Portside

A couple little stories for you: (bear with me) 1) Years ago I use to run with a partner from work during our lunchtime. He was a great guy, handsome, great job, everyone loved him, and was one hell of an athlete. Ran multiple marathons a year. Always was told by his MD he was at the peak of health. Had the world on a string - he was the guy we all wanted to be. One day during our run, he suddenly was no longer beside me. I stopped and he was face down on the ground -I though he had fallen. Nope - cerebral thrombosis - he was dead before he hit the dirt. 2) I had a very detailed list of 'must haves' when I started to date again. She had to be a tall, athletic, active woman. Long story short, I ended up marrying a woman that fulfilled almost none of my 'oh so important' criteria. She's crippled with two artificial hips, a bad knee and an incurable auto-immune disease that is killing her one piece at a time. A good day is when she can get out of bed. But - the fact that she loved me, my children, all my faults, baggage and idiosyncrasies without reserve has made up for all my petty 'must haves'. She accepted my kids without reservation and has given them the mother they never had - she loves them madly. She has made me a better man. Moral from #1 - the appearance of good health is no guarantee of anything. We are all going to die - each of us have precious little that we can do to determine the day. Moral from #2 - if we loosen our requirements a bit, we just may find a fantastic relationship. I'm with Virgo - take a chance with this guy if all other indicators are fine. What's the harm if you find a friend? The world is full of bitter women sitting around the lunch table bitching to each other that there are no good men left. Perhaps if our dating nets were cast a bit wider there'd be a real catch who, incidentally, didn't have one of the boxes filled in on the "Are you the One?" form. Good luck - Mike

Well, I wasn't on Christian Mingle but I met my now wife on a faith-based dating site. I had a great experience and thoroughly enjoyed the women I met through that site. Here's my two cents: - Approach all possible dates with an open mind. - If you have a 'must have' list, make sure it makes sense. For example, if you've decided a potential partner must be a runner, is that truly an important point? What if besides that, he is a kind, wonderful, loving man? - When you meet, don't tell your entire life story. Let it be revealed over a number of dates. - Don't be misled by either 'we have so much in common' or 'we have nothing in common'. Our personal interests come and go over time and can change. What I think is truly important is shared character traits and 'heart'. Does his match your's reasonably closely? - How does he talk about his former relationship(s)? Is he bitter or wallowing in a loss? Is he ready for a relationship? Are you? - Have fun! I had fun on every outing, even though some women I went out with were not a match for me. You can learn something from each one. - Since you've been out of the dating pool for a while, do a practice date if you can. I hadn't dated in over 20 years. A good friend of mine suggest we do a practice run. She set it up with an unavailable good friend of her's. It was terrifying but I highly recommend it. It helps to calm the inevitable jitters you are going to have when you do the real thing. That's all for now - I may have more later. Good luck - Mike

"Is dating a widow really better or really worse? Or both" I am a bit concerned by this line of thinking. It's falls along the lines of "All 'insert qualifier here' people think, act or feel this way". You know - all men think this or, all women act this way. Do all, even most, widowers feel a certain way about a certain subject? Breaking it down further makes it even more likely to miss the mark. "Black lesbian communists act this way". "60 yr old white Navy vets, widowed with 4 kids who lost a child that live in the Midwest generally do this." No, the fact is each of us bring whatever we bring to the carnival that is dating after being married previously. You may be surprised by what a person that has the 'appropriate' boxes checked holds dear and what is unimportant. My humble advice is to simply weigh what your BF contributes to your life against that with what he detracts (with the understanding that he will do the same to you) and evaluate the relationship solely on that calculation. When I first started dating again, I had some 'absolutes' that, I thought, were non-negotiable. I quickly chucked them all. Well, except she had to be a she - that remained. It helped me enjoy and learn from all the women I met and just made the process of dating and possible relationship building so much easier. Only you can decide what you need to have, or don't have, in your relationship. Best wishes, Mike

I of course, will only speak for myself. I would break off a relationship immediately if I discovered my GF suffered from depression. Yes, yes - I know - not her fault - it's her brain chemistry, medication may help, therapy may help. But sometimes, nothing helps and I'm not willing to take the chance. I lived with it for 18 years - I've had enough for a lifetime. I would not subject my children to that disease knowingly again. I suppose I am selfish. So be it. Mike

For Memorial Day, did the "Murph" workout named after Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, who was killed in Afghanistan June 28th, 2005. He was 29, of Patchogue, N.Y. Lt Murphy was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor after his death. :'( "Murph" For time: 1 mile Run 100 Pull-ups 200 Push-ups 300 Squats 1 mile Run I had to walk/stumble the last mile, but I made it.

