadness or anger that's bigger in the moment, and feel sorry for myself that I am living a life I didn't choose without my husband and my kids without their Dad. Usually after that, a day or more later, I am able to pick myself up and keeping moving forward or at least keep treading water. Yesterday I moved from our home of 15 years. This move has had me filled with huge swings and extremes of emotions. Pride in myself for moving forward and doing what I think is best for my family, deep sadness for needing to to it, missing Tim and grieving the life we had together and the loss of the future we had planned, and hope for happiness in my future. Sending you big tight hugs.

Goals for this week Confirm arrangements with Flea market guy to get remaining sale items from old house Finish moving remaining stuff from old house Clean old house Unpack kitchen, bathrooms and bedrooms Paddle board at least twice in lake we moved to be near to Make final arrangements for shed delivery Make appointment with closet organizer guy Schedule electrician Unpack, unpack, unpack! I'm sure my list is longer than that but I'm completely exhausted and still can't sleep

Well, I didn't change states but I moved 20 miles away today in the same town, I'm going to make some big career changes. I say, if you want to move, got for it! Life is too short. I have lived my whole life planning and being careful but now I want change even with the risk it's been so incredibly stressful but I'm glad I did it.

Take chances Trust yourself Forgive yourself Believe it

ManutesGirl I think that is an awesome challange you're taking on! Having a goal to focus on, something new and outside your normal is such a healing and healthy thing. I am inspired by you and hope to keep setting new goals of my own. Keep us posted!

With all of the stress of selling my house, buying a house, packing up the home I shared with Tim and our boys, and the move scheduled for tomorrow, I have been a complete stressed out crazy person. Poor New Guy has been more patient and understanding than any human should have to be but yesterday and this morning we were both at our breaking point. We were able to make up this afternoon and both had a good cry but there were a few hours when I thought my grief and stress might have cost me my future with an amazing man. I'm working so hard at moving forward but the stress of all of this change is taking its toll. I really hope my emotions level off, he deserves a "normal" relationship and so do I.

Tonight is my last night in our home. I'm alone, by choice. I took my inlaws to see the new house and then went out to dinner with them, they are being so supportive about my decision to move but it's very emotional for Tim's mom to say goodbye to our home. Now I'm in bed, with a half glass of wine (so I can still take an Ambien). Hoping for a little sleep, MS I hope you sleep too!

((((Fern)))) the first anniversary without them is hard enough, I'm so sorry you had to face it alone.

Congratulations on making the decision and getting the job done! I bought my son a used car this winter and it was the first time I did it by myself, it sucks making big decisions alone but it is an accomplishment to be proud of. Safe travels in your new ride, enjoy!

Thanks for sharing your good news, enjoy!

We've got this! The absolute hardest thing after losing Tim is this but the difference is there is rainbow waiting at the end of this crazy storm. You are making a positive change and moving towards your future, keep your focus on that so you can get the job done. Then we can lean on each other after when the emotions catch up with us. Sending you all of my virtual support and a big hug!

My insurance agent just sent me an email that she found me a discount on both my auto and new home owners policies and it was quite substantial. I didn't ask for it so it was a very nice surprise. We have been with them for a long time and she said it was a loyalty discount. Does this just mean I've been overpaying for years? Who knows, I haven't shopped around and really don't have the energy to. Jen, I hated taking Tim's name off of his car and selling it. The car and boat were the last things I took his name of and I remember crying at DMV after. But once it was done I was relieved, one less thing hanging over my head.

(((Missingsquish)))

Congratulations, what a beautiful picture! Wishing you much happiness.