Portside

Sunshine, ok - what's in the quoted part above made me laugh out loud. While I imagine some 'gentile' women do what he is interested in, we shouldn't exclude Jewish women's genitalia from the population this bozo is talking about. I'll admit the origin of the word you wanted is also from the Latin 'gentilis' so it's not a major foul. ;D What would Freud say about the slip? Quite alot I imagine. Still chuckling, Best wishes, Mike

Sex is important but if the three people involved can come to an agreement about where it lay within the overall relationship, all should be well. Mike

What a brave question to ask! By way of a bit of history, my late wife killed herself. She was bi-polar (with touches of ADHD) and suffered from depression, as I look back, for most of her life. We were lucky in that we had great insurance and had access to any type of help that was available - psychotherapy, medication, multiple psychiatric evaluations, inpatient treatments (both voluntary and involuntary), all sorts of medical interventions, homeopathic and traditional Oriental medical practices. Finally, a huge support system from both her community and her family was available to her. No one ever gave up on her. We tried everything and changed treatments as circumstances dictated for years. But, ultimately, it wasn't enough. One weekend while I was camping with the kids, she died by a self-inflicted GSW to the chest. I kept all my rifles and sidearms locked in a very good gun safe all the time. But it didn?t matter. My lovely wife broke into a neighbor?s garage, stole his oxy-acetylene cutting outfit and dragged it home. She taught herself how to use the equipment effectively (not an easy thing to do) and, according to the manufacture of the gun safe, took two days to cut her way into it. She then took a very difficult gun to load and shoot and taught herself to use it. While the coroner was at the house attending to the aftermath, I was beside myself telling him ?I never should have had the weapons around.? He sat me down and explained that in his forty years of medical practice and service as a coroner, he was convinced none of that mattered. A person truly committed to taking their life will always eventually succeed. They do not need an easy method close by to do it. If necessary, a person will use anything close by ? a sharp stick and a rock or a car and a tree will do the job if that?s what is available. However, having said all that, I don?t think we as a society should stop looking for answers and/or help to cure those who are suicidal. Just as there are millions of folks, there are millions of reasons, situations, mental states, medical issues, brain chemistry factors, personality types and individual demons any one of which that can contribute to a loved one committing suicide. Maybe some treatments or approaches will cure some causes of suicide someday. Why not try to find them? But I doubt we will ever discover them all. So I?m left with; Did I do all I could for my late wife? Yes. Did I contribute to her death? No. Could I have stopped her? No. My wife was a very driven woman in all she did. She succeed in most all she attempted - even when the outcome was sure to be a tragedy. btw ? my wife had loaded the gun with four cartridges. My two sons and I were 3 hours late getting home. She got tired of waiting but regardless, someone was going to die that day. :'( Mike

I just took a deep breath and did it quickly. My poor wife was terribly mentally ill and the house and the contents reflected it. All of my late wife's good clothing and shoes went to a group that helps needy young women dress properly for job interviews and work. Her rings/jewelry were given away to family as was her china and other housewares that had some value. I saved some of her keepsakes for the kids when they are older (they absolutely wanted nothing of hers when she died and still don't). They may change their mind some day. I also gave away much of the furniture that T. brought to the marriage. Much of it we truly didn't need and it simply cluttered the house. I filled a Goodwill truck with her furniture and art supplies. No kidding. Much of the other assorted 'stuff' that one collects over 20 years I just got rid of. It was necessary to make a completely fresh start and put my own unique stamp on the house and property. I painted everything, remodeled the kitchen and changed the landscaping. The kids and I both needed to do that for our own sake. Once I got started, I just plowed through it all. It probably took a good 5 months or so to take care of it all. Once all the 'old' life was removed, I felt free to begin to rebuild and get my family back on an even keel. It was the best thing I could have done. Good luck - Mike

Ummmmm. . . . . Sugarbell dear, I think I may have identified from where part of his blue language issue stems. ;D Good luck - the teens years are no picnic. Mike

I don't understand why this is a troubling issue. I put my widower status in my profile. It may have even been in the first sentence. I didn't bare my complete life history there but I thought my widower status to be rather important. It wasn't who I was but it was a big event in my life that impacted everything around me for a time. During the dozens of dates I went on, no one ever mentioned it in a poor light. Is it different for widowed men than that of a widowed woman? Best wishes - Mike

Interesting Helen. I honestly do not see the issue. Planning a day like that does not automatically make the man a cad. Neither of you had met him before so there was no relationship in any fashion between the man and either you or your friend. To my mind, there was no disrespect to either of you by the guy. Nothing has been promised or even, most likely, implied yet. Everyone was at the very beginning of only an introduction. He owed you nothing more than being a gentleman when he met you. Perhaps I am missing the boat here - are you wanting a fellow to not ask anyone else out when he is simply trying to meet you for the first time? There is a chance you both missed an opportunity to meet a good man. Best wishes - Mike

I get home at 5:30p and cook so it all has to be quick. I stick to basics but change it up with sides, spice and presentation. Make ahead: hard boiled eggs, hummus, rice, pasta (par-boiled) Seafood: shrimp, salmon, tuna, cod or scallops. I buy in bulk and freeze. Take out what I need the night before and when I get up in the morning I put it in the fridge ready for use for supper. Boneless pork tenderloins: I can make 'pork chops' out of them, cook as a roast (takes an hour) or dice for the wok. Chicken breasts when on sale - if not, breasts with rib meat or Costco rotisserie chicken (At $6 a pop who can beat that?) Eggs: boiled, scrambled, or mixed into fried rice I really don't cook much beef other than hamburger which I use for tacos or sloppy joes. Other: Hummus, quinoa or tabbouleh - make ahead and eat them straight up or use as a salad/side. Any of these can be altered by the addition of walnuts, dried raspberries, pine nuts, sun dried tomatoes, artichoke hearts and lemon. Avocados, mangoes, canned green beans, garbanzos, peanuts and cashews - whatever is cheap and in season. I have a gas commercial style stovetop that gets real hot real fast. I cook like I used to in a restaurant - very hot and very fast. I use a wok maybe 3/4 times a week and change up the veggies, main protein and sauces. Again, since it is so hot the meal is ready in a jiffy. I can get water to a boil for pasta in under 4 minutes. Since I've already half-cooked the pasta beforehand it finishes out in a flash. Same with any side veggies - water is boiling in a hurry and I flash cook them. It doesn't take long. I cook fish at least twice a week but mix it up by what I do with it: Lemon juice and capers, or bacon bits, dill, plain ole' salt and pepper. Whatever the main dish is it is easily converted into a salad if that is what is wanted. I don't but the bagged salad - it goes bad in our house too fast. Iceberg and fresh (whatever greens are available) are mixed and served. While I am cooking someone else is clearing off/setting the table and getting drinks for all. The kids and DW know to stand back when I'm cooking. Round it out with bread and butter, fruit for desert and you're good to go. And some nights it's leftover night. We have a surprising variety of meals - but it's really 6/7 main items just presented in a different way or spiced differently. I don't try to bake or make soups during the week. I will do that during the weekends - the kids have been eating my homemade bread for so long they won't eat store bought anymore. But it will only keep for 5 days before it goes bad - so, every Saturday I'm kneading dough. Good luck - Mike

While wills are a great first step and never a bad idea, keep in mind they may not provide all the protection you may be seeking. Wills are just one part of the complete plan that should be in place when you die. For the uninitiated, wills have a few issues that may or may not impact you; 1) in most jurisdictions, they are public documents and anyone with the money to pay duplication fees can get a copy at the courthouse - i.e. they are not private. 2) (Again, in most jurisdictions) they can be contested by anyone. If a third party convinces the judge that he has standing and presents material information that the will is unjust (according to state law), the judge can disallow any part of the will or reject it in it's entirety. It would then be up the courts to decide how to allocate any assets and commitments of the deceased. At least every 3-5 years we all should review our plan (wills, trusts, insurance policies, etc.) to ensure it still makes sense for our family. I know money is always tight for most of us - but, I think this is the one place where one should scrimp and save to allow enough cash to pay for the best legal advice you can afford. You won't be sorry. Best wishes - Mike

You may be surprised Skippy. I do give him an 'A' for honesty though. I was always surprised when one of my late wife's friends tried to fix me up with a friend that was still married. "It's complicated" they'd say. "No it isn't" I'd say. If you are willing to date while still married, that tells me something about you - that assessment which with I'm sure you'd violently disagree. Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't go out with you and be open to any and all types of fun that adults may have. But as far as a potential long term prospect - your chances are now at zero. Good luck - Mike

Why not just be straight up with the guy? As in "Hey, this dating thang can be a minefield so I need a bit more information to feel completely safe. I don't even know your last name yet." And see what he says. I do think it a bit odd that you have been in communication for a few weeks and you don't know much yet. I gave enough personal details to my dates so they could Google/Linkedin me right away. I also googled the ladies. Found out all sorts of interesting info but nothing shocking or scary. Honestly though, you need to come clean with him about your information too. Goose and gander as it were. Fair is fair. Good luck - Mike

Nonesuch, you underestimate yourself! Get thee to amazon and buy this - too bad they don't sell it in bulk. http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Silicone-Hybrid-Lubricant/dp/B00SZ3O6OU/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438530833&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=bulk+personal+lubricant+drum (Yeah, I went there) Happy hunting! Mike

Mary, I can be there in 6 hours. I'll bring my lawn mower and hammer. Mike

In Heaven there is no such thing as jealousy or annoyance - so, all is well. Best wishes, Mike

Unless I am reading you incorrectly, there are two main questions here; 1) Why are you giving away your right to make your own decision, and 2) How to manage the jump from widow to woman in a serious relationship My approach to these most likely will not fit with your personality and style. Nevertheless, here's my take: - I didn't allow anyone, especially my children, to dictate what I was going to do regarding dating or relationships following the death of my late wife. It's my life and if I give away the power to make decisions to others who have different goals and objectives that impact me, I would not be living my life. I would be living their's. Life is too short to bow down to others in this circumstance - love them as we may. - First off everyone knew I was in a serious relationship once I was. I told all who listen. When an event came up that I thought my fiance' should be invited to but wasn't, I asked if I could bring her. No one told me "no" but I was prepared to not go myself if that was the answer I received. I am from a family of 8 children with dozens of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. There was always at least one person that would not approve of someone's choices. Too bad for them. Live your own life as you see fit. Good luck, Mike

Sorry to hear of the passing of your husband. Ugh - seeing the kids affected is the worst, isn't it? My youngest sons were the same ages as your kids when their mother died. Mine didn't act quite the same way although there was plenty of anger. Their anger was primarily directed at my late wife. I think it is normal for the kids to act out in this way for a time. There are a number of things you can do - but, it's tough. First off, get both of them to a family/grief therapist right away. Especially if they don't want to go. They are too young to be in charge of their lives and if you think that is the best for them, do it. They are already acting up - it can't get much worse because they are steamed you are making them go to the therapist. A decent therapist will pull you into the sessions also just to check with you how the kids are doing, what's going on at home, etc. My kids went for about a year. It did them a world of good. This worked for us (your mileage may vary). I set some rules that could not be violated around the house regarding my sons' behavior: - No fighting - No breaking things - No screaming - No sass or back talk - Had to go to school everyday We had a few slip ups but only a few. After they found out I was serious and would make the rules stick, my boys settled into a 'normal' mode of childhood grief. (Consequences for acting out was specific to the infraction and the child. You have to determine what works in your house with your kids.) My boys moved on from the bad behavior pretty quickly and, as I mentioned, settled into a calmer grief. My youngest didn't speak for roughly 4/5 months - seriously, he didn't talk at all. So, in his sessions with the therapist, he just sat there and let his brother do the talking. One day though, he opened up. He just needed that time to process it all. (He had found his mother's body :'( ). As for how long does the anger last - well, I wish I could tell you. My youngest is now 19 and in the Navy. He is still mad about the situation with his Mom. He is happy, outgoing and successful in the rest of his life but he doesn't want to talk about his Mom, gives back any pictures, etc. I give him, etc. He may always be so. My other kids show no anger at all now. Of all the things I worried about when my late wife died, I worried about the kids most. The good news is they turned into fine, well-balanced and mature young men. Hopefully, your kids will too. Best wishes, Mike ps - PM me if you feel the need for more.

Whew! That was close. The good news: R.'s surgery yesterday was successful and did what it was suppose to do. The not so good news: R. did not wake up as patients normally do with this type of surgery. It should have been a quick in and out and then home the same day. With all her other procedures, R has tolerated anesthesia well with no other complications. Not this time - for whatever reason, 1 hour after she left the OR she wasn't awake yet and the staff was starting to worry. Four hours later and with no change they were in a full panic. Her BP dropped off to a dangerously low measure and blood gases were in terrible shape, especially her O2 saturation. We moved her from the postop room to the ICU where she finally came to at 10pm. Long story short: she's home now with no apparent complications. Her surgeon and the chief anesthesiologist are baffled but thrilled she dodged a bullet. She's up and around and feels good but can't understand why everyone was so freaked out. In her words: "Hey, I made it out through the front door - that's a win in my book." Mike

I must say there is a great deal stated here that confuses me and to be honest, troubles me. The feelings about which you wrote cause many questions to pop up in my mind. You move in with man who has children but judging by your tone (and I could have this completely backwards), you really don?t care to be involved in the children?s lives. (? no interest in being 3rd or 4th ?.) Your time is booked solid for the next 4-5 years? So? If you don?t want any impact to your plans, then forming a relationship with a father with kids is not the way to go. I think it is a huge mistake to form a serious relationship with someone and THEN see if you can grow into a working relationship with children you don?t want to be involved with. The kids and their well-being are the important issues here, not you or your plans (or his either really). Perhaps I am reading this completely incorrectly but - you know what, this posting absolutely infuriates me. I?m not fit to comment in civil language any further. You aren?t asking for help or advice. It?s simply that you don?t want to be a parent (of any flavor) and you hope it works out for you and him. I?ll leave it at this: You knowingly became involved with a man with a family that you don?t want much to do with. That's not 'blending'. It seems like you'd like this to just flow nicely without the commitment necessary to form a family for the kids. As a father, I wouldn?t stand for a set up where step mom cares so little about nurturing my children. . Good luck to you - you are going to need it. Mike

Finances Of all the items to consider when we combined our families, this one took the most time and effort. When we first met, our attraction to each other was obvious in an instant. When we discovered that we had many similarities with our approach to money and how we spent and saved, that made our connection even deeper. We both had been cursed previously with a spouse whose ideas about spending were wildly different than that of our own. For me at least, that fact was a constant source of friction between my late wife and myself. To discover that R. was in line with my own financial philosophy was just icing on the cake. But having said all that, it still required many months and an army of lawyers, financial guys and our CPAs to get everything in place in a manner that was fair to all and protected each of us and our children should the unthinkable happen. End of life finances: Both of us brought roughly an equivalent value of assets to our marriage. But, they were different in form; R. has a significant interest in an old family business. She also has significant pension assets. I have ownership of the family farm and homestead that I rent out (and do not live at). Additionally, I had more investments and investment income than R. Right off the bat we decided we would not execute a prenup. Neither of us liked the idea and it felt like ?I love you and trust you but. . . . . ?. Just not our cup of tea ? it wasn?t going to work for us. Your mileage may vary of course. We decided instead to protect the kids and each other?s interests through separate Revocable Trusts with each other as the Trustee for the other spouse?s Trust. In general, everything is under the control of the surviving spouse when (not if) one of us die. Yes, we trust each other to do the right thing for all of our kids. If we both go at the same time, everything will be divided up equally between the children. In both of those scenarios however, the family business and the family farm remain within the original families. (How this paragraph morphed into 25 pages of legal gobblety-gook in the Trusts is beyond me). Also, each of our remaining parents are elderly and in poor health. Any inheritances from them will go to their respective grandchildren. R. also has a mentally disabled adult brother for whom we are both guardians. Separate monies are split off for his care until he dies. Some college loans will be forgiven but we?ve made it equitable for all by not giving them as much cash. You get the idea. One other thing ? we financed much of the payouts when we go by means of beneficiaries of life insurance and IRA contracts. They are non-contestable in court and will not be probated (and, as a side benefit ? no one can view them or how they were set up). Wills can be contested and all your laundry can be viewed by anyone with the $ to pay the copying fees at the courthouse. Doing it the way we did helps guarantee our wishes will be honored. While on this subject ? I urge you all to check the beneficiaries of any life insurance policies you have and ensure the beneficiary is who you want it to be. Back in the day I owned an insurance business and I can?t tell you how many times a spouse ?though? he/she was the beneficiary when in fact, they were not. Sometimes the money went to a person that absolutely loathed the insured and there wasn?t a damn thing anyone could do about it. Whether by oversight or by design, a beneficiary is what it is at the time of the insured?s death. Courts cannot overrule what is stated on the contract (most times) and the issuing insurance company does not ever buy into the ?but I deserve it? or ?It?s not fair? pleas. It?s a contract, pure and simple, and will be honored. If it isn?t on paper, it?s not real. I guess the questions to ask yourselves and then resolve center around this: What do you want to happen when you or I die? Who gets what? What happens if we both die at the same time? If you have minor children, who will get them? Will you keep them together or will they need to be split apart? Did you check with the folks you selected to care for them? Can they do it? Do they want to?? All of our kids have recently reached their majority. We redid all of our paperwork to reflect that. No matter what one chooses, revisit the paperwork every five years or so. Circumstances change and so should your arrangements to reflect those changes. Day to day finances: Both of our monthly incomes are remarkably the same so, we decided to pretty much share all expenses. Just as with the kids there is no ?your money? or ?my money? only ?our money?. We do have separate checking and savings account but that is just for convenience sake. We each have co-signer rights on the other?s accounts. We discuss spending a lot and if anyone wants to buy something above about $200 or so, we talk it out. This is easy for us as I said before as we have the same financial concerns. We co-own the house/cars/credit cards and mortgage, CDs, IRA and investments. It doesn?t matter how you do it ? this just works for us. But, you?d be wise to agree to some plan that works for both of you and stick to it. There?s a lot more but this should get the mental gears turning. Take a deep breath and get started. There is much to talk about ? actually it never stops. Best wishes and good luck - Mike

And a bit more: Blending the living quarters: Begin to talk it over and jointly determine what is needed and what will work best for the family ? not necessarily best for you (or him!). I can only tell you what worked for us. As I mentioned previously, my wife and I lived separately until we married. As her place was not big enough to hold our new combined family anyway, we started to prepare it for eventual sale. We had everyone pitch in according to skill ? paint, clean or box up the contents that we would be keeping. We decided that when we moved in together, we would live in my house. It wasn?t perfect given the number of us but it would make do for the time being. During this time we also planned the wedding. We kept it simple and low-key with a small number of guests ? mostly family. The kids were involved in both the planning and for pulling it off. They had a ball ? since they did most of the planning and actual work and were truly invested in the event, they loved it. We got married, moved in together, emptied her place and put it up for sale. Combining households was, by and large, uneventful. The kids were already use to working together and they resolved the new living arrangements without too much trouble. Bathroom use was the biggest item but even that wasn?t horrible ? we just had to adjust to more people using them. Six months in though, R. and I decided to buy a new place. Our current place was a bit cramped but the biggest reason was to provide a fresh start for all of us without any lingering baggage. So again, a big effort to remodel, clean and paint to put the house on the market. We were fortunate to be able to search for and buy a new place without having the old one having been sold. R. and I searched for suitable homes in the same school district and once we found a few likely candidates, we took the kids through them. We knew we found the right one when they raced through one of them deciding who would be in which bedroom. We bought it and moved in over a weekend as it was just a half mile from the old house. We sold the old house soon after we moved into the new one. Again ? the key for us making it all work was constant communication and making decisions quickly. If we didn?t get something right, we said ?Oops!? and tried something new right away. Next up: Finances

Oh my - where to start? I could write a book on the subject but today, I'll limit myself to just the blending of our families. I suppose the big thing is you and your beau will have to decide how you will blend and to what extent. Of course, everyone has to decide what will work for them. This is how we approached it: My now wife and I decided that we were going to be completely a nuclear family in every possible way. For us, that meant we would treat each child as our own ? so, education, finances, discipline, rules, and consequences would be applied as equally as humanly possible. As an example: there are no ?step-children? or ?half-brothers? for example, in our family. Everyone, no matter whether if it is me or my wife speaking refers to ?son?s? or ?daughter? ? never as a step-son or daughter. I believe it gives each of the kids a larger sense of belonging. My reasoning is so - each of them has already suffered at least one type of catastrophe within their lifetime. I, along with my wife, wished them to feel as connected to this new family as fully as possible all the time. Thus, no ?steps? or ?halfs?. Blending the kids into one family was approached deliberately and firmly. Over time, our two ?legacy? families started to spend more and more time together and to do things together as one. We didn?t make the switch overnight but rather, we started slowly and then added events more and more over a few months until anything we did, we did as one family. We had the kids support each other at their sporting/school events and the like. We started going to church together as one too. Oh, almost forgot ? we both had adult children that were already out of the house and living their own lives. We included them into the blending process also. For 20 somethings - ?Tony, this is your new brother, Jim.? only sounds odd the first time. Constant communication and telling the kids, adults and minors alike, this is the way we want it, is key. It?s a load of work but it can work if you keep it up. Sure, we had some push-back from one of the DILs ? but again, it can be worked out if you are firm but loving and explain why it is to their benefit to play ball with the parents. We did not move in together until we were married although we had dinner together as often as possible ? which in our case was almost every day. I believe our choice cut down on potential trouble from the adult kids. No son wants to see his Mom shacking up with any man. I?m certain he knew what was going on but to keep to the appearance of the gentleman?s code, this is the way we played it. He never discovered an overnight bag at his mom?s house or one at mine. Believe me, he looked. We spent a lot of effort on blending the daily family rituals that each of us had independently built over the years. Allowances for instance ? they started off with some differences but we erased them quickly and made them equal for all. Homework rules, cleaning chores, lawn duty, rules for driving, TV and media rules, acceptable levels of swearing (hey, I?m Italian ? what the hell?), respect for adults and each other, and on and on and on, need to be discussed, agreed to, and put into place. My sons had to learn what it was like to have a teenaged sister in the house (truth be told, so did I) and how to live with that. Equal but fair discipline was easier than I expect but I?m convinced that was due to my wife?s and my beliefs even before we met. We decided that each of us should/could and would discipline any one of the kids without needing to clear it with the other. That takes a fair heaping of trust but we both reached that point rather quickly. We did find that if one of us disciplined one of our non birth children, they seemed to be much more attentive to us and truly considered where they went astray and worked harder and quicker to resolve the issue. Of course, my wife was an special needs elementary teacher who can calm a rioting mob of 500 bent on murder and mayhem and have them holding hands and singing kumbaya in under 5 minutes. The woman is a saint. Finances as it relates to the kids. Again, we tried to be as equal as possible. We told each of them the same story regarding college/training after HS and what we were able to do for each of them. We took into account the differing amounts of life insurance proceeds each of them received and evened it out as best we could. Two went to college and one joined the Navy. My Navy son banked the entire amount. The upshot of all of this is somehow, through the grace of God, the kids all get along with only one major blowup in the past 7 years. My sons, somehow, needed to have a sister to help smooth out the teenage rough edges and to (gently) urge them to shower and wash their hair and to be well-adjusted young men. Equally amazing, Mary needed brothers her own age to provide some insight into the young male mind and to help her confidently bust out of the lonely circles of her peers in HS. Sometimes, it just comes together. And for that, I am grateful. Mike p.s. ? more later if I have time

It has never surprised me that many folks do not know the proper words (to my ears) to say for many situations - least of all the early death of a friend's spouse. We are all imperfect humans. Using this post as an example, the same phrase will annoy some, help some and leave others with a feeling of indifference. Why should it not? We all are very different people and our reactions to the same inputs will be wildly varied. "You're so strong - yada yada" and the like have never really bothered me. I viewed every comment concerning the death of my late wife as well meaning, especially if it was rather clumsy in it's delivery. Best wishes - Mike

For me it would depend on the child. Would the truth cause more anxiety than that of a bit of a stretch? I lied through my teeth repeatedly to my boys when it was necessary for a period to not cause them undue worry. A white lie is just another tool in the parenting tool chest that, when applied intelligently, is the right tool for the right job. It was necessary for my youngest sons for a time as they had replaced their farewell of "Good bye" with "Don't die." Why would I add to that burden? They were serious. Best wishes - Mike

Oh, I think we all, including you, know the answer to this one. But just to put a fine point on it, spend only what you feel comfortable from your money, NOT what anyone else thinks you should do. The in laws, of course, can spend their money on anything they please. Good luck - Mike

Yeah, it hurts doesn't it? All of mine have now gone. They are everywhere - Dallas, London, Iowa, Chicago, Manhattan, and God knows where in the Navy ("Don't worry Dad, I'm allowed to shoot back." J., that isn't making me feel better.) I urged them all to leave the nest, be successful and see the world. But still. . . . Ouch. Mike