Trying

MrsDan I hope it works out with your friends, what a relief it would be to have your house rented and to someone you know and trust too. Will you have some time between ending your current job and starting the new one? Will you have any help with packing? Fingers and toes crossed that the rental goes through and that you find a place to meet your needs quickly.

Just a few moments of a child gone missing is terrifying for any parent but like you said, you know that the worst can happen. I wouldn't think twice about your reaction. I'm so glad all turned out well, this will stick with you a while I'm sure. Keep hugging that boy tight!

For some the collateral damage that comes with the loss of their love complicates the moving on and rebuilding process. That is one thing I have learned here. I hope that your collateral damage becomes less messy so you can focus on your grief and rebuilding.

Keeptrying, I would not say you're not strong enough. We all have issues that we react to more strongly with emotion than logic and we evolve and change opinions as we go through experiences in life. The important thing to me is to be able to have open discussions. My DH and I always spoke openly about our wishes so we would know what the others wishes were if we were faced with a difficult decision at our weakest moment. Some of the things he was always strongly against in the abstract changed when he was sick and actually faced with the decision.

Good luck! Marital status should not come up in an interview.

Yes it is true that you don't know who your organs would go to or have a say on if the recipient is "deserving" or not. Luckily organ donation is voluntary and everyone has the right to make their own personal decision. I would just like to say that if the only thing that is holding you back is that a recipient might be a criminal or morally corrupt person, I would ask you to really think about it. Say these "bad" people represent 5% of the people on the transplant list (I just pulled this number out of the air) should the other 95% of the people on the list be penalized? I would also like to expand on LisaPop's assumption that if you or your loved one was faced with needing a transplant to survive, would you refuse a life saving transplant because you couldn't be assured that the donor shared your morals and values? I don't mean this in any way as a personal attack because I do think it's a very personal decision. I am only trying to bring some thought provoking conversation to a delicate subject. Like many things, if organ donation or transplant hasn't touched your life or the life of someone you know personally, you may not have many facts with which to base a decision. The likelihood of my son needing a liver transplant in the future has brought me to research and care more about the process than I had before. I struggle with the idea that he might die on a transplant list because there aren't enough donors or that the few viable livers are going to people whose liver disease was caused by lifestyle choices while his is caused by genetic bad luck.

Virgo I have done the same thing! If I have cash it's $20 bill from ATM so I have indeed raided his wallet to put his own dollar bill under his pillow!

I think it's hard not to worry about this as a widow/er. I don't want it to ever fall on my children to be responsible for my day to day care but the reality is that it probably will. I did it for my Dad and for DH and professionally I work with with homebound elderly but I also see in my work families who are just not capable for various reasons of being that level of caregiver.

My husband was not able to be an organ donor because he had cancer but my middle son will likely need a liver in the future. there is a tremendous shortage of viable livers so I am extremely appreciative of anyone who gives the gift of life. Marking it on your license and talking to your family about it if you would want to donate your organs is so important because I can't imagine making that decision when you have just received the most devastating news of someone you love. Speaking with recipients of liver donations through a group who have my sons rare disease, I know how grateful they are. Many find a way to celebrate the anniversary of receiving their second chance while honoring the person who lost their life that same day. Many have special candles they light to remember the person whose identity they will never know.

Traveling alone with my kids is not a big deal because they are older and I have done some traveling alone here and there since they were little. Last year I took #2 and #3 to Florida while #1 was on a swim team trip and we had a blast. #1 has been going through such a tough time and I was worried about him being trapped with us in a hotel room and having to spend so much family time together. I am so relieved that he was able to enjoy his time with us and let me be the parent and there was absolutely no drama. Hopefully he will start making some positive steps and get back on track. It was wonderful to see the boy I always knew is still in there.

I am so happy to hear about the SS benefit going back up and hope it gives you some breathing room so you can cover the basics. The collateral damage of losing a spouse is so much greater than people can comprehend.

You are teaching him a lesson, if it was important to him he would've gotten himself up. If he wants it bad enough he will get a job and pay for drivers Ed. Teens are the most frustrating creatures!