Well Kate, Thanksgiving dinner may be a bit awkward. No biggie - My late wife's sis and I had a 'close' relationship for a time after T. died. It did us both a great deal of good and we are still very fond of each other and have a great relationship with no issues. Best wishes, Mike

To me, the bigger, but totally predictable upshot of helicopter parenting is that is never stops. Such parents get in "hover/cover" mode and can never break out of it - no matter how old little Johnny or Susie become. Case in point - I have a son in the Navy. Due to his security clearances and assignments I rarely know where he is and what he is doing. My mail/packages are sent to a mailbox in Virginia and are forwarded on. That is just the way it is - he's an adult and chose this life and is thrilled with traveling the world and being out on his own. I am in contact with a number of other Navy moms whose sons/daughters serve in the same capacity as my son. Routinely, some of them badger commanding officers or their Congressmen for info and insist (yes, insist) that they be informed about the who/where/what etc. concerning their child - even though that kid is in his 20's. They ask about ship movements, dates, missions, etc. That kind of attention gets around and soon, Sailor Susie has lost her security clearance (and her very good job) and is stuck in some warehouse addressing shipping labels to send pallets of socks to Fort Polk, LA. for the next four years. Yes, I worry. But the hover/cover moms are interfering with the maturation of their children and if they are not careful, it will negatively impact the child's life and may even cause a rift in the family. You delay a child's grown by sticking too close for too long. Don't even get me started on the 200 parents picking up their kids at the grade school each and every day. Best wishes - Mike

A small quibble SB - It is illegal throughout the US for anyone under 21 to own or buy a handgun. It doesn't matter who sells it. The local law enforcement can and should step in during cases such as you mentioned. A simple phone call should do it. Also, that isn't a 'loophole' in the Federal Law - it was designed that way for better or worse. I understand you being upset - My late wife also shot herself so I get it but, assuming the buyers were of legal age, it's the law that they can purchase in that format. Most folks in America that kill themselves during a spur of the moment episode, use their vehicles in one fashion or another. The sad fact remains that if a person is serious about taking their own life, they will find a way. Removing all firearms from everyone will not change this fact. When the coroner was at my home, I lamented to him that if I had just been more careful or at home or, or, or. . . . my wife would not have died. He sadly explained to me the seriously suicidal are always successful - they will always find a way. The means could be as simple as a rock in the front yard. My wife got into my locked gun safe. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she could break into my neighbors garage, steal his equipment, drag it home and teach herself how to use an oxygen/acetylene cutting torch effectively in the space of an Saturday afternoon. But she did. Wishing you peace - Mike

If I can't go wearing my "Stewie" or "Spongebob" wears, I'm not going! Mike

Maybe he was working up to take you to Wendy's where he'd demonstrate his love by ordering you a super-sized meal. What the hell is wrong with some of these jamokes? Mike

If it were me, I'd implement a total scorched earth policy - no contact ever. I might be persuaded (in the future) to allow one or two folks at a time to visit with your children at a neutral site - not at your home. That would depend on the in-laws behavior on the phone and with their contacts with you. They haven't acted decently, and have not earned the respect normally accorded to family (in my opinion). Good luck - Mike

Let me know the details when available. It'd be nice to get away. Mike

My High School best friend's family had/has a funeral home. I use to help out with the driving and such and we'd play cards in the back room with all of the guests of honor in attendance. You'd better keep a great sense of humor going or that type of work will grind you down. It is interesting to see it all from the 'back of the house'. I do have a question though that I never have received a proper answer for: When I picked Tam's ashes, the container was full to the brim. Which got me thinking: What are the odds that her cremains were exactly the amount needed to fill that container perfectly? Or, were there not quite enough and it needed to be added to to 'top it off'? Or, was there too much and the extra went . . . where? I guess it doesn't bother me what the truth was but I did wonder about it. Mike

Monday: Warm up: 400 meter run - pretty quick 20 pushups 20 situps 20 air squats 4 cycles of 8 reps Mid Grip Bench Press Alternate with: 4 cycles of 6 reps Strict Pull Ups 3 cycles of 21, 15 and 9 reps Hang Snatch Ring Dips Felt better today at the end of workout than I normally do. I may be getting use to it.

Yes, I did. I did not experience any delayed grief to any extent either. As you said, mine was manageable and I do feel lucky that, after the first few days, I didn't feel like I got hit by a train. I just kept moving forward without too much heartache. There are wide variations in what is 'proper' grieving is - as each of us are different, I think our grief takes different forms too. So, your path might be just right for you. Best wishes, Mike

No one. The the customs/immigration guys ask when you come in country to look for evidence of sex trafficking. It's a bigger problem than one might imagine. Mike

Short, but intense, cardio today: (As fast as possible) 27 calorie row 27 thrusters 19 cal row 19 thrusters 12 cal row 12 thrusters 9 cal row 9 thrusters took me about 13:00 minutes

When I first saw the heading of this post, I thought it said "Box sex". So I was thinking, well, if sex with a box turns your crank, okay by me, but honestly, I just can't see how that would work. Apparently, my imagination is lacking. Mike

Not a bad idea at all MM. My first profile was a disaster until I had a (woman) friend of mine help me redo it. Of my original she said "This is a perfect profile. IF YOU WANT TO DATE A GUY!!" It really helps have a member of your target audience look it over before you post it to your dating site. Mike

It depends on your state and local law. Ask the ME and they will tell you. However, consider long and hard if you really want to see them. Certainly, it is comforting for some folks. For others, it could be a nightmare. I urge you to consider all aspects of this; the nature of his injuries and what condition he was in when the photos were taken, etc. Additionally, what is your 'normal' reaction to a photograph of a deceased person? If you normally are greatly upset by such photos, consider that you may be even more shaken because of your relationship. If the photos are really bad, the possibility exists that it will take a very long time to forget those images. You could ask the ME what his/her opinion is - namely, how bad are they? I'll bet they will be honest. My late wife was a stunningly beautiful woman during her life. The manner of her death guaranteed that she was not after she passed. I knew what the photos would look like without seeing them in person due to my time with the Marine Corps. I petitioned for a court order to have the photos destroyed so that my children could never see them. The court granted my petition and I am eternally grateful they did so. Only you know what is right for you. But please, consider it carefully. Best wishes, Mike

You pack the kids off to school and then scurry to the airport in order to fly out for a week long business trip. When your work mates ask "Who's going to take care of the kids this week?" and you say "(Dead wife's name), just like always." After your buddy's looks of shock force reality back into your head and you realize you didn't make any arrangements for the kids due to you being gone for 5 days - Yeah, you may have widda brain. The drive home from the airport was the worst. Mike

Barbell Lunges 4x10 reps Dips on the rings 4x10 (scaled them back for me by standing on a bench) Kipping and Butterfly Pull Up (12 Minutes) 20 Double Under Jump Rope 5 Pull Ups 40 Double Under 10 Pull Ups 60 Double Under 15 Pull Ups 80 Double Under 20 Pull Ups Ugh - had to sit on the floor to take my shoes off once I got home. Mike

Shoot, most fellas wouldn't notice if you wore the same outfit three times in a row. We're like that you know. ;D Mike

Well, I'm sticking around. I figure at roughly 8 years out my experiences of going through the meat grinder and coming out the other side in pretty fair shape may help someone, sometime. But, I sure as heck don't know everything and can always learn something new every day. The phrase at the foot of my posts says it all for me. If not for 'vets' of all types and in all walks of life, none of us would learn as quickly, or have any counsel that was based on experience. And that, in my little pea brain, would be a real loss. Best wishes, Mike

Today's workout: 10 Rounds; 2 Min. Per Round: 1 Deadlift 2 Hang Squat Clean 1 Sq. Clean 3 Rounds 15 Thrusters 15 Box Jumps 5 Muscle Ups It's embarrassing when a 18 yo high school senior beats your tired a$$. Mike