MrsDan, you are under such incredible stress right now facing a major move and job change on top of all of your day to day responsibilities of being a solo mom. Remember to stop and just breath deep. I beat myself up with feelings of failure as a mom at times too but realize that it just zaps me of the little strength I have left. You did not fail Dan. You did not have the power to cure his disease any more than I could cure Tim's cancer You are not failing as a parent. I have been reading your posts since I joined ywbb about your love and focus on making decisions in her best interest. Children go thru phases and even at her young age she senses stress and change and is reacting to that. Having feelings that you you want to run away and quit being a mom are normal and happened to me even when we were a 2 parent family. The difference is now we can't tag in our partner and ask for a break. That just sucks. I wish I lived closer to give you actual help, I am amazed by the strength and guts you have to make this major change on your own and the fact that you are doing it even though it is so hard. You will some day look back on this and be amazed at yourself. In the mean time, just breath, one step at a time, you can do this!

Jen this is an awful lot for you to face in one week. There is no magic in surviving the first year but for me, the build up was so much harder than the day itself. I hope you are able to find moments to allow the memories to make you smile, to miss the man you love, and to remember how wonderful it was to have him here loving you back. I'm adding my hugs and support and wishing you peace.

1. Had a great vacation with the kids 2. Came home and the snow is gone! 3. Having a quick get away this weekend with new guy

5 days in Florida, just my 3 boys and me and it was wonderful. My oldest was able to enjoy our family time, everyone got along and we had so much fun. I had a few moments where I really wished DH was with us, when it would've been nice to have some grown up time, but for the most part we felt like a very complete family. Not the kind of family any of us would have chosen but still some how complete. I know that it was vacation bliss and my oldest still has a lot of work to do to get his life back on track but I am feeling more hopeful than I have in a while.

Rebuilding your life despite your grief is a brave and difficult thing. Sending you hugs as you continue to forge ahead while still missing Tim.

I'm glad you were able to experience such beautiful memories of your wife and allow yourself to remember all of the reasons you loved her. She sounds like such a special person, thank you for sharing.

DH and I had always discussed being cremated and no specific plan for the where the ashes would be scattered though I had ideas, in the last week or 2 before he died he asked if I would bury his ashes in the cemetary so his mom would have so where to visit. I honored his request and I'm glad I did. She goes often and so do my older 2 boys. I very rarely go. I don't feel him there and MiL has put so many momentos there that whenever I go all I can imagine is him saying "could you clean up this crap, it looks like a bad garage sale".

Change is scary but it sounds like you are doing this for all of the right reasons. The logical self and the emotional self don't always agree right away, it takes courage to listen to your logical side! I hope to gain some inspiration from you when my time comes to make some changes.

Physical attraction is an important thing for an intimate relationship. Personally, for me, it can't be gauged by a picture. Yes I can look at a picture of an attractive man with a great body and appreciate it but I need to be in person, talking, seeing facial expressions, making eye contact. Lucky for me, new guy feels the same, I never take a decent picture and I am not what you would call a stunner, but ever since we met he has told me I am beautiful and I know he really feels that way. And I feel,the same way about him. I also know some very handsome men who I have zero physical attraction to.

Everything you are feeling is valid, there is no reason for you to feel guilty about that. You have to face that anger before you can find forgiveness for the ways he betrayed you. I am very sorry that you have all of this to deal with on top of your grief. My husband wasn't unfaithful but there were issues in our marriage that I have been angry with him about. Angry that there was time wasted when he was alive that we could've been happier and now he is gone and it's too late to fix. My therapist has been helpful in letting me work through these complicated aspects of grieving, at a year and a half I am much less often angry but it does surface at times. The big thing, in my opinion, is don't deny yourself the right to be angry. The fact that he is gone doesn't erase the pain he caused when he was here. And when you are feelings sad and missing the man you fell in love with, don't feel guilty about those angry times.

Big hugs Smabify. A passing comment for her but a reminder for you that we really can't be everything for our kids, even though you are an incredible and dedicated parent.

1. Leaving for Florida tonight with my 3 boys 2. My baby turns 11 today, 3.did I mention I am escaping this New England weather!

Congratulations!!! Now the big question, do you want the job